SquareHard (lol)

in association with . . . me

Present

FFX: The Musical?

Characters

Tidus

Yuna

Auron

Wakka

Lulu

Rikku

Kimahri

Seymour

And others

ACT I

Sunset in Zanarkand. TIDUS is wandering aimlessly while an odd assortment of people surround a campfire. Most prominent is a middle-aged man in a long red cloak and shades. He is AURON. Another of the group is wearing a loose-fitting kimono with a large obi sash. She is known as LADY YUNA, the summoner. Also present is a dark-haired lady in a black gothic dress, her bangs obscuring her left eye. She is the sorceress LULU. Beside her is a man in his mid-twenties wearing baggies and sporting the stubble of a reddish beard. His name, WAKKA. The other two are a bluish leonine creature with a horn in the middle of its forehead, KAMAHRI, and a teenage girl in a tight-fitting tank top and shorts, RIKKU. Music begins to swell as TIDUS muses over the events of the past few days.

Tidus (yelling to no one): Daddy! This is all your fault! Everything that's happened to me is your doing! And I've wanted nothing better than to stop you face to face since I came here. But it wasn't supposed to be this hard.

(He breaks into song.)

Tidus: I've been living to see you,

Dying to see you, but it shouldn't be like this.

This was unexpected, what do I do now?

Could we start again please?

I've been very hopeful so far,

Now for the first time, I think we're going wrong.

Someone up and told me this is just a dream

Oh, Could we start again please?

I think you've made your point now!

You've even gone a bit too far to get the message home.

Before it gets too frightening we ought to call a halt.

So! Could we start again please?

I've been living to see you,

Dying to see you, but it shouldn't be like this.

This was unexpected, what do I do now?

Could we start again please?

Yuna/Lulu/Rikku (absently chorusing): Could we start again please?

Tidus: I think you've made your point now!

You've even gone a bit too far to get the message home.

Before it gets too frightening we ought to call a halt.

So! Could we start again please?

Auron/Wakka/Kimahri (zombielike): Could we start again please?

Yuna/Lulu/Rikku (as not to be outdone): Could we start again please?

Auron/Wakka/Kimahri (raising their voices): Could we start again please?



Yuna/Lulu/Rikku (screeching): Could we start again please?

Auron/Wakka/Kimahri (bellowing): Could we start again please?

Tidus (silencing them with his suave presence): Could we start again? (He turns to the audience and speaks) Listen to my story. This may be our last chance.

The stage fades to black and the scene changes to a busy metropolis. Crowds are gathered to mark the arrival of a superstar, Tidus. His fans motion for him to sign their weird spiky balls which he gladly does. After a few minutes of this nonsense. The crowd disperses and Tidus gazes up at a billboard of a haughty looking man. He smirks as he launches into the next number.

Tidus: Hey, Dad, look at me

And tell me what you see.

You ain't seen the best of me yet

Give me time, I'll make them forget the rest.

I got a story, and I can set it free

I can catch the moon in my hand

Don't you know who I am?

Remember my name (Fame)

I'm gonna live forever

I'm gonna learn how to fly (High)

I feel it coming together

People will see me and die (Fame)

I'm gonna make it to heaven

Light up the sky like a flame (Fame)

I'm gonna live forever

Hey Dad, remember my name

You can't hold me back

And you can't make me stop.

I will shoot up straight to the top

Let me blitz and give all I got.

Daddy, I'm a star

Too much is not enough

I look at your face and just smile

You know I got what it takes.

Remember my name (Fame)

I'm gonna live forever

I'm gonna learn how to fly (High)

I feel it coming together

People will see me and die (Fame)

I'm gonna make it to heaven

Light up the sky like a flame (Fame)

I'm gonna live forever

Hey Dad, remember my name

As the curtain goes down, the following sportscaster monologue is heard:

Sportscaster: I was in a coffee shop, running away from home when I heard the news: Our hero, Jecht, gone, vanished into thin air! My dad must have been his biggest fan. I knew how sad he'd be. Heck, we all were that day. "Zanar," I says to myself, "What are you thinking?" I went running straight back home. We sat up talking 'bout Jecht all night. My dad and I never talked so much. Whoa... Didn't mean to reminisce, folks. Anyways... Ten years later, the Jecht Memorial Cup tournament is today! The two teams that have won through to the finals are...of course, the Abes from A-East and the Duggles from C-South. I know there's a lot of people out there today to see the star of the Abes! In just one year, he's become the team's number one player! He's Jecht's blood, and the new hope of blitzball! What kind of super play will he show us today? Will we see his father's legendary shot? I don't think I'm the only one excited here, folks!

The curtain closes and a pulsating rock song fills the air. A sound like water filling a tank is heard followed by the excited shouts of a crowd. Suddenly, Auron walks across the stage, lifting an odd stone jug that emits rather large bubbles.

Auron (shaking his fist at the invisible stagehands): Damn! Who put laundry detergent in the props again? (He shrugs and moves to the other side of the stage, slipping on a puddle of water as he does so.) What the...? This was supposed to be clear gelatin, wasn't it? Yeah, so I could do that cool step in the water thingy! Where's my agent? (He disappears behind the curtain.)

The sounds of the blitzball game continue for a few moments before a loud rush of wind blows the curtain and water sprays everywhere. The crowd screams in terror as the curtain opens and Tidus is shown sprawled in an even larger puddle than the one Auron stepped in. Frantic music is being played by the orchestra. People run by Tidus, slipping and sliding on the waterlogged stage and nearly stampeding him as they escape the coming Armageddon. Auron himself appears beside Tidus and helps him up.

Tidus (panic rising in his voice): Auron! What are you doing here?

