Title: Pawns Will Fall Tonight
Author: Garnet Fire
Archive: Joygasm (www.heavenlycreature.net) anyone else, just ask
E-Mail: Garnet1@optonline.net
Pairing: none really, implied 6+13/13+6 I guess
Timeline: one of the final episodes, right before Treize and Wu-fei, and Heero and Miliardo face off
Rating: PG
Warnings: shonen ai, angst, serious introspection, Miliardo's POV
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing; it is the copyrighted creation of Sunrise, Sotsu, and Bandai
Comments: Gee, how long has it been between fics this time? Even I've lost track. Sorry I haven't been around much, or written much; marching band has taken over my life, but it'll be over soon.
Here I am, prepared to engage in the dance of death once again, a fight I've fought far too long. It seems ever since I was a child, as far back as I can remember, my thoughts were only on revenge against the evil ones. I never cared about who controlled where, or any of the other political nonsense. Only now, now that all of this is almost over, have I really thought about it. Why am I even still fighting? I have no qualms with the people I am fighting. It isn't Heero who destroyed Sanq, it wasn't Treize, or Wu-fei, or anyone out here on this battlefield. We are all just pawns now, in this war fought over ideals, or for people sitting cozy in some mansion out of harm's way. I thought that by becoming the leader of a group I could fight for what I wanted, instead of for other people. I was wrong. Now instead of answering to one or two superiors, I must lead hundreds in the direction they want to be lead in. Why am I fighting for the colonies when my home is on the earth? Often lately I've lain in bed, unable to sleep, and asked myself that. I have no answer.
I don't know why I'm doing this, or why I've been in this so long to begin with. At first it was for revenge, for my father, my family, my home, but my father is gone, and killing others will not change that fact, it will only leave others behind, without mothers or fathers, just as much the casualties of war as their parents. Sanq has been rebuilt, Relena taking the reins, as she deserves to do. If there is one thing I have found out about myself over the last couple months, it's that I am no leader. If I cannot make sensible decisions for myself, then how can I make them for others? Relena is the true heir to Sanq and the Peacecraft name. I am just another lost boy, wondering my purpose in this world, if I do indeed have a purpose at all.
For a while, I suppose I was fighting for Treize's approval. He was the proud general, and I was determined to be his obedient follower, hoping to catch his attention. I was young and stupid, so stupid that I allowed myself to drown in his ocean of ideals, instead of following my beliefs. I realize now that it was a stupid teenage infatuation with him that enticed me to listen to him, to be drawn in, to allow him to sooth me whenever I had my doubts as to why I was fighting by tousling my hair and using his sweet talk. I am only glad Epyon showed me the truth, plain and harsh as it was. I was a puppet for him, or perhaps an inflatable doll. The young prince of Sanq, trained and willing to do whatever he was told. Good for a few battles and nights in bed, but just as easily discarded as any of the others he was willing to sacrifice for "the greater good." It isn't his fault, however. He is just doing things the best way he knows how, and if a good tool falls into anybody's hands, you can't blame them for using it to get the job done.
When White Fang approached, I don't know why I went with them. I suppose at the time it was the new option so I took it, thinking that for once I'd be acting on my own accord, but it isn't like that here, just as it wasn't before. I am still just fighting against soldiers, when my real enemies are mere memories, or shadows in the dark, I can't get at them. Nobody can. We are all fighting the battle of our parents, started over decisions made long ago, and because of that I am fighting against children. 15 and 16 year olds determined to continue their father's legacy, following his beliefs, his heart, instead of their own, and causing the hatred and battles to continue. What do they know about the world, love, or war? That's why this war needs to end, or else we will continue until everybody has lost sight about what they are fighting over, if they ever knew to begin with, and will continue fighting long after that.
I don't know what I am fighting for any longer, except to end this war once and for all. Perhaps in that way I am most like the Gundam pilots. They aren't fighting for theories or ideas, or to control the world and colonies, only to end this as quickly and with as little damage as possible. It seems ironic then, that I am here to destroy them when it seems that with them is the place I fit in best. Yet I am here to carry out the plan of the White Fang, and I must follow orders, the one thing I know how to do. Tonight more pawns will fall. Perhaps I will be one of them. What does it matter? According to Epyon, I have no future anyway.
~owari~
Comments? Criticism? Any responses? I have another part thought out, but I will only write it if there seems to be some interest in it.
