[Shinjiru Mono]

shinjiru mono – something/someone that one believes in

[Prologue] Namae

N A M E

It was hard to understand many things in this world. To me, the hardest thing to understand was why someone could help another person – a complete stranger at times – for no price, at one's own risk. It was strange, for me as another one of those normal people walking around, to see them providing so much help and support to others around them.

Why though? Why?

Due to this sudden urge to find out 'why', I chose to end my life as a Novice in Prontera, and take up a job in the Church.

It wasn't till much later did I begin to regret it. Yes, it wasn't till much later did I realise Kasumi Lightwater was not suited to be an Acolyte.

"Sorry Miss, but could you please Increase Agility on me?"

It wasn't that unusual for a passerby to request for that particular spell from an Acolyte, thus I was never caught by surprise. I would have turned right away from that person and continue walking to wherever I was headed for, but that was not right. Standing by one side watching Evil run its course is the true Sin.

What Evil, though?

Prontera was peaceful, as usual. Other than the usual hustle and bustle with the various merchants selling their items and competing for customers as well as the dull hum of the people purchasing items and haggling, there was nothing much happening. It was hard for me to picture the Evil the Church and the Bible talk of in Prontera.

I didn't see much as a Novice wandering around. I saw less as an Acolyte working for the Church in Prontera.

But of course, it was rude to refuse someone, and to increase one's agility was quite a simple spell – or prayer, as the Church preferred to call it – so without any complaints aloud, I cast the spell, only to rush off into the midst of the haggling crowd when the cry of the poor merchant who had suddenly found walking extremely difficult rang out.

The Church thought it was a disgrace for an Acolyte to be like this. I felt disgraced too, of course. However, so long as the people I 'assisted' didn't have enough time to register my face into their memory, I was safe. For a while, at least. It was amazing how my Increase Agility spell worked so well on myself as I weaved through the sea of people in the town center and turned down an alleyway – a shortcut I knew well – to the church.

The bells that announced the end of the Day and beginning of the Night seemed to cause me to vibrate along with the air around me as I stepped into the large, heavy wooden doors of the church. Something about momentum and increased speed flitted across my brain for a slight second before I crashed into something.

Someone, to be precise. Someone, and the bucket that someone was holding, as well as the mop that Someone was using to mop the floor.

Nothing will stop unless a force is applied.

Thanks to said Someone, I stopped. It wasn't a nice, graceful stop, but it was a stop, and I couldn't complain.

"Auu… Kasumi, in a hurry again?"

"Awa! Priestress Minte!" I managed a hurried and clumsy bow to the Priestress, not much older than me, but certainly more destined to be someone serving the church. She was helpful, kind, and not to mention amazing with her spells. Her heals saved many, and her various skills made her the number one most wanted Priestress for Guild Quests.

Guild Quests were missions people from different Guilds were sent on. Occasionally a certain mission required healing, strong support, or kicking undead ass, and then people would come to the Church to – with some money of course – recruit an Acolyte or Priest into their group. If the Guild Quest was succesful, the Acolyte or Priest would be rewarded handsomely and the money would go to further improving the Church, and helping the needy.

Of course, the most dangerous Guild Quest I had ever been on involved healing a young Novice girl as she killed Porings, and I failed at that too, quite badly, in a way. I was free now, due to my reputation as resident failure – I hardly got any jobs.

Priestress Minte was different, definitely. It was even rumoured that her skills had long since surpassed High Priestress Maryah. But that was that. Lately, though, her jobs involved accompanying a Sniper known as Fubuki on joint Guild Quests from both the Hunter Guild and the Church.

I didn't see much of her, and I certainly missed seeing her around. She was one of the few people in Church who could really stand me, and she prooved to be of great guidance, helping me with all my Spells – Prayers – and what not. The only regret I have with being the failure I am now is that she often worries and gets upset due to my flaws.

"It's alright, the water spilt is a small amount, I can clear it up in no time…" She gave me one of her most amazing smiles – which could attract many men (only to be driven away by Fubuki-san) – and brandished her mop like she usually brandished her weapon, "I would like to know though, why you were in such a hurry."

