I have to admit, I haven't watched all of Downton Abbey... I know the history and the characters, but haven't been interested in re-watching it. Through tumblr, the wikia and other sites, I have gathered my own opinions... and just know, I am writing this as a huge "Bedith" fan...
This originally was a one-shot... and now, it's a sequel of sorts to "A Moment to Remember"... the title may change to reflect it...
Lady Edith Crawley settled into her bed and pulled out her journal- her true companion. Ever since the fire had destroyed her previous ones, this one had become one of her most prized possessions. It was where so many thoughts were written down, so many changes, so many dreams and heartbreak. But tonight, it would be a happy, joyful and full of love entry. On her left hand she now wore the ring given to her by her fiancee Bertie Pelham. She couldn't wait until the next time she saw him again...
As I sit here, I find myself in a contemplative mood. As I look back over time, I find the journey I am on has only just begun. I am not the same woman that I was when the Titanic sank... I now know more who I was meant to be, and I am content. I finally grew up and grew out of Mary's shadow and to some extent, even Sybil's.
I wonder if I had met Bertie back then if I would have given him the time of day, and the answer unfortunately would have been no. I was too selfish to give him the light of day. I had my eyes set on outdoing my sisters, and I was ready to do whatever it took. While Sir Anthony broke my heart at the altar, I can understand now why he did it. When he left me, he forced me to grow up. While I may have been content to be his nursemaid the rest of my life, I never would have found my purpose. So, he left me and forced me to look inside and embrace the writer I had always been but was hidden inside trying to find a man...
Being a writer was a dream come true, and it led me to Michael. Michael allowed me to grow up in front of him. When I was with him, I was a better person... but his being married always held us back. I gave my heart and soul to him, and it broke me when he died... but he left me the thing that caused me to grow even stronger... Marigold.
Marigold can never be called a mistake... she's a lovely gift. I was given her when I needed her the most. When I became her mother, I became a better person. Through the trials and tribulations of the Drewes, I continued to grow up. I found myself standing on my own two feet for the first time... and owning up to my mistakes. The night before I met Bertie, Papa told me he knew that Marigold was my daughter... and I needed his forgiveness and love... in order for me to accept the love of another man.
Bertie was and always has been wonderful to me. He gave me the time of day and listened to my questions. When I met him at Brancaster, there was an ease of conversation. The old Edith would have looked down on him, but I found myself looking at him through the eyes of someone else who had been misunderstood. Nobody gave us the time of day, and everyone felt sorry for us... and that brought us together...
When we met again in London, he became a champion. He didn't have to help me put out the paper, he chose too... and he grew in my eyes. He no longer was the agent, he was becoming something more... Our first kiss only solidified it... and the fact that he could love me... just as I was... completely mystified me. How could a man as wonderful as Bertie love me just as I was?
Of course, I nearly ended it when I never told him about Marigold... I admit, I had many chances, but I didn't... Each time, I was afraid this sense of happiness would be shattered... that I didn't deserve a man as wonderful as him... and then my world came toppling down. He became the Marquess, and it scared me... his description of his mother nearly sent me running... and I couldn't find my voice... and Mary did the awful deed of telling him... and he left... and while I blamed Mary... I could also blame myself.
The month without him made me pick myself back up. I wasn't the weak woman I was after Sir Anthony... I wasn't in grief as I was with the death of Michael... I was a strong woman who knew herself. I had a plan for my life and I would live it. Even if I was a spinster, I would live my life and be me... but, in my heart, I knew if I was ever given another chance with any other man I would be upfront and honest about Marigold... losing Bertie taught me that much...
When I saw him at the Ritz, I was taken aback... at first, I put up a shell to protect myself and then I saw his heart break. He truly was broken at the thought of losing me... It's one of the things I love the most about Bertie... he's not afraid to show his emotions... and instead of making him weak in my eyes, it only makes him stronger for he believes in himself enough to be honest.
After the conversation with Papa at Brancaster, I knew I had to tell the truth. I wasn't waiting on his approval, per se, but I realized that now was the time to be honest. If I lost Bertie because of this, so be it. I couldn't imagine living at Brancaster in a lie... and if I hadn't told Mother Pelham, I would have been... so, I did... and I was prepared once more for heartbreak, for disapproval... and instead, I received mercy and grace. When I heard what Mother Pelham had said about me, I realized I had made the right decision... and this decision wouldn't come back to haunt me...
And now, with this ring on my finger, I can begin to plan the wedding of my dreams. It won't be rushed in the planning... each thing will be perfect. I must take the time, this time, to reflect on it... and remember, that while I may be the center of attention, the world doesn't revolve around me. I did that the last time I was to be the bride, and I became unbearable. Even if Mary announces she's pregnant and steals my thunder the day of the wedding, I won't care... for all that matters is that by the end of the day I will be the wife of the man I love, Bertie.
Bertie... may I always remember how I met you, how I love you, how you became my champion, my hero, my comfort, my companion, my best friend... How I hope and pray that Marigold finds you to be the father I couldn't have imagined for her when her own father died... may we have a son that grows up like his father and treats his future bride like a princess.
From the ashes of that fire, I have risen... I am stronger, refined and myself. I am ready to grow as I go forward with Bertie by my side...
With that last line, Edith closed her diary and went to sleep dreaming of the day she would walk down to meet her prince at the altar...
The new plan is to use the journal entries as time marches forward from when the show leaves it in September to the 29th of December.
Reviews, likes, comments and/or suggestions are wonderful...