A/N Ok, I don't know where this story came from but it references a story Jack tells Ianto in "Well, now what are we going to do?". It started out as an exercise in PWP but frankly, I am not good at smut, and writing it makes nervous because I don't do it very well. Please, please, please, read and review, I need the reassurance :) While it is a stand alone, it more or less takes place between "A Touch of Grey" and "Through Time" (shameless plug).
The Fine Line Between Love and Sex
John Hart leaned back in the chair and contemplated what to do with his evening. He wasn't certain what had led him to volunteer for overnight duty in the first place. It wasn't as if he worked for Torchwood in any real sense of the word, he just leant a hand if he happened to be around. But they had all been on duty for at least a day when he had shown up, and that was over 24 hours ago. They probably needed the break, not that he cared, he told himself, but the good will might come in handy later. He could be out experiencing the night life of Cardiff instead of sitting there watching the monitor blink. Mind, there was the last time he had a night out in Cardiff… But I paid Jack back, helped with that herd of Hoix out at the meat packing plant in Merthyr, he said to himself.
Ah, well, he thought. Jack had disappeared with his boy-toy, perhaps…He opened his wrist strap and trained it on the computer before him. It had been so long since Jack had deactivated the CCTV in his quarters that he had forgotten about it. At least John assumed he had forgotten, or that he didn't care. After all, anything Jack's wrist strap could deactivate, John's could reactivate.
John liked to think of it as his own private pornography channel. With a quick check of the rest of the network to ensure he was alone before he activated the camera, he pressed the button. It wasn't the best of views but the camera had been put in to watch over a store room, not a bedroom. However this time he could see everything.
Ianto was on the bed, in full view of the camera. John smiled. If they were on the sofa, the screen blocked part of his view. The young man had removed his jacket and his shoes before lying back in the center of the bed. Jack was not visible but he knew that he had to be there. "And there he is," he though as Jack stood on the other side of the screen, two glasses in his hand, full of amber liquid.
The immortal had a soft smile on his face and the buttons of his blue shirt were undone. John manipulated his wrist strap to sharpen the image and cursed again the fact that the camera was too old for audio. Maybe he could replace it with something more modern, or maybe just bug the bed. Jack handed one glass to Ianto and set the other on the side table, leaning down over the other man for a kiss.
"That's more like it," John said, leaning back more comfortably in the chair.
Jack was playing with the end of Ianto's tie, twining it through his fingers as he pulled the younger man up to him. When they parted, the younger man was smiling, and Jack was holding his liberated tie with a big grin on his face. The man had always loved to undress his lovers, he was an unbelievable sensualist. It was one of the things John had learned from him back when they were both young, and neither of them were known by the names they answered to now. John thought back to a time on some planet or other in the Pendragon system. It was a cold planet, where the native dress was layers upon layers, covered over in coats made from actual fur from a local animal. Jack had spent forever undressing him in a room they rented in a back alley inn. He thought at the time it would drive him mad but in the long run it was worth it.
Pulling himself away from the memories, he returned to the pictures on the screen. Ah Jack, he thought. It was impossible to think of him as anything else, the Time Agency trick was to keep themselves straight when they were undercover. Once there was an established identity, a little memory trick edited backward, so that they wouldn't make a mistake and get someone clear. As he watched the video, he could see the warm pleasure on the young man's face as Jack's head lowered to his lover's throat. He had moved to kneel over the young man while John had been distracted.
John felt his trousers tighten as he remembered what it felt like to have that attention lavished on him. Jack was still beautiful after all these years as was his young Welsh lover. He wouldn't have minded a piece of either of them. Or better yet, both of them together. That would be a sandwich he would love to be a part of, either as the filling or the bread. Actually, why choose? It was his fantasy after all. Oh, that thought caused his trousers to get even tighter over his growing erection. He thought about loosening them and taking some of the pressure off but he wanted to make it last as long as possible.
The young man managed to rid Jack of his shirt and tug his tee shirt over his head and John feasted his eyes on the body he remembered so well. Jack had thickened a little, bulked up from the serious, half starved soldier boy he had been when they first met, when John had first taken him to his bed. They had both been looking for a bit of fun. But they had found each other compatible in so many ways and they had shared a lot over the years; they were occasional partners and on again off again lovers.
