Author's Note: Brittana plot bunnies have very sharp teeth. Pezberry is still my OTP, but Brittana is pretty freaking adorable, too. Not sure about this fic, might be a bit choppy, but I hope you enjoy. Also, let me know if it's confusing at all, there are supposed to be scene breaks, but took them out and I'm tired and sick. I'll probably fix it tomorrow.
By the beginning of junior year, Brittany and Santana are dating. At least, that's how Brittany sees it. Santana continues to insist that sex isn't dating and while Brittany agrees with her, she knows Santana is pointedly ignoring everything else that, for Brittany, is proof of their relationship.
The summer after freshmen year Santana kisses Brittany for the first time. Brittany kisses back, because kissing is fun. Trouble is, kissing Santana is way more fun than kissing boys.
"S?" Brittany starts out one summer afternoon that July when she and Santana are sitting on Brittany's bed.
"Yeah, B?" Santana stretches and pops her shoulder, letting out a soft sigh.
"Why is kissing girls better than kissing boys?" Brittany turned on her side and wraps a long arm around her friend.
Santana is quiet for a while, before saying, "Boys are… And girls are…" She shakes her head and turned in Brittany's grasp to face the Dutch girl. "I don't know, it just is, I guess. Why?"
Brittany shrugs and pecks Santana on the lips.
Santana smiles and puts her head against Brittany's shoulder and sighs again.
The fall of their sophomore year, two weeks after school begins, Santana is driving Brittany home from Cheerios practice when she says, "Sex sucks."
Confused by her friend's outburst, Brittany reaches over and links their pinkies.
Santana throws her a smile. "Sorry, B, I just… I really thought it would get better, but I hate it."
Brittany nods and thinks about this all the way to her house. It's Thursday and Brittany suddenly has an idea. Before getting out of the car, Brittany leans over and says into Santana's ear, "Come over tomorrow night. I want to try something."
Santana raises and eyebrow and is startled when Brittany kisses her cheek gently. The brunette Cheerio watches as her blonde friend collects her gym bag and walks away from the car.
Brittany knows that she likes Santana. She figured that out months ago, when she tried to hold the other girl's hand after a morning make-out session in the locker room and Santana shook her head. The feeling of disappointment, of rejection, showed clearly on her face and Santana immediately linked their pinkie fingers together. "This is better," she said and Brittany tried to believe her.
Santana arrives to Brittany's house that Friday night in September of sophomore year to find that Brittany's parents are out for the night. She smirks and soon has her hands tangled in Brittany's hair, deep in the middle of their latest make-out session.
When Brittany pulls back and pushes at her shoulders, Santana is frustrated. When Brittany suggests they take things further, Santana feels the smirk return to her face.
Almost two hours later, both girls are exhausted and content.
"That was definitely better than sex with a guy," Santana murmurs, half asleep.
Brittany smiles and holds her friend close, knowing that the happy feeling in her heart means something important, but she isn't sure quite what.
Somehow, Brittany knows she can't talk to Santana about how she's feeling. The next few weeks are hard, as the two girls have sex several times a week, sometimes twice in one day, and Brittany feels the happiness in her heart growing. It's almost Christmas by the time Brittany gets up the courage to ask Quinn about it.
"Q, what does it mean when you…" Brittany falters, knowing if she's not careful Quinn will tell Santana. "Hold hands with someone, and kiss them and have sex with them? And you feel all smiley whenever that person is around"
Quinn looks at her likes she's stupid, like everyone but Santana does, and rolls her eyes. "It means you have a boyfriend, B. And maybe you're in love. Who is it?"
Brittany shakes her head. "It doesn't matter. It was a hypothermic question."
"Hypothetical, B."
Brittany shrugs and walks away.
The next night, after sex, Brittany puts her head on Santana's shoulder and sighs.
Sensing something is wrong, Santana runs her fingers through her friend's hair, asking quietly, "What's on your mind, B? You've been distracted now for a while."
Picking her head up, Brittany tries to smile. "I'm just confused about something."
"Tell me," Santana says, pulling the taller girl close.
Brittany, for some reason, can't look at Santana right now. She takes a breath and says, "Quinn says that if you hold hands with someone, and kiss them and have sex with them, it means you're dating."
Brittany feels Santana tense for just a second and knows she's said something wrong.
"Sex isn't dating, B. And kissing is part of sex." Santana turns her head and looks at the trees outside Brittany's bedroom window.
"What about hand holding?" Brittany asks, linking their pinkies together.
"It's just something friends do." Santana sits up and grabs her shirt from the end of the bed.
"S, wait. You're upset." Brittany isn't wearing anything but her panties and a sports bra, but she crawls along the edge of the bed as Santana retrieves her jeans from near the door.
"I'm not… gay, B. I – I like kissing you and having sex with you because it's fun, okay? We're not dating and neither one of us is gay." Santana's flip flops are downstairs, so she leaves Brittany's room barefoot.
Brittany tries not to cry, but it's hard. She didn't even get to the love part. For the first time, Brittany wonders if loving Santana means she is gay.
