Birthday Blues

Despite the arguments with Aaron, Robert's hoping for a birthday he'll never forget. He gets his wish, but for all the wrong reasons.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Emmerdale

Robert sighed as he lay in bed in the small box room at Keeper's Cottage. The glow from his phone strained his eyes as he checked his texts for the 5th time since waking up half an hour ago. He really had forgotten. Either that or he didn't care. Aaron's never been one to make a fuss over birthdays, Not his own, or anyone else's for that matter. He smiled when his phone vibrated in his hand, but smile soon slipped when he saw a text from Pete.

"Happy Birthday you old git! What do you want for your birthday? A zimmer-frame or a glass for your dentures? LMAO! Welcome to your 30's lad!"

"Yeah.. Happy birthday to me..." Robert whispered, pulling himself up from his bed, and out of the warmth of his duvet. His room was surprisingly cold for late April, he shivered as he pulled on his dressing gown and yanked open his bedroom door. The smell of bacon and eggs cooking downstairs made his stomach growl. He yawned as he slowly made his way down the stairs, and was relieved to see that Victoria kept the promise Robert had forced her to make three days ago. No fuss, no big gestures, who wanted to celebrate getting older?

"Morning!" Victoria smiled, leaning in to hug her brother. "I hope you're hungry."

Robert shrugged and sat down at the table, pouring himself a cup of tea from the pot.

"What's up?" Victoria asked, placing Robert's breakfast in front of him.

"Aaron."

"What's he done now?" Victoria sighed, plating up her own breakfast.

"He's forgotten." Robert sighed. "I know we're not on the best terms at the minute after that argument we had, but we're still together. I'd expect at least a text from him."

"Robert, Aaron's best left alone, to work himself out of his mood, and to be fair to him, you did say some pretty hurtful things to him. He doesn't need to be reminded of his past every time you two have a falling out."

"I know." Robert sighed, resting his head on the table. "I'm such an idiot."

Victoria reached across the table and squeezed Robert's shoulder. "He'll come round."

"I need to get over myself really. I need to stop getting so worked up when I see THEM together. I know it's all my fault, that we split up, went through a bitter divorce...The best thing about it was I got Aaron. I'd never change that for the world, but i though HE would know better. Mind you, what goes around comes around, right? I stole Katie from him... I just guess I never thought that he'd do it with Chrissie."

"Hey, come on, Cheer up! It's your birthday!"

"Yeah" Robert smiled. "Did you get me a present?"

"No. You said "No Fuss". You made me promise."

"When I said no fuss, I meant don't make a big deal out of it! No stupid surprise parties or anything, not no presents!"

"Sorry bro..."

Robert sighed and stood up. "I'm going out." The front door slammed behind him, and seconds later, there was a knock at the door. Victoria opened it to see her brother still standing there.

"I need to get dressed first..."

Victoria shook her head and smiled as Robert stomped up the stairs.

eeeeeee

Aaron's fingers hovered over the "send" button, he sighed and shook his head, and threw his phone to the side. Why should he always be the one to break first? Robert was HORRIBLE to him, made him look a right prat in the pub 3 days ago. Aaron had barely been out of his room since. Everyone knew now. Knew the pain that Aaron went through when he lost Jackson, what he did to himself, and Robert belittled him for it in front of half the village, made him out to be some kind of freak, who'd love him with all those scars? All because Andy came into the pub, declaring that he and Chrissie were now an item. Even a year after the divorce, and 9 months of Robert officially dating Aaron, she still had a hold over him, and she loved every minute of it. They were as bad as each other. The thing that started it all off though, was when Robert and Aaron kissed while standing at the bar, Aaron was the first to break the kiss, and noticed Robert's gaze was fixed on Chrissie and Andy, probably was during that kiss as well. Aaron got annoyed and then Robert started with the abuse. Even Chrissie stuck up for Aaron, it ended with Chas slapping him and throwing him out of the pub, and Aaron walking to the back room, tears rolling down his face.