Jack leaned back on his heels, straddling the young man. There was a tender smile on his face and they were both clearly aroused. Jack said something to him as he reached between his knees to tug at his lover's belt, unfastening it and slowly pulling it free from the tailored trousers casting it over the side of the bed.
Leaning back down to allow himself better access, Jack unbuttoned the shirt, pulling it out of his trousers and folding it back like he was unwrapping a delicate package and perhaps he was, John thought as he licked his lips. Yes, that young man was definitely worth the effort Jack was putting into him. Of course effort wasn't all he was putting in him, John though with a wolfish grin wondering when Jack would finish undressing him and getting on with it.
Ianto was pale. The boy didn't get much sun. His chest was lightly sprinkled with dark hair, gently curled and trailing down to where it disappeared into his open trousers. Jack was caressing his chest, stroking hard nipples and running his hands along ribs that were perhaps just a touch too prominent, but still beautiful. But the young man was not willing to just lay there quietly beneath Jack's tender ministrations. He reached up, trying to pull Jack down to him. When that failed, he raised his knees, trying to roll his hips and dislodge the older man from his place.
Jack laughed and allowed himself to be pulled down. But once Ianto captured his mouth it was easy enough for him to take advantage of Jack's position to put him off balance. Now the tables were turned. Ianto began kissing his way down the side of Jack's throat, stopping to nibble on his collarbone. Jack said something and Ianto laughed as he finished the maneuver that rolled them both onto their sides.
The smile on Jack's face told John everything he needed to know. Jack's eyes were full of love and the gentle caress of the young Welshman said the rest. John had gone looking for porn: hard, rough, creative sex. Instead he was peering in on an intimate moment, the two of them making love. He wanted to look away, to turn the camera off, but he couldn't. He knew what it felt like to have Jack look at him that way, to be the one he was making love to. John remembered, he couldn't forget, no matter how much drink, how many drugs or how much sex and violence he tried to drowned it in; he always remembered. Worse, he knew that it was his fault that he would never have it again. He had thrown it away a long time ago, or rather run from it like a coward with his tail between his legs.
He didn't need to hear the words to know that unlike him, the younger man returned Jack's feelings wholeheartedly. That was the problem with Jack. He was tender hearted. Oh, he played the tough, and he could be, could be the biggest bastard around. But even after the agency, even as a con man, the sheet of stone around his heart was thick as paper. He would never take it so far, do anything for a score. He kept it clean as he could, no conning those who couldn't afford to lose it, or didn't deserve it, always being careful that no one got hurt or at least not badly. He never stood for anyone getting killed or left behind. Jack's cons were always about the money and getting one back at the agency, not about anything else. And Jack loved. He loved like no one else. That was something that John had never been able to share, never known he even wanted to until it was too late.
The two on the screen continued to talk, exchanging words and kisses like there was nothing in the world but them. The frantic caresses became languid and gentle. Ianto shifted his weight and allowed Jack to finish unfastening his trousers while he wormed his way out of them, shifting himself over on top of the immortal. At least the view is gorgeous, John thought, trying to tear his thoughts back to the purely physical or at least bring himself to turn off the camera and stop watching, stop thinking. But his thoughts refused to behave.
The Welshman was now down to his boxer briefs, one of the more bizarre garments of this time period in John's not so humble opinion and he was using his dexterous fingers to divest Jack of his trousers while he watched, his eyes full of his love and care for the young man in his arms. Pale skin against slight gold, legs and arms entwined as Ianto wrapped Jack in his arms. The two of them moved slowly, like a dance, changing speed and tempo from slow to fast, to slow again. But all John could think of was a time when he had been the recipient of those tender looks and creative touch.
It had been after the mission in the time loop, five years packed into two weeks while they had sorted it out and shut down the illegal experiments that caused it. While they were on the case, all they wanted was for it to end, to get a little space or so John thought, but the minute they were free of it, they started planning the party, together. The two of them were actually sharing quarters at HQ voluntarily while they finished the debriefing and accepted the accolades. They were set for two months of well deserved rest and recovery as soon as they were done.