Sometimes I wondered if Minte was blessed with the ability to mind read, or to see through someone's past, or to, in this case, ask a very on-spot question.

"I was…" I faltered. I couldn't lie, definitely not, but I didn't want to risk seeing that slight look of disappointment that would cross her face everytime I told her my meant-to-be Blessings turned out like Curses.

I didn't have to lie, nor did I have to tell the truth. That slight falter of mine told her everything, and I watched, depressed, as that look flitted across her face for a slight second before a smile immediately took its place. "It's alright, I'm sure you'll get it soon."

I bowed hurriedly, unsure of what to say. Oh, I had lots to say, but I knew, no matter how I phrased some of my feelings they would come out sounding wrong. Priestress Minte was one of the few people I could actually talk to, but I was afraid. Afraid that my words and my feelings would drive her away like I drove the others away.

People were afraid of my thoughts.

Acolytes couldn't think like me. It was just wrong.

I darted off to my room just as Fubuki's concerned voice started, "Minte? Are you okay? You look..."

Run, run, run…

If I keep running, I don't have to hear anymore. I don't have to see anymore.

I was still amazed that Increase Agility worked so perfectly well on myself.

"So, Kasumi, what exactly are you planning on doing today?"

I looked up into the brown eyes of Coral, a fellow Acolyte of mine, and shrugged, biting into the loaf of bread I had, washing the crumbs down with a drink of water. "Depends, I suppose. Probably spend the day running errands for the church right after this breakfast. You know I never really get jobs to do ever since I nearly made that poor Novice lose her life killing Porings."

Coral sighed, and patted me on the shoulder. She wasn't one to get sympathetic with people, with her cool logic and sharp sarcasm, but with me she tried her best and I appreciated that. A lot. Coral was an Acolyte, but I knew someday she would leave this Church and become a Monk. Monks were supposed to be more 'selfish' than Acolytes, only using their spells for themselves; but unfortunately for my ego, Coral did a much better job with helping others than I could.

Swallowing the last of her bread, she finished up her glass and gave me a last pat on the shoulder. "Well, wish you the best of luck. Vio-san is taking me training today."

I nodded, mouth too busy with the bread. Vio was a High Priest, in charge of training Acolytes, just as Minte was a mentor to me (in a way), he was the mentor of Coral. I have to say he did a good job, and yet I can't say Minte did a bad job.

I was just a born failure, that was all.

"Kasumi? Is Kasumi Lightwater here?"

Heads turned to the empty table I sat at as a male Acolyte hurriedly ran in to our dining room – I knew him, but I had some how forgotten his name. I swallowed the last of my bread, licked my fingers, and stood up. "Yes?"

"You have a Guild Quest to do. High Priestress Maryah will give you the details."

I could only nod numbly.

What in the name of God…? Guild Quest?

Who me?

"If you are wondering why you are here," The stern voice of High Priestress Maryah shook me right out of my thoughts, "It is because everyone else has a job to do and this is an extra job with the money we need."

I nodded. Figures. I was only the person sitting on the bench, waiting to receive extra jobs. This job couldn't be that hard, taking that no other Acolyte or Priest was asked to do it. "May I…" My voice caught in my throat and I attempted to clear it as quietly as possible, "…Know what the Quest is about?"

"It's a Grade D quest. All you have to do is get to Payon's underground cave, and collect Water Elemental Orbs. The person who gave out the quest would have done it himself if he weren't too busy with other things. Because there are Undead in that cave, we have the job. The Orbs can be found inside the Black Mushrooms in the center of the cave. It is an easy job, and I hope you will succeed this time."

High Priestress Maryah always reminded me of a book, somehow. She seemed to be able to put everything together in one long speech, and in the mean time make everything so clear you couldn't complain. I nodded. "I will do my best."

It wasn't till I walked out of her office-like room when I blanched.

Orbs in… Mushrooms?

Payon Cave was like all other Caves. Cold, musty and moist air, accompanied with dimly lit surroundings, and the occasional Familiar that would swoop down at you. I sighed, closed my eyes and called to God for light.

