Some slight swearing and sexual content, but nothing lewd or graphic.
"It only knows that it needs, Commander. But like so many of us, it does not know what." Spock's deep brown eyes turned toward Jim, a gentle smile playing on his lips.
Jim's stomach fluttered at that, as if he was fifteen instead of almost fifty. Spock's encounter with V'Ger had obviously given him a change of heart. Earlier, in the sickbay, Spock had held his hand-Spock had always been so reticent about touching, especially hands-and spoken so tenderly to him about feelings. Love. And as he'd done so, Jim felt the familiar caress of Spock's mind against his.
I understand now. Can you forgive me for leaving?
Jim had just squeezed his hand, nonverbally assuring him that everything was alright. At that moment, he had just been relieved that Spock was okay.
But now Jim was beginning to suspect that something else between them was going on.
After the Earth was safe, Jim was changing into civvies in his room (those new grey and beige uniforms really were hideous; someone should think about a re-redesign) when his door chimed. "Come," he said, buttoning the last button of his flannel shirt.
The door slid open, and Spock came inside. Jim's heart jumped again. Spock had changed as well, into those gorgeous flowing black robes he'd been wearing when he'd first walked onto the bridge. Spock had looked like such a vision that Jim had momentarily forgotten that his heart had been so utterly shattered by the man when he left for Gol so suddenly. Spock nodded his dark head solemnly. "Jim."
"Spock," replied Jim, just as evenly. "I suppose we haven't much of a chance to talk just you and me since you came back."
"Indeed. And I believe there is much to talk about." Spock gazed at him penetratingly, and Jim held back a shiver. He turned away slightly, focusing intently on rolling up his sleeves instead of the beautiful man in the room with him.
"What is there to talk about, exactly," Jim asked in a disinterested voice.
"My time at Gol. My encounter with Voyager VI, and the revelations it led me to," Spock said.
"You said V'Ger-I mean, Voyager VI-was barren, cold."
"Indeed it was. An entity of pure logic."
"Sounds like someone I know," Jim tried to joke.
"No," said Spock. "I am not like Voyager at all. I am not a machine."
"It took a ten year desert excursion and a mind meld with a giant sentient spaceship for