10 Seconds Until Self-Destruct

Summary- Spencer Reid is a genius detective with more than a few dark secrets. Derek Morgan is an FBI profiler with a tragic past. Both are broken, but when a case brings them together, can they fix each other? AU in which Reid never joined the BAU, M/R SLASH, Reid/Team friendships

Warnings- language, mentions of drug use, violence and torture…

Rating-T (for now)

A/N: Alright *coughs* Here I go. This is an idea that I've been toying around with for a while now, and I finally thought to myself hey, why not post it and see what people think? This is my first fanfiction, even though I've been a member on this sight for a while now, and it will be filled with lots of angst, romance, and our two favorite FBI profilers suffering and in pain… but more importantly in love ;) So, before you read my story, there are some things you should know…

Reid WAS kidnapped and tortured by Tobias Hankel, and addicted to Dialuid for a while. In this story, he's a detective, so he and his partner were sent to help out and consult with the case, which ended with him getting kidnapped. In this story, THE B.A.U. DID NOT WORK THIS CASE, even when Reid was kidnapped. Because he isn't a member of the BAU, he wasn't forced to choose one of them to die, but was instead told to pick someone to die out of a group of people that he knew or met on the case. He ended up picking his partner, Damien (who you will meet in the story), and gave him the clue needed to find him and Tobias, like he did in Revelations with Hotch.

Also, Reid is about 30 years old in this. However, he was kidnapped about 7 months ago, when he was 29. So Tobias Hankel and the kidnapping and everything happened MUCH more recently, and not when Reid was in his early twenties. This is because he is a detective in this story, and Reid was technically too young to be a detective when the kidnapping and everything occurred in the show. Also, if Reid acts out of character in this story, such as not rambling too many facts, or being much more restrained, it is because he is a detective in this, and sort of has to be more self-restrained, and also because he is still struggling with being kidnapped and with the drugs, etc,

As for Derek and the BAU, I don't know how they solved all of those cases without our lovely genius, but let's just say they did ;) Everyone other then Reid is still on the team, including JJ and Prentiss, since this is after JJ officially became a profiler and Prentiss 'came back' from the dead, but the story also takes place before Prentiss leaves once more, at the end of season 7.

Also, there may be character death in this story at some point, but it will NOT be Reid, Morgan, or any members of the BAU. If anything, it will be my O.C's.

Okay, sorry for the long A/N, but now that you need to know all you need to know about this story, you may read away :)

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds or any of its characters. I do however, own Damien and my other original characters, but other than that, I do not own anything. If I did own Criminal Minds, Reid would be put in danger every single episode, he and Morgan would have been together since day one, and they would have fights ALL the time (because I love drama), but always make up *cough*out*cough* ;)

Chapter 1

Eyes

It was always the eyes that got to Spencer Reid the most.

The cold, unseeing eyes of the dead that made a shiver run down his spine every time he saw them. They could die the most gruesome deaths: they could be torn apart, beaten, strangled, electrocuted, but it was always the eyes that affected him the most, made that familiar bitter taste invade his mouth. They were the eyes of people who had their whole lives in front of them, who had so much to look forward to, who had suffered so much before it all faded into blissful nothingness…

Today wasn't any different.

Spencer forced his eyes away from the bloody corpse of a once beautiful teenage girl that lay in front of him and turned to his partner, Detective Damien Jackson. Damien was watching Spencer closely, like he always did when ever they were called on to investigate a crime scene. He knew how much the bodies could affect Spencer. He knew, and Spencer still hadn't decided whether or not he hated him for it.

Spencer gave Damien a small smile and a quick nod, his signal that he was okay, before turning to look around the dump site.

"So the killer dumped her in a park, where she could easily be found. He even left a trail of blood from the middle of the parking lot to the exact bush she was left in. Someone this meticulous wouldn't do that by accident." Spencer said, gesturing to the locations he was describing as he talked about them. Damien nodded before continuing for him.

"She was stabbed exactly eight times in her abdomen and torso, beaten severely, and the burn marks indicate either matches were used or she was electrocuted. This was apparently done anti-mortem, indicating a massive amount of rage."

"But if he feels that much rage towards her, why take the time to dump her in such a specific location, and with such care and precision?" Spencer asked, his eyes flickering once more to the girl's barely concealed corpse. He felt a shudder run through him, and he forced himself once more to look away and back to his partner.

