This was originally going to be a "Dear Diary" thing, but I thought better of it because, for one, it's probably way overdone, and two, I really wanted to do dialogue and actions in here, not just thoughts. Set after the season finale. All the couples are mentioned in the second paragraph, so I really don't think I have to mention them here, except the heavy Kurt/Mercedes friendship. Yes, Sam is in this one, I know he isn't in the show yet, but I wanted to write what Mercedes would be thinking after her best friend gets a boyfriend. And we're pretending for now that he's also in Glee. And I had to make up a last name for him. Mercedes's POV. And the beach I mention is by the Ottawa River. I did my research, and it does run through Lima. But I made a little blocked off part. I don't know if it's real or not, I just thought it would fit the situation.
DISCLAIMER- Seriously, how many times do I have to tell you people? I. Don't. Own. Glee. I have a burning passion for it, but I definitely don't own it.
During Glee today, I watched everyone file into the choir room after school, all hand-in-hand, or at least walking next to someone.
Finn with Rachel. Puck with Quinn. Artie with Tina. Brittany with Santana. Mike with Matt (as friends, of course). Kurt with Sam.
And me with no one.
How come I'm the only one without a boyfriend? Or girlfriend, even? Is it just the lack of black people in this school or what?
Even Kurt found someone. And, let's face it, that's about as impossible as Artie winning a sprint in the Olympics. He's possibly the only gay guy in this whole freaking city, and HE even found another boy to love him.
Kurt and I used to be so close. It was almost like we were dating, until he set me straight and told me he was gay. After lying to me about being in love with Rachel.
No, I'm not going to dwell on the fact that my best friend lied to me. All was forgiven and forgotten when he came out. I mean, even I wouldn't come out as gay in such a casual, public scene.
"Love!" Mr. Schue's voice broke my train of thought. "That's your assignment for this week. Find a partner that you truly love, friendly or otherwise, and sing a duet of a song that expresses those feelings to each other." I then saw just about every couple in that room clasp hands with their significant other, with the exception of Mike and Matt. Mr. Schue's eyes flickered toward me for a split second before he moved on. "Now, I realize there's an odd number of people in here, so if there is going to be a group of three, please tell me now. If not, the odd one out can work alone."
What a lovely choice of words, Mr. Schue…
"Mercedes is working with us!" Kurt called from his seat next to her. Next to him, Sam excitedly nodded his approval. They both looked over at me with kind smiles that I didn't return. I looked at Mr. Schue, who was looking at me, as if asking me if it was okay, and gave a short nod. He clapped his hands together.
"Okay, there's one group. Now, everyone else, please tell me who you're working with after class, alright?" Everyone nodded feverishly as they all went up around the piano for their warm-ups.
After Glee was over, I quickly walked out of the choir room, being careful not to make eye contact with anyone, especially Kurt and Sam.
Well, it wouldn't really matter anyway. They were too busy making googly eyes at each other to even notice that I left. I have a feeling I'm going to be eating lunch alone for the next week.
To be honest, I'm really happy for them. Kurt is so happy now that he found a boyfriend, and he IS my best friend. It would be cruel NOT to be happy for him.
He's smiling all the time now, it's so nice to see. Before Sam came into the picture, he wasn't nearly as giddy. Well, he was on the outside, but on the inside, the poor guy was torn and ripped into way too many pieces. I used to be the one he would turn to. I used to be his shoulder to cry on. I used to be his source of comfort.
But now, that source of comfort is Sam.
I can't deny it anymore. I'm jealous. Beyond jealous. I'm green with envy.
Ever since he and Sam got together, they've been walking down the hallways with their fingers intertwined, giggling like little girls. They've been passing each other "secret" love notes all through class, with me in between them as basically the letter carrier. They've been eating lunch together and feeding each other Caesar salads, grapes, and for dessert, strawberries with whipped cream, with me at the same table, just watching in disgust. They're so cute of a couple, it makes me sick to have to watch them every day.
Actually, today in Glee, that was the first time Kurt even acknowledged that I existed ever since he and Sam became an item.
After what seemed like an eternity, I finally made it to my locker. I opened it and threw my books and things into it with such force that the metal made a clashing noise that made people at the other end of the hall stare in my direction. As I zipped my backpack shut, homework enclosed, I saw the last person I wanted to see skipping down the hall with that stupid, goofy grin on his face that he always wore.
"Hey, BooBear" Kurt said happily, using that retched nickname I used to think was adorable.
Without looking away from my locker, I replied, "Hi. Where's Sam?" I said that last word with a bit of disgust.
"Bathroom" he said. "He said he'll meet us here so we can go over to his place and work on the song we'll be singing."
