Disclaimer – I don't own either the X-men or Hellsing, though if you know how I can, I'm listening.
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A/N: By the way, the official spelling of Arucard is Arucard in both the manga and the anime. (Dark Horse Comics uses Alucard in its English translation.) In Japanese, R and L are the same sound and are represented by the same character, so either R or L can be used. However, Kouta Hirano specifically used Arucard, probably as a play on Alucard (which we all know is the backwards spelling of Dracula).
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Chuckling to himself, Arucard lifted up the bottle of good old Scottish Bells whiskey and poured himself a shot before slowly sitting down, taking time to enjoy the rare moment of peace. He was in his usual garb, huge red hat, red rider's trench coat and the red cravat tied loosely around his neck. Underneath all the dramatic red, he wore a simple butler's suit of sorts and the glass clinked against his fangs as he savoured his first sip.
Oh how he missed this. The solitude and peace. Ever since he had been awoken ... god knows how many years ago, he had put up with the constant bothering of Integra. And now he had Seras to keep an eye on, his latest charge to his lifestyle as a vampire. Yes, it was good to finally get some time alone. The vampire smiled and took another sip.
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Things were crazy at the X-men mansion. Someone had triggered off the biggest food fight in the history of the house as the teens ran around wildly in high spirits. Logan, a burly Canadian with a healing ability, grumbled and pulled his cowboy hat lower over his eyes, trying to remain discrete although such things had never been part of his vocabulary for very long.
Finally, he was struck with a large cream cake and the room fell silent. Wolverine stood up and unsheathed his claws, three razor sharp shards of an unbreakable alloy, growling deeply and completely unaware of the cherry that had become attached to the centre of his forehead. Slowly, and taking his time for added terror, he looked at each of them in turn.
"Right, who threw it?" He sighed in exasperation as the X-men all pointed at one another. "Ok then, all of you get kitted up and in the danger room now! We're going to sort this out my way."
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Feeling in a good mood, Arucard whistled a tune and ran his gloved hand over the rim of the glass, gloves that bore the symbols that had him bound to this household. The symbol was a pentagram with a circle surrounding it, runes encircling it too. That was too dark a thought! Annoyed, he stood up and paced around his chamber, desperately looking for something to entertain himself with.
He could always annoy someone? Nah, that was too predictable, he had to keep the humans on their toes. How about Seras? He vaguely remembered the last time he had tried that and decided against it.
His pacing more rapid now, he looked at every available piece of inspiration. There wasn't much and Arucard sighed at the lone chair that he spent his days resting on. Smirking as was his trademark, he spotted the wall. Perhaps a little dimensions shifting?
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"Man, zis isn't fair." Kurt, a blue furry mutant that resembled a devil, groaned then hid a smile as Logan marched back in, cherry still attached to his forehead. "Maybe he should call himself Triclops, ja?" He joked, taking the mick out of his team leader's name.
"Shh!" Kitty, a girl capable of walking through walls, giggled and watched as the older man paused then glared at them slowly. The other adults were away and that was possibly the only reason why Wolverine was getting away with this.
"Right then. You're to be running drills until one of you confesses." Smirking around his burning cigar, he nodded. "And I don't mind waiting all night."
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This was odd. Arucard frowned as he slowly walked backwards out of the wall and was puzzled to spot that it had a huge painting on it that he had never seen before. Ok, this wasn't supposed to happen. You didn't get lost at his age.
Something hit the back of his head and he looked over to see a young girl in a black spandex uniform with a purple triangle on it. She had her hair pulled off her face in a vicious pony tail and her large eyes widened in shock.
"Um, like, I'm so sorry, I wasn't, like, aiming at you or anything." Slowly, Shadow Cat walked backwards, deciding to leave the man who had just phased through the wall. Smiling nervously, she slipped through the floor and to the lower levels where the danger room was. A certain blue fuzzy mutant had insanely decided to confess to throwing the cake that he didn't actually throw and was now being told off rather unfoundedly.
The vampire was stunned. She didn't look like a vampire, how did she know that sort of magic? Curious, and a little shaken himself, he moved through the house to wait for his next confrontation. It came from a man in a black and orange spandex suit that clashed horribly with his purple hair.
"Can I help you, bub?" Letting his claws loose, Logan swaggered forward, not bothered by the difference in size between the two of them. The mans smirk annoyed him, as did the fact that his eyes were hidden behind those damned yellow glasses.
"Actually, you can tell me where I am."
"Hell." Wolverine lunged, claws faced forward and he was swatted away like a fly, being staked by a piece of broken furniture. Slowly, Logan pulled himself back up, his wound healing as the wood was torn out.
"A regenerator?" Arucard asked, annoyed and amazed now.
"I prefer healer." Logan was stopped as a gun was pointed at him, the words Jesus Christ is in Heaven Now engraved on the sides. A single bullet was fired and he hit the wall, slumping down unconscious.
Now were to go? Arucard moved forward and picked the cherry off the Canadians forehead, eating it whilst he pondered. Another young girl stumbled in; this time her costume was a more conservative black piece with yellow trimming. She had short red hair and Wolfsbane crossed her arms.
"An' wha' dae yae think yer doin'?" She growled at the intruder.
Smirking, Arucard shifted to his hell hound form and barked, his six eyes focused on the girl who really didn't look impressed. She jumped and, shifting to her wolf form and barking back, grinned.
That was too much. Another human who could perform such magic? Turing tail, the hell hound bolted and collided with another person in another odd uniform. Shifting back, Arucard had the chance to admire the black and red combination. Then he noticed blue, a lot of blue.
Kurt slowly prised one golden eye open and looked directly into the bright blood red ones of the vampire. Panicking, he kicked the vampire somewhat below the belt and teleported. It was only after the port that he realised that Arucard had hold of his prehensile tail.
"Demon." Arucard smirked; looking down the yellow glasses perched precariously on his nose, a glint of fang catching the light.
"You can hardly talk, ja?"
The vampire dove for him and Nightcrawler, though exhausted after his last port, attempted to teleport again. The force of the bamf and the shock of the sulphurous smell caused the vampire to fall over, unwittingly on top of the reappeared mutant.
Jumping to his feet, Arucard had had enough of this strange dimension and decided to get back to home and welcomed boredom as fast as he could.
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The world came back into focus slowly, and doubled, after a moment Arucards vision cleared enough to realise that he was on the floor in his room, the chair knocked onto its side. Glancing up to the barely touched whisky, he shook his head.
"Potent." Dragging himself to his feet, staggering slightly as he struggled to come to grips with his weight and gravity. He swore to not have any seconds for dinner that night. He pulled off his constricting red coat that was trying a career at being a straight jacket and shook it out before placing it back on.
Perhaps he would go and annoy Seras, even if it was to just forget that whiskey induced insanity.
It was a shame he couldn't see the long blue tail swinging under his coat behind him as he left the room, a certain blue fuzzy mutant clinging on for dear life.
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Let the madness ensue!
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