One evening after a full day of paperwork and questions that needed to be answered, they were back in their quarters- Jack laying back on the bed, fresh and damp from his shower, wrapped only in a towel while John paged through the messages. The hologram came through to his strap then, all fanfare and formality. That was his family for you, all about the formality. It was an invitation, more like a royal order. His sister was getting married and he was required to put in an appearance. His sister was pretty enough but she had always managed to tow the family line, just like his mother, ice queen in and out. His father made it clear that his schedule had been checked and they knew he was off mission and therefore free to do what his family required. There was a hint of threat in that, as if his father would call the head of the agency if he didn't come, and the man was capable of it.
When the message ended he looked up to find Jack, standing over him with a drink and a hand on his shoulder. He remembered at that moment how much he wanted Jack with him when he went home. No, that was wrong, how much he wanted Jack with him full stop. He dragged the other man to bed, asking him to join him while promising extravagant sexual favors and demonstrating what he was willing to do. Oh, he told Jack that he wanted him to go because it would be a laugh and that it would give them a chance to give one to his parents, shake up the over stuffy proceedings. Inside he knew that he wanted Jack there with him because he needed him there for support. He hated it, everything about it, the people, the rules, even the ruddy great house where he had been born and raised. His parents were ice and they had tried to make him like them.
John had been afraid to go back, to feel the way they made him feel. It was like going back to a prison. Jack agreed. He didn't need persuading, and John had known that. It hadn't stopped him from giving him fabulous sex in exchange though, he thought with a nostalgic smile. Looking at the screen he could see Jack and Ianto focused completely on one another, kissing as they wrapped around one another, Jack's legs wrapped around the other man's torso. God, those legs, he thought, strong and lean and still beautiful. He could almost picture them wrapped around him.
They had spent the trip planning how they were going to drive that stodgy lot wild. John spent part of it explaining the cultural minutiae of the gathering they were heading into and the rest shagging like mad. "I am going to have you," he whispered to Jack as they lay curled in the bunk that was only meant to sleep one. "Up against the fountain at home. I want to hear you scream with the water playing against the crystal behind you. You'll love it."
"Oh, you are, are you?" Jack Harkness had asked, one eyebrow raised, questioning. Then he leveraged the smaller man beneath him and John had lost himself. The man always had been talented, no matter what he was called.
John had planned it all with the precision of a dangerous operation, of course in a way it was. He wouldn't admit to his partner that he was nervous, but then he had never needed to tell him anything. As they exited the ship, the other man gave him a quick squeeze of his arm. The two of them arrived at the house together, swaggering in side by side as if they owned the place. OK, so one day I will, John thought to himself, trying not to let it get to him.
They waltzed in dressed as flamboyantly as they could manage and still look stylish. His parents, and if he were honest, most of the rest of the hidebound bloody planet considered pale colours and staid patterns to be the height of fashion. Jack was wearing a deep sapphire blue long coat topping a pair of black trousers so tight that John almost hurt himself trying to keep his hands off while they were dressing. The simple white shirt with its plain standing collar had his insignia pinned on and the blue and black classic vest was too bright, and too colourful for him to do anything but stand out in the pale world John had grown up in. He looked positively edible and John promised himself to drag him off to his room as soon as possible, or the garden, the bathroom, a disused corridor… John pulled his thoughts off the man next to him and focused on getting through the introductions. He had gone for a red and black theme, just to tweak his parents. The coat was red, fitted at the waist but cut long in the back, a bit like an old earth military coat. Old Earth was all the rage elsewhere, even if they were still wearing the same things at home that they always had. The black trousers were of a kind of faux leather, and the shirt was tight enough to be sprayed on.
His family loathed it, which was the point. The looks on their faces were well worth it. They hid it well, but he had long experience reading the granite faces. His mother glittered up to Jack, all smiles and diamond edged charm. She asked the questions and Jack answered, falling back a little on the frontier colony "innocent" act that he used to hide his anger. He could see through them too but Jack was the best. If he hadn't been a time agent he probably would have been a vid star or possibly a high priced companion. Certainly he had the talent. He flirted with John's mother, his sister, even winked at his father before being sent off with a servant to show him his room.