Fuck him. It was his turn to prove how sorry he was. Robert needed to prove to Aaron that it was him he wanted, him that he loved. Birthday or no birthday, Robert fucking Sugden had some making up to do.

eeeeee

Robert flicked through the books as he sat in the portacabin at Holy Scrap. After a shaky few months, which almost resulted in the scrapyard closing, the business was now going from strength to strength, even if Aaron was now running it on his own. Adam had decided a few weeks back that he wanted out, it didn't appeal to him any more, it was going downhill and Adam had washed his hands of it. He'd asked his Mum for his job back on the farm before he'd even told Aaron what he'd done, it left Aaron in a poor situation, Adam had refused to pay his share of the business back to Robert, leaving the scrapyard thousands of pound in debt. Aaron turned it all around though, when he impressed a couple of clients who owned a garage just outside of Hotten. They'd bought more work Aaron's way, and then passed on recommendations to many other businesses in Hotten.

Robert placed the books back into the filing cabinet, and sat at the desk, waiting for Aaron to start work. The door opened and Scrappy bounded in, closely followed by Aaron, he saw Robert and turned, leaving the cabin again. Robert chased after him.

"Aaron, wait!"

"Thought of more hurtful things to ay to me have you?" Aaron spat. "Well I tell you what, why don't we do it in the cafe at lunchtime yeah? I know you like your audiences."

"Aaron.."

"Save it Robert, I've got nothing to say to you."

"Then at least hear what I've gotta say?"

"Hear you say what Robert? That it's all Chrissie and Andy's fault? That they are the reason you said those things to me? Made me look a prat? Do you have ANY idea how mortifying that was? To have the man that I love belittle me like that? To call me a murderer? To tell me that If I'd done a better job in the garage all those years ago I wouldn't be here now, causing all the hurt I have? Ruining your marriage to Chrissie?"

Tears fell from Aaron's eyes and Robert instinctively reached out to wipe them away. Aaron stepped back and shook his head. "Don't..."

"I'm so sorry Aaron, I'm really, really sorry. I love you so much, you know that right?"

"I thought I did.." Aaron whispered "But someone who loves me wouldn't do that to me. Wouldn't hurt me like you have. I don't know if I can ever forgive you for that."

"Aaron no...Please, just give me a chance..."

"You've had more than enough. Just go, Robert. Oh and you'll be getting a cheque delivered soon. I'm closing the scrapyard. All the money that we've earned these past couple of years is going straight back to you. More than what you paid in."

"But you've done really well with this! You can't throw it away!"

"If it helps me to forget you...That's all i can see when I look around Robert. I see you, You NEVER had the faith in me and Adam to do this. You just invested because you wanted an excuse to be around me. Debbie's got hours at the garage, Mum's got a few spare shifts in the pub. I'll get by. I want nothing to do with you any more..."

Robert stepped forward and cupped Aaron's face in his hands "Please Aaron... Don't do this. I need you!"

"I already feel horrible doing this to you on your birthday, but If I don't do it now... I'm scared I never will. I've never been all big-headed and that, but I deserve better than you." Aaron grabbed Robert's hands, and pushed him away. "See you around."

Robert watched Aaron walk away and slid down the car he was leaning against, he held his head in his hands and sobbed bitterly.

eeeeee

He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there for, but when he raised his head he could see it was starting to get dark. He sighed and pulled himself up, brushing the dust and mud off the back of his jeans. He slowly walked back into the village. He needed to see Aaron, he sneaked round the back of the pub and let himself in through the side door, Chas was sitting on the sofa, her nose buried in some fashion magazine. He cleared his throat and she looked up, scowled and went back to her magazine.

"Where's Aaron?"

"He doesn't want to see you."

"He's upstairs then?" Robert asked, moving to them. Chas jumped out of her seat and raced after him, pulling him back.

"What part of "He doesn't want to see you" don't you get?"

"He tell you what happened at the scrapyard today?"

"He did" Chas grinned. "About time he wised up, saw you for what you really are."

