Never Alone
One-Shot
Natara was sat in her long term hotel room with the lights off, only the faint sunset shone through the badly drawn curtains and reflected off her silent tears. She had her legs drawn up to her chest and gently rocked back and forth, trying her hardest to soothe the aching pain she felt deep within her heart. The funeral of her father, Raj Mansingh, had just ended and she didn't hesitate to rush off, leaving her sobbing mother and sister behind with the rest of her extending family. Sure, she felt bad for abandoning them but couldn't face the number of people who had gathered pity her. If she was true to herself then it was better to be alone right now. Alone meant no one could see her cry. Alone meant that no one would try to comfort her, making her cry even more and alone meant that she wouldn't have to face the harsh reality that was death. Natara knew that she could sit here for hours on end, feeling her heart wrench every second that she thought about it, and block the world out. Or that was the plan anyway.
Natara's phone buzzed with an incoming message, but she didn't bother to even check who it was from. Everyone at the precinct knew where she had gone today, and would probably be texting her, trying to make sure if she was alright. But in reality, that was the stupidest question to ask her right now. Of course she wasn't okay! Her father, who she had only just started to make amends with had left her and so soon after Ken's death.
Natara was still trying to cope with that harsh reality too, but she wasn't the worst one. Amy and Mal seemed to be taking it the hardest... especially Amy. She had changed completely... coming into work late, constant hangovers, the works. Although Mal tried to hide the sorrow and pain he felt, Natara knew from his change in attitude and the passing up of easy jokes that he wasn't okay. She could see it in his ever-shining sapphire blue eyes that he was hurting, but refused to show any emotion in front of her or anyone else. It was the foolish pride of the man, but she understood.
Natara's phone buzzed again, breaking her train of thought. Her hazel eyes flickered over to it, sat idly on the coffee table in front of her. She stared at it for a long moment, debating whether or not to check it. Eventually she cautiously reached over and held the cold object in her hands. Flipping open her phone, Natara looked down at the messages. One from her mother and one from... Mal. Her phone buzzed for a third time, then a forth and then again. She sighed heavily and threw the phone on the empty position on the sofa beside her. What would be the point in reading them? She thought, once again feeling her heart wrench inside her chest. Clutching it with her palm in a futile attempt to stop the pain, she moved onto her side so she was lying down. The sofa was uncomfortable, but it was closer than the bed and Natara didn't feel much like moving, fearing the hurt would return.
Natara had laid there for hours, completely losing track of time. Not that she minded in the slightest. She had watched, through a crack in the curtains, the sun set fully and the stars start to appear. They had dotted themselves in the murky navy sky creating constellations that she could never make out. The moon was whole for once and shed silver light across the busy city. Natara managed to drag herself from her strangely comfortable position and move closer to the window, newly fascinated by the amount of stars that could be seen. It was so rare in the polluted city, to see so many stars clear in the sky. She opened the curtains weakly and flopped onto her knees, looking up. The moonlight beamed down onto her face, highlighting her features. One star in particular stood out to her and it was the brightest one she could make out. This star was the one Raj used to point to whenever they went hunting or camping, he always used to tell her to look for that star when she was lonely or in need of guidance. Natara felt that this might be what she was searching for right now, but looking at it, she found that she didn't feel anything. Natara couldn't feel the support or comfort her father had promised her it would bring. New salty tears started forming in her eyes and as hard as she tried to fight them, she couldn't. Anytime she blinked, they would drop onto the floor, creating a small damp puddle on the carpet.
She hated it whenever she cried. Natara knew she was stronger than this and hardly ever let her emotions get the better of her. The only time she allowed herself to cry was when her best friend was killed or Neha was kidnapped and Mal comforted her, or when she thought Shawn died, or when Ken died... Her father was now added to her long list of people she missed and would never get back. Natara allowed herself to sob, despite feeling weak and vulnerable. She was beyond caring.
There was a sudden knock on her door and Natara jumped. She stared at the door for a long moment, considering whether or not to open it. Maybe it was a figment of her imagination... As Natara's unsteady heartbeat began to settle, she looked away from the door. Just my imag-
Her thoughts were interrupted by another knock, this one louder. It was shortly followed by a familiar voice, one that she had dreaded hearing today, but had a sneaky feeling it would appear sooner or later anyway.
"Natara? It's me, open up... please."
Natara sighed heavily and tapped her finger on the floor, arguing with herself in her head. Part of her screamed to let him in, the other part telling her not to and ignore it. She eventually came to a decision and stood up shakily. Her knees and legs ached from sitting down too long, but thankfully it wore off before she reached the door. Natara extended her hand and rested it on the doorknob, wrapping her fingers around the cold metal. She slowly, as if something awful was waiting her in the hallway, opened the door just an inch so she could peek out. Almost instantly, the entrance to her apartment was pushed open fully revealing Natara to the figure completely. There, stood in the doorway was her partner and best friend, Mal Fallon. She couldn't bear to look at him and hung her head, allowing her long ruffled hair to cover her face. Mal didn't hesitate to pull her into a tight hug and Natara didn't resist, she felt too numb. After a long moment, Mal led her inside and pushed the door closed, the faint clicking sound echoing through the hotel room.