Auron (grunting as a surge of extras nearly topples him): I'm beginning to wonder that myself.

Tidus (pulling out a drenched copy of the script): What are you talking about?

Auron (grabbing the script and ripping it up): It begins. Don't cry.

Tidus (aside, after extricating yet another sopping script from his pant pockets): That's the fayth guy's lines!

Auron (also aside): Yeah, well he's sick with the flu and his understudy only speaks fluent Japanese.

Tidus: Well, why did they assign him as the understudy, then?

Auron (pocketing the script): He was the only one short enough for the part.

(Alexis Rockford dodges random fruit being thrown at her for being politically incorrect.)

Tidus (looks hungrily at the flying tomatoes): Mm, whatever.

(Auron shakes his head and grabs him, making a break for the wings.)

Tidus: What the...? Hey, wait! Not this way!

Auron: Look! (He points to a large clear plastic blob being pushed onto the stage.) We called it "sin."

Tidus: "Sin?" No, way! If that's sin, Vegas should've been called something else. There's none of that stuff around there!

Auron (looking at the script he pocketed earlier he sighs and then hands it to Tidus): Take it.

Tidus (confused): Thanks, I'm glad to have my script back but where is the sword?

Auron (rolling his eyes): There's nothing to fight yet. The prop guy must be out to lunch or something.

(Just then, a dozen rubber bugs drop on to the stage out of nowhere. Auron reaches for the swords, but can't find them until they fall from the sky onto Tidus's head, knocking him out cold.)

Auron (muttering obscenities): Fine! Make the old guy do all the work. (He smacks the bugs off the stage and into the orchestra pit with his plastic matasume. The music stops abruptly as all the female musicians screech and run from the sinspawn. Auron rubs his temples, trying not to lose it as Tidus revives.)

Tidus (getting up): Whoa, that was crazy!

(The bugs are being flung from the pit into the audience for souvenirs as Auron throws Tidus the other sword, which he immediately drops.)

Auron (helping Tidus get a grip on the weapon): A gift from Jecht.

Tidus: My old man?

Auron (exasperated): No, your sister! (He ignores Tidus's apparent confusion at his sarcasm as he continues.) I hope you know how to use it. (Tidus drops the sword again and picks it up by the sharp end. Auron looks up at the ceiling, muttering.) Hope really IS comforting.

(The frantic females from the orchestra run across the stage and cling to Auron.)

Frantic female musicians: Save us!

Auron (prying random female hands from his muscular arms): These ones don't matter. We cut through!

(Glad to finally make himself useful, Tidus starts whacking the girls with Jecht's sword. They shriek and start running off the stage again, Tidus in pursuit.)

Auron: Don't bother going after all of them. Cut the ones that matter, and run! (Realizing how perverse that must sound, Auron reddens.) Erm, scratch that.

(Jecht is offstage, laughing his fat head off.)

Tidus (returning from chasing the women): What are you laughing at, old man? Auron! Let's get out of here!

Auron (aside): If only it were possible. (aloud) We're expected. (He runs back the opposite way they came from, toward the big plastic blob.)

Tidus: Huh? Gimme a break, man! (Auron climbs up the plastic blob. Tidus tries to follow, but slips and almost crashes to the stage. He grabs frantically at the slick plastic as a hole opens up in the side of the blob.) Auron! Auron!

Auron (sticking his head inside the hole): You are sure? (To Tidus) This is it. (He waits for the orchestra cue, which is late, due to the fact that some of the girls have fainted on their arrival back in the pit. The bugs are gone, but apparently, some of them are overcome by Auron's charm :D The music finally starts.)

Auron (singing): You have come here

in pursuit of your deepest hope,

in pursuit of that wish, which till now has been silent,silent



I have brought you,

that my presence may help you cope -

in your mind you are probably thinking

"Auron has gone crazy, what has he been drinking?"

You still want to follow me; no second thoughts,

you've decided, decided . . .

Past the point of no return -

no backward glances:

your father waits for you to meet with him. . .

Past all thought of "if" or "when" -

no use resisting;

abandon thought, and let the your hate begin

What raging fire shall you unleash?

Your great desire that he should die?

What retribution lies before you . . .?

Past the point of no return,

the final threshold -

what dark, unspoken secrets you will learn

Beyond the point of no return . . .

(Auron steps into the hole and beckons for Tidus.)

Auron: This is your story.

Tidus: What is? (sings):

You have brought me

to this ugly blob in the sky,

you expect me to take all this nonsense in silence, silence?

I have come here, hardly knowing the reason why . . .

In my mind, I've already imagined

what drugs you've been doing to make you this nutty

and yet I will go with you; no second thoughts,

I've decided, decided . . .

Past the point of no return -

no going back now:

our FMV has now, at last, begun . . .

Past all thought of sane or mad -

some final questions:

Why did I have to be that loser's son?

And how can I confront him now

when he's been dead for all these years?

I fear that madness has consumed you!

Both:

Past the point of no return

the final threshold -

the bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn . . .

We've passed the point of no return . . .

Auron (disappearing inside "Sin"): It all begins here.

Tidus (being dragged with him): Hey! Aaaaaaaaaaah!

TBC...

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this madness. I fully intend to "see the saga through," taking you on even more musical mishaps with the FFX crew, whether I get a good response or not! If you are not familiar with the melodies of these songs, I will tell you where they came from, so you can find the music and see how I changed it xD

The songs in these scenes are parodies of the following:

Could We Start Again, Please? From Jesus Christ Superstar, the movie version

Fame by Irene Cara, from the motion picture and stage musical of the same name

And

The Point of No Return, from Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera.