There were many nights when Tim would lay in bed closing his eyes and he would daydream about his perfect day. His mother and father would be home for once and they would eat breakfast together and talk to him. They would stay home and not go anywhere to impress anyone or get money from it somehow. They would talk to each other and listen to what each other said, even the little things. Maybe even play a board game and they would read him a story or two and tuck him in at night.

He fell asleep too many times knowing that there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that it would happen, but daydreaming somehow made it more bearable.

Tim didn't mean to keep telling himself stories (lies, really) of what happened. He was alone with the housekeeper all day long and chased after Batman and Robin at night. His life wasn't the best, so he liked to pretend that his parents were there. That they cared about him. Tim knew it wasn't healthy, but he didn't care. He hadn't seen them in seven months, they hadn't emailed in three, and called in six. (He wasn't counting, not really.)

But in his daydreams, they were there for the science fair instead of just Mrs. Mac. (he was the only kid without at least one parent there) They actually looked at his pictures and they… were proud of them. They liked to got through his pictures and take him on walks through the city.

He'd won a few photography prizes, but in real life, his Dad looked at the first place ribbon and told him, "I don't see why kids these days always get ribbons and trophies. No one earns it anymore." Tim didn't try to show him any more of his accomplishments after that. He didn't mind though.

When Tim became Robin it was much better than all the daydreaming in the world, because it was real. It didn't disappear when he opened his eyes or fell asleep.

Bruce talked to him every night on patrol, sure it was things like, "Watch your footing," or "That's just a cat, Robin". But he talked to him. Bruce was gruff of course, but he was never intentionally cruel to him. Nights that were bad, really bad Batman would put his hand on Tim's shoulder and tell him, "There are always nights like this, but the good nights make it worth it".

Tim tries extra hard on the bad nights so Bruce doesn't think he's weak and is going to quit. (He would never quit.)

Dick actually hugs him. With no cameras or anyone telling him to! That's a first for Tim his parents only touch him (or talk) to him when the media or other rich families are around to see. Dick was so different from that he was friendly. He seemed to like Tim. It was weird Tim didn't give him anything, so Dick didn't profit from talking to him, but he still did it. Tim didn't want to ask why because it might be a test, but he kept doing it after a few months. Dick was just a good person. He talked to Tim when he was in Gotham about trivial things like how he was doing in school and new movies that came out.

Tim tries so hard not to let him down, or see the real Tim that daydreams that his parents love him. Dick wouldn't like him if he knew that he wasn't good enough for anyone to love. (He knows he isn't.)

Alfred, oh, Alfred is the best he never makes Tim feel like he will never live up to the uniform, (he knows he doesn't now.) Alfred can put Bruce in his place and he is such a controlled man. Tim knows that he misses Jason, maybe more than Bruce because he doesn't feel guilty for his death. Alfred is kind in a way that goes beyond the paycheck he gets. Mrs. Mac treats him well enough, but it's for the paycheck she receives. Tim knows at least that much. Alfred tries to get to know him even though he is not a Wayne, or even adopted by Bruce. Tim doesn't know why he does it, but it's nice to talk to someone who understands what he does at night.

Tim knows that once his usefulness runs out that he be replaced by someone better (more like Jason or Dick). He can't help but relish the words, the pats on the shoulder, the bewildering hugs, the chess games, and the feeling of not being alone. He doesn't deserve any of it (he knows that).

When Bruce asks about his parents Tim almost tells the truth. The childhood filled with empty rooms in the mansion others envied him for living in, and the nannies that came and went like seasons. But then Bruce would knew he wasn't worth being around. Tim instead lies, the saccharine and fake childhood he invented. He tells Bruce about the trip to the museum his parents took him to, (it was school-sponsored and technically they paid for the school) the birthday parties that never happened, he told Bruce about the birthday that they didn't go anywhere, but stayed at home and marathon watched the best of Star Trek, (He had done that by himself). The times that he got the flu and his mom scorched the chicken soup (he read that in a book, once). The daydream childhood was a convenient already formed lie.

Bruce smirked in all the right places and Dick laughed, they didn't question when the Drakes had time to see their son when they were barely in country let along Gotham. Tim didn't need or want their pity. He knew the lies he told were as shallow as his parents. It didn't matter, because if they knew the truth they would hate him too.

As long as they ate up the lies; Tim could be Robin a little longer. They could never find out about his unworthiness to fill the mask and boots. things would be fine as long as he kept up the beautiful charade. It would be fine.

Tim didn't understand when his birthday rolled around and they made a huge deal out of it. Nothing was going on, so they went out later in the evening so they could have a party for him. Alfred made a cake and his favorite foods. Dick got him a present that he actually really liked it was a tee shirt that had all the Star Trek captains on it and an another one that had a Robin symbol. He loved them both, they were his size and everything. Bruce had got him a Fitbit that Tim had mentioned liking months ago. It was really cool and in the style he had pointed out once in passing.

Dick and Bruce had asked what his parents had done for his birthday. Tim lied again. Jack had taken him to the skate park and they had ate out at Tim's favorite place. It had been a good thirteen birthday, Tim dutifully reported. With just enough details for it to be convincing. It was better than saying he and a friend went to the skate park driven by Mrs. Mac and ate at the concessions stand. He'd gotten home in time to do case research and get a snack.

He didn't tell them that was the best birthday he'd had. Someone had remembered it to begin with that wasn't paid to do it and he'd had a cake and gifts. Tim tried to commit every detail to memory. Even when they patrolled that night Gotham didn't seem that, dark if that was possible. He didn't mind that his parents where out of town and they didn't even call or write an email, he'd stopped hoping for that years ago, after all.

Tim never calculated on his parents coming back to town.

He never figured on Bruce and Jack talking at a gala.

He didn't think that Bruce would call him over to 'talk', but he did.

And everything that Tim had worked so hard for dissolved. Bruce started it out easy enough, "Tim, how are your parents?"

Tim felt his heart rate increase, but Bruce couldn't have found out. He had been so careful all the lies were what it was suggested for parents to do in the parenting books he had read.

Bruce did find out, he knew. It was all over, Robin. Being tolerated around Wayne Manor.

Suddenly, Tim forgot how to breathe. The cave got swirly and he couldn't focus anymore Bruce's deep timbre voice was drowned out by the hammering in his chest. He knew, somehow he figured it out. Tim wasn't worth being around.

"-to know why," Bruce was saying.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Bruce I shouldn't have lied. I won't lie again I promise. I can still be Robin. I promise I won't mess up like that again. Don't take Robin away from me," Tim started out strong, but by the end his speech he couldn't keep the insecurities from creeping in and stealing that fake confidence away.

Tim was stupid, so stupid and now Bruce was shown the weak and flawed side of him that was unforgivable. He began to imagine how Bruce would tell Alfred and Dick they wouldn't be surprised that he wasn't good enough. They might be disappointed that he managed to stay alive as Robin and Jason was the one to die. He often wished it had been the other way around, Jason deserved to be loved and be Robin. No matter how much Tim tried he wouldn't be half as good as Jason. He only wished that it had lasted a little longer. He would be sent back to Drake Manor, back to the silence the enveloped the manor, back to pretending and not living anymore.

TBC