International House of Psycho Lunatics
By Larien
Chapter 1
Resumes, IHOP, and Japan Depot
Summary: Malik, Marik, and Bakura decide to open up their own business, and what is it? Well you'll just have to guess! Very old plot probably…but with new twists!
Genre: Humor/Humor
Rating: K+ - T (PG – PG13)
Warnings: Language, implied violence
Disclaimer: I don't own YuGiOh, or anything else here that is copyrighted
It was a beautiful bright day in Domino City, and Malik and Marik were busy watching Judge Judy…the verdict was just coming when…
DING DONG
"Who dares disturb my verdict reading when I'm about to do verdict reading?" The TV suddenly said…
Malik's eyes popped wide open while Marik went to answer the door.
It was Bakura.
"Bakura…come in…" Marik said casually.
Bakura took off his shoes and went in.
Marik shut off the TV just as Judge Judy was about to pronounce the verdict…
"WHO DARES SHUT OFF MY TV!" Malik yelled.
"I dare…" Marik drawled out.
"Mommy…" Malik whimpered.
Bakura cleared his throat.
"Anyways, the point why I dragged my ass two miles to your house…" Bakura coughed.
"Why?" Malik asked.
"Well…the stupid dweeb crew…I mean the almighty pharaoh and his stupid little gang of friends are going to open a restaurant…well not really…and I being the competitive person…bet him, his restaurant is supposed to be stupid and imaginary for my aibou's home economics class…and he bet that we couldn't last a day working in a real restaurant…that's where you come in, you have to work with me…" Bakura said.
"Our prize?" Marik asked boredly.
"Ultimate…power…over the pharaoh…for…a month." Bakura smirked.
Malik's little eyes widened.
"Are you sure?" He asked excitedly.
"Yep…so long as we don't take his stupid puzzle. And if we lose, we have to be his servants for a week…" Bakura drawled.
"Woohoo!" Malik yelled.
"So…are we gonna get started or not?" Bakura asked.
Marik only grinned in return.
The whole weekend Bakura spent at the Ishtar's…while Isis found it no use to question the three maniacs…as long as they weren't that destructive she found it fine. In fact they were typing up resumes…which Bakura had conveniently researched in a dictionary.
Resume - /rezyoomay/ noun. Summary
"Well…that explains a lot…" Malik said.
"A whole lot." Marik nodded in agreement.
"Check this out!" Bakura yelled looking up from the computer screen.
Marik and Malik rushed over. Indeed this was worth "checking out" because it was a website full of stolen resumes! Perfect! Step one on their thieving list to beat the Pharaoh…the website conveniently was called and so reliable! Marik scanned through the resumes and located one that was by some guy named Bob Joe Johnson…fair enough. He printed it out and proceeded to cross out stupid stuff, so in the end Bob Joe Johnson was whited out and instead it had Yami Marik Ishtar, the address was now displayed in Domino City, and other things…were just messy. Malik chose his to from a guy named Jim Bob Smith, while Bakura decided on some old guy named Jim Bob Joe. And then the fixed up their new resumes by typing them slowly again on the computer with one finger which seemed to take until 2am in the morning considering Malik's lack of computer expertise.
Tick
Tack
Tick
Tack
Tick
"Look! I spelled out Malik in 5 whole minutes!" Malik said proudly.
"Great now…spell Ishtar in one minute and I'll give you a cookie." Marik yawned.
Malik looked at the keyboard excitedly…
Tick (i)
"Oops…"
Delete
Tick (I)
Tack (s)
Tick (h)
Tack (t)
Tick (a)
Tack (r)
"Yay! I did it!" Malik yelled.
"Good for you…have a cookie." Marik tossed Malik a cookie…
And pretty soon…about 3 hours later Malik finished typing up Jim Bob Smith's resume in the "cute" little Curlz font. And now it was Marik's turn to type up Bob Joe Johnson's resume…I mean…Marik Ishtar's resume…and so about another 2 hours later Bob Joe Johnson's I mean Marik Ishtar's resume was finished. Printed out in neat Edwardian Script Letters. Which by the way were hardly legible in size 8 font…finally it was Bakura's turn to retype Jim Bob Joe's resume…just then…
"HEY!" Bakura yelled, "We never went to hobo school!"
Malik and Marik looked down at their resumes sure enough all of them said…school: Hobo International School…
"YOU DIPWAD! Where'd you find our darn resumes!" Marik yelled.