"Natara," Mal said softly "I'm so sorry..."
Natara stole a glance at his deep blue eyes, seeing the heartache and pity. She despised the look of pity, it's what she ran away from at the funeral and now it had followed her here. Her fortress of solitude that no one could enter. No matter how much Natara had wanted to, she couldn't ignore Mal. Leaving him stood outside was just too hard. Now he was sat beside her, waiting patiently to see if she would answer. Quickly realising that it wasn't going to work, he placed his hand over hers and stroked her palm with his thumb tenderly. All the while Natara was trying her hardest not to show her tears, but was failing. Despite her attempts, when Mal took her hand the tears started to flow again.
"Hey now... it's alright."
Mal frowned and wrapped his arm around her shoulders comfortingly. Natara found she was leaning into the embrace and started burying herself into his chest.
"H-He's gone." Natara whimpered, her voice muffled by Mal's shirt.
"I know... I know."
Mal started stroking her silky hair soothingly, running it through his fingers and letting it fall back into place. He pulled her closer and started whispering comforting things in her ear until the tears ceased for a short while. There was a long, peaceful silence before Mal broke it with a hushed whisper.
"Natara let me explain something."
Natara nodded slightly and directed her gaze up, so she was looking Mal in the eye. He stroked her cheek and continued.
"I know how you're feeling right now... I felt the same way when my Mom died. I was young at the time, in my teenage years actually. You remember when we first met, and I told you that my Mom was a saint?"
"Y-yeah."
"Well, I meant it. She used to drag me to church every Sunday... that's why I was in choir, but we won't get into that."
Natara managed a diminutive smile and snuggled closer to Mal, enjoying the company, comfort and warmth his strong arms brought her.
"Anyway, when she was dying she gave me this."
Mal reached into his shirt and pulled out a small golden chain. Resting on the end of it was a golden cross. He removed it from around his neck and held it out to Natara in his open palm. She looked it over and rang her forefinger across the unique, beautiful design.
"It's lovely..." Natara mentioned.
"You know, I've never really been a religious guy, but Mom always told me that whenever I was worried, hurt or in need of guidance that I should use this."
"Use it?"
"Yep, use it to pray."
"Pray... hmm. Dad always told me to look up at that star if I needed guidance..."
"What star?"
Natara pulled away from the endless hug and stood up, once again walking over to the window. Mal watched her, before sauntering over as well. Natara was looking up at the sky and Mal tried to follow her gaze.
"That one."
Natara pointed up at the bright star and Mal smiled slightly. Natara sighed heavily and slumped to the ground, falling on her knees. She moved into a seated position and pulled her legs up to her chest again. Mal smiled sadly down at her and an idea struck his mind. He smirked and sat down behind her, wrapping his arms around her shapely waist and pulled her close to him. Natara glimpsed at Mal as he did this and looked at him puzzled. He reached his arms in front of her and took her hands. Natara felt something cold and noticed a chain interlaced between Mal's fingers. He placed his chin on her shoulder and stared down at their hands. Natara did the same. There was a brief moment of silence and Natara could feel Mal's hot breathe tickle her ear.
"Mal..." Natara started doubtfully. "Does it work?"
"Hmm?"
"Praying..."
"Oh, yeah... I guess it kind of does."
"What are you supposed to say? How do you even know if... anyone's listening?"
"I dunno, Mom always told me it's something you feel." Mal shrugged "It's hard to explain... we could try it?"
"I don't know, Mal... I'm not a big believer of the supernatural."
"Nat, I'm not saying you have to believe in anything, but it's comforting. Trust me."
"Well... okay, but just a short one."
Mal nodded appreciatively and held her hands tighter. Natara's sore eyes slid shut and Mal imitated her actions. He said a short, meaningful prayer that caused Natara to smile for the first time in ages. When it was over, Natara sighed contently feeling a slight weight lifted from her shoulders. Mal was right... even though they both didn't particularly believe in this sort of thing; it was still comforting to get it all out in the open. Before she even had a chance to object, Mal lifted the chain up and hooked it around her neck. She held the cross in her fingers and looked down at it. It hung just above her heart.
"Thank you." She whispered and leant back into his embrace.
They both sat there, in each other's arms for a couple of hours until Mal glanced at the wall clock. It read 8:38pm.
"Nat, come on there's somewhere I wanna take you."
Mal stood up and extended his hand to her. Natara took it and he pulled her up to her feet. Natara was still dressed in her funeral clothes, a long elegant black dress and high heeled shoes, but that didn't stop her following. Mal held her hand and led her down to his car. He jumped in the driver's seat and Natara slid in the passenger's side. He started the ignition and they headed towards the docks. The car journey was silent, the only sound coming from the bustling city. After around fifteen minutes, Mal pulled up on the pavement and climbed out. Natara was hesitant, but slowly followed his lead. They walked across the pavement until it separated off as sand. Mal had taken Natara to the beach that seemed vast and empty. There wasn't a single soul in sight.