[Ruwach]

No wonder Acolytes claimed that they needed no lamps; Ruwach worked just fine, and it's glow was comforting too. With the shining blue Light Ball orbitting peacefully around me – maybe it made me look more serene, though I doubted it would help much when I looked like I had fallen into a mud puddle (I did, actually) – I continued my slow plod through the cave.

I had to look for… mushrooms.

A flash of red caught my eye as I turned sharply, hands groping at my waist for the weapon I usually hung there only to realise that I had not brought it. I had left the weapon in my room. Of course, I had never expected to get a job to do other than bring Holy Water to various merchants in Prontera; of course, I had never bothered to check if I had the right equipment before rushing to teleport all the way to Payon.

Of course, I was still the same old me.

There was a squeak, and a swift hum of a blade which caught my attention as I turned just in time to see a Swordsman – no, Swordswoman would be more appropriate – staring triumphantly at the fallen Spore that lay at her feet, dead. At that moment our eyes met, I regretted casting Ruwach. I needed to run, move away, stay unnoticed.

The girl – I could see she was about my age at that one glance – shrugged and pulled out a vial of red liquid and took a long drink from it as I slipped past her and right round a corner.

Panting, unsure of why my heart was beating so madly even though I did not run, I stared blankly at the cave ceiling. I had felt bad the moment I slipped past. Just because I didn't want to help her, just because I couldn't help her, didn't mean I had to move away that quickly, right? Besides, it wasn't as if everyone I met would ask me for a Blessing.

There are people in this world who can live quite well without too much of God's help.

I shrugged, scratching at my cheek at the sudden thought. It must have been a quote, since I doubt I was that deep to think it out of nowhere. I must have read it somewhere, and it had probably made such a deep impression on me that I had imprinted it in my memory without knowing.

Sighing, I drew out the map and unrolled it, squinting at the faint markings on it with the help of the aquamarine-colored glow of Ruwach. I didn't really know what I was doing with a map, since I could hardly get my directions right after I turned a few rounds, but I guess it was a comfort of some sort.

At least, with some sort of common sense, I knew I was somewhat close to the center of the cave. I didn't need to head downwards, I just needed to get to the center, cut up some mushrooms with my bare hands – somehow or another I had to manage due to my carelessness – get 10 Water Elemental Orbs, and fly back to Prontera.

God's Speed be with me.

I didn't know how long exactly did I walk. The cave walls all seemed to look the same, and it was almost impossible to keep track of whether I had taken a certain turn or not before. All I knew was that, somehow or another, I was moving in toward the center.

That is, I hoped.

The slight shift of footfalls caught my attention as I stopped in my tracks, alert. Another person perhaps? I needed to hide, or run away – if I could determine where they were coming from… Again, it was probably me being paranoid, but I had no intention of 'Blessing' anymore people.

The footfalls grew louder, messier, it almost sounded like a crowd of people moving together at once. Slowly, slowly; clumsily, faltering and limping. It would be terribly strange to have humans walking like that.

Who was heading my way?

Or, to be precise, what?

By the time a limb came into view, I had enough encouragement to cast an immediate Increase Agility on myself, and stumble backward against the cave wall. Ruwach seemed to put the limb in front of me into great detail. Yes, I could see very clearly; wrinkled skin, almost crumpled together and blue with age, it looked cold, very cold indeed, as blood had clearly stopped pumping through the veins a long time ago. What had really got to me was the things crawling in the wrinkles of the skin. What were they I did not know, but I did not like the look of them – white, small, and very steadily crawling in and out of the crevices in the skin.

It was a Zombie. A mob of Zombies. An entire crowd. Heading my way.

My breathing hitched as the smell of rotting matter and decay crashed right onto me like a giant wave, and for that temporary moment, I could see nothing but the faint outlines through the static net covering my eyes.

What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? OhgodwhatdoIdo!?

We were trained in fighting Undead. Most Acolytes knew what to do in a situation like this. A simple Heal spell would purify the body and send it back to the ground, but I had never done this before. Never hands on. Sure, there were mentions of it from my various mentors, but I never had the chance to try it practical.

Now's the chance!

