Silent Night

By: ioanhoratio

A/N: So this is a kind of tag on to "Means to an End" but it takes place at the beginning of the episode, the evening after Lindsay's testimony. I know the show didn't address it, but I really feel like Lindsay would have struggled with what happened so I wrote this. It's short, but I hope you enjoy!

She was quiet. Quiet like she had been before; before their life together. It was the same quiet that had snuck in and stole her laughter, her smile, her warmth. Danny knew this quiet and he hated it.

This wasn't her "tired" quiet, her "pondering" quiet, her "moment of respite" quiet. This was the quiet that Danny swore she would never suffer from again.

He watched her for a moment; watched as she sat cross-legged on the floor gazing up at the lights on the Christmas tree—the only light in the room. The soft golden glow illuminated her face, shining in her eyes, but Danny could see what hid beneath. He could see her sorrow.

"Linds," he called out softly, not surprised when he received no reaction. He moved closer to her, his bare feet shuffling across the carpet. He gave a small shiver before grabbing the blanket that rested on the back of the couch. The night air was frigid as the December air blew against the windows.

He draped the blanket over her shoulders before sitting down next to her on the floor. She focused on him for the first time, offering him a ghost of a smile. Her cold toes pressed against his leg as he scooted closer to her.

"Hey," she greeted quietly, not questioning why he was up at such a late hour. She stared at him, her eyes moving slowly over his features before she turned back to the lights.

Danny knew why she looked away. She knew he could see her, see her pain. This was a pain Lindsay had kept to herself for so long she still didn't know how to share it with him. She was embarrassed by that.

"You a'right?" he whispered, his voice gravelly from sleep and disuse.

She nodded. "Yeah, just couldn't sleep."

"So you're sittin' on the floor starin' at the tree in the middle of the night?" Danny asked, ensuring his voice held no accusations. He knew she feared accusations.

Lindsay blinked up at the tree, her attention captured by a single twisting, turning ornament. Danny thought she was going to ignore him, but she suddenly said, "This was one of my favorite things growing up, just sitting and staring at the tree."

She spoke softly, her eyes directly on the tree. "My mom said when I was little they would find me asleep under it. I don't really remember that though."

"Well that explains that," Danny chuckled.

Surprised by his response she turned to him. "Explains what?"

"Why I found Lucy lyin' flat on her back under the tree. Said she was 'looting at da pwetties' an' I can assure you she didn't get that from me," he said with a smile. "So clearly she got it from you."

Lindsay gave a real smile at the mention of her daughter. "Yeah, I guess she got that from me." She made to turn away from him, but Danny stopped her. He didn't want to see her go back to the world in her mind; the world that was dark and destructive.

"What's so fascinatin' about starin' at a bunch of lights?"

Lindsay frowned. "You've really never just lain under a tree and stared up the branches?"

Danny scowled. "Seriously Montana? Do I look like the type of guy to curl up under a tree and look at all the pretty, pretty lights?"

Lindsay just rolled her eyes at his superfluous display of masculinity. "Well you don't know what you're missing out on."

He scoffed.

Her eyebrows went up.

He could see the wheels turning. He knew, she knew, it was a ploy. He was distracting her, challenging, refusing to allow her to sink back into her pain. It was up to her to take the bait. He knew the hold of fear and guilt, but he couldn't pull her kicking and screaming out of it. She would sink faster. He needed to help her get her footing, so she could climb out.

She still had the option of telling him to shove off.

But his girl never backed down from a challenge.

He could see a moment of humor before she commanded, "Come here cowboy. I'm 'bout to show you something beautiful."

"Boobies?" Danny smirked, "Are we 'bout to have sex? 'Cause I really think we should move that somewhere we don't run the risk of wakin' up the three year old."

Lindsay punched him on the arm. "Shut up. Now get on your back…"

"Seriously, Linds," Danny interrupted with a wink.

With a frustrated sigh, Lindsay pushed him down. "If you don't start behaving you might have to wait until Santa appears before you will get another look at my boobies."

"Won't that be a little awkward? Don't you think the jolly ol' soul will be too busy for a three-way with us?" Danny joked, enjoying the now full blown smile on her face.

"Ew! Gross, Danny. That's not what I meant," Lindsay accused before rolling over onto her back and lying next to him. "Now be quiet and shimmy under the tree."

