Authors Note: Sort of a sequel to " walking into moons of yesterday", but you can get by without it. Thanks to all who reviewed my last story, and please review this one!
He realized eventually that his relationship with Spock was an evolved movement of fragments of time. It had begun with awkward acquaintance, then deep friendship, and now love. But love and friendship were awkward at the beginning too.
He has learned to identify Spock's emotions by smells, because Spock would not normally indicate that he had them in any other manner. He first became aware that fear smelled like Vulcan early on, three days after the progression of another fragment into love. Three days after Spock's mind had been invaded and Jim was summoned to his now lover's cabin by the sounds of his desperate retching. He is not surprised that fear smells like Vulcan. In sleep Spock has told him of being chased and taunted by Vulcan children with harsh eyebrows and cutting voices. In silence Jim has learned of Spock's arctic father and flighty mother, their ever-contradicting expectations and disappointment. Jim thinks Tarsus was better than Spock's childhood.
Love came to him next, the wafting smell of the Indonesian tea that Spock drank only on Sunday mornings when on shore leave. He thinks he would bask in that scent for all of eternity, for to him, it is softer and more necessary than sunlight.
Contentment is silk, like the tunic and pants Spock wears when not in uniform. This took the longest to waft into Jim's nose, for though Spock felt and acknowledged love, he had been tortured by forced touch, he had demons to slay. Jim wonders if he would have had circumstances been different and Spock had no one to love him. Sometimes he doubts it.
Spock is awake. He says nothing, for his eyes speak like butterflies project color into green fields, his eyes say he has nightmares. He sleeps little. Jim runs two fingers down the length of Spock's spine, feels the convergence of heat under the skin, hears more than sees the wary shudder as the dream slips slowly away from the residue of fear it left in its wake. And then the fear is gone too, Jim is whispering.
" You must sleep"
"As must you"
"You teach me things, when you sleep. I want to learn"
" You will learn" Spock said, "Sleep"
Jim is suddenly aware that, for as much time as he spends watching his lover, Spock will always watch him more, be aware of every flexion of muscle, every scent, noise, expression, and emotion. Suddenly, for the first time in months, he wants to sleep, like Spock had said. He is not tired, but he wants to sleep.