Then his mother had opened up on him. She didn't yell or scream, just told him he could do better, hoped it wasn't serious between them. "Surely," she said, "you could find someone more your…social equal. Oh, your partner is handsome enough and he's definitely charming, in a rough, colonial sort of fashion. But he has no breeding, no status. Besides, you can keep him if you like, though it's best if you keep him elsewhere. You wouldn't want to wave him under the nose of whoever you chose. Besides, he's too flamboyant to be anything but an embarrassment here." He didn't even try to tell her that if Jack wanted to, he could have convinced her he was a part of the royal family or that he had no intention of coming back.
It was about that time that he tuned her out; it was either that or deck her. She was just going over the same ground again, how it was time for him to leave the Time Agency and come home. Oh, of course it looked good on his record, public service to the empire and all that, but he had done his duty now. Now he could come home and take his rightful place in planetary society. After, of course, he found the right mate. Woman or man, it didn't matter what they were as long as they had the right pedigree. John grabbed a drink from the next passing waiter. He didn't want to drink too much, not with the plans he had for Jack later, but he couldn't stand too much more of his mother without.
Then it was his Father's turn, all about duty and service to his family and his planet. The whole time all he could keep thinking about was Jack. It was at least an hour later when his dreams finally turned back to reality and his lover found him. By then he had been lectured by his father, mother, sister, and an elderly uncle that he hadn't seen since he was a child and barely remembered. On the plus side, his mother's slightly gaga aunt had told him to go for it, not get dragged back to that mausoleum of a planet. The other man had a tight look on his face, and the smile that broke when he saw John told him all he needed to know.
Jack was not exactly thrilled. Apparently he had been given a guest room in the far end of the house and the servant who had shown him there left him to find his own way back, definitely on someone's orders. John was fairly certain he knew where those instructions came from. Unable to resist, he leaned into Jack and whispered into his ear. "Not like you are ever going to see the inside of the guest room," he told him as he nipped at the soft flesh above his collar. Jack just smiled his bedroom smile.
They both grabbed a couple drinks while Jack made a few suggestions. After all, he had ended up on an inadvertent tour of the place. "Come out on the terrace with me, and I'll ease some of that tension for you," Jack whispered to him over the den, one hand sliding down his back.
John nodded, feeling pleasure well up and displace the knots that had been growing since they had touched down. Before the two of them could make their escape, his sister swept down on them, dragging him off to meet the in laws, while his mother offered to show Jack to the buffet. Thus was the pattern set for the rest of the weekend. It was little more than parties and pretty girls and boys paraded in front of him like some kind of catalog. What he wanted was Jack but his mother and sister had done everything to keep the two of them separate. They even threw courtesans at him, anything to keep Jack from him. And they were some of the best on the planet, of both sexes and in various combinations, but nothing had changed. They were skilled but like everything else on the bloody planet they were cold, with no sense of humor or fun. It would be somewhat worse than sharing his bed with one of the synths or something and while he was more than willing to try new things and had plenty of kinks himself, he drew the line at screwing icicles.
He saw Jack across the room, surrounded as usual by cronies of the family. He was something of a novelty and some of the younger generation, the rebels were attracted to him, like flarks to a steam vent. A pity that they wouldn't or couldn't break out of the mold, like the ones he grew up with. He was always too wild for them, and now he could see them, around the room with their proper mates, pale clothes and envious looks. Oh, they would play at it, just like they did in his day, but when it came to leaving behind the family, the money and the status, none of them would go far enough to offend. After all, novelty was one thing, but not worth enough to give up the perks.
He had, but then he had never belonged, had battled with his parents from the moment he could stand and talk. Even the few friends he had made had never been willing to go as far as he had. Every thing in his life had been planned for him, tutors, school, service to the empire and then a triumphant return to serve his planet, and possibly something in planetary or imperial service. Somewhere along the line would be a proper marriage to someone with the same pedigree, as if a family line all the way back to old Earth would make up for living with a sythi-marble statue. That was another thing his mother was kind enough to remind him, that all the best, most eligible, marriageable prospects had already been snapped up. It didn't matter that he had no intention of returning, or marrying.