Bakura pulled up the webpage…
"YOU DOOFUS! You found them under the HOBO section! SEE!" Marik jabbed his finger on the computer screen.
Bakura winced…
"Oh…"
Marik angrily pulled up the Restaurant Business Resumes and copied one by some guy named Phineus Nigel Smith, pasted it on to Microsoft Word, and made the changes.
He hastily printed it out, and then muttered something about the font being wrong so he changed it to Edwardian Script Size 8 and printed it again…this time it printed Edwardian Script but instead on the second page…only half printed, the other half was faded and messed up…guess what that meant? No ink!
"ARGH! WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN TO ME!" Marik tugged on his head.
Bakura stole out the door and grabbed Malik with him, stealing off to then nearest Japan Depot. At the front of the slidey doors, Bakura conveniently picked the lock and let himself in, telling Malik to keep a watch for people. Bakura went in, stole a shopping cart and tripped over a packet of pens…
"Ra cursed pens…" Bakura swore under his breath.
He zoomed towards the printer section only to trip over a box of highlighters…
"Darn highlighters!"
And towards the printers…to find himself staring at a nice envelope opener…that was sharp…and pointy…and shiny…very Bakura.
He grabbed it and this time went to the printer aisle to trip over a cord…
"This place is cursed."
Finally he reached the printer aisle…only to find that the printer aisle didn't have inkjets…only printers. So Bakura had to travel halfway across the store again to the inkjet aisle…and this time to trip on a stapler…
"Shiny stapler…nice stapler…staple pharaoh's pointy head to the chair…yes my pretty." And with that Bakura threw the stapler into the shopping cart. Only to find that he wanted to glue the pharaoh too…so he went off searching for glue…and when he found the glue…he wanted envelope sticky labels to write "I'm A Doofus" all over and stick them to the pharaoh too! And when he found those he wanted stickers…sparkly shiny stickers…and naturally he had to rob the whole sticker aisle…and when he finished that he realized that Ryou's computer was old and outdated…Windows 95 to be exact…I mean who in the right mean still uses Windows 95! So Bakura being the incredibly nice Yami he was went and robbed the store of it's best black computer. Flat Screen, LCD moniter, Dell, Intel Pentium Processor, definitely cool, and he robbed all the cool computer games too…and then he decided…Ryou's computer is Ryou's computer…so better get a computer for himself too…and Bakura picked up an even cooler Black Computer for himself…if that was possible.
At last…after all those pitstops…Bakura had to go to the bathroom! And so he whizzed off to the bathroom…only to find that his pants zipper was stuck…(sigh)…and Bakura then grabbed the extremely sharp pair of pointy unsafety scissors and cut off his pants…unfortunately he stabbed himself in his "sensitive area" with the extremely pointy pair of scissors…and so now he was sobbing uncontrollably on the ground…okay…not really, he was just clutching his "rod" and rolling around on the ground…
And finally after five more minutes of dramatic rolling and fangirls coming to comfort him, Bakura got up and went to the bathroom…
After five more minutes of excessive cursing our favorite tomb robber realized, he didn't have any pants…and he was wearing "the" boxers, the one with dead pharaohs on them, that wasn't a good idea, especially on Friday night in public. But still he whizzed through the place and stuffed inkjets in the cart, then whizzed back out and with out much a notice grabbed Malik and stuffed him into the cart as well! Then Bakura ran half a block back to the Ishtar household.
Back at the Ishtar household, Marik was still trying and failing to pull his hair out. Bakura whizzed thru the door, jammed an inkjet into the printer and pressed print.
And whiz…
Click
Click
Click
3 Minutes Later-
The last sheet dropped out and Bakura tapped Marik on the shoulder.
"Here ya go buddy!" Bakura shoved the papers in Marik's hand then proceeded to print his papers out in SCARY font, and Malik's out in Curlz.
The three picked up their resumes and stashed them in to "professional" clear plastic binders and promptly fell asleep.
The next morning was raining, bad…and the trio sure weren't in a good mood, in fact their moods were sucky! But still they went into IHOP, International House Of Pancakes, and handed in their resumes, or rather shoved their resumes to the poor waitress, while the waitress scurried down the back, and minutes later returned to get them…3 opening positions, waiter, cashier, and sanitation. Who would get what?
Authoress Notes:
First chapter done, what'd you think? Crappy? Good? Bad? Delete? Tell me!