"…Maybe she's a surrogate for someone?" Damien considered, his ice blue eyes gazing at Spencer questioningly. "Either way, this doesn't seem like a random killing at all. It's well-planned, methodical. And everything about this kill points to someone with experience and a purpose."

Spencer nodded, biting his lip. Damien noticed his hesitation.

"What's up Doc?"

Spencer scowled at the nickname. Despite the fact he had… quite a few PHD's, and even some BA's on the side, he always preferred being called a detective, which was his official standing in law enforcement. Damien knew this, and called him many variations of doctor simply to annoy him. It always works, but Spencer answered him anyway.

"I read something on the internet-"He pretended not to hear Damien mockingly gasp at that, "-that talked about how a girl in a nearby town was recently murdered and found in a park. She was found hanging in a tree, which is slightly different than this one, although…" he trailed off, thinking, "There was a picture of her beside the article. She was a teenage girl with dark brown hair, green eyes, perfect teeth and skin, as well as thin and attractive. The article didn't give too many details on the murder, but they did mention it was pretty brutal. And, statistically speaking, the odds of there being two brutal murders so close in proximity and with such similar victims-"

Damien was observing the girl's face and body as Spencer spoke, and, sensing Spencer was about to go into full ramble-mode, he cut him off, "The girl you just described sounds a lot like this girl right here. Same hair and eye color, body shape…" He turned to look at a slightly flushed Spencer, and asked him in a thoughtful voice "Do you think it's worth looking into the other girl's murder?"

Spencer seemed to consider this before slowly nodding. "Yeah, I think so. But maybe I'm wrong. I wasn't really paying that much attention to what I was reading…"

Damien rolled his eyes and slung an air around his best friend's lanky shoulders. "When has your eidetic memory every failed you?" He turned slightly to the side to look at Spencer, and realized that Spencer's eyes were once again on the corpse in front of them. His gaze softened and he squeezed Spencer's shoulders, causing Spencer to look up again.

"Come on Doc. Let's go to the station and look into that theory of yours."

The moment Spencer and Damien arrived at the police station, Spencer excused himself and headed over to the washroom. He opened the door cautiously, and made sure that no one was in it, before he locked the door behind him with shaky hands. Leaning heavily against the shut door, he slid slowly to his knees, his eyes flickering shut as he tried to suppress the thoughts racing around in his head and the headache he was getting. He thought back to the car ride back to the station, and his head started to hurt all over again.

The ride to the station was fairly quiet. Damien turned on the radio as usual, humming along to songs that Spencer refused to classify as actual music, while Spencer leaned back in his seat, thinking. After a couple minutes of silence, Damien finally broke it.

"When's the last time you visited your mom?"

The question caught Spencer off guard, and he struggled to think of a good response.

"I… umm… I'm not sure." He finished lamely, face flushed slightly.

Damien nodded, and when he and Spencer finally reached a red light, Damien turned to look at him, his gaze softer then usual but his voice still firm.

"You can't run away forever Spencer."

"I'm not running," Spencer snapped back, "I still do visit her, and I write to her almost every day-"

"You live half an hour away from Bennington. You don't need to write to her, you can go see-"

"Can we please not discuss this right now?" Spencer asked, his voice containing a rarely-used edge.

The red light turned green once more, and Damien sighed, turning back in his seat and driving once more along the busy road.

"You know I'm not doing this to upset you." Damien spoke gently, eyes still fixed on the road, "I'm just concerned about you."

"Well don't be," Spencer shot back, before immediately regretting it, "I'm sorry, it's just…" Spencer faltered before replying in a steadier voice, "I know you aren't trying to upset me, and you're concerned, but honestly, Damien, I'm fine."

Damien paused for a moment, before nodding.

"Alright," He spoke, still in a soft and gentle tone, one that he only reserved for Spencer.

They didn't speak much after that.

Spencer felt guilty about how he treated Damien, but he reacted simply on instinct, saying the words that simply flew out of his mouth at the time, and ones that he knew Damien would want to hear.

He wasn't fine.

He knew it, Damien knew it.

He hadn't been fine since Georgia, and he knew he never really would be again.

The moment he thought of what happened in Georgia, a shudder ran through his entire body. Memories and thoughts ran through his head, images and voices and mind-numbing pain and the beautiful nothingness that came after it all…

He wanted it so badly it hurt. Other times he could handle it, focus himself on anything but it. But it was times like this when it all just came crashing down and it hurt and he wanted the nothingness, to forget everything and just let go…

Spencer's hands fumbled in his pockets, and he pulled out a medallion with trembling hands, fixing his eyes on it and just breathing. In and out, in and out.