Instead, he had signed up for the Time Agency the moment he was old enough, throwing away his parents' plans and aspirations. His father had been furious at the time. Then he had accepted it, deciding it would make a good spot on his resume or at least that was a way to justify when he refused to give in. Besides, his Father would never accept that he wasn't coming back to tow the party line. John knew one thing, once he left this time, he was never coming back. He watched as Jack slid off another flower of planetary beauty and started determinedly toward where John was watching him. Finally, he thought, calculating the best exit for the two of them when a hand landed on his shoulder.
The longest two days of his life ended when the two of them fled to their ship or as near as they could without looking like cowards. Jack had thrown their bags on board and began take off procedures while his partner was still sealing the airlock. As John made his way forward, he felt the engines gearing up for a climb that had to push them to max. They didn't say anything until they had left orbit and the flight computer programmed to take them to the space lanes.
"So did you enjoy yourself?" John asked as the quiet fell.
"Do me a favor," Jack responded. "Next time you need to visit your family, let's go to Vegas X instead. I have had a better time in an ice hold in Acturan, and it was warmer." Jack turned the command chair around to face his lover. He took a deep breath and started over again. "Long weekend," he said laconically.
"So did you find a way to keep warm?" John asked. He didn't know what had gotten into him. It wasn't that he was jealous, he told himself. They were not like that, either of them, and they definitely didn't have that kind of relationship. It was too hopelessly old fashioned. But maybe that had changed, or maybe it was just the effect of being with his family. Something was certainly wrong though.
"Showers, very long, hot showers, anything else and I could have ended up with frost bite somewhere unpleasant. Besides, I had other plans, but they kept getting…preempted. I don't think I've been celibate that long since I first discovered sex. Not that I didn't have some good offers."
"And you didn't take them up?" John asked, looking mildly suspicious. He was almost surprised, though he didn't let it show. But then, on second thought, he shouldn't be. His partner was a lot of things, but Jack knew how much he hated that place and the people. It would be like him to spend his time trying to find a way for them to do something truly spectacularly sexy and obvious. "Why not?"
"I would rather lay down with a poisonous braxous than spend any more time with those people, it would be less dangerous, warmer too," he said, shivering. "What exactly did they think I was going to do with you?" he asked. "I mean my room was fairly comfortable, certainly more luxurious than this bucket of bolts. But would it have even been possible to put us farther apart?"
"Where were you?" he asked, slouching on the bunk.
"Near the kitchens, I think," he answered. "Down a corridor that led to some sort of service area."
"That closet? They must have thought you were a threat." He had known that his parents were not thrilled with his partner but that was a snub he would not have put up with had he known, and that was probably another reason they didn't want them together. He would have just moved him into his room. The house was a maze and every time it looked like the two of them would have five minutes to escape together, someone would appear out of the ether to drag him off for something his mother wanted, someone his father wanted him to meet.
"I tried to find your room last night, but with the trackers disabled I got turned around in that warren. I mean I have an excellent sense of direction, you know that. But I made the mistake of asking directions from one of the servants, and they politely escorted me back to my room. Obviously they were all under orders to protect the scion of the house."
"I suppose they thought you were a threat to my marriagability."
"So I suppose going down on one knee and proposing in front of the entire thing would have made them even angrier?" He said, leaning the command chair back a bit, and unfastening his coat. "What about you?"
"Nah, the only think I wanted kept being just out of my reach," he said, his voice dipping low, almost feral. He decided they had talked enough, and what he wanted was waiting right in front of him. Before his lover could react, John was on him, hot and demanding.
They grabbed at each other, needy, aching for contact. John was taking the lead, pinning Jack back into the chair as he shoved the jacket off his shoulders and tore the shirt from his back, biting and scratching at the hot flesh beneath him. Next he attacked the trousers, as Jack ripped his shirt open and tried to push it off. John growled again, pinning him back in the chair.
Jack let go, giving into the searing kisses, swallowing the desperation with each breath that was dragged from him but letting the smaller man keep control. Before too long, he couldn't stand it anymore. John tugged at him, dragging them both to the floor, Jack's trousers half open, hard flesh pushing through the opening into demanding, eager hands.