Happy Halloween everyone.
Author: Garnet Fire
Archive: Joygasm (www.heavenlycreature.net) anyone else, just ask
E-Mail: Garnet1@optonline.net
Pairing: none really, implied 6+13/13+6 I guess
Timeline: one of the final episodes, right before Treize and Wu-fei, and Heero and Miliardo face off
Rating: PG
Warnings: shonen ai, angst, serious introspection, Miliardo's POV
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing; it is the copyrighted creation of Sunrise, Sotsu, and Bandai
Comments: Gee, how long has it been between fics this time? Even I've lost track. Sorry I haven't been around much, or written much; marching band has taken over my life, but it'll be over soon.
Here I am, prepared to engage in the dance of death once again, a fight I've fought far too long. It seems ever since I was a child, as far back as I can remember, my thoughts were only on revenge against the evil ones. I never cared about who controlled where, or any of the other political nonsense. Only now, now that all of this is almost over, have I really thought about it. Why am I even still fighting? I have no qualms with the people I am fighting. It isn't Heero who destroyed Sanq, it wasn't Treize, or Wu-fei, or anyone out here on this battlefield. We are all just pawns now, in this war fought over ideals, or for people sitting cozy in some mansion out of harm's way. I thought that by becoming the leader of a group I could fight for what I wanted, instead of for other people. I was wrong. Now instead of answering to one or two superiors, I must lead hundreds in the direction they want to be lead in. Why am I fighting for the colonies when my home is on the earth? Often lately I've lain in bed, unable to sleep, and asked myself that. I have no answer.
I don't know why I'm doing this, or why I've been in this so long to begin with. At first it was for revenge, for my father, my family, my home, but my father is gone, and killing others will not change that fact, it will only leave others behind, without mothers or fathers, just as much the casualties of war as their parents. Sanq has been rebuilt, Relena taking the reins, as she deserves to do. If there is one thing I have found out about myself over the last couple months, it's that I am no leader. If I cannot make sensible decisions for myself, then how can I make them for others? Relena is the true heir to Sanq and the Peacecraft name. I am just another lost boy, wondering my purpose in this world, if I do indeed have a purpose at all.
For a while, I suppose I was fighting for Treize's approval. He was the proud general, and I was determined to be his obedient follower, hoping to catch his attention. I was young and stupid, so stupid that I allowed myself to drown in his ocean of ideals, instead of following my beliefs. I realize now that it was a stupid teenage infatuation with him that enticed me to listen to him, to be drawn in, to allow him to sooth me whenever I had my doubts as to why I was fighting by tousling my hair and using his sweet talk. I am only glad Epyon showed me the truth, plain and harsh as it was. I was a puppet for him, or perhaps an inflatable doll. The young prince of Sanq, trained and willing to do whatever he was told. Good for a few battles and nights in bed, but just as easily discarded as any of the others he was willing to sacrifice for "the greater good." It isn't his fault, however. He is just doing things the best way he knows how, and if a good tool falls into anybody's hands, you can't blame them for using it to get the job done.
When White Fang approached, I don't know why I went with them. I suppose at the time it was the new option so I took it, thinking that for once I'd be acting on my own accord, but it isn't like that here, just as it wasn't before. I am still just fighting against soldiers, when my real enemies are mere memories, or shadows in the dark, I can't get at them. Nobody can. We are all fighting the battle of our parents, started over decisions made long ago, and because of that I am fighting against children. 15 and 16 year olds determined to continue their father's legacy, following his beliefs, his heart, instead of their own, and causing the hatred and battles to continue. What do they know about the world, love, or war? That's why this war needs to end, or else we will continue until everybody has lost sight about what they are fighting over, if they ever knew to begin with, and will continue fighting long after that.
I don't know what I am fighting for any longer, except to end this war once and for all. Perhaps in that way I am most like the Gundam pilots. They aren't fighting for theories or ideas, or to control the world and colonies, only to end this as quickly and with as little damage as possible. It seems ironic then, that I am here to destroy them when it seems that with them is the place I fit in best. Yet I am here to carry out the plan of the White Fang, and I must follow orders, the one thing I know how to do. Tonight more pawns will fall. Perhaps I will be one of them. What does it matter? According to Epyon, I have no future anyway.
~owari~
Comments? Criticism? Any responses? I have another part thought out, but I will only write it if there seems to be some interest in it.
Happy Halloween everyone.