Hello m'dear readers! Thanks for taking the time to read this little fic, which is for two competitions; The 'Paradise' Competition with the prompt in spades and The 62 Hardships Competition with the prompt of accidentally killing someone. I've taken the title from the song 'The Tunnel' by Alana Grace as the title, I would recommend listening to that throughout this little ficlet of mine. That, or 'Monster' by Paramore, which also inspired me. Oh, and it wasn't confirmed what Alice's surname was, but I had heard somewhere that J.K. Rowling said she was the daughter of Florean Fortescue, so that's what I'm going with. I'm also not entirely sure if the rule with the 'no magic in the summer' includes no magic at all or no magic with wands is what applies, so I'm going with no magic with wands. Please, if you have the time, read and review it! I hope you enjoy, and without further ado, here is this lovely piece of fanfiction.
Clear My Soul
Once upon a time, Alice Fortescue could enter the library and find solace in one of the many books that inhabited the vast place. Nowadays, she spent her time by the Black Lake, where there was was nothing but a giant squid to judge her. Stormy gray orbs ghosted over the rippling dark waters that appeared to beckon her, telling the mahogany-haired girl that she could experience exhilarating adventures without guilt looming overhead if only she submerge herself in the water. With her knees pressed against her ribcage, she stared out into the rivulets of water, a vacant look overtaking her features. She didn't have a single book with her, something so uncharacteristic, she could only imagine Ellie MacDougal, her best friend, with her eyes bugged out wide past her freckled, bespectacled face. She simply couldn't bring herself to entering the library once again, not when all it did was remind her of what she did. She didn't deserve to be allowed in a place that brought her happiness; why could she still enjoy her life when she'd ruined several other lives?
Alice choked down a sob that threatened to rake her body, which was growing frail and threatened to deteriorate right before her eyes. Then again, she would deserve it after all she'd done. She was a horrible person, she knew it, but she couldn't tell a soul. She never went into the library, in fear that one look from someone was all it took for them to see the filth she felt covering her body, spraying tattoos of death and destruction all over her. One piercing stare could be enough for them to see her for who she truly was; a monster. She was turning into a monster, and she wondered how she could survive as one. She knew the idea of someone seeing the guilt and dirt she felt gritting into her skin until it seeped into her bones was preposterous, but it still didn't help her any. She was drowning in despair and angst caused by her crimes against another human being. She should've been in chains with hundreds of thousands of dementors slurping her soul out, giving her a cold embrace through the Dementor's Kiss. She'd gotten off easy when she deserved to be given hell for her crimes. She had to pay, she knew it, and this was her way of punishing herself.
How could I have done that? Alice continued to think to herself. She used to be the brilliant Gryffindor that had it all in spades. She was only fourteen, and yet, everything had turned itself around completely. Despite that she tried to hold it in, she couldn't help the sob appeared to the surface. Poor, poor Aquiline Matteri, the raven-haired Hufflepuff veela. I can't believe I killed her. Sure, it was an accident; but accidents weren't going to bring Aquiline to life again, they weren't going to erase the damage made by her, it wasn't going to fill the void of one less fifth year. She couldn't bear to be around people, in fear that they would find out what she'd done. It was a potion gone wrong, and Aquiline had been brave enough to drink it. Despite the fact that she wasn't a Gryffindor, Aquiline was the bravest person Alice had ever known. It really was an honest mistake. Too many frozen Ashwinder eggs, not enough bubotuber pus, three too many stirs to the left, five less stirs to the right, accidental additions of dittany and boomslang skin—the potion was a big ol' sky blue mess, and poor Aquiline had taken a sip and fallen straight to the ground, eyes wide open and a body that appeared drained of all blood. It was what happened next that left her ashamed.
Alice had frantically checked for a pulse, for breathing, for anything that would prove she was still alive. Nothing was there. Oh, the horror of reliving the memories. She clutched her legs tightly, gripping and clinging to her robes desperately. I don't want to think about it. However, the memories were crashing into her head and before she could stop it, there they were. She clapped her ears over her head, shutting her eyes and trying to ignore what was a cacophonous symphony of mistakes. Alice had used her wand to levitate Aquiline out of her house and into the nearest back alley of London. It was a horrible thing to do, dump her fun-loving friend's body in a dumpster somewhere in muggle London, but it was the only thing she could think of. She'd smuggled some Floo powder on her way out with Aquiline, which she used once she reached the nearest Floo network. She kept her head down, refusing to let people see the tears raining down her red face. She was scared, mortified—you name it, she felt it. The sobs had broken down her body by the time she got home, which left her eternally grateful that her father was at their parlor and her mother was off at the Ministry doing Ministry-like things.
By the time her parents had come home and asked how her day had been and where her Hufflepuff friend had been, she'd settled down from her crying, left only with a frozen heart and at least six hours' worth of lies to ward off any suspicion. "Fine. Aquiline left a while ago, I haven't heard from her since." It was easy, it was simple, but it was worrisome. That night, however, a snowy owl had dropped by with a letter from the Matteri's, who were wondering where Aquiline was. Her parents had raised their eyebrows at her and she said nothing, only repeating what she'd said earlier. The investigations went on, no one found Aquiline's killer, let alone her body. The funeral had been quite a sad one, with not even the olive-skinned girl's body in a casket. Just a picture book of her, smiling and laughing with all of her friends. Alice had been crying more than everyone there combined. People said she was young, it was the shock of her friend dying that had her rattled, when in reality, it rattled her because she knew where Aquiline's body was because she had killed Aquiline.
All of Alice's problems had nearly drifted away, yet magnified a thousand times as well. Now her crush of two years, Frank Longbottom, would never notice her. She was dirt, dirt that should be dead and gone at that point, but dirt all the same. She couldn't bring herself to look at him without shame lurking in her eyes. She had become nearly silent, faking a smile and a laugh. She couldn't bring herself to enjoy the year, not after what had happened in the summer. She couldn't allow herself to get to know Frank, for if she did, he would learn what sort of monster she was. She was a beast that shouldn't be allowed to live. Being an Auror was also out of the question. She wanted to be an Auror, but how could she hunt out dark magic when she had practically performed dark magic as well? Just because it wasn't intentional, didn't mean anything. They all came down to the same thing; death. Alice was better off working at the parlor with her father and being alone for the rest of her life. No one wants to be a killer—no one wants a killer.
The library had been where she first found the potions book that contained the potion she wanted to create, before she went out to Diagon Alley in the summer and bought it. It was safe to say that she burned the book and told her parents that she'd lost it, it was much more believable after all. Alice never allowed herself to enter the library again, not even for studies. She didn't dare look Madam Pince in the eye, who had once confronted her about it when Alice had mistakenly let her eyes linger on the librarian for a second too long. She had made an excuse, saying she'd been busy with schoolwork to go into the library. The library used to be her home, the books her best friend, Madam Pince the mother of best friends, but the library was no more.
Reading used to be her protection, her security blanket—now, her protection was in gazing longingly at the Black Lake, calculating how long it would take to drown herself and how to allow this to happen without finding a way to back out. She supposed she could set the water on fire, have herself drowning and being burned to death, but she didn't think that this would be helpful. She couldn't allow herself to enter the library and find out if there were books that mentioned ways to rid herself of this horrible thing she didn't deserve called a life. She missed her Hufflepuff friend, and sought after her. If she could talk to her used-to-be friend, she only had one words she would tell her.
I'm sorry, Aquiline Matteri.
So, that's it. With those super challenging prompts and little to no knowledge of Alice, this was horribly difficult to write, but interesting, intriguing, and fun all the same. It's a relatively short piece, probably my shortest, but there you go. Read and review, please?