Summary: Barry fell into a coma after going through an unsuccessful surgery, and Caitlin stayed by his side through every ups and downs of his beating heart. AU SnowBarry

I woke up, feeling completely unaware that I had fallen to a short slumber. With my eyes still feeling a little bit heavy from the short nap Ihad taken, I scanned through the white painted room. I squinted my eyes once they met the ceiling lamps.

There, right in front of my own eyes, a certain boy who I loved was lying but barely conscious, I let out a sigh of despair when I saw there was no sign of him being awake, at least not anytime soon. His body was wrapped in a light green hospital gown, but I could still see the scars he had in his arms. His eyes were shut and his skin was pale, paler than he usually was. An oxygen mask was covering his beautiful face, I barely could see his features, I remembered how he used to say that he was one of those people who had baby-face. Oh, how I missed running my fingers around his face and his cheeks.

It had been three months now, having to see the person that I loved suffered like this, and I would be lying if I said I hadn't do anything to wake him up, like holding his hands as hard as I could, or letting my tears fall right on his temple, and even kissing his forehead and not let my lips slipped away from his soft skin, I already did everything I could think of just to bring him back to me, but it seemed like every one of my efforts was as useless as it could be. And the only thing left that I could do right now was not leaving his side.

Everything seemed to get more difficult each day for me, I found it harder and harder to breathe, to move, or to speak. The doctors, the nurses, my family, and my friends would assure me that everything would get better on the right time, only if I had faith in it. And right now I started to think, maybe my hope and faith had ran out. But despite all that, I still found a good thing from it. I got to spend everyday with him, and I promised him that I would cherish every second that I shared with him.

One of my newly found hobby was to listen to the sound of his heart monitor that somehow kept me at ease, at least I knew he was still alive and that he was still there, maybe he was sitting next to me and held me, or maybe he was paying a visit to his family, or maybe he was floating around and having a journey. And as I was listening to the beeping of his heart monitor, I could hear someone opened the door.

It was Ronnie.

"Hi." he murmured as he took a seat beside me, he must have tried not to be too loud as Barry would probably heard him,as if he could.

I smiled, feeling his presence warmed a part of my heart a little bit, at least I knew that I wasn't the only one who had to see Barry this way.

"Hey." I answered softly as I tried to pull out a small and yet sincere smile.

He looked at me for a brief moment before he shot me a sympathetic smile. I knew what that smile was for, "I look like a complete mess, don't I?"

"Not really," he paused, "but you do look like someone who needs a 12 hours of sleep." he replied with a smile, causing me to chuckle a little bit.

"Don't you think you need to rest?" he asked with his voice sounded so soft and warm, the smile he had was now erased by a concern look. I shook my head in response, causing him to furrow his eyebrows.

"You need some proper rest, Caitlin." he answered. He got a point there, it had been ages since the last time I had a proper sleep. I couldn't even remember the last time I went home -the apartment which I shared with Barry - I had spent either my time here at this dull hospital or at my mother's house. I couldn't bear going back to the place I shared with Barry, there were so many memories that we had there.

I knew exactly that I had been killing myself by acting like this, by not taking care of myself. Barry would hate me if he saw me like this. I knew that Ronnie was right about me needing to rest but my ego told me that it was not as much as Barry needed me to be with him.

"I need to be here." I whispered quietly, earning a frown from him.

"You need to go home, Caitlin. Clean yourself up, get some rest," he trailed off, "I could watch over him."

I feel like I wanted to deny his kind offer since Ronnie had been caring enough towards me and he was always a help since the very beginning.

"You have a loving girlfriend waiting for you at home." I replied.

He sighed, "I'm sure she knows that I have a good reason why I stay here'

"I'm capable of looking after him." I replied stubbornly, only to earn a sad look from him.

"He's my friend too, you know," he stopped, "you really do need to go home and rest."

I let out a heavy sigh, giving up and nodded my head as I muttered a quiet thank you.

"Please inform me if anything happens." I said as I uncomfortably scratched the back of my neck.

He shot me a soft smile, "I sure will."

"You can ask Ollie to take you home." he suggested, knowing that I probably had no energy left inside me. I looked at him and said yes, as I grabbed my bag. I had left my blanket and pillows in case he might need it.

