A/N: My first second-person fic. :) Dedicated to Ariie who beta-ed this fic. ^^

Perspective

by Autumn Win-Dow

During the twenty-four years of your life, you could not recall a time when you harbored such a deep hatred for someone.

You only had eyes for one girl – Mikan Sakura. She was far from who you believed your type was – overly loud, flat chested, and most of all, the incarnate of optimism. However, you came to love every part of the brunette as time passed, especially her smile – and you could recall your thoughts as a high school student, when you silently declared to yourself that if you were ever lucky enough to have your feelings reciprocated, you would protect her smile in any way possible.

That was the main reason why you wanted to send him to hell, no matter how unorthodox the means were.

You didn't have to be a genius to figure out that he was a suave work-a-holic, the type of man who encouraged his girlfriend – and in this case, Mikan – to stay home instead of work. You knew the consequences of Mikan dating such a man who most likely had no time to make her feel special, but you let it go anyway as you clung on the slither of hope that he was different – since your greatest wish was for her to be happy.

Actually, you were sure he was different at first.

You could recall the countless bouquets of red roses –even though you felt that they were too clichéd as a gift, you were happy by the fact that she was ecstatic over every bouquet – as well as the words he would say every time he came to her doorstep with a new, yet overly used gift.

"I love you."

Even now the words burned in your mind like acid.

You knew that Mikan was the type of girl who loved simplicity. She did not expect anything extravagant – she was the one who stuck with the motto 'it's the thought that counts'. He also knew that – cue the excessive symbols of love on her doorstep every week.

And even though you also believed the statement at one point, you detested it now. The very mindset which kept her clinging to those words was partially the reason why she was in so much pain now.

Even though you loved her, you wanted to curse the fact that her optimism was too everlasting for her own good.

You couldn't stand the sight of red roses anymore. Your loathing of public displays of affection also increased, if it were possible – yet again, you knew that if your luck hadn't gone downhill at the most crucial time, you would be proud to be reprimanded for hypocrisy.

A few months later, however, you noticed changes. The shadows beneath her eyes became more defined, and even though she was still the one who smiled every time she met up with her friends, you could see that it was forced. At the time, however, you passed it off as stress from work. You told yourself that you were seeing things – judging from the way her boyfriend loved her, nothing would go wrong… right?

More months passed, and she was still in an evidently dreadful state – to the extent that not even her perfect smile could hide it. When you went to see her, she dismissed it as nothing to worry about – but of course, after knowing her better than anyone for years, you didn't believe her.

You wanted to believe her, but there was no way you could convince yourself.

However, because of her wide eyes which pleaded for you to leave the matter, you could do nothing but listen to her. No matter how worried you were for her, you stayed quiet – you trusted Mikan.

It'll be fine, you managed to convince yourself after she left quietly, she'll figure out what's wrong.

Her smile was your ultimate weakness, but you did nothing to strengthen your barrier against it. You trusted her so much that you no longer questioned the rare times when she was agitated or grumpy. However, she eventually started to become quiet. You hate yourself for not noticing what was happening earlier and it was believable that your luck was appalling when it came to the most crucial moments in your life – usually concerning the girl you were in love with.

But you were scared of the fact that you couldn't see her smile anymore.

You did see a smile occasionally, but it was too fake for you to believe. To you, it was not a smile at all – or at least, it wasn't her smile. It was the only time when you didn't act ignorant about what was happening to her, but now you don't know if you regretted it or not.

Perhaps it was the right thing to do – the ethical thing to do.

But you weren't so sure if it was she wanted anymore.

Not long after, you noticed that he was selfishly spending time with other women. You knew everything about his secret relationships behind Mikan's back, but still you never acted upon it. The fact that he would slip off the promise ring she valued so highly a spilt second before another female looped her arm around his – the very arm he used to embrace the girl who you were in love with – confused you. You did not understand how she wasn't good enough for him, and why he did the terrible deed in the first place.

All you knew was that he was a bastard – yet you weren't able to muster the confidence to stop him. The biggest reason why was because you didn't want Mikan to get hurt – you believed she was better off clueless and happy.

Looking back at how you thought back then, you hated yourself for doing so, but it was the person you were dealing with which had led you to lose confidence. Had it been someone less significant in your eyes – for example, Koko, Mochu, or even Tsubasa – you knew you would be able to confront him, but Mikan's lover wasn't just anyone. Back then, you knew you couldn't do anything but stay silent – for your own good as well as hers.