"This has gotta be one of the weirdest things you've asked me to do," Danny sighed as the pair of them slid their heads under the tree. "I'm gonna get pine needles in my hair."

Lindsay couldn't help the snort that escaped. "Hardly," she answered. Due to Lucy's allergies the family had resorted to using a fake tree. "Quit complaining and look."

Danny gazed up through the branches at the lights. He immediately understood why his wife and daughter found the sight so beautiful. The lights bounced off the green of the tree, looking like little fireworks dancing around. "Hey, it's pretty," he finally confessed.

"I like squinting my eyes and making the lights blurry," Lindsay told him, doing just that.

Danny followed suit. "A'right, I see why you like it." He adjusted his head one more time so that the lowest branch would no longer be tickling the tip of his nose.

The two of them lay there quietly, comfortable with the silence, until Lindsay reached out the hand closest to him and grabbed his. Their fingers intertwined as their hands rested on the floor between them.

"Today was hard Danny," she admitted.

Danny glanced at her with his eyes, but followed her lead and remained staring up the tree. "I know babe," he told her, releasing the breath he didn't realized he'd been holding onto.

"That girl, Serena Matthews, was sitting in that court room waiting for justice. I know how her heart was pounding, how her jaw was clenched, how her hands shook. I remember sitting there listening to the CSI talk about the finger prints they found and the hair and fibers and I clung to their testimonies, believing that I was going to see the monster who had been haunting my life for a decade go to jail, but today she didn't get that. Instead she got me, telling her that her rapist was going to go free…" he could hear her voice begin to break. "What…what would I have done if the judge h…had let…Daniel Katums go?" The rest of her comment was lost as Lindsay forced her lips together. Danny could see a tear roll from the corner of her eye down to her ear.

He didn't hesitate. He moved out from under the tree, using their joined hands to pull her out. She collapsed into his arms as the flood gates opened. Danny held her tightly in his arms as she sobbed. He didn't know what else to do. Lindsay didn't cry that often, and she very rarely cried this hard. There was so repression when it came to what had happened to her in Montana, that to see it creep to the surface caught them both off guard.

Danny gently rocked back and forth, whispering words of comfort and assurance, "Shh, baby girl, it's not your fault."

Lindsay continued to cling to him, sniffling loudly now that her nose was running. "It feels like my fault," she whispered against his chest.

"You had no choice," he insisted into her hair.

Lindsay pulled her tear stained face away from him, looking up at him pleadingly. "No, don't say that. I had a choice. I made the choice to tell the truth. I…I would do it again, but it feels awful. I felt like I deserved the pain because of what I did, but Danny I can't go back to that. I can't go back to that guilt. Please don't let me."

Danny pulled her into a tight hug. "I won't. I'm here 'member, an' I ain't goin' anywhere." He grabbed the discarded blanket and wrapped it around her. "I know there isn't much I can say right now that'll make you feel any better, but you have to remember that if a CSI can lie to put someone in prison, they can also lie to get someone off and those detectives in Montana told the truth to ensure Daniel Katums went to jail. They had a choice too. But Linds we tell the truth, we have to. You can't blame yourself like this."

Lindsay sighed against his neck. "I know. I know it's irrational but it's the way I feel right now."

"Then I'll jus' hold you until that feeling goes away," Danny promised.

She snuggled into him, and they just sat, staring at the lights of the tree. He could feel Lindsay growing heavy against him, and is back began burning from the strain on his muscles to be sitting up for so long with no support, so he reached out and grabbed a couple of pillows off the couch then laid them down against the soft comfort. He never let go of Lindsay and she never let go of him.

"Danny?" she said drowsily.

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're here with me."

Danny felt the corner of his mouth tug into a small smile. "Me too."

"Love you," she mumbled into his chest.

"Love you," he parroted, placing a kiss in her hair.

It wasn't the answer to everything. It didn't put a rapist behind bars. It didn't take away her pain, but it did change the quiet. It was the quiet of a husband and wife who loved and cared for each other. It was the kind of quiet that allowed them to fall asleep under the lights of the tree.

The end

Thanks for reading!

Like I said short, and hopefully sweet. And FYI I have an update for The Other Side almost ready to go!