Chapter 1

Jean and I had been friends since childhood. We were always together. Jean is my best friend. But now I've made a mistake.

Without meaning to, I fell in love with my rude best friend. I had known for a long time I was gay, I even came out to Jean, but it took one moment to realize I saw my best friend as something more.

It also occurred to me that most friendships filled with cuddling and feeling expressing sessions are that of girls. I do believe boys can be softies and express their feelings, but some nights we lay in bed together, our limbs tangled together and our foreheads pressed against one another's. We look into each other's eyes and talk about useless stuff. I wake up with my head buried in his chest and our hands intertwined. Now tell me, does that sound like a normal friendship to you? That would be too touchy feely even for girls.

This probably sounds totally cliché, and you think Jean's already head over heels but he just won't say anything. Well if you do think that you're more than wrong. I'm Jean's best friend, his shoulder to cry on. Mikasa has been the object of Jean's affection for years now. Since he saw her the first time at our first week at college.

I partially blame myself for this too. If I just woke up and smelled the roses before it was too late I probably could have at least steered Jean away from Mikasa. Do I think he would suddenly fall in love with me if I confessed? Absolutely not. Jean told me half way into freshman year that he was in love with her. That everything about her drove him mad. The stinging pain his words caused me to feel in my heart didn't even register with me back then.

I, Marco Bodt, am not only hopelessly in love with a straight guy, but also my best friend.

I was five years old when I was bullied for the freckles on my face. A stupid thing to be beat up by some annoying kids for, right? What they said is a blur to me now. All I remember is a boy with scruffy hair running up and pushing one of the boys. I was a pathetic and weak child, I sat in the grass of the park and cried into my knees. The boy chased away the boys and knelt in front of me. He grinned wildly and asked me if I was okay.

After that our mothers arranged for us to meet up for play dates. I guess you could say Jean was a bad influence on me. We used sticks to place bugs on the shirts of girls we liked. He broke me out of my shell.

We were in the same class together until second grade, after that I was certain we'd drift apart. But everyday he'd walk home with me. Our houses were separated by a short distance so we got to see each other every day.

In middle school he got in fights a lot. People called us the odd couple because of our polar opposite personalities.

Every time he got in a fight, I flicked him on the forehead and scold him, in which he would reply with, "Okay, mom."

One day, near the end of sixth grade, a kid in the nurse's office overheard Jean's remark. From then on until ninth grade I was known as, "Mama Marco". This little nickname that didn't bother me in the slightest pissed of Jean tremendously. He got in even more fights because of it.

For our first year of high school, Jean and I lost touch. I started hanging out with other people as did he. In tenth grade, a boy I liked found out I was gay. I hadn't told anyone yet, but he inferred from the glances I shot at him. The boy continuously called me the 'f' word and kicked me in the shin or punched me in the face. I wasn't used to getting beat up. Ever since Jean and I became friends, I was immune to daily beatings. But Jean and I weren't friends at that moment, not really anyway.

I remember exactly how it went. The boy shot offensive slurs at me and as soon as his arm rose and I shut my eyes, preparing for another blow to the face, I heard "Die, asshole!" from a familiar voice. Jean didn't leave that fight unscathed. He popped his shoulder out of place and broke a finger. I basically apologized a thousand times, feeling extremely guilty. He told me with a straight face that it was fine and if anyone ever touched me again he'd kill them. I think in actuality it was at this moment I fell in love with him.

He didn't ask about why the boy beat me up until a week after the indecent, when we were suddenly best friends again. I was almost as if we never stopped talking in the first place. I was afraid to tell him, after all I had just figured it out myself and the first boy I developed a crush on beat me up for it. I was bawling when I told him the boy found out I liked him.

It took a few minutes for the switch the click on in Jean's brain before he asked, "Marco, are you gay?"

It took everything in me to nod. At that he scoffed and said, "C'mon, man. We both know you can do way better than that asshole."

The look of complete and utter shock and disbelief on my face made him laugh. He then narrowed his eyes in a mischievous way and told me about the openly gay guy on the football team with him that had thing for freckles. I don't even remember the dude's name now, but I do remember he was my first date. He was also the first person to tell me the whole, "It's not you, it's me" speech after three months of dating. I got home and called Jean in tears. He rushed over and immediately if I wanted him to beat his ass. To that I said no and started blaming myself. I kept saying if only I kissed him. I had refused because your first kiss should be special. I'm currently twenty-two years old and I've still never kissed anyone.

Jean defended me, saying it was a good thing I didn't kiss him because I didn't know where his mouth had been prior. Jean spent the night, making it the first time we cuddled and talked about our feelings in a totally girly way.

I graduated high school at the age of seventeen with my birthday being in June and all. A few months prior, in April, on Jean's eighteenth birthday I remember he bought his first pack of cigarettes. That was also the first time he had a pack of cigarettes taken away from him. I wasn't going to let my best friend die of cancer.

Jean and I purposely applied for the same college. He told me there was no way he'd go without me since he didn't even want to go in the first place.

