Author's note: Hello there fanfiction community. This is my first fanfic attempt ever! I'm hoping to turn it into a full story if the reviews lead me in that way, so please review, and I really appreciate all honest and criticism. So without further adieu - enjoy!

Chapter 1

Peeta was back. He had been back in my life for only a matter of weeks, but still in this time I couldn't get used to his presence. Yes, he had helped me to get through the worst of my depression, helped me to overcome the crippling pain that held me down for so long after returning to district 12, but still, I couldn't put my finger on what was the matter with me. And it was with me, it was my problem not his. He had been nothing but a perfect gentleman, planting the beautiful primrose bush to commemorate my sister, helping me add to my family book with his beautiful paintings and sketches. Yet I couldn't fully accept him back in my life. Not after everything we had been through.

I know that he was starting to get tired of putting in so much effort. I could see the disappointment in his face when I would once again decline his various invitations; to join him for dinner, to help him in the bakery or even my favourite thing in the world – to go for a walk in the woods. District 12 had changed now that it was under Paylor's rule. The people could move freely among the districts, there were more jobs, more food and more happiness than I had ever seen in my short life. But what I appreciated most of all was the freeness of leaving the district boundaries. The fence was no longer electrified; it was just left standing to keep out any predators that may get the idea of wandering into the district for an easy meal. Yes, Panem had changed, its people had changed but me? Am I even one of Panem's people anymore, or just a figment of imagination – a fire mutt?

I feel the blackness creeping over me again. These thoughts always brought it on. The only way to get over it was to find a dark crevice somewhere where I can't be disturbed, somewhere where I can't bring any harm to anyone around me. When I reverted back to being the fire mutt I couldn't be trusted. I turn rabid... feral. I know it worries the people who care about me most, during these episodes I hear Greasy Sae call my name, and I hear her cooking in the kitchen and smell the delicious smells that would normally make me salivate. But a Mutt does not salivate.

On the 4th day I hear him, softly whispering my name at first but gradually becoming more fearful when he gets no reply. I stir in my nest, I somehow worked my way into the attic this time and was buried in a mound of rags; my mother had probably stored them some time ago when she still was caring for the people in 12. He must have been listening intently because he found the source of the noise, moved the rags until my face was visible. "Katniss", he whispered, "This can't go on. I know what it's like; I face them same battles every day. Let me in, I can help you… well… I can try".

Hearing his voice brings new feelings to the front of my mind. I no longer feel scared of hurting everyone around me. However I now feel terrified of hurting him. This must be what's different this time. Memories of that day in the arena flash in front of my eyes. The flash of the force field. Thinking I had lost him forever. I couldn't let that happen again. I couldn't live with the knowledge that it would be me, not me, the fire mutt, that would be responsible for making him disappear from this planet.

Still he doesn't leave. He sits near the entrance of the attic, silently watching me. Does he not realise the danger he is in? Still, if I can just control myself enough to not move a muscle, perhaps he would stay safe. He sat like that, hunched under the rafters for over 24 hours, not sleeping or eating but always watching. Waiting to see if the darkness that encompassed my eyes would fade. He must have seen it before I felt it leaving because he walked up to me and placed a tentative hand on my cheek. "Hey", he said softly. I looked into his eyes, the two blue pools on his strained face; it can't have been comfortable sitting with me all that time. Even though he has been through so much more than me, even though his mind and been taken over and controlled by the Capitol, something in there must still love me. That's when it hit me. This time felt different, I felt as though I couldn't accept him into my life again because I didn't know that he still loved me. The invitations he had offered earlier seemed like empty gestures, something to get me out of the house or to try to be friends. But sitting here for so long, sitting where there was not enough space for his broad frame to possibly get comfortable, no food, no water, no sleep… he must still really love me despite what I put him through. A swoop of guilt passed through my stomach as I realised how horrible I had been, because, let's face it, deep down I loved him too. "Hey", I smiled back at him before pulling myself up using his neck, my lips meeting his on the ascent.

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