Asuma;

It doesn't bother me, hearing your name or seeing your face. I mean, after all, your face is the one I loved. Your quirky smiles, lively eyes, that beard of yours that I couldn't bring myself to ask you to shave, and that cigarette in your mouth that tilted up or down depending on your mood.

I… just wanted to tell you something. Okay, a lot of somethings – bear with me, please. I don't have a lot of time, so I'll just highlight the important bits. I had written a speech for your funeral and revised it quite a few times, but I ended up having to skip it because it was two scrolls long and it was raining that day, so I just left it at my apartment. I wish you were here in person so that I didn't have to talk to a slab of rock, but I guess if you were here, I wouldn't be telling you all this.

Those flowers you gave me a couple days ago? Thanks again. I love flowers very much. That particular bouquet had been in a vase on my bedside table, but when I heard what happened… well, the day after your funeral, I had them dried and pressed, and now they're framed above my bed in memory of you. I suppose, thinking back, I really didn't need something like that to remember you by. I could never forget you, Asuma; not in a thousand years.

Thanks for inviting me, but it seems I'll have to take a rain check on lunch. I'll hold onto it, even though… even though you're never coming back. I'm glad I knew you, Asuma. You were a great man, and I'm sure every one of your friends would agree. I guess you still are, but with… you know, little wings and a halo and wearing a flour sack. It's only to be expected, I suppose; you didn't have much better fashion sense while you were alive.

Who am I to criticize you like this, just because you can't stick up for yourself? I'm such an idiot. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. Maybe I could've done something if I had been there, or at least taken a hit for you. I would have taken all of them, Asuma, but I have a feeling you wouldn't have let me. That's you – hogging all the glory for yourself.

Gah, there I go again. I apologize. I guess I'm a little out of it today. Hey, at least you're not smoking anymore, right? I must admit, I honestly thought you'd die from lung cancer sometime in your sixties, and not from…

Who am I kidding? I'd give anything to have you back, smoking or not. I even miss choking on that smoke in the middle of a conversation, if you can believe it. I guess you only realize how precious something was to you after you've lost it. I also miss you scolding me for cheating in Shogi, although I think it only fitting to let you know that I let you win that last time.

Ha. I'm such a romantic fool, you know that? People think I'm all hard-core, that Jonin kunoichi from Konohagakure, but the truth is… I'm a real softy. I meant everything I just said, although if anyone asks, I'm denying it. Just to let you know. Say 'hi' to your dad for me, will you? I'm not going to torment myself by trying to imagine the Third Hokage in a flour sack, so send me a picture sometime. I'll invite you both to New Year's at my place, so don't disappoint, or I'll resurrect you just so that I can kill you myself.

Let me warn you in advance. Just because you're invisible, don't you dare start creeping around my apartment like Master Jiraiya, who, even sugarcoated, is still a perverted old man. Don't turn out like him, or I'll have your head, so help me.

I hope you're really happy, wherever you are. Don't drink too much, and don't walk home alone at night. Have fun. Be good. Go get 'em, tiger.

Yours eternally,

Kurenai