I sat there, wanting nothing more than for him to appear and hold me like he used to. I wanted him back. I couldn't believe how I'd hurt him. It wasn't payback for him leaving me, for him tearing my heart to shreds, I'd been scared. I didn't want to cheat on him with Jacob. I needed Edward back.
Sitting there on the couch, staring at nothing, memories flashed across my vision, memories of what happened after I left, when I left. Memories of everything that ever happened.
I miss those green eyes...
I missed the way he used to look at me, his deep, emerald green eyes boring into mine. As if he could see into my soul. He knew what I was thinking, though he couldn't read see into my mind. It was just how Edward and I were, we knew what the other was feeling, what the other was thinking.
How you kiss me at night...
A tear rolled down my cheek as I remembered all the times he kissed me, on the forehead, the hand, the lips. He'd always kiss me before he let me snuggle up to him and go to sleep.
I miss the way we sleep...
We always had slept, cuddled up together. A lovers embrace. I could still remember the way he smelled, the sweet scent that made my head spin. The way he was always so careful with me, though we were both human, like he would break me if he wasn't careful.
Like there's no sunrise,
Like the taste of your smile,
I miss the way we breathe.
It seemed like there was a blackness over everything, my whole life. Like the sun never rose, nor set anymore, though I knew it did. It hurt so much to not have him here with me. I missed when he smiled at me, the way I made him happy, the love in his eyes everytime he looked at me. I missed the way I could make his breath turn ragged by kissing him, and how our heartbeats sped up as we breathed heavily, kissing, a deadly passion, leading to more, making love to one another. The way everything seemed perfect with him. How I fit perfectly into his embrace.
But I never told you,
What I should have said,
No, I never told you,
I just held it in.
I remembered with perfect clarity how I'd told him that I loved him too many times to count, how many times he'd said it as well. But I didn't tell him when I left, I didn't tell him that I was doing this because I was scared, because I didn't want to hurt him more than I was. I loved him too much, I just wished he would understand.
And now,
I miss everything about you,
I can't believe that I still want you,
After all the things we've been through,
I miss everything about you,
Without you...
Without him, there was nothing, and I missed him like crazy. It was like nothing would ever be the same. It seemed like it had been an eternity, living in Hell, since I'd left him, since I'd ended things. And for what? What did I benefit from this? What did he get from all this? Nothing, absolutely nothing!
I walked over to the lamp, I picked it up. I could remember when Edward and I had gone to pick it up at a yard sale, the way I'd showed it to him, the way he'd looked at me, saying that it was perfect for our small house. It looked so old, but it was perfect, just like him. He was perfect. Why had I ruined things?
I see your green eyes,
Everytime I close mine,
You make it hard to see,
Where I belong to,
When I'm not around you,
It's like I'm not with me...
I threw the lamp at the nearest wall, not even flinching at the sound of the shattering glass. I didn't care anymore. Not about any of the things we'd bought in our time together. I only wanted him back, I just wanted him to hold me and tell me that he was here, that I was safe, that he would leave, even if I wanted him to. He should know that I would never want that again. I never did.
But I never told you,
What I should have told you,
No, I never told you,
I just held it in...
There was a knock at the door, a pounding after whoever it was heard the glass breaking. I walked over to the door, not wanting to open it. There were tears running endlessly down my cheeks, never stopping, I didn't care if they never did. I'd rather spend the rest of my life crying than not spending it with Edward.
And now,
I miss everything about you,
I can't believe that I still want you,
After all the things we've been through,
I miss everything about you,
Without you...
"Bella, please open the door!" I knew that voice, all too well. I didn't hesitate, I swung open the door and was swept into his arms, sobbing. Both of us sobbing, tears streaking down our faces. We pressed closer to one another. "I love you," he said, and he kissed me, full of passion, full of longing.
But I never told you,
What I should have said,
No, I never told you,
I just held it in.
And now,
I miss everything about you,
I can't believe that I still want you,
After all the things we've been through,
I miss everything about you,
Without you.
I loved being in his arms again, knowing that's where I'd be for the rest of my life. "I'm so sorry, Edward," I said, begging him with my eyes to forgive me.
"Shhh...don't apologize, love. It's okay. I forgive you. I love you, Isabella Marie Cullen. Forever, nothing could ever change that."
You're more than a lover,
There could never be another,
To make me feel the way you do,
And, oh, we just get closer,
I fall in love all over,
Everytime I look at you...
I don't know where I'd be,
Without you here with me,
My life with you makes perfect sense.
You're my best friend.