Chapter 1 – Changes
The change was slow, slow but permanent. I didn't even know what was happening to me until it happened. My graduation was coming up. I made no motions for the college route, because I didn't want to leave Forks. Charlie knew the real reasons why I didn't want to leave Forks, even when I didn't admit it to myself. If I left Forks, it would really be like he never existed. Like none of them did and that was intolerable. I couldn't let them go. To calm Charlie, I told him I would consider classes at Peninsula Community College. Looking over the information, I was vaguely interested in the Literature program.
I still spent as much time as I could with Jacob. He had more free time, now that Victoria was dead. The pack was able to cut off her escape with its new members and she was torn apart. Jacob didn't stick around to watch them burn her body. He ran to my house, in the middle of the night to let me know what happened. I was awakened to a knocking outside of my window. He was in Charlie's tree, waiting for me to answer. He leapt into the room and pulled me in for a tight hug. "Jacob," my voice was still heavy with sleep, "what's going on?" He put me done, "It's over, Bella! She's dead. We got her." I blinked several times. "What do you mean?" "Bella, I'm talking about the bloodsucker that was after you. We got her."
Jacob's words finally set it. I blinked, "Victoria…. she's gone?" Jacob held my shoulders, "Bells, you're safe again." I couldn't make myself smile. The shock and surprise that it was over hadn't set it. Jacob was safe, Charlie was safe. My friends, family and home were safe again. I was no longer dangerous to be around. I worried about being around people. Afraid of who would be with me when Victoria finally caught up with me? Charlie, Mike, Angela, Emily or Jacob? I didn't want any of them near me when she found me. But she was gone now. I swayed on my feet, but Jacob caught me. Jacob sat me on the bed, "Bella, honey? Are you all right?" My vision was blurring as the tears formed. "She's gone." Relief was starting to build in my voice. Jacob sat on the bed and hugged me, "Yes, she is. She's not coming after you anymore." Jacob held me with his arms tight around my body. I knew this was dangerous to do, but it felt nice. Once again, I felt safe. I was with Jacob and Victoria was gone.
Graduation was almost near and I was going to attend Peninsula Community College. Charlie was happy I was trying to do something with my life. "Bells, I just think you could do so much more than community college." I looked down and smiled, "It's a start, Dad. Let's see what happens when I'm done there." He stood up from the table and put his plate in the sink, "Bella, if this is about…." My smile disappeared as I looked up and he stopped mid-sentence. "I would think you'd want me to stay close. I've only been here for a little more than a year. Did you ever consider that this is my home and I want to stay a little longer?" His lips formed a hard line, "Is that it? Really?" I shook my head, "Isn't that enough? I want to stay in Forks. But if you want me to leave that badly, then I'll call Mom." His face went red. "No!" he said abruptly, "You're right. I do want you to stay. I'm sorry for questioning your motives." Chagrin colored Charlie's face. He went to put on his jacket, "Bye Bells."
I listened to Charlie's cruiser drive away. I was worried about being alone again. The good thing about Victoria hunting me, it kept my mind occupied on her, instead of what it was focused on before. I went up to my room and packed my schoolbag. School was becoming very boring. The days ran by in a tedious state. I was pulling a low A average. Maybe Charlie was right. I could be doing more than a local college. The more I thought about it, the more I was torn with the idea of going to community college. I knew why I wanted to stay, but the call of the world outside of Forks was becoming stronger. Forks was my home, but it was starting to look too small. A small town almost at the edge of the world. A tiny speck on the map. My brow furrowed. Why was I thinking this way? I drove to school, pushing my truck as fast as it could go. I was making this a habit lately. I knew she wasn't after me anymore, but I felt better trying to go as fast as I could to get to where I was going. Driving at faster speed was becoming comfortable for me. It didn't make me as nervous as it did before.