By some chance of luck, we got roomed together. He walked in and smiled at me like he hadn't seen me in years (even though we saw each other that morning) and dropped his stuff on his bed. "Marco Bodt." He said in a tone that implied he was remembering me. I just laughed and said "We ate breakfast together, stupid. Your acting like it's been since middle school."

He rolled his eyes and groaned, "You ruined it, Bodt. I was reenacting the dramatic meet your old friend in college thing."

I had laughed and flicked his forehead. "Jeez, stuck with you for another four years? Will I ever get away from you, Kirschtein?"

"Psh no. Bff's are forever, dude." He scoffed.

That was when a relatively short boy stood in front of our door and said, "Am I interrupting something?"

Now let's get something straight, Jean Kirschtein doesn't like the majority of people on this planet, but I thought it was impossible for even him to hate someone with a burning passion after the first day he met them.

Eren Jaeger was the exception.

"Who the fuck are you?" Jean asked.

The anger that shrouded him made me think he met the kid somewhere before, but they were complete strangers.

Eren had completely dodged Jean's presence and turned to me. He walked over to me and extended a hand. "I'm Eren Jaeger. My friend Armin and I are your neighbors."

I introduced myself and Jean reluctantly.

Eren walked to the door frame after introductions, turned ever so slightly to peer at Jean and said, "Bye Marco, I hope to see you around. Bye, horse-face." He remarked before snickering and shutting the door behind him. I had to hold Jean back so he wouldn't brutally murder someone before our college life even officially started.

I looked at Jean and laughed.

"What?" He snapped.

I had smiled and chuckled saying, "You do kind of have a horse face, Jean."

"You are so lucky you're my best friend." He scoffed.

It was a week after that, school was in session and Jean and I walked down the hallway to our next class when Eren Jaeger was walking in the opposite direction. Eren bumped shoulders with him on purpose and Jean turned. "You!" He grunted under his breath.

Eren just smirked. Behind him stood a quiet blonde haired boy and an intimidating girl with short black hair and a red scarf wrapped around her neck.

I looked up at Jean to see him looking right past Eren. His gaze was locked on the girl behind Eren. Pink rose to his cheeks and Eren turned to see what he was looking at.

He scoffed and turned to smile at me, ignoring Jean's existence. "Hey, Marco. This is my childhood friend Armin," He motioned to the blonde boy who waived at me slightly. "And this-"He purposely glanced at Jean as he motioned towards the girl. "-is my sister Mikasa."

I glanced at Jean's face. He had looked like he just saw a ghost.

Eren laughed and placed a hand on my shoulder. "See you around, Marco. Horse-face." He said before walking away.

"I'm going to kill that guy." Jean muttered.

"If you get arrested, I'm not backing you up." I sighed.

Two months into freshman year Armin approached me in the one class we had together, science. "Eren's having a party and I was wondering if you'd come." He had stuttered.

"That's probably not a good idea. Jean's my best friend, and he's really not very fond of Eren." I said with a weak smile.

"Bring Jean too!" He exclaimed. He seemed desperate to get me there. "I'll control Eren if you control Jean."

I agreed after thinking for a bit.

Getting Jean to agree was a bit harder. I tried to think of ways to appeal to him as he ranted about how much of an ass Eren was.

Then while he was talking it occurred to me. "Mikasa's gonna be there." I stated.

He narrowed his eyes. "You play dirty, Bodt. I'm in."

I chuckled and patted my friend on the back. "You're a simple man, Kirschtein."

The party was that weekend and was pretty uneventful. There was lot of underage drinking I didn't join in on since I had to drive Jean home.

Eren's house was pretty big. Mikasa and he lived alone since they were young. Their parents bought the house so it was now theirs to keep.

Armin told me that when Mikasa was young her family was murdered. Her dad, a good friend of her parents took Mikasa in as their own. A few years after that Eren's mother died in a car accident and his dad bailed on them. Since then Eren's aunt checked up on them every so often.

I didn't press further in to the details.

I drove Jean back to the dorms around 11:30. In the car he kept mumbling something about Mikasa.

We got to the dorms and he clung to me as I helped him walk. We walked in the room and I flicked the light on as he stumbled to his bed. He mumbled Mikasa a few times before I heard him start to snore.

The next morning I woke up to see Jean peeking at me from under his covers. "The sun is evil." He muttered. I laughed and we talked for a little.

I remember him wiggling his eyebrows and asking me if there was anything between Armin and me.

"You two were gettin' pretty cozy, Bodt." He smirked. I laughed and shook my head.

"He was the only other person not drinking." I said.

"You're such a downer, Bodt." He groaned. "I met this girl named Ymir, she almost killed me 'cause I bumped into her girlfriend, Krista. Did you meet anyone?"

"Armin introduced me to Reiner and Berthold." I said.

"Yeah I saw them making out in a corner." He scrunched up his face. "People that just shamelessly suck face in public places make me sick."

I laughed. "Yeah this couple, Sasha and Connie, looked like they were about to jump each other bones on the couch."

He made another face of disgust.

"Don't act like you wouldn't want to heavily make out with your precious Mikasa in public." I chuckled.

"Shut up, Bodt." He smirked and looked at the ceiling.

All I could imagine in that moment was Jean and Mikasa heavily making out. I didn't realize how much that mental image hurt me.