"I left the pillows and blanket, I know you'll probably need them. Thank you again." I said, earning a simple nod from him. I mouthed, "Bye, Barry" as I closed the door, leaving Barry in the watch of Ronnie.

I made my way to the waiting room, I was greeted by almost every nurses who apparently had known me, as I practically lived here now. In the waiting room, I saw Oliver and Cisco were both sitting with their eyes focused on the screen of their mobile phones.

All three of Barry's mates were regular visitors aside from me, as they would always visit him everyday, if not every two or three days. They would even offer to stay the night to watch him so I could rest. I honestly appreciated every single effort they made to help and to make me feel better about this whole situation.

"Ollie," I called out quietly, not trying to disturb the nurses who were walking around doing their duties. Oliver's head snapped out at my direction as he heard me calling for him.

"Hi." he greeted me and smiled before going back to his signature serious look, he looked as serious as everyone in that dull waiting room.

"Uh, I was wondering if you can take me to my mother's? You remember where is it right?" I asked, biting my bottom lip. A smile plastered on his face, "Sure. Shall we go now?"

I quickly answered, "Yes, please." My head started pounding badly that I felt like I could pass out at any moment, I sure needed more rest than what I had thought before.

"Oi Cisco! I'm going to take Caitlin to her mom's." Oliver said to Cisco, half-shouting to be precise, earning a dirty and angry glare from the nurses. Cisco only put his thumb up, not bothering to say goodbye or even glance at us which caused Oliver to roll his eyes in annoyance while I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Come on, let's take you home."

The car ride was spent in a good 10 minutes of silence, both of us weren't dare to say a word, or we barely had any topic to discuss. I had to admit that I never was close to any of Barry's friends before this, and even after this I still sometimes felt not welcome around them. However, they have been very supportive towards this whole situation and they've helped me taking care of myself.

Ever since Barry and I started dating, I could feel that Barry had distant himself a little bit from his mates just because he used to put me as his priority before them, which made me feel like a terrible person. At one point or another I even thought that his mates actually hated me. They would just ignore me and pretended like I didn't even exist whenever we met at any occasions. But I think ever since the tragedy, their hatred had melt away and turned into pity towards me.

"So, how have you been, Caitline?" he asked while his eyes were looking at the road in front of him.

"A bit restless, but I'm good. How about you, Oliver?"

"Never been better actually!" he beamed, his serious expression had somehow turned to a rather excited one.

I sighed as I looked to his face, it was plastered with happiness and he was actually grinning. Seeing his happiness didn't help but only made me wish that I could be as happy as he was, it killed me to think that I might not be happy again. At least not anytime soon.

"You seemed a little off Caitlin. Are you sure you are good?" Oliver asked, as he noticed that I had a change of expression.

"I feel really tired that's all. I'll be fine after a long rest, I think." I replied in all honesty.

I saw Oliver shrugged his shoulders, "Okay then, you know that I'll be happy to help if you need anything."

"Anyway here we are. Your mother's house." he said as he stopped his car in front of the red painted house that was the loyal witness of the 18 years of my life. I sighed a relief as I could picture myself wrapped by my blankets in just a matter of time.

"Thanks for the ride, Ollie." I said sincerely. "Would you like to come inside? It's already time for the dinner, I guess."

Oliver shook his head and then smiled, "Thank you for the offer, but I gotta hit back to the hospital. Say hello to your mother from me though."

I shrugged as I opened the door to get out of the car, "Thanks again."

"Take care of yourself, Caitlin."

I closed the car door and waved at him before he drove away. I sighed yet again, feeling exhausted both mentally and physically.

Right before I reached for the front door, I saw my mother was already bursting out from the house. She smiled at me, but I could see a glint of sadness and worry in her face. "Ah, you are here." She said as she wrapped her arms around me and enveloped me in a big and warm hug.

"C'mon dear, get in. Clean yourself up and then have dinner, it's all ready." She smiled as she led me inside.

I quickly made my way to my room, and cleaned myself up. I knew that I had not been taking care of myself properly and when I looked into the mirror as I stripped down all I see was a pale skinny girl who looked like she had never heard of activities called sleeping and eating, there were big dark circles under my eyes and my cheekbones were shown too much.