I closed my eyes and heaved a big sigh, which unfortunately went unnoticed by Kurt, and contemplated if I wanted to question him on why he picked me to be in his group or not. I decided not to ask. I really didn't want any trouble.
Just then, the hyped-up-on-sugar, blonde singing football player that is Sam Parker appeared behind us, wrapping his arms around Kurt's waist. Kurt squeaked in surprise, then turned around to smile at his boyfriend and kiss his cheek. I, for once, was glad they didn't acknowledge me so they couldn't see my eye roll. Sam then looked over at me and gave me that million watt smile he always did.
"Hi Mercedes" he said. "You're coming over, right?"
I closed my locker with a slam and swung my backpack over my shoulder. "I don't think so."
The smile went away. Sam cocked his head sideways in wonder. "Why not? We have to practice."
"I know" I replied. "My parents are going out tonight, they want me home before they leave, and they don't want me going out while they're gone. It's a parental thing, I guess…" It wasn't a TOTAL lie.
My parents DID have those rules whenever they went out. I had to be home before they left and I couldn't have friends over or go anywhere while they were gone.
But, today, that wasn't happening. My parents were staying in tonight. I just wanted an excuse to not practice with the two people I wanted to be around the least.
Before they could say anything, I was walking away from them and heading down the stairs to the front door. Behind me, I could hear their voices calling my name.
That only made me walk faster. I didn't wanna have to deal with them anymore today. I know, I'm being overdramatic, but hey, I'm a girl. It's what we do.
As soon as I got to the parking lot, I peeked behind me and saw them coming out of the school doors, their eyes locked on me the whole time. I sighed and completely forgot my car as I took off for the sidewalk.
That seemed to leave them a bit confused because they stopped and I got to be more ahead of them. I knew the perfect place I could go where they won't find me and harass me nonstop.
I picked up the pace as I heard footsteps on the pavement behind me. They were faint, but then again, I'm racing against skin-and-bones and a football player. They'll catch up with me soon enough.
Then I saw it. A little, dirt path leading into a mass of trees that covered the entrance. You needed more than just the naked eye to see the opening. I'd used it plenty of times before, mostly to get away from Rachel or anyone else in Glee Club that was annoying as hell.
What most people don't know is that it's kind of a secret passageway to the Ottawa River that runs through Lima. It's a blocked off part of the river that no one knows how to get to or where it is, except me. No one is ever here. That's how I always ended up being able to hide away from everyone else. Once I took off into that path, no one knew where I went, so they just gave up.
I finally made it to the opening and, checking to make sure Kurt and Sam weren't looking, I quickly slipped onto the beaten path and paced down to the river.
I was welcomed with the familiar sound of rushing water, the scent of wet sand and rocks, and the feeling of the fresh air that always seemed to inhabit my secret hideaway.
I slowly took off my purple high heels and carried them down to where the bank was. The feeling of the warm sand between my toes was almost homey.
I'd been here so much that I had gone to leaving an umbrella, a towel, and a lawn chair down by my favorite rock. It was the first rock I ever sat up against when I first came here. It was right along the bank and close enough to the water that I could dip my feet in.
I always came back to that rock. It was like a second home to me. Except, now that I have a chair, I don't need to sit on the sand anymore.
Once I waded through the sand to my special place, I slowly sat down into my lawn chair. It was overlooking the water crashing up against the bank. The river was a nice distraction from the troubles of everyday life.
Then, I just remembered why I was there.
I had just run away from my best friend, and why? Because I was jealous of his new boyfriend.
His new boyfriend who happened to be everything anyone ever wanted in a significant other. He was sweet, caring, funny, and affectionate. He didn't judge or label. He was a football player with a chiseled body, a nice tan, and the voice of an angel.
Maybe this has nothing to do with the fact that Kurt was ignoring me for Sam. Okay, I can't overlook that part, that was definitely a portion of the problem.
Maybe I wanted Sam for myself…or at least, someone like him.
Life is so unfair sometimes. The only two people I'd ever had crushes on both happened to be gay and they had the hots for each other. Maybe I just have really bad luck.
But why can't I find a nice, straight guy? Or, heck, even a nice, lesbian girl? I wouldn't mind that, if it means I had someone sweet and warm to cuddle with at night. Why do all the good guys have to be gay and all the lesbian girls have to be mean?
"Mercedes?" a high voice called from behind me. I froze.
It couldn't be. No one knows where this place is, how could he find me? This is supposed to be my personal bubble!
I didn't dare look back. I couldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that I was kind of actually happy to see him. Or, I would've been if this was anytime last year.
His footsteps got closer, and I could tell Sam was with him. I felt a familiar hand on my shoulder. "What do you want?" I asked in as cold of a voice as I could muster.