Santana doesn't kiss Brittany for a week after that. Brittany keeps trying to apologize, to explain, but Santana won't let her. Finally, Brittany approaches Santana in the locker room and says quietly, so no one else can hear, "Friends… Friends hold hands. And kissing is part of sex. And sex isn't dating. I… I understand, S. Please," Brittany stops because she doesn't know what else to say.
The next night Santana is back in Brittany's bed and even though there's a sad lump mixed in the happiness she's now used to feeling around Santana, Brittany figures it's better than nothing.
Brittany's resolve to never tell Santana about loving her lasts for about seven months. It's the summer before junior year and Santana called her twenty minutes ago saying to get dressed really nice because she has a surprise waiting. Brittan hasn't seen Santana in three weeks, because the Lopez family went to visit family in another country. Brittany doesn't remember which one, though she remembers that Santana has family in Mexico, Puerto Rico and Spain. Sometimes Santana reminds her that Puerto Rico isn't a separate country, but Brittany forgets again so sometimes Santana doesn't bother.
Brittany bounces down the stairs and waves to her parents when Santana texts her to come outside. Brittany squeals because Santana is standing outside of her car in a dress shirt and pants. She looks really pretty and really handsome at the same time, but Brittany knows better than to say that. She may forget countries and territories, but social boundaries she has down pat. After the way Santana freaked out and everything, Brittany has learned to keep her mouth shut about thinking Santana is sexy or anything like that. It makes Santana uncomfortable. At least, that's what Brittany has thought since the beginning of high school.
So when Santana picks up her hand and kisses it, Brittany is surprised.
"You look beautiful in that dress, B," Santana says quietly, as if Brittany's parents were listening from inside or something. She sounds almost shy.
"Thanks, S," Brittany bites her lip, "you look really good in that." Brittany decides that's a safe way to put it and is relieved when Santana just smiles wider and opens the passenger door for her.
Once they're both in the car and Santana is driving them towards the center of town, Brittany reaches over and links their pinkies.
Santana glances at their joined hands and then looks back at the road. Brittany wants to ask why she has her thinking face on, but is distracted when Santana moves her hand until it's fully gripping hers.
"I missed you, B. I thought tonight we could do something special and catch up." Santana glances at Brittany and the blonde smiles, deciding not to mention that they've talked on the phone every night for the past three weeks, even when Santana's mom was yelling in the background about international roaming charges. Brittany smiles, showing all her teeth, when Santana parks at Breadsticks and leads her inside.
Brittany keeps smiling when Santana tells her to order anything she wants and not worry about the check. The happy, bursting feeling is back in her chest in full force and her stomach is so fluttery she can barely eat her pasta.
A few people look at them funny when Brittany grabs Santana's hand, the one holding her fork, and instead offers to feed her a bite of the dessert. Santana glares at them until they look away and smiles at Brittany before eating the mini cake piece.
Brittany knows somehow that if she asks if this is a date, Santana will have some excuse. So Brittany doesn't ask, she just smiles wider and wider until her face hurts and watches Santana carefully.
Santana is more relaxed in the summer, she knows, and she's elated when the handholding continues into the car after dessert. Brittany tries not to read too much into it, but when Santana takes her to the movies two weeks later, and then to mini golf after that, she starts to get hopeful. She starts to believe that on its own, sex isn't dating, but when Santana takes Brittany to all the date-spots in Lima except their town's version of a lover's lane, Brittany lets herself believe they're dating. She just doesn't tell Santana.
As junior year progresses, Brittany goes from happy to very ,very sad when she finds out that Santana and Puck are having sex again. She doesn't wait for Santana at her locker at school, she sits with Quinn and Rachel during Glee and she even skips Cheerios practice on Friday to avoid the Latina.
Santana quickly notices the changes and shows up at Brittany's door that night with flowers. She buys yellow Tulips because Brittany loves yellow and Tulips are Dutch flowers. Santana thinks she knows why Brittany is upset, but she doesn't quite know what to do about it. The funny thing is, she didn't actually sleep with Puck this time. He was talking to Kurt outside of Glee and when a few of the guys from the football team saw, he started talking loudly about how he owed Kurt one for getting Santana to sleep with him again. Santana really wants to know what the two boys were really talking about, but they've been avoiding her just like Brittany has.
Brittany's dad opens the door and Santana stands up a bit taller. After a few seconds the tall, blond man turns and walks back to the couch, leaving the door open. Santana closes it behind her and walks to the stairs. Brittany's dad doesn't speak a lot of English and they've never had a decent conversation. Sometimes Santana thinks he knows she's been sleeping with his daughter for a while now, but he still lets her in the house every time, so maybe not.
Brittany hears Santana knock on her bedroom door and call her name gently and she knows, from seeing the other girl out her window, that Santana brought her flowers this time. Brittany stands from her bed and unlocks the door, opening it a few inches. "Flowers, S? I'm not your girlfriend." With that, she closes the door again and turns, leaning back against it.
Santana stands, staring blankly at the closed door, for several minutes. The wheels in her head rotate and crank and suddenly she understands. Santana realizes she has a choice to make, but she's terrified to make the wrong decision. "Brit, please, can we talk?"
Brittany turns and opens the door a few inches again. "You hold my hand, you kiss me, you fuck me," Brittany spits out the word and feels a bit better when Santana cringes. She continues, "You take me out on what anyone else would definitely call a date and then – then!" Brittany stops, suddenly fighting tears.
Santana looks at the floor and mutters, "I didn't sleep with Puck again. He was lying. I don't know why he did it, but I swear," Santana looks up, "I swear, B, I didn't. I promise."
Brittany opens the door wider and walks over to sit on her bed, crossing her arms over her chest and looking away from Santana.
Santana follows her into the room and closes the door. She holds out the flowers. "Please, B, don't be mad. I didn't do it."
Brittany shakes her head, "I believe you, but I'm still mad."
"Why?" Santana runs a hand through her hair, which is down for once because she knows Brittany likes it that way, and resists the urge to pace.
"Do you remember when I told you I'd talked to Quinn about holding hands and kissing and having sex with someone?" Brittany asks, deciding now is as good a time as any to lose her best friend.
Santana nods.
"You got upset and left before I could tell you everything," Brittany stands and takes the flowers from Santana, whose eyes are big and inviting and Brittany just wants to get back to kissing her girl who doesn't realize they belong to each other. Brittany takes a deep breath, knowing it wouldn't be enough this time to just kiss Santana and let her keep pretending.
"Okay, so, tell me the rest," Santana says.
"When I'm around you, I feel happy. It's really simple, S. I like kissing you because it feels good and I like having sex with you because we make each other feel good when we do that." Brittany puts her hand on Santana's cheek. "I know you know it, too. I may not be book-smart and maybe you even figured it out before I did, but I'm sick of the denial, Santana." Brittany takes her hand away and looks down at the flowers she's clutching like a lifeline.
"Brittany—"
"No! Maybe sex isn't dating, but sex and kissing plus hand holding plus going on dates is. It just is, Santana. And maybe that means we're both gay. I just know that I love you."
Santana stares at Brittany for a minute and then looks towards the door.
Instinctively, Brittany moves to block that particular exit route. When Santana looks towards the window, Brittany says quietly, "You can run away baby, but if you do I won't be waiting for you anymore."
This makes Santana jerk her head back to the blonde. "What?"
Brittany's hands are shaking, but she knows she needs to say this. "You run, I'm giving up. It's been almost two years of this, this bullshit, Santana. If it really is just sex to you then, by all means, leave, because I'm done with you. If not, you better say to right now, or it's all over."
Santana is in awe, because Brittany has never stood her ground like this about anything. Ever. She blinks back tears and moves to sit on Brittany's bed.
Brittany's stone face crumples when she realizes her girl is crying. "Hey, don't cry, S." She immediately drops the flowers and sits next to the Latina, pulling her close.
"I do love you, B. I'm just…" Santana tries to speak further, but her voice is thick with emotion and she hates it.
Brittany smiles, because it's the first time Santana's admitted to loving her, and hugs her girl close. "I know you're scared, S. I'm not saying we need to announce to the whole school or even to Glee club that we're dating. I'm just sick of you pretending we aren't."
Santana nods and buries her head in Brittan's shoulder. She stays there, even after she stops crying, because it just feels good.
Brittany understands and knows that things are going to be different from now on. Better, she hopes.
The next day at school Brittnay is happy again because now Santana says they're dating, too. She even tells Puck that he can't use her as a beard anymore because she really isn't qualified. Brittany doesn't quite understand why her girlfriend does this, but Santana just says it has something to do with Kurt and leaves it at that.
By winter break junior year, all of Glee club knows because Santana realizes that no matter what Brittany says, having their friends know will make the blonde happy. So one day Santana stands up and just says it. Mr. Schue nods awkwardly and Quinn smiles at Brittany and Santana sits back down, whispering that after Cheerios practice they should go to the park and look at the ducks. Brittany grins and squeezes the brunette's hand happily.
Brittany knows she took a risk confronting Santana like that, and she doesn't quite know what she would have done if Santana had run, but in the end she decides it was worth it, when Santana shows up a few weeks later, just after New Year's, in a dress shirt and pants and instead of waiting at the car, she walks into Brittany's house and sit with her dad while Brittany finishes getting ready for their date.
"You have her back by midnight."
It's the first full sentence Brittany's dad has ever spoken to Santana, and she jumps a bit at the gravely sound of his voice. Before she can reply, Brittany bounces down the stairs.
"Don't worry Daddy, I won't miss curfew," Brittany kisses her dad on the cheek and grins at Santana, who stands awkwardly and glances at the door. Brittany nods and takes her girl's hand, leading her outside.
As they cross the threshold, Santana turns to pull the door closed and says to Brittany's dad, "I will, sir." They lock eyes for a moment and Brittany's dad just nods at her.