Disclaimer: I do not own Police Quest: In Pursuit of the Death Angel; Jim Walls created it, and Sierra owns it.
Playing Poker With the Bad Guys
It was a lively evening at the Hotel Delphoria. Various people had come to spend time with their loved ones, or to have some drinks in the hotel's cocktail lounge. But a handful of selected men were doing something illegal behind the walls of the cocktail lounge, in the back room. Four groups of men in flashy suits, some of them wearing shades to keep their identities less obvious, were playing card games for big stakes. And at one table, four criminal card sharks were playing against each other in 5-Card Draw Poker. Their names were Otto Lipschitz, Gene Bamboni, Leroy Pierson, and Frank Sloan, but Leroy and Frank were actually hit man Jason Taselli and the "Death Angel," Jessie Bains, respectively.
"I don't know why I'm playing this," said Leroy, "I should be out doing some more hits tonight."
"Come on, Leroy," said Frank impatiently, "Are we going to play cards or what?"
"Why bother?" Leroy replied, "The cards are terrible tonight."
"I like the look of my hand," said Gene, "I'll call."
"I guess I'll raise you five dollars," said Otto slyly.
"I'll call," said Frank.
"That's too much for my book," said Leroy, folding.
"I call," said Gene. "What've you got, Otto?"
Otto laughed quietly and showed his cards. "Read those and weep!"
Frank stared disbelievingly. "A Pair of Deuces? What do you think this is, Lowball?"
"Hey, take it easy Frank," said Otto, "Poker is all about bluffing in order to win."
"True, but usually that bluffing makes the opposing players give up and fold their hands, not continue to call or raise them," said Frank, frowning. "And anyway, I pulled my fourth King on the last card. Four of a Kind!"
"Straight Flush!" said Gene, laying down his hand.
"Well, well," said Frank, "somebody is lucky tonight."
"I'll say he is," said Leroy. "That was a pretty stupid hand you played, Otto. Even my hand was better than that, though not by much."
"Okay, whose deal is it, now?" asked Frank.
"Mine," said Otto.
"And it's dealer's choice, so what game are we going to play, Otto?" asked Frank.
"Ace-5 Lowball," said Otto.
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" asked Leroy.
"Aha, you guessed correctly that Frank's mention of Lowball put me in the mood," said Otto with a grin. "But I'm going to bend the rules a little bit with this hand."
"You'd better not be using that as a cover for breaking the rules," said Gene.
"Of course not, Gene!" said Otto indignantly. "Now this is how it goes. As usual, face cards are the worst cards, but a Straight or a Flush counts as a losing hand, black Jacks are wild, and the first person who gets a winning hand yells, "LOWBALL!"
"I should have guessed," said Leroy sarcastically.
Otto dealt the cards. They looked at their hands. Otto threw down three cards, while Frank and Gene threw down two each. Leroy looked at his hand and frowned. He threw down all his cards.
"I fold," he said.
"You can't!" said Otto.
"But I have the best hand," protested Leroy. "That makes me an automatic loser."
"But only the dealer can fold in my version of Lowball," said Otto. "You'll just have to sit there and keep betting your whole fortune until you really do lose."
Frank chortled. "With illegal changes in rules like this, Otto Lipschitz," he said, "you can be a card player after my own dark heart!"
Leroy scowled. "Well, in that case, I'll double my bet," he said, again, sarcastically.
They placed their bets, and continued the hand through each round of Lowball. After the second round, Otto really seemed to be enjoying himself. Gene looked perplexed, and Frank looked frustrated with his hand, but threw some admiring looks at Otto's face. Leroy looked like he wished that it would all end as quickly as possible.
The third round passed, and Otto stopped dropping cards. Leroy and Gene seemed to be having a really hard time tonight. Frank knew he was losing, but he always admired card players who could play not only with the best luck, but also with the best ways of being sneaky. His gambling was not illegal for nothing.
Finally, in the fourth and final round, Frank, Gene, and Leroy called one more time. At that moment, Otto examined his cards one last time and shouted, "I WIN! LOWBALL! Ha, ha, ha, ha!" He showed off a hand with a Nine, a Seven, a Five, a Deuce, and an Ace. Then he gathered up all the wages he earned as Leroy looked irritated.
"Boy, they don't call you 'Lucky Lipschitz' for nothing," Frank said, smiling.
"I wish I could use my gun in a place like this!" said Leroy, standing up.
"Oh, no, you don't, Leroy!" said Frank harshly, "We can't afford to let the common citizens of Lytton know that we're headquartered here, or that we have this illegal gambling operation in the back rooms."
"Yeah, whatever," sighed Leroy.
"I love this game! Let's play again!" exclaimed Otto.
"Oh no, sir-y," said Gene, "I'm the dealer now, and it's always dealer's choice, and dealer says 'Pineapple High/Low.'"
"Pineapple High/Low?'" asked Leroy.
"That's right," said Gene, "I'll need two decks of cards and a pineapple."
"But you don't actually use a pineapple as a bet in a game," said Otto, "You need real money."
"Not the way I play it," said Gene proudly. "What do you boys say? Want to try something a little unconventional?"
"Why not?" said Frank agreeably, "If Otto had the right to bend the rules of Lowball a bit, Gene can have us play a game with a fruit, as long as we use real money on the side, too, because the wages are what these games are all about."
"Not me," said Leroy. "I'm getting tired of all these wacky bullshit ideas for false card games, and I've lost a lot of money. Besides, I just realized that I'm behind on schedule to track down and bump off Lonny West."
"Smart thinking, Jason," whispered Frank/Bains, "but don't say it so loudly in here! I don't want our other players to get nervous or anything."
"Whatever you say, boss," said Taselli. "Thanks for a wonderful evening!" And he left.
"You're welcome!" Otto shouted. Then he turned to Bains and Gene and said, "Based on my winnings in Lowball, you guys owe me fifty dollars."
Bains blinked. "What? I didn't think we lost that much!"
"Don't worry about it, Frank," said Gene, "We're going to get a chance to win our money back. Okay, everybody ante in for Pineapple High/Low." He placed a pineapple on the Poker table. So did Bains.
They looked at Otto expectantly, noticing that he seemed to be off in la-la land. After a moment, he finally came to be aware of what was going on. "He said, "Okay, I'm in," and he tossed a pineapple from out of nowhere onto the table.
His card-playing buddies didn't know what they were going to do with or without him.