He sat down in the sand next to me and took a hold of my hand. He gripped it so tight that I couldn't pull away. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Why'd you run away from us like that? And why did you lie about your parents going out?"
I sighed. Kurt could even tell when I was lying. Only a best friend or family member could know you that well. "Okay, in this order, I'm sick of being ignored by you because you have a new cute boy toy, you just volunteered me to be in your group without even asking me if it was okay, and I don't wanna practice with you and him because all you'll be doing is gaping at each other while I'm left out in the cold somewhere. Does that answer your questions?" I looked at him while I snapped that last sentence and his eyes just answered everything for me.
Hurt. Surprise. Sadness. A little anger was mixed in there too, probably because I just insulted his boyfriend.
"Mercedes…" he started, but I couldn't let him finish.
"Just forget it…"
I heard him say Sam's name, then jerk his head in the direction of the path leading into my personal space.
"I know, I know. I'm outta here." He walked away with Kurt looking after him. After a bit, I guess after Kurt saw him disappear onto the path leading to the sidewalk, he turned back to me. He moved so he was kneeling in front of me instead of sitting next to me.
"I'm really sorry, sweetie" he said, both of his hands now grasping mine with incredible force. I could've sworn I saw tears form in his eyes with the next thing he said.
"I'm really sorry for ignoring you. I didn't mean to, I swear. It's just…Sam makes me so happy…"
I suddenly found my voice again. "Oh, and I don't?" I yelled. Seeing Kurt's scared eyes, I softened my tone a bit. "Kurt, I realize you like Sam, and he likes you, but just because you have a boyfriend doesn't mean you can ignore your friends. We've been friends longer than you've even known Sam, but the minute he comes along, you throw me out like yesterday's garbage! We used to be such good friends! What happened to that?"
I was back to yelling, and to tell you the truth, it felt kind of good to get out everything that I've been bottling up all semester.
Suddenly, all that anger turned into tears. I was crying. I hardly ever cried, especially in front of Kurt. I was supposed to be the tough one, the one who could always control her emotions. I guess that's all out of the bag now.
I felt Kurt get up and situate himself on my lap before throwing his arms around my neck in a hug. "Don't cry, honey. Shh. It's okay." He kissed my cheek gently.
To my own surprise, I found myself wrapping my own arms around Kurt's skinny waist. This was the closeness I was missing and I figured I might as well take it while I can, even if I am mad at him.
I buried my face into the crook of his neck, wetting his collar with salty tears. This felt good, too. I already have all my anger out, now I'm getting my sadness out.
"Kurt…?" I found myself asking. He pulled away slightly to look me in the eyes. "I should be the one to apologize…"
Kurt's brows knitted together in confusion. "Why? You didn't do anything wrong."
"Yes I did" I said, sniffling. He used the pad of his thumb to wipe away a stray tear that was finding it's way down my cheek. "I took out my jealousy on you…"
"Wait a minute" Kurt interjected. "You were jealous of me?" At my nod, he went on. "Why? What did I do?"
"Nothing, really" I stated. "It wasn't you, it was me. I was just…lonely, I guess you could say. I was jealous that everyone in Glee, even you, no offense intended, found someone. It just wasn't fair. I mean, you're the only gay guy in school and yet, you even found someone before I did. I guess that's how the anger and resentment toward you and Sam started…"
He smiled warmly and pushed strands of hair behind my ear. "It'll happen for you. I know it will." He was silent for a second or two as he stroked my hair. "But, I'm still sorry I've been ignoring you. Now that I think about it, I have been spending a lot of my extra time with Sam…and I wasn't being considerate to you, either, making you give him my notes in class and stuff…"
I gave him a small smile. "It's okay. I know that when you find a new lover, you tend to lose touch with everyone and everything else around you."
Kurt put one arm behind my back and leaned into my body. "Yeah, but I still wanna make it up to you. How about we do a movie and spa night, like we used to? I know it'll help you relax." I smiled and nodded my 'okay'.
"Great! And I promise, in the future, I'll spend more time with you. I think I can balance my friend time and my lover time. Don't tell Sam this, but I think I might end up spending more time with you, Tina, Artie, and Quinn than with him. Shh!" He put his index finger in front of his mouth like my second grade teacher used to do when we were getting too loud.
That made me laugh. Kurt could always do that.
We sat there, watching the rushing river, for a good five minutes before we remembered that Sam was still waiting for us outside the opening.
As we both got up, we interlocked our arms and made our way back up to the path.
I would never forget that day. The day I remembered…that I do have someone.
Okay, this idea was eating away at me until I just had to write it down. I'm really excited to see Mercedes's reaction to Kurt getting a boyfriend in the second season. This was just my take on it. Anyway, please review! Don't make me go out to a river and cry!