I realized that I had developed a very unhealthy routine that I sure wasn't proud of, I would sleep for three or four hours top, I would skip meals just because I had no desire to eat, and I would cry and cry everytime no one is looking.

For almost an hour, I just stood there under the running shower doing nothing until I realised that my fingers had turned wrinkly from being in contact with the water too much. I quickly stepped out of the shower and changed into a comfortable pieces of clothing before making my way to the dining room where my family had already waited for me.

And there I was, sitting in the dining room along with the people I shared all my life with, and yet all I felt was the big gap of distance between every one of us. It seemed funny how we used to share everything, and now I didn't even know what they were all up to. I had been too caught up with my situation that I had forgotten a few things that actually mattered.

"Honey, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, dad."

"You haven't even touched your chicken salad. It's your favorite." my mom added as she furrowed her eyebrows. I just shook my head and then took a small bite of the chicken salad.

"How's it going with everyone?" I asked, trying to make this dinner less awkward than it already was.

"Your not-so-little brother is the captain of football now." my mom exclaimed, earning a proud smile from my 17 year old brother, Charlie. I smiled, "Good for you."

"And in addition, your mother and I are going on a trip to Bora-bora next month." dad added as he held mom's hand. They both looked genuinely happy, which hurt me a little. But I smiled yet again, "That sounds really nice, dad."

My smile faded away when I noticed that everyone in my family was happy and everyone around me also felt the same way, and yet I felt like I was the only one around here who didn't feel like happiness even existed. I've drowned myself in my own sorrow that I had forgotten how exactly it felt to be happy.

Maybe they all noticed the look of sadness in my eyes, since their facial expressions changed.

"Darling, how have you been?" I heard my mom asked, but everything seemed to only get blurry.

"I'm fine mom, honest."

It was a lie.

I was not fine, not even a little bit.

My mom raised her eyebrows, but then she stayed quiet since she knew I didn't like it when they brought up Barry's condition to our conversation, so we all just continued having dinner in silence. I took a few bites before I decided that I already had enough.

"If you all excuse me, my head is pounding."

I quickly made my way straight to my bedroom, and then threw myself onto the comfortable bed. The soft surface felt like heaven to my back, the sofa in the hospital was nowhere near comfortable. It killed my back, so badly.

I was just about to close my eyes, when I heard a knock coming from the door. I sighed, "Come in."

It was my mom.

"Is it a bad time, honey?"

I shook my head, "It's fine, mom. What brings you up here?"

My mom sat herself on my bed, right beside me. She stroked my hair gently and softly. I hadn't felt this much of comfort in months. She just sat there, stroking my hair without saying anything.

"You know dear," she started.

I looked up to my mother who had stopped stroking my hair and now was staring at my eyes. "You're never good at lying, especially to me."

I sighed heavily.

"Tell me dear, how do you exactly feel?"

"I'm desperate, and a little scared too. I'm a really terrible mess, mom."

She smiled softly as she looked at me warmly and I could see the wrinkles started to form in the corner of her eyes and near her cheeks. "You feel like a mess because you let yourself feel that way, Barry wouldn't want to see you like this."

I shivered at the mention of Barry's name unlike any other times, hearing his name used to make me happy, but now it did nothing but only caused a stinging pain on my chest.

Despite it all, I knew that my mom was right.

"You are never alone, Cait." she assured me.

"But mom, I feel like everything is too much. I can't handle everything on my own." I said as the tears I had been trying to hold back started to fall from my eyes.

"Then don't, you don't have to do everything on your own. I know it's hard for you, but stop being so hard on yourself. He's proud of you, you know that?"

I nodded my head, earning a smile from her. "As for now, you need to go to sleep and just don't think about it too much." She said as she wiped up the tears from my cheeks and then placed a warm kiss on my forehead.

"Thanks, mum."

Just like that, I closed my eyes and fell into a deep slumber.

Author's note:

Hello my fellow reader(s), apparently this is gonna be a minific consisting about 10-15 chapters.

Anyway, please do tell me if I should continue with this story or not and feedbacks are always welcome :)