Between Worlds
Author's note:
Written in mid-2007 i think. Ha ha - It's very typical of my writing style of 2006 and 2007. Poetic, dreamy, stream-of-consciousness etc etc.
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Pale light slips beneath heavy eyelids. The sun has not risen, but the earth is awake. Vibrant. Humming with life. Cool, crisp early morning air touches my face along with a feeling of nostalgia. I wake as if from a deep sleep, and find myself wrapped in the velvet night, yet I cannot remember leaving my bed…
Am I dreaming?
The night is deep; deep like a well that you stare down into until your face reflects the same darkness, the same chill. The watchmen stand like sentinels, silently scouring the night with wary eyes. The smooth stones are cool against my feet, the town silent as it sleeps, veiled in silvery mist. I follow the faint strains of ethereal music… and the sound of your voice, your distant laughter.
I have ached for so long just to hear your voice again…
The path widens to reveal a stone courtyard. Shadows twist themselves around my fingers, hissing, malevolent. You were always there to fight away my shadows brother… but no longer…
Why did you leave me my brother?
I remember when we were young, you had just approached manhood. Father, smiling, proud, stood beside you, eyes reflecting all the warmth, the love that I yearned for. I hated you for it…Hated you for all the looks he gave you, the kisses he pressed to your brow…. the endearing praises, the comforting touches that spoke more than words. But nothing… not even one glance my way…
I remember the countless nights I spent crying myself to sleep. Was it my fault? Why did he hate the mere sight of me? What did I do wrong? All these thoughts, continued to plague me, my childish mind somehow thinking it was my fault, always my fault.
But then you would come…
You would banish my fears, and hold me
until the childish tears ceased.
When will your face cease to haunt me…
The night wraps around me and I shiver, following the sound of otherworldly voices. Am I awake or am I dreaming? This twilight realm between worlds is so beautiful with wraiths of mist curled around every building, lighted by the pale moon. Are you here? Where are you? Memories come to me, faintly, oddly disjointed;
The horn of Gondor; broken, floating in the river,
Your face as you told me of the quest you had to embark on.
The white tree… Gondor under siege…
The battle of Osgiliath…
The despair in my men's faces,
My father;
crowned in flames,
a burning torch against the night sky…
But you… you most of all.
I remember walking the countless hours of the night, hearing your whispers, your warm voice in my ear reassuring me, comforting me. The times you took me to the top of the tower to star-gaze, my life seemed to be caught up in those tiny pinpricks, beautiful but so, so far away…the countless times we practiced swordsmanship by the white tree, when we snuck out to the stables to ride the horses when we thought no one was looking…
All the pride, the joy… the laughter and the tears.
You were always the strong one brother…
How can I bear this without you?
I struggle on this treacherous path without a foothold,
and you are no longer here to hold my hand
as you were when I took my first steps on this earth.
I need you…here… I need you, my brother…
The night becomes slowly cooler, and I am led by swirling mist to a hillside. I hear your voice, full of life, hear the wind echo your laughter. Slowly, carefully I approach the windswept plains, the grass wet beneath my feet, stalks swaying with gentle abandonment. The wind shifts through my hair, alighting my senses. The sound of bells ring in my ears, as if announcing my arrival in this mysterious spirit realm. A silhouette of light stands before me, arms stretched out.
I walk, heart beating furiously to where you wait for me.
What took you so long? are your smiling first words to me, and then I am swept into an embrace that defies time itself.
For now, just for now, as the whole world sleeps I am suspended between worlds with you, my beloved brother. And everything is perfect… just for now…