You knew she would believe you if you had told her, but you were scared – scared of losing her smile forever. Every time it appeared, you felt as if it drugged you – you couldn't get enough, but it was disappearing. There was nothing you could do which didn't jeopardize her relationship with him, to your dismay.

You hated him for disabling you so you couldn't help Mikan. Especially when he used your weaknesses to his advantage – you were pissed off at the fact that you were so obvious to others, specifically when it came to what you were thinking… and who you were thinking about.

In short, Mikan was – and always would be – your weakness.

He knew that, and you were doing things you knew you would regret in the future because of him.

However, you hadn't hated him as much as the moment when she finally snapped. She had discovered his many affairs with the women from his workplace, and in addition to the lack of time they spent together for the past year due to his work, it had driven her to pack her suitcase to leave the house for good.

You could recall the argument between the breaking couple – you were there. There were no pieces of broken ceramics, nor was there an act of violence from either party. Her boyfriend simply stared at the image in front of him – a modestly dressed Mikan who was evidently going outside, but to the far extent that she was ready to stay somewhere else, as she clutched the handle of her suitcase tightly. Panicked, he had asked her what she was doing, but you knew that he was well aware of what was going on. In reply to his question – in which he limply dropped his briefcase from the shock – she smiled softly as she explained her reasons.

"Where are you going? Why are you holding a suitcase?"

"…I'm leaving. Perhaps this is the right thing to do – for both of us."

Even at that crucial moment, you noticed that even though he had been a terrible boyfriend to her, she still thought about him and his welfare.

This only increased your hatred for the guy if it were even possible – in your eyes, he didn't deserve to be cared for so generously. Mikan was too kind for him.

"…but why?"

You cursed him for asking such stupid, obvious questions – but you ignored the fact that it was a hard thing to comprehend if you were to see your girlfriend ready to leave the house. You could feel your anger boiling over as she looked up at him with a bittersweet expression.

It was obvious why. Not even the forgiving, cheerful Mikan Sakura would be able to handle him with a continuous smile on her face – and at that point, you knew that even she wasn't invincible. No one was.

"You know why…"

You unconsciously blocked out his name from your mind. You hated the sound of his name as it rolled off her tongue. You had been doing this for a while – completely aware that you were pathetic for doing so, to the point that you could be compared to Bella Swan – and it was all because of the guilt you felt for not stopping her boyfriend's terrible habits sooner.

But you still couldn't move a finger as she walked forward – suitcase in hand – in an attempt to pass him on the way to the door. However, before she was able to leave for good, you grabbed her thin wrist instinctively.

You knew that she was angry at you too – she was always the one who could easily read your expressions. It made you wonder why she didn't notice your edginess prior to this moment, and a part of you wondered if she trusted you as much – if not more – as you trusted her.

She turned to you – her brown locks appearing dull in comparison to the many other times you watched and admired her – and her lips twitched. You couldn't decipher if it was a very brief smile or a moment of hesitation. But smile or not, you knew that she hated you now.

Nothing could send the message more effectively than the gentle tug of her hand, away from your grip, as she left the house without a second glance.

Not even a resounding goodbye.

Good. I don't deserve a goodbye at all.

She was gone – away from the one who ruined her life. Mikan could only take so much.

You hated the fact that you couldn't muster the confidence to tell her about everything, or at least make him admit to her about his wrongdoings. You felt disgusted in yourself because you didn't think that she would in fact be happier if he had just told her about it before it was too late. Even though you used to believe that cheaters were never sorry for their actions until they were discovered, it simply passed your mind as soon as you witnessed it.

It was too late.

You could no longer look at him – the bastard. Everything about him made your nostrils flare, your fists clench, and your composure break. Because of him, you saw red.

You despised the fact that he, like you, did not heed the complications of his work-a-holic life conflicting with his life with his girlfriend.

You despised the fact that he ignored her when she was the one who deserved the most attention in his life.

You despised the fact that he had the guts to cheat on who you thought was the sweetest, most dedicated girl on Earth.

And worst – and most regrettably – of all, you despised who he was.

Black hair, red eyes, an astounding pride.

"You know why… Natsume."

All you wanted to do was punch the mirror.