This is my first 'CSI: NY' fanfiction, and it is set during season three immediately after "Raising Shane".
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Peyton had tried to blame herself for it; perhaps not the healthiest approach, but it was easier than facing the alternative. Maybe she had been crowding him and Mac hadn't known how else to tell her. Maybe he wasn't comfortable with that kind of affection (but she had seen a picture once, of him and Claire laughing together – his arm resting loosely, naturally, around her waist – that told her otherwise). Peyton had even tried to justify it by convincing herself that Mac was trying to spare Stella's feelings by avoiding her touch.
It was madness, she knew, attempting to find comfort in the idea that another woman had feelings for Mac. But it was a scenario they could work through – something she and Mac could sit down and discuss calmly over coffee, something that could even make them stronger as a couple – it was containable.
Only, it wasn't reality.
The fact was Mac had rejected her. Instinctively, he had pushed her away.
And Peyton knew it.
Mac hadn't wanted her tenderness or the feelings she had for him: he wasn't ready for them.
The worst thing was, Peyton couldn't bring herself to be angry with him. She saw the panic and had seen confusion in his eyes when he tried to talk to her and the regret when he called her Claire. In that moment she had known that his wife would always come first to Mac. She had no control over it, and she had no control over herself. Peyton would take him back, because she loved him. She hated herself for being so weak – it would do her no good, in the long term, but she would stay with him.
It felt too good to let go.
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Thanks for reading. Please review.