The desperate wail of the voice in my brain echoed, bouncing off the cave walls. The smell was overwhelming, and the entire cave loomed over me, dancing.

I have to do something.

What? Do what? What could I do? I was a resident failure, right? I couldn't even heal a girl properly. What if I make the zombie stronger with my Heal spell? What if-?

With the million possibilities dancing in my brain, I wasn't surprised my body completely lost its coordination, and without the help of a friendly resident rock, I tripped and landed on the moist, damp, cave floor. I didn't really have the attention span to complain at this time. I backed away from the advancing feet – which looked no better than the arms – not even having enough energy to stand up, inching as quickly as I could from the advancing mob.

Oh, I was terrified alright. But I knew how my subconscious felt – I think I knew, that is, who could really know what their subconscious felt like? – in one word, "useless".

I was an Acolyte. My prayers were supposed to be like a purging source of energy toward the Undead. To purify them and render them nothing but the dirt they were supposed to be were my strengths, and yet here I was, inching away from a mob of zombies, on my bottom, giving the cave floor a free mop.

I hit something hard with my back, and suddenly found inching backward difficult.

Idiot, you hit the dead end.

Dead end indeed. I was going to be dead, and it was the end of Kasumi Lightwater. I can just imagine the headlines – Acolyte mobbed to death by zombies. How perfectly ironic. I was surprised my sarcasm could even last this long in such a situation.

Well…

Maybe death isn't that bad?

Of course it was bad! I am scared! I do hate my life, I do hate myself, but not enough to wish to die. Especially in the hands of zombies.

"Cart Revolution!"

Ooh, yes, zombie revolution. The world shall be taken over and…

…

…

Huh?

"What are you staring at? Stand up, Increase Agility, and RUN, idiot?!"

The voice hit me like the bells of the church, or the dinner gong. Shockwaves, messages running from my brain to my nerves to my muscles. "Increase Agility!" I hardly called out spell names, but this time I supposed I must have been desperate. I shot up, pushed off the balls of my feet, and with my eyes shut, made a wild dash through the remaining zombies. I knew I could feel them, barely inches away from myself, but I couldn't care less. I had to run.

"OI! What about me?! Increase Agility?!"

I hardly bothered to stop, making an amazing pivot, I turned and shouted, "Increase Agility!" My voice was breaking, there was something in my eyes. I kept them shut, turned around in the opposite direction, and ran blindly.

God's Speed indeed.

I was panting like I had never done before. It was almost as if I had ran a few rounds around Prontera, but reality check – the cave wasn't that large. It must have been something else that made me like this, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't realise I was joined by someone till the static in front of my eyes cleared up and my breathing had somehow or another returned to normal.

"That was close. Were you out of SP or something? To think you didn't heal them…"

I jerked my head up, staring blankly at the boy who stood next to me, leaning on a cart which was convieniently behind him. Judging from his height and looks, he was not that much older than me, and from the cart… he was a merchant. "I…" What was I supposed to say? 'Oh, dear sir, I'm sorry but I'm an Acolyte who can't really do anything right. In other words, I can't really heal those things.'

"Here."

I stared blankly at the vial of blue liquid he held out before me, and he raised an eyebrow in question.

"Are you going to take it, or not? First time I'm giving things out for free, okay?"

I took the vial, uncorked it, and took a swallow, glad for the sudden rush of sweetness through my throat. Potions weren't neccesarily the most delicious drinks in the world, but it was enough for me now. I hardly even tasted the bitterness that often accompanied a swallow. I knew I hardly wasted my SP back there, but the flow of energy that suddenly rushed through my body took me by surprise. It felt quite good. I swallowed another mouthful, before looking back at the merchant. He hadn't left yet, just sat there, leaning against his cart, staring blankly at me.

"Uhm… Are you sure I don't need to pay?" I asked warily, staring back at him. I did bring money, and I hoped it was enough to pay for the potion – merchants didn't really want to take back a potion someone else had already drank.

"I said I was giving it away for free, though I definitely wouldn't mind if you gave me a heal in return? I did receive some damage getting you out of that mob, if you noticed."

Aa, the dreaded request. I would have turned tail and ran, but I was holding the potion he had given me, and the reason why I could still do this was also because of him. And, as he did mention, he did take some damage. Though it could be considered as an understatement of the century. It wasn't just a few scrapes and scratches, it was cuts and bruises, and most of the cuts were bleeding.

I chewed on my lower lip, hands shaking, I reached out and took his arm.

I couldn't do this.

If I healed him and made everything worse…

…And yet I couldn't just leave him like this…

Please don't let me mess this up.

"Heal!"

He winced. Oh no he winced.

Kasumi, you have just officially messed up your second try at healing others.

"Ow… is Heal supposed to hurt?"

Yes, good question. "I-I'm sorry."

"It's okay, why are you saying sorry for?" He stared blankly at me, eyebrow raised, but the dignified eyebrow expression was soon replaced with a grimace. It must hurt a lot. And it was all my fault. All. My. Fault. For. Being. Such. An. Idiot.

"Because I can't Heal! I can't even Bless people right! Everything goes wrong!"

Ooh. Outburst. My hand clapped over my mouth a second too late, all the words had spilt out. My bad, sorry. I'll just make myself miserable and move off to chop up some mushrooms now.

"You… are an Acolyte, right?"

I stopped, looking over my shoulder at him. He was blurry. Something must have went into my eyes, since I could hardly focus an image. "Yes." Even my voice was cracky. What went wrong?

"Then there is no reason for you not being able to Heal. You just… don't want to, right?"

"I what?"

"You don't want to help. To Heal. To Support. That's why you can't do anything right." I rubbed my eyes, willing for them to focus, wanting for once to see what type of an expression this guy was wearing on his face now. "My Uncle, he was a High Priest, and he taught me that God has blessed everyone with the power to help and heal. Acolytes are only blessed much more. So long as… You want to help someone… You can."

"I…"

Was that right? Was that wrong? Why, out of a sudden, wasn't I so sure of myself anymore? I had become so sure and firm that I was a failure at my spells and Blessings that I couldn't bother to remember how I felt each time someone came to me with a request. How did I feel? What was I thinking?

Did I really want to help them and risk getting tired for nothing?

I… didn't.

My legs lost their remaining strength, and I collapsed. Dear God, forgive me. Out of curiousity I have taken the job of being someone who would help the people for you, but yet I had never wanted to help anyone. This was… an experiment for me. Something that I took up because I wanted to know why.

"Oi… Don't cry! Argh, it's okay if you don't heal me, okay? I have tons of medicines and supplies with me, I was just lazy. I-…" I could hear him sigh, vaguely. "I'll get going. I have to collect some items for a job…"

"Wait…"

I wanted to try this.

"What?"

I wanted to proove myself wrong for once.

"Heal."

I wanted to try, for once, to help someone who saved me.

"Wow. And you said you couldn't do this?"

For once, I was glad I prooved myself wrong.

"Hehehe…"

He accompanied me back to the Church. It was already sunset when we reached the wooden doors, both of us flushed, tired, but happy. I never knew collecting orbs from Mushrooms was this fun. He was collecting Orbs too, so though we said goodbye we ended up meeting at the same place again, with his help, I had collected more than enough Orbs for the job I was assigned, and we headed back.

Today seemed strangely distant, all of a sudden, as I watched the birds on the church roof take off all at once, circle the sky, and head off to their nests. I had, for once, completed a job. I had, for once, healed someone without any bad side effects (or any that I know of within this time span). And strangely, for once, I was enjoying a chat with someone I hardly knew.

"Kasumi! I was just about to contact you but you left too suddenly. You see, the client claimed that he was to go and collect the Orbs himself and-…"

I blinked at the Head Priestress, who was blinking at him.

"Aa? You mean you didn't cancel the Guild Quest?" He blinked back at her, bewildered.

"What? I was collecting the Orbs for who?"

"Kasumi, you were supposed to collect the Orbs for this young sir here due to a Guild Quest. He called right after you left my room saying that help from the church wasn't needed as he was to go and collect it by himself. We tried to inform you, but you were already gone."

So much for my enthusiasm.

"So… I did that all for nothing?"

"I can still pay the fees for the Guild Quest, actually…" He hurriedly added after me, but Head Priestress Maryah shook her head,

"No, it is the duty of the church to serve the people, and you have already paid a fee of some sort just now, when you asked the Church to do this job."

He sighed, and grinned. "Well, I get to save money then. Kasumi, you can keep the Orbs you have, they sell for a good price. I have to go before my Mentor gets mad at me for being away so long… so, ta-ta!"

His cart merrily in toll, he walked right out of sight.

Oh, he had paid for this job alright.

More than you ever know, Ms. Maryah.

It's been at least a year now, since that incident, and I have never met him again. It wasn't till after dinner did I realise I didn't ask for his name, and I was too embarrassed to ask Head Priestress Maryah – just in case she got the wrong idea from me – and so, my days passed like that.

Jobs went succesfully for me ever since that day. I knew I had to find a reason to be willing to help someone, thus when I got the choice, I only chose jobs that I felt I could do willingly.

It was all his credit, somehow, someway. And it was, to me, a terribly sad thing to have not asked for his name. Afterall, if I had his name, I could for the first time in my life, pray to God for someone.

My way of saying 'thank you'.

[Owari End of Prologue]

Author notes:

Oh wow. A long prologue. Oo I had always wanted to write an RO fanfic, but couldn't think up any original plot, so here's a random fling at a romance story. Unfortunately cliché this story is, I did enjoy writing for Kasumi, since I often feel like her everytime I mess something up on RO… ;

Namae (the name of this particular prologue) means "Name" in Japanese… Just a random note, I chose it to link this chapter up with the last chapter. ;; Everyone will understand when they get to the end. IF I write till the end…

Playing on RO would not have been a great experience for me if I didn't have all my friends helping me along, teaching me and supporting me all the way from Acolyte to Priesthood. Thus I wrote this fic, to thank all the people who have helped me. Basic credits to some characters whom I have 'borrowed' off my friends:

Minte [Priestress]

Kyoko-tan's character on RO. She's really nice, since she has helped me a lot to get from Acolyte to Priest. I really troubled her a lot in the Orc Dungeon, often causing her to get mobbed since I healed slower than other Acolytes, or even healing the bat she was attacking… ;;

I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without her, so she's here in this story as Kasumi's mentor. ;;;

Coral [To-be Monk]

Joanne's character on RO. I hardly ever train with her much, since our timing to go online isn't exactly very… in-sync. But she's still prooved to be a great support for me to persist with my levelling up. Training with her occasionally is great fun too, hopefully I'll be able to train more with her in the future.

As mentioned by Kasumi, she's one of the few people who don't really bother to sympathize with me when I get into those moods once in a while. But she tries. Somehow. =3

Fubuki [Sniper]

Minte's actual husband in the game. I don't know what I can say about him, except that I hope he has enjoyed my presence as the world's brightest personal lightbulb. Oh, and don't kill me because of this story. I need to live, okay?

Since guys are Pros on RO, he has been a great Pro on teaching me where to go. I thank him for that.

Swordie training in Payon Cave

; Will add more about her in the next Chapter. Catherine-san's RO character, but I've never really met her online before, thus am making her up as I go.

The Merchant Dude

Probably the Hero, if Kasumi's meant to be the Heroine. He's a mix of Terry's Blacksmith (who was once my hubby, who has now disappeared because Terry has decided RO was getting too boring for him) and my current Assasin hubby. ; More about him next chapter, I suppose. Though I really enjoy writing his speeches…

To Terry (if you ever get to read this), thanks for being a great hubby. is fwapped off ; Though you're off RO now, I'll never forget joo and all you have done for meh.

I would write something for my current hubby now, if he understood English. But well… ll

(-- finds this Current hubby/ex hubby talk kind of embarrassing… UU;; Please note that the marriage between my character and Terry's character was just for plain fun. ; Nothing serious. nodnod)

More characters will be added in later chapters… I couldn't fit everyone in this, so yea…

Final note to everyone who has helped/befriended my Priest on RO – I love you all, and RO will be nothing without everyone! I have, and will try to continue to, remember all of your names.

Thank you.