"Mal... why are we here?"
"You'll see." he said before walking onto the sand and towards the sea.
Natara felt uneasy by the sudden distance, feeling the cold wind whip her skin. She removed her shoes and jogged after him, feeling the cool sand between her toes. Mal stopped at the edge of the sea, just before the waves could get him. Slowing to a walk, Natara stepped a little further in, allowing the gentle waves lap at her feet and drench the bottom of her black dress, which flowed gracefully in the wind. Her eyes slid shut and she took a deep cleansing breath. Mal stood in silence, waiting for her to finish whatever it was that she was doing. He wanted this to happen. Wanted her to relax and forget about the hurt and pain she felt from Raj's death, even if it was only for one night.
Natara tilted her head so she could see Mal and reached out her hand to him. She smiled sadly at him and gestured for him to come over. He shook his head but did take her hand and hold it. Natara was cunning at this point though and yanked him forward. The water splashed them both and little droplets landed on their clothes and faces. The salty tears were now replaced with the seas salty water. Natara giggled for the first time since her father's death, making Mal grin. He smirked mischievously and cupped some water in his hands.
"No, I mean it Mal! Don't you da-ahh!"
Mal threw the water over Natara, making her scream. Her hair was wet and stuck to her face. Mal chuckled, water dripping from his palms. Natara tried to fake annoyance but found she was unable to. Instead, she retorted and splashed some water over Mal. Both of them laughing, Natara fled up the beach, water splashing into the air and landing all around her, creating ripples in the ocean. Mal sprinted after her, but she was impossibly fast and he struggled to keep up. Eventually she started running out of breath and slowed to a quick jog, giving Mal the advantage. He quickly caught up with her and swept her up into his arms. She squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck for support. They were both damp and freezing, but none of them cared. Natara was laughing considerably loud and her voice echoed through the night. Mal loved it when she laughed, especially if it was during a hard time like now. It meant, to him, that she had started on the road to recovery and that was all he had wanted her to do from the moment she had gotten that phone call.
He remembered how her joyful presence had disappeared almost instantly, as she fled the precinct hot tears rushing onto her cheeks. Mal hadn't given it a second thought to go after her, eventually catching up to find her collapsed on the ground, releasing heartbreaking sobs. Bystanders gazed upon her as if she was mad, but neither of them had cared even the slightest bit. Mal had held her close in the middle of that street, she was unable to talk for a long time and unable to stop the flow of tears. Only when he had managed to calm her down enough so she could breathe that she was able to tell him the news and in all honesty, he was utterly shocked and for a split second he didn't want to believe her.
Natara was looking into Mal's eyes as he reminisced and her smile faltered a little.
"Mal?"
"Hmm? Oh, sorry."
He gently set her down back onto the sand and hoped the night hid the light blush that crept onto his cheeks. Natara looked down to the ground, water droplets dripping off the tips of her hair and landing on the ground silently. Neither of them spoke for a brief moment but then Mal bit his lower lip and stepped a little closer to Natara. He cupped his hand on Natara's wet cheek and raised her head so she looked him in the eye.
"Shall we head back?"
"... Yeah, sure."
Mal detected some uncertainty in her voice, so when she turned and started to walk back up the beach he reached out and held onto her wrist lightly. Natara looked back at him with a confused look, but he just flashed her his signature Fallon smile.
"We don't have to leave, I was just asking Nat."
He noticed a small smile tug at the corner of her plump, peach lips. She nodded slightly and moved back over to him. They sat down in sync and stared up at the stars. The bright moon illuminated the night sky and shone down, creating white light amongst the gentle ocean waves. Natara was hesitant but shuffled a little closer to Mal. If she was honest to herself, she preferred to be near him during harsh times knowing that he always managed to help her. Mal lifted his arm up, gesturing for Natara to fill the spot, which she instantly did. He pulled her close and she rested her head in the space between his neck and shoulder. Much to her surprise, he reclined back onto the sand taking her with him. She shifted into a more comfortable position and snuggled up closer to him, until there was no space between them. Mal didn't seem to mind at all, which relieved Natara. She reached down to the golden cross resting against her chest and smiled. Not for the symbol of Christianity, but because Mal had given it her and it brought her the one thing she craved right now; comfort.
They both lay there together until the night time died and dawn broke through the horizon of San Francisco. They had talked the entire night and whenever Natara felt dread or pain return, Mal was there to reassure and comfort her. Mal checked his watch and bit his lip. Natara knew what he was going to say before he even said it and stood up, stretching. Mal got up shortly after her and they looked into each other's eyes for a long, blissful moment. Mal slipped his hand into Natara's and entwined their fingers together. Walking back up the beach, Natara felt completely relaxed for the first time in a long time.
The reason? She knew that no matter what pain or sorrow she may have to face from this moment onward, Mal would always be there for her. Always. She'd never be alone.