In the school parking lot, I was one of the first students there. I sat in my truck's cab and looked out at the misting rain. Thinking back over the last few weeks, I realized it was just past a year when James attacked me. My life was so different then. I was being protected by a large family. A family I wanted to be a part of forever, but was painfully cut out of. This thought was still painful, but it was not as potent as it was before. I was cut out of that family, but I was not cut out of the world of the supernatural. A few months later, I found out Jacob was a werewolf. For a few weeks, he could not be near me, but soon it became a necessity for us to be close. Jacob and I have gotten closer, but I couldn't let him get closer to me. I was not whole. Jacob deserved to be with someone who could genuinely care about him. Jacob said he didn't care. He said he would never hurt me and he hasn't. In a way, I loved Jacob, but I wasn't good for him. I wasn't meant for him.
The parking lot began to fill up with other students and I saw Angela. "Hey Ang." She turned, "Hey Bella." She was standing with Lauren and Jessica. Jessica's smile faltered and Lauren rolled her eyes. I tried not to notice, "How do you think you did on your History test?" I shrugged, "Pretty good. What about you?" She made a face, "I don't know." I smiled, "You always do well." Lauren smirked, "So, Bella, have you picked your class from Peninsula yet?" I looked at her, "Not yet. I'm leaning towards a Literature major." She snorted, "She always was a bookworm." My eyes narrowed, "Maybe being a bookworm is the reason I'm graduating in the top 5 of our class." Lauren's eyes widened and Jessica looked at me, "Bella, she didn't say anything." I shook my head, "Are you kidding me? I just heard her, clear as a bell." Lauren snapped her mouth shut and walked away. Jessica looked after her, "Seriously, Bella. Lauren didn't say anything." I looked at Angela and she nodded in agreement. I raised an eyebrow. I know what I heard. "Let's just get to class," I suggested.
While Mr. Berty prattled on about Mr. Darcy from Wuthering Heights, my mind wandered. This was my favorite book and I could quote it well, so I didn't need to pay attention. It was strange that neither Angela nor Jessica heard Lauren this morning. Jessica was standing closer to her than I was. Maybe she was taking up for her wretched friend. Wretched was right. Lauren was a wretched person. From the day I came to Forks, she did not like me. A good thing about high school ending is that I will be here and she would be on the other side of the country. I wouldn't have to see her on a daily basis. I don't mind staying here for college, but I began to think about other schools. Bigger schools in other states. Jacob would move on and find the one who was worthy of him and he would forget me.
What was I thinking? I had to stay here. I just told Charlie this was my home and I wanted to stay. I had to stay to keep his memory strong and alive. I found myself torn between both ideas. I wanted to leave Forks. Partly to escape the memories that was holding me here. But I wanted to stay to keep those same memories alive. They were from the happiest point in my life. Maybe Charlie was right. He wasn't coming back. None of them were. I should escape. The class ended and I went onto gym. Thinking about it, I realized, as of lately, I didn't dread gym. It was actually starting to bore me. We were playing volleyball. I stood in the back, watching the ball bounce back and forth across the net. On the rare occasions it came my way, I was a bit surprised at how I was able to hit the ball so hard and accurately. "Wow, Bella," Mike complemented, "that was amazing." I had spiked the ball over the net, winning for our team. I smiled, "Thanks." I was pleased with myself. "At least I could leave the school with better physical skills." He half-smiled, "Yeah. I mean you don't trip as much as you used to." I looked up at him, "Huh? You're right. I don't." After school, I thought about that. It was true. I haven't tripped over my own feet in a while. Maybe I was getting more agile. Being around supernatural beings was rubbing off on me. I was happy for that. I was tired of being scared of walking across large rooms full of people. Worried about tripping and embarrassing myself. I noticed, as of lately, some things about me were changing. Maybe I was growing up. Looking at myself in the mirror, there was something different in my eyes. Something that wasn't there before. I was becoming more confident. I look at myself and see how bright my eyes are, how the color of under my skin was alluring. My skin seemed a bit paler, but when I blushed, there was more color. When I looked at my reflection, I was starting to consider myself beautiful. I was definitely changing and I liked it.