It was funny how quickly everyone seemed to forget your name and who you once were when you just became another worker. It was a blissful ambiguity that you had come to enjoy in the last two and half years since you stopped being Negan's wife. You were no Amber or Frankie, you were just one of the rare women who actually thought you could get Negan to love you by marrying him. In the life before you had a type, the rough around the edges type of guy. The ones with bad tempers and foul moods. In your mind you thought you could fix them, that your love would save them from themselves. Negan was no different in your mind but he was. Your exs didn't have a half dozen other wives to chose from and he barely seemed to remember your name back then.
He would come into your room, have his way with you however he so wished and then just leave. He never had a kind word, glance or touch for you. He did his "duty" and that was all. When you discovered about six months into your "marriage" with Negan that you were pregnant nothing but sheer panic filled your body. There were a thousand worse case scenarios running through your head in the days after you had your first suspicions. It was not long before you came to the only safe option, you would ask Negan to work for points again and hide in plain sight.
Negan didn't care in the slightest when you left. Or the dozens of times he walked past you in the gardens while you were working while pregnant. Or even when he walked past you and his son in your arms in the hall every day. He had forgotten about you and that was the best thing you thought that could have ever happened.
It was almost two full years after the birth of your son before there was even the slightest sign that anyone suspected anything, and it wasn't even Negan. Everyday while you ate your dinner with your son, Deacon, in your lap Simon watched your little boy intently. Simon was nice enough to you over the years, one of the few who remembered that you were once the less than cherished bride of their fearless leader.
Your attention was peaked particularly on this day as you noticed Negan perched over Simon's shoulder. Your gaze was fixed on Simon's lips as you tried desperately to make out what he was uttering to your former husband but he had tilted his head just enough so you couldn't make out what he was saying. That same sense of panic that you experienced during the early days of your pregnancy came back in a tidal wave of fear and panic. "Come on bubs.." You mutter to your son as you take a napkin and wipe the food from his face and set him down on the bench before standing up.
As you leaned down to pick Deacon up, his small arms draping over your neck, you noticed Negan's gaze lock on you as he leaned in whispered something to Simon before turning away and disappearing down the hall. Your pulse raced as you lifted your son up and tried to hurry away. Simon quickly moved to block your path as you went to exit the dinning hall. "Well (y/n), how are things going for you sweetheart?" Simon asked with a coy smile as he blocked the doorway with his arm.
You shrugged nervously sifting Deacon's weight on your hip. "Fine, thank you Simon for asking…" You say quickly trying to muster all the energy you had within you to mask the feeling of panic growing in the pit of your stomach.
Simon gave a little nod and leaned into to look at Deacon who was gazing wide eyed at the strange man with his large hazel eyes, Negan's eyes, you mind screamed in panic. As Simon leaned back he smirked. "That's a very handsome little man you have there…"
"That's very kind of you to say, thank you…" Your voice was hiding less and less of your real emotions with each passing moment and Simon could see it, everyone could. He moved his arm from it's position blocking the door to around your shoulder. You knew in your soul that this meant nothing good for you or Deacon.
Simon loomed over your shoulder as he leaned in and whispered, "I'm not the only who noticed your boy…" Simon's voice was low, dark and sent a shiver down your spine. "Negan wants to see you… and the boy… in his private rooms." Your heart felt like it was going to burst forth from your chest it was pounding so hard. Your grip on your son's small frame tightened.
"Okay.." You choke out and Simon gives a dark chuckle as he ushers you and Deacon down a path that you hadn't walked in years. Though it had been years since you were summoned to Negan's private rooms, you still had the route etched forever in your mind.
With each silent step you thought of a new horror that Negan was going to subject you too upon realizing that you had hidden his only child, his first born son, under his nose for two full years. Deacon did look remarkably like his father, it was still a shock to you that no one had noticed it before. As you stood outside the large doors you leaned in and kissed your son on his cheek. "Just stay with mama, don't let go of my hand…" You say calmly as you set Deacon down on the grey cement floor on his uneasy feet. His small hand clutching yours tightly and Simon pushed the door open.