Six months.

He had been clean for six months.

That was what the medallion represented.

The medallion, which gleamed and shimmered from the faint lighting in the washroom, was like his lifeline. Without it, he could lose everything; his job, his money, his home… his life.

But it also represented the fact that it had been about six months since Georgia, since he had been kidnapped and tortured, all at the hands of a religiously-fanatical serial killer who had come so close to killing him, so, excruciatingly close…

He had in fact killed Spencer. But Tobias brought him back, the kind one out of all the personalities that held Spencer captive for those nightmarish days in what Spencer accurately quantified as hell.

Damien had watched him die and come back to life, apparently. He also apparently attacked four cops that day too, before being restrained and throwing up on them all.

So, let's say that a case the two detectives were brought in to consult on and help with was something neither of them ever wanted to experience again. Ever.

Looking back on it though, Spencer mused, it was the drugs that hurt both of them the most, that caused them both the most pain and terror. Spencer remembered with a shiver what happened when Damien found him trying to use them…

"Spencer!"

Spencer snapped out of his drug-induced haze the moment he heard Damien calling his name from the door of his apartment. He was leaning against his couch, not even strong enough to drag himself onto it and into a proper sitting position.

Shit. Shit. Shit! Spencer thought, panic cutting through his foggy mind and causing him to think slightly more clearly.

"Spencer, I know you're in there. Open up!" Worry was noticeably starting to creep into Damien's voice, causing Spencer to stagger to his feet, leaning on his couch for support. He shoved the needle and small, clear bottles under his couch cushion, and caught a reflection of himself in his large, black TV screen.

His hair was wild, and his clothes were rumpled and covered with noticeable creases. You could tell even through the vague reflection that Spencer had huge bags under his eyes, and was completely exhausted. His normally bright eyes looked unfocused, and overall, he looked like absolute hell.

"That's it Spencer, I'm coming in!" Damien called out, and before Spencer could even react, the door had flown open and Damien had stepped in, looking worried and slightly panicked. The bag of Chinese food that Damien had been holding in one hand dropped to the floor the moment he saw Spencer.

Damn his uncanny lock-picking ability was Spencer's only thought. His mind was still fuzzy and he still felt disoriented and strange and light-headed. But, to his horror, it wasn't hard at all to see the pain and pure sorrow on Damien's face.

Spencer couldn't meet Damien's eyes, and he looked to the floor, his face burning and eyes stinging furiously.

That's when he realized that he forgot to hide one of the bottles of Dialuid, and it was sitting there right beside him, glaring and screaming at him.

Spencer vaguely heard Damien walking towards him, and he soon felt a hand tilt his chin up, forcing him to meet Damien's eyes.

"My god Spencer," Damien said softly, looking dangerously close to breaking down himself.

"It helps," Spencer whispered, his voice barely audible, before he burst into tears.

Damien had stayed with Spencer that night, comforted him, and eventually convinced him to get some help. Without Damien there to help and guide him…Spencer had no idea what he would have done. But even now, he still struggled with the drugs, and it was times like this that he wanted them more then anything in the entire world.

Spencer felt himself begin to sweat, and shivers began to run through his body. Withdrawal was, simply put, an absolute bitch to deal with. The symptoms of it had started to act up again recently, and even though Spencer knew he should talk to Damien about it, Spencer simply didn't want to burden him with the drugs all over again. Damien had already helped him enough, and didn't deserve to have to go through that all again. Of course, if Damien found out what Spencer was thinking about, he would both figuratively and literally kill Spencer, but that was beside the point.

"Detective Reid," a voice called out from behind the door, causing Spencer to jerk out of his thoughts and hurriedly stand up, shoving the medallion into his pocket. "Just one second," Spencer called back as he stood in front of the bathroom mirror, attempting to fix his hair and become presentable once more. He then grabbed his bag and opened the door swiftly, and came face to face with a young and nervous-looking police officer.

"Detective Jackson wanted to, uhh, speak to you," the police officer stammered. Spencer smiled faintly at him, and thought about how similar he and Spencer once were. Nervous in the presence of their superiors, only wanting to prove themselves and save people while doing so, and, more importantly, only just starting to see the horrors of their job, and the world in general.

I wish I was that naïve Spencer thought wistfully before dragging himself out of his thoughts and replying politely to the still-waiting officer in front of him.