John snarled as he tugged the trousers down past the younger man's hips, desperate for more skin, more heat, something, anything to keep the cold at bay. It was more often than not that Jack set the tone, or the two of them fought it out in nips and kisses until someone gave in, unwilling or unable to resist the pressure. But he had given in completely, letting his partner set the tone and pace. The blue eyes were dark with hunger and the need to control, to feel something. He bit into Jack's sweet flesh, growling at the rush of pheromones that burned through his senses. He bit again, lower, leaving a trail of dark bruises and bites trailing from his throat down to the edge of his hip.
It was all too much, while on the screen in front of him Jack and Ianto twined together, John was lost in his own memories of pleasure. The sweet, heavy scent of pheromones filled his nostrils as Jack writhed beneath him. It wasn't soft and it wasn't gentle. It was hard, rough and needy. John marked him as his own, whispered possessively in his ear while the other man begged for more. It was too much for him. With a rush of pleasure he collapsed on top of his lover.
Moments or maybe hours later, he dragged himself from his lover and curled in on himself, the sweat and fluid drying on him as he lay on the floor. He was too tired to even drag himself to the shower. He felt…empty, exhausted and the cold was creeping in again. Then Jack was there, pulling him from the floor. He cleaned him gently and tucked him up into the bunk that barely had room for one.
It was there, in that tiny bunk that Jack curled around him and made love to him. As fast and hungry as their earlier coupling had been, this was slow. With every kiss and caress he showered on the other man, he gave him something, warmth, something to fill the darkness. As they lay curled around one another afterward, Jack whispered his love to him. John felt his heart chill with fear. He wasn't even sure he believed in love, much less that he deserved it, or could return it. He took the cowards way out and pretended to be asleep.
When they returned it was different missions for them. John had always done a bit of wet work for the Agency, the kind of missions that required a certain…ruthlessness. Jack never went along; he had seen and done enough as a soldier to have a taste for that kind of thing. Besides, they needed him for other things. Then Jack's memories were taken and he hadn't been there to help him. Jack was gone and no one knew what or why.
John knew himself, he knew he had always been considered a little wild, he knew that. But without Jack, he started to drift, doing anything, drinking, drugs, sex, a little murder. He didn't so much quit the agency as wander away. When he ran into Jack again, they were both pulling cons. Jack never had the heart though. John, he hadn't cared.
After a little scam on Vesta-Aquilluas, he had been caught and sent away for rehab. By that point he didn't care about anything, even his life. He wasn't the same man he had been, nothing but a con man and an addict. He and Jack had lost whatever it was they had, though he tried to tell himself it was for the best. He couldn't love Jack, could he? When he got out, Jack had disappeared again, and he convinced himself that he was right. The other man had never loved him anyway, it was all an illusion. Except that in the dark, on those rare nights when he was alone, and sober, he knew it was a lie.
John had tried not to think about it. Then he found Grey. He hadn't actually been looking for him but when he found him, he thought it was his salvation. He knew about Jack's obsession, had spent any number of leaves helping him track leads to his little brother and he wasn't the only one. John had never been truly happy with anyone but Jack.
Grey was his ticket back to the one person who truly cared for him. The boy was feral almost but he figured he could nurse him back and then find Jack. Now he wished he had never seen him. Oh, he was attractive enough, and John had certainly considered bedding him. After all, why not? But in the end, it was Grey that got the jump on him. He had tried to seduce John or at least it had looked that way until he had found himself tied to the bed in the cheap motel. The boy was more damaged than he had ever imagined. Once Grey had him under control, he forced him to betray Jack.
Now, he sat in the cold, silence of the hub with nothing but that old familiar emptiness. The pleasant memories had faded, Jack and Ianto had collapsed together on the screen in front of him, their lovemaking wound down to gentle kisses and whispered words that he couldn't hear and wouldn't want to. Instead, he had the ashes of old memories and a cooling damp spot in his trousers. With a growling sigh, he turned off the camera, set the monitor to his wrist strap, and dragged himself off to the locker room. With any luck he could be back at his station before the love birds found the energy to drag themselves into the showers for round two.