Negan sat on the large black couch, Lucille leaning up against the arm of the sofa, his arm draped along the back. He wasn't looking at your face as your walked in. His eyes were locked on the face of his son. "Thank you Simon… you may go…" Negan's voice was calm, eerily calm, as he gave his orders. Once the doors closed Negan stood up and took a few steps forward.
Deacon looked up at Negan, his grip on your hand tightens as he tries to hide behind you as Negan finally stands just little more than a foot or two from where you stood. He leans forward and almost instantly you feel the way you felt back when you wore that black dress. "(y/n)… it's been what… a little over two years since you made the choice to work like a fucking peasant…" Your eyes instantly focus on Deacon's hand in yours as Negan continues, not waiting for you to answer. "Your boy… he is what… two…just about." You nod nervously as Negan leans in, his hand grips your face forcing you to meet his gaze. "Now fucking tell me this…" He said in a very dark tone. "Is he mine… or where you a cheating whore…" His grip on your face tightened as he waited for your answer.
Deacon let go of your hand and went over to Negan, balling his tiny hands into fists and started pounding them on Negan's leg. "NO!" the little boy yelled with all his might obviously upset at your treatment, before you even had a chance to answer. Negan's hand slipped away from your face as you lunged down and scooped your son into your arms before stumbling back. Falling to the floor with a loud thud.
"Don't hurt him… he didn't ask to be born…" You say as you wrap your body around your son instinctively to protect your child. "He is yours… okay. Just don't hurt him…" You sob, gazing up at Negan who had his hands balled into fists at his side. His face twisted into a snarl as he processed the information that you had just confirmed for him. He took a step forward in anger but stopped when Deacon let out small yelp of fear as the little boy hid in your arms.
Negan looked down at you for a moment still visibly upset and for the first time you noticed a few tears welling up in the corner of his eyes as he contemplated his next move. He kept looking down at Deacon, who was now clutching your arm and peering up at Negan with so much fear in his eyes it broke your heart. "I'm not gonna fucking hurt my boy…" Negan said softly, his voice shaking a little as he leaned down and offered you his hand to help you up. "I promise…" You take his hand nervously, Deacon scooted off and pushed himself as Negan helped you back to your feet. It was the first real kindness he had shown you.
Negan stared at you, his dark eyes ripping a path straight to your soul as he quietly said, "He is my son… you hid him from me…" His voice shook with some level of pain as he glanced down at Deacon who was clutching hand. "I don't even know his name…" He seemed genuinely pained by this.
"Deacon.." You mumbled softly before leaning down and kissing your son's mess of shaggy dark hair. "Bubba…" You said softly cupping his cheek. "This is your Daddy…" Deacon glanced up at Negan wide eyed and slightly confused.
Negan leaned down to look his son in the eye. He reached out to take his hand but Deacon pulled away. "Hey now little man…" Negan started. "I know I was mean to Mama…" Glancing up at your for a moment before turning back to your son. "I'm sorry that I scared you… but I won't ever do that again…" Deacon looked up at you, unsure of what to do. You gave him a little nod reassuring him that it was ok.
Slowly Deacon's hand slipped away from yours as he took an uneasy step forward towards his father. Negan stretched out his arms and picked the toddler up. He beamed at Deacon as he held his son in his arms for the first time. "You are a handsome little devil…" Negan playfully tickled Deacon's belly which caused the little boy to let out a sweet chorus of laughter that calmed your nerves for the moment. Negan gazed at his son before looking over in your direction.
He let out a small chuckle, "We tried for years to have kids…" He confided to you in a moment of honesty. "The doctors told my wife it just wasn't gonna be in the cards for us." He leaned in and kissed the side of Deacon's head as Deacon wrapped his arm around Negan's neck. A tender smile crossed his lips as he continued. "I always wanted this…"
You were genuinely taken aback by his candor and tone as he held your son in his arms relishing in the moment and the little boys surprising show of affection. "I'm sorry Negan… You seemed like you hated me." You confess softly returning his honesty with some of your own. "I was scared you wouldn't want my child…" Your voice shakes as your confess your fears and watched as Negan's face grew solemn with guilt.