"Thank you." Spencer started to walk in the direction of his office, where he knew Damien would be waiting, but the police officer suddenly called out to him once more.

"Detective!"

Spencer turned around and fixed a questioning but hopefully non-threatening look at the police officer. "Yes?" he asked.

The man didn't reply for a moment, but eventually raised his still slightly nervous but steady gaze to Spencer's. "Are you alright?"

Spencer was taken aback by the question, and didn't respond for a moment, before he snapped out of his shocked daze and replied, "Of course I am," before he turned and walked away.

Great. Now even people I barely know are realizing that something is wrong with me.

Spencer entered his office with a slightly on edge expression on his face, but could only roll his eyes and smile slightly when he saw Damien sitting at his desk with his feet stretched out on it and Spencer's glasses perched precariously on his nose.

"What exactly are you doing?" Spencer asked, letting out a long-suffering sigh as he did so. Damien was one of the best detectives in the state, and yet he still managed to act like a child about 99.9% of the time.

Damien flashed Spencer a blinding smile before he replied, "This is what happens, my pretty little Dr. Reid, when you keep a man of my importance waiting for so long." He paused for a second before adding, "Also, I will find out where you keep your stash of hidden candy. It's in here somewhere, I know it."

Spencer simply rolled his eyes once more, holding back a chuckle as he set his brown bag on his desk. But hey, at least Damien teasing him meant that he didn't hold a grudge against Spencer for snapping at him during the car ride to the station.

"So, did you call that other police department about the girl's murder that I read about?" Spencer asked, sitting in the chair directly across from his desk, where Damien was still sitting casually.

Damien smirked, "Of course I did. I talked to the lead investigator on the case, and it turns out that along with the murder you read about, there was another murder in another nearby town, and all of the victims were exactly like ours: thin, attractive teenage girls with dark brown hair and green eyes. And," Damien paused for dramatic effect," their bodies were all found in parks."

Spencer looked at his partner in surprise. "That's…"

"…way too much of a coincidence." Damien finished for him, his soft and playful face suddenly turning serious. "Do you think we have a serial killer on out hands?"

Spencer considered this before replying with, "The victim's appearances are all the same and very specific, and so are the dump sites, and if the town's are all so close…" Spencer turned to meet Damien's now solemn eyes, "I think we might, or at least need to consider the possibility. But before we do anything, we have to talk to the other detectives in the other towns about it." Damien nodded and finally removed his feet from Spencer's desk, and took off Spencer's glasses before throwing them and Spencer's bag at him. Spencer managed to catch his glasses before they hit the ground and broke, but his bag hit the ground with an annoying thud. Spencer shot Damien a glare and bent over to pick up his bag, muttering about how "insufferable" Damien could be sometimes, when his medallion suddenly slipped out of his pocket and hit the floor, rolling and spinning until it landed in front of Damien, who had just leaned over with a smirk to help Spencer get up from where he was crouched on the floor.

Both detectives froze, and Spencer quickly snatched it up off of the floor, along with his bag, before standing up. He locked gazes with Damien for a second, who had a weird but hard to read expression on his face. Spencer felt his face starting to heat up, and he turned around hurriedly, intending to pretend that the whole medallion-thing didn't just happen, but he instead almost crashed into a police officer who had just walked in.

"Ohh, I'm sorry," the officer stammered, and Spencer recognized him as the officer he just talked to outside of the washroom a few minutes ago.

"No problem," Spencer said in a rush, still wanting to get out of his office, "Is there anything you need?"

"Umm, I was just told to tell you guys…" Spencer was starting to lose his patience, but before he could snap at the man to get to the point, the police officer cut him off, "Another teenage girl's body has turned up in a nearby park."

So… there you guys have it *hides under a rock*. I hope it wasn't too bad, and if you guys want me continue it, please review and give me your feedback because, good or bad, I would really appreciate it! Also, our loveable and sexy Derek Morgan, along with the rest of the BAU, will be heavily featured in the next chapter, since I am, again, switching Derek and Spencer's POV throughout the story. Ohh, and tell me what you think of Damien ;) I basically imagine him as your average sexy blond guy with gorgeous ice blue eyes, a total flirt and endearing smartass, but who is like Spencer's rock and best friend, since he doesn't have Morgan or the rest of the BAU for that… yet ;) So, anyway, please review and tell me what you think! Thank you guys SSSOO much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! :D

~CMGL