"Please Chas, just 5 minutes, that's all I'm asking for. Just let me say goodbye to him, and that's it, I'll leave him alone. I'll leave the village if I have to! Just let me see him, just one more time.."

Chas sighed and stepped to the side. "FIVE minutes Robert."

Robert nodded "Thanks."

He climbed the stairs and knocked on the door "Aaron? Can I come in?"

Getting no reply, he opened the door, and saw him. lying on his bed, asleep. Robert sighed and walked over to him. He looked so peaceful. Robert knelt down on the floor and gently caressed Aaron's cheek. He felt cold. Robert smiled and pulled extra blanket up that was at the bottom of Aaron's bed. "I'm going away Aaron. I don't know if I'll be back, It's for the best, I'll always love you, you know. And I'll never forgive myself for saying those things to you. You were the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I hope that you do move on, that you do find someone who you'll love, who won't treat you the way I have..." Robert reached under the covers and grabbed Aaron's hand..something didn't feel right. He pulled of the blankets and saw a deep red, bloody cut on Aaron's wrist. "Oh god Aaron..." He clamped his hand over the cut, and reached over for Aaron's other arm, to see a similar wound on the wrist too.

"CHAS! CHAS CALL AN AMBULANCE NOW!"

Chas raced up the stairs and screamed at the sight infront of her "What did you do to him?"

"I didn't do anything! I found him like this! Just get an ambulance!"

Hearing the commotion from downstairs, Cain was soon standing at the bedroom door, He stormed over and pulled Robert up, slamming him against the wall "If I find out you've done this..."

"I DIDN'T DO IT!"

"And Aaron didn't shoot you all that time ago but you were happy enough to let him rot if it meant you got your little tart back! Doesn't know about THAT does he?"

"Aaron? Aaron love can you hear me?" Chas sobbed, wrapping her sons arms up to stop the bleeding. "Baby open your eyes for me..."

Cain reached out, his hands shaking as he made his way to Aaron's neck. He placed two fingers on the side, and his head dropped. "Sis..."

"No! Cain no he can't be! HE'S NOT DEAD CAIN HE CAN'T BE!"

Cain said nothing, and pulled his hysterical sibling into a hug, tears making tracks down his face too, he reached behind her, and pulled the blanket back up, over Aaron's face.

Chas sobbed bitterly in Cain's arms, Cain rocking her backwards and forwards. Robert stood there, His mouth hanging open. He was really gone. His Aaron was gone.

He slid down the wall, staring at the body on the bed through watery eyes. He noticed the bit of paper propped up against the lamp on Aaron's table.

"Chas..."

"Shut it Sugden!" Cain spat

Robert pointed to the table behind Cain. The older man reached up and opened it, the tears falling again as he read:

"Mum, I'm sorry. I can't do this any more. I can't pretend that everything's ok when it's not. I couldn't tell you this to your face because...I didn't want to see the disappointment again, the look on your face that can only mean one thing... I've hurt you, I've let you down. Ever since I came home from France I've caused you nothing but pain. Still getting into trouble with police...Katie...The self-harming..The fact that I'm head over heels in love with a man who doesn't even appreciate me, doesn't want me. He was right. What he said. I'm damaged goods, no-one's going to want me, and how can I move on when he'll always have a hold over me? That it's what HE says that counts? That it's the only thing that matters any more...

I love you. So much. My one regret is I never showed you how much.

Tell Cain I'm sorry, I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to get through this. Call myself a Dingle...I've let you all down.

I'm in a better place though. Somewhere I can't be hurt any more, I'll always be with you Mum, I'll always be looking down on you and I'm safe. I'll be happy. I'll look after Grandad for you. Mind you even up there he'll still be a tight fisted old git and won't get a round in!

All my love forever.

Aaron xx"

Fresh tears rolled down Cain's face, he scrunched the note up in his hands and tightened his embrace around Chas. Distant sirens broke the silence in the room, as they all sat there, the tears flowing rapidly, knowing that their lives would never be the same again.