He opened his mouth to speak but stopped, reaching out he placed his hand on your shoulder and pulled you into hug. You hand slipped around Deacon's back as you rested your head against Negan's chest. "I'm fucking sorry… I had no clue you felt like that. I never hated you. I barely fucking knew you (y/n)." He gave a small shrug as you pulled back still fairly uncomfortable with his touch.
"You didn't try to know me either…" You muttered softly take as step back, you hand lingering for a moment on Deacon's back. Biting your bottom lip as you felt a sense of guilt for your part in this sorted tale. "Never the less.." You start taking a long deep breath. "I shouldn't have kept the baby from you."
Negan gave you a quite nod before turning his attention back to the child you shared. "Well, I guess I have some time to make up for don't I?" He asked Deacon with a little smirk.
The toddler shrugged as Negan bounced him in his arms. Deacon looked fairly confused by the whole situation as you would expect given the events that transpired but there was part of you, finally seeing Negan holding your son. That joyful look in his eyes as he spoke to your little boy in the most tender and caring tone. He was like this different man with Deacon as they sat down together on the couch. Negan motioned for you to join them but you shook your head, crossing your arms in front of your chest. "Spend some time with him…" You say with kind smile as you turn towards the door. "I have to get back to work any how,"
Negan stood up from the couch, "(y/n), no you fucking do not…" He said emphatically causing you to turn around and just laugh at him.
"I am not going to marry you again Negan… once in that stable is more than enough for me." You snap back quickly forgetting that Deacon was in ear shot. Negan took a few more steps closer to you, nearly closing the gap between your bodies.
"I never asked you to…" He placed a hand on your shoulder and you glanced down at it, unsure still of his intentions. "Let me take care of you and Deacon… I don't want the mother of my child slaving away for points, my son dressed in fucking rags… I know it's not your fault… let me fucking make things better for him, for you." As he finished her squeezed your shoulder and you gazed up at him. Why couldn't you have been like this back then? Why couldn't you have showed me just a tiny sign that you would have been happy? You ask yourself as you slowly nod your head. Negan smiles softly and gestures back towards the couch and you reluctantly agree to join him.
As you settled down on the other side of Deacon you tried not to smile as Negan started to talk to the little boy about baseball, explaining the game to your eager son who sat perched up n her knees at his father's side nodding his head as Negan spoke. It warmed your heart to see them sharing such a quite, normal moment. It was cut short by a loud knock on the door. "Fuck.." Negan cursed. "I told them to leave me alone…" He patted Deacon on the cheek as he stood up. "Come on, son…" He said with a little smirk as Deacon hopped down and toddled after his father who picked up Lucille as he stood before the door.
"Come on, this shit better be important…" Negan groaned before glancing down at Deacon who was gazing, wide eyed up at his father. As the doors slowly swung open you stood up and watched as a frantic Gavin and a very angry looking Simon walked through the door. Negan reached down with his free hand held Deacon's hand as the two men tried to calm themselves.
"We haven't heard from the Satellite station all morning, not since lights out last night in fact…" Gavin started. Negan glanced down at Deacon who was starting to look frightens as Gavin started to go into more detail about some recent events.
"Do you not see my fucking kid standing right here you dumb shit…" Negan chided Gavin before glancing over at you. "Mama…" He said beckoning you over to him. Leaning down you scooped up Deacon before Negan leaned in. "Go down and get him some better clothes… get yourself some too…" You looked puzzled up at him not quite knowing where he was going. Before you had a chance to speak, Negan just put his hand up and continued, "(y/n) just do it… I have to deal with this now but I will get Simon to come get you once we get this shit sorted."
"Alright Negan…" You say softly and he gives you a little smile and nod of thanks. "What if they give me shit about points?" You asked softly.
"Tell them take that up with me and give you what you want…" Negan said firmly and you gave a quick nod before walking towards the door.
As you walked past Simon with Deacon in your arms he leaned in and softly said. "Your welcome…" with a small, dark chuckle as you walked past.
Things were about to change, for the better perhaps but something deep within your soul screamed a lot of things for you and your son were about to get a lot worse.