Pairing: Jate

Rating: T

Warning: Don´t know about you, but I needed Kleenex writing it. :o But, then again, I was an emotional mess yesterday, so... :P

Disclaimer: I don´t own Lost or its characters (sadly)

Author´s Note: I wrote this for a very dear friend of mine – Ozge. *hug* Happy birthday, hunni. I hope all of your wishes come true.

A VISIT

Kate groaned when she heard the sound of the doorbell, laid down back on the couch and covered her face with a pillow, hoping it would muffle the screams she wanted to howl at whoever it was on the door. Didn´t they know how difficult today was for her? Couldn't they understand that she didn't want all those calls, people wishing her Happy birthday, offering to take her out for a dinner or a walk or simply trying to continue meaningless chat in effort to keep her thoughts off of it. Off of him.

Claire offered to take Aaron to the beach, and Kate was grateful to her for it, not wanting to burden the boy with her lousy mood and not really having the strength to pretend she was happy for his sake, when all she wanted to do was curl on the couch and cry until she exhausted herself to sleep.

The bell rang again. She considered just ignoring it and pretending she wasn´t home, hoping that whoever it was would take the hint and leave, but it became clear to her soon that the person outside wasn´t the one to give up that easily; so, as the bell rang the fourth time, she finally stood up, cursing under her breath.

The day had already started lousy. She had been awoken by a pair of little hands clutching her face, opening her eyes to find Aaron sitting on her stomach, staring at her sweetly, his hair still ruffled from sleep.

˝Happy bufday, Mummy. ˝he mumbled; then leaned down to shower her face with smooches, making her smile despite the dread she had been feeling as that particular day was approaching.

He was the reason why she got up in the first place, a birthday still considered a sacred day in the eyes of a three, almost four year old boy. If it had been for her, she would've just stayed in the bed all day long, mourning the loss she wasn´t sure she would, or better, could ever recover from. They say time heals everything, but, for her, each day was more difficult than the previous, another reminder that he wasn´t there anymore and he would never come back to her. But, she could see the excitement in Aaron´s eyes and decided to play along, letting him drag her out of the bed and lead her downstairs, tugging at her hand across the living room and into the kitchen. There, they found Claire, an apron around her waist, making pancakes.

Claire turned around as they entered the room, greeting Kate with a warm smile.

˝Morning. ˝she said sweetly, going around the table and pressing a small kiss on Kate´s cheek. ˝Happy birthday. I know you didn´t want anything big, but Aaron insisted we made you pancakes. I hope you don't mind. ˝she said apologetically.

Kate smiled. ˝It´s okay. I know how persuasive he can be. ˝she said, making them both smile.

Kate placed herself down on the chair Aaron pointed to her and took a sip of her coffee. He kissed her once more; smiled secretly; then told her she better hurry with her coffee ´cause he had a present for her and didn´t want her to accidentally spill the coffee over it. Kate promised him she would and the two woman watched him run off from the kitchen and sprint upstairs, their smiles revealing how much they both loved that little boy.

Kate heard the sound of his footsteps returning, and she gulped down all her coffee in one sip, winking at Claire. Soon enough, the boy was back and he stood in front of Kate, holding a paper in his hand, careful to face it towards his body so that she couldn't see what was on it. He crawled up on her lap, setting himself comfortably and instructing her to close her eyes. She did what she was told and waited until he gave her the green light, her gaze falling upon a messy child´s drawing in front of her, her eyes immediately tearing up at the sight of it. there were three persons standing on the grass – she assumed it was supposed to represent their favorite park, a couple of blocks from their house – two women, one blonde, one brunette, a small blonde boy between them, holding hand of both of them. But it was not that that caught her attention. Above the three of them, looking down from what she believed must be clouds, was another face. And even though it was made out of basic geometrical shapes kids Aaron´s age draw people, Kate immediately knew who that face was representing.

˝…and this is uncle Jack, watching ovel us from heaven. ˝Aaron finished his explanation, his voice becoming a bit quieter on that last part.

Kate tried to block away the tears that were threatening to explode, managing to tell Aaron how beautiful the drawing was, thank him and give him a gentle kiss on the cheek, but that was about all the control she had left. Claire saw she was on the edge of breaking down, so she quickly chipped in, suggesting Aaron they go in the garden to get some fresh flowers for Kate; Kate giving her a grateful look, managing to hold herself off until she heard the door closing behind them; and then breaking down, wrapping her arms around her body and hugging herself tightly, as fresh tears dropped down on the table, soaking the paper in front of her…

˝I´m coming! ˝she yelled, crossing the hallway, ready to tell whoever it was to leave her alone and close the door to their face. She took hold of the door handle and opened the door; her gaze falling upon a face she last expected to show on her doorstep.

˝Hurley! ˝she gasped in surprise, throwing herself in his welcoming arms, hugging him tightly and not letting go, feeling like she was hugging a particularly soft and sweet teddy bear. Hurley didn't seem to have intention to let go of her anytime soon too, so they stood like that for a few minutes, holding onto each other. ˝What are you doing here? ˝she asked happily when she pulled away, forgetting for a moment all the bad that had happened, genuinely happy to see her old friend again.

Hurley seemed happy with her welcome, having been dreading the moment when he would have to look into her eyes again, considering the place he was coming from and everything that happened the last time he had seen her.

˝˝Had a few errands to do on the mainland, so I decided to visit my favorite ass-kicking golf girl, check to see if I still owned you those 10 thousand bucks. ˝he said, making her laugh. ˝Oh and, Happy birthday. ˝he said, giving her a bouquet of flowers she hadn't noticed him holding before.

˝Thanks. ˝she said shyly, and he shrugged his shoulders, smiling.

˝Well, come on in. ˝she offered, stepping aside to let him in.

Hurley took a step inside, his eyes landing on a framed photo of smiling Jack and Aaron at the playground, and he felt his chest tighten; but he covered it quickly, not wanting to make it even harder for Kate, at least not so early in his visit.

She made them coffee and they sat in the living room, on the couch, making small talk and exchanging infos on their lives now, both circling around the painful topic they both knew would have to arise. She told him about Aaron starting preschool and her and Claire trying to do the best to make this complicated situation easier for him to adjust; he told her about his and Ben´s adventures as the island´s guardians, making her laugh as he described to her his attempts to teach Ben to play golf.

They had been chatting for more than an hour before they ran out of all the topics to discuss, an awkward silence falling upon them as they both knew what followed next. Hurley was the first one to break it.

˝Kate…how are you? ˝he asked; his voice gentle, but also serious enough to let her know he wanted the truth and wouldn´t buy her putting on a brave face for him. She appreciated that.

˝Pretty fucked up. ˝she replied, surprising him; him not expecting to hear those words coming from her mouth. She paused and he waited, knowing she would continue when she could. ˝I miss him. ˝she told him, looking up at him. ˝I miss his voice, I miss his touches, I miss his kisses, heck, I even miss fighting with him. ˝she said, smiling slightly; her face turning serious again. ˝You know what I miss the most? ˝she asked, and Hurley shook his head.

Kate waited for a moment, not sure hot to put it in words. ˝I miss…I miss him being here for me and telling me everything will be okay. ˝she said finally, a single tear escaping her eye and sliding down her cheek. ˝No matter how hard life was sometimes, no matter how messed up everything was…somehow, he always knew to make me feel better. Make me believe it will pass. Calm me down. ˝

˝Yeah, he was good at it. ˝Hurley nodded. ˝I remember one time I was…˝

They had spent the next couple of hours talking about Jack, things he would do that made them laugh, things that annoyed them, his stubbornness, his will to hell people, his attempts of a joke.

Kate laughed. Somehow, talking with Hurley about Jack was easy. Easier than with anyone else. She wondered why. Maybe because she never had to pretend around him. He accepted everyone, the way they were, no acting, no that sense of falseness. He was simply…Hurley.

That was why his words surprised her.

˝Kate… I have to admit you something. ˝he told her. ˝When I told you I had come here to do some errands…. well, it wasn´t exactly true. ˝he said, looking at his feet. ˝Actually…I came to do just one errand. ˝he said, finally looking up at her, his face resembling the one of a puppy who had just had accident on a carpet.

She looked at him questioningly and then watched him pull something out of his pocket. An envelope. Without any words, he handed it to her.

˝Hurley…what´s this? ˝she asked slowly and turned it around in her hands, breath catching in her throat as she saw the familiar handwriting, thousands of emotions coming back to her all at once. In the middle of the envelope, with a black pen, was written one word: Kate.

˝He…uhm… he gave it to me to give you. Before he... you know. ˝

Kate felt another wave of tears welling in her eyes. Then she realized something. ˝Hurley´s, it´s…it´s been over a month. We talked on the phone, a couple of times. Why would…why would you hide something like this from me? ˝she asked, her voice bordering on angry.

˝I told him you´d say that. ˝he replied, smiling a sad smile; then looked up at her. ˝He didn't want me to. He made me promise I´d wait till this day. You know…your birthday and stuff. ˝he shrugged.

The first tear found its way down Kate´s cheek. Of course.

Hurley continued. ˝He…he also wanted me to bring you this. As…as his gift. ˝he said sadly, pulling out another envelope, a smaller one and giving it to her. ˝I couldn't understand why, but he said you would. ˝

Kate opened the envelope and carefully unwrapped the paper inside of it, folded a couple of times; letting out what was both a smile and a cry when her a dozen of slimly little bluish-black thingies fell out of it and rolled onto her palm. Guava seeds.

˝What´s a garden without guava? ˝she repeated his words fondly, small smile playing on her lips.

Hurley looked at her strangely; half curios-half worried about her mental sanity, not understanding why both her and Jack had almost the same smile while looking at the weird looking seeds in their hands. He fidgeted awkwardly in his seat; and Kate snapped out of it, putting her hand on his. ˝Thanks, Hurley. ˝

He started to get up.

˝You´re leaving already? ˝

˝Yeah, I have a plane to catch. Plus, I know you want to be alone to read it. ˝he said softly, and Kate smiled, leaning forward and kissing him on the cheek.

She followed him toward the door and their said their goodbyes.

˝Hurley? ˝she called for him and he stopped, turning around.

She stepped out, wrapping her arms around him and giving him a big hug. ˝Thank you. For everything. ˝she said, her eyes tearing up.

˝You´re welcome. And, Kate… it´ll get better. Slowly, but it will. ˝he said sadly, and she remembered he had lost the person he loved too.

She nodded and watched him leave; then went back into the house. She locked the door behind, knowing she still had a few hours left until Claire and Aaron returned, drew on the curtains, and disappeared upstairs. A couple of minutes later, she appeared at the top of the stairs again, wearing his shirt; going downstairs and finally curling herself up on the couch. She carefully tore the envelope open and pulled out a letter, gently caressing the paper with her fingers a couple of times before unfolding it. And then, with guava seeds in one hand and the letter in the other – the latest and last things she had of him – she started reading…

Hey, beautiful!

First of all, Happy birthday! I know you hate it when we make a big deal out of it, but it is a big deal, and you should enjoy it. I hope you weren´t too hard on Hurley for giving you this only now. The poor guy looked terrified when I told him he would have to hide it from you for a couple of weeks.

Speaking of angry… I know you´re probably pretty pissed off at me these days. I wish I could say I didn't deserve it, but I did. If it means anything, walking away from you on that cliff was probably the hardest thing I´ve ever done in my entire life… But I had to do it. And you had to leave. Don´t ever wish you hadn't – Aaron and Claire needed you. They still do. As for me…I hope you can forgive me one day.

Till then… I need you to make me a promise, Kate. Yeah, I know, as if that ever worked with you. ;) Last time I remember asking you this same thing, you did exactly the opposite, getting yourself caught again. But that´s okay, that´s one of the many things I love about you. I do hope you listen to this request, Kate. I´m not asking anything impossible, although it might seem like that to you now. But, trust me, it isn´t. and you´d make me happy, wherever…wherever it is I am…will be. Promise me…that you´ll try to go on with your life. That you´ll try to be happy. I´m not…I´m not asking you to forget about me. I know you won´t. I know you love me. You don't have to spend your life trying to prove that - to me, to yourself or to anyone else, Kate. I know it. But it doesn´t mean you should stop living too.

Be happy, Kate.

I love you,

always have and always will,

Jack.

p.s. Hope you liked the seeds. They worked as peace offer the last time, so I thought I should try my chances again. ;) I… Forgive me. I have to go now. And, Kate… nurture it, but don´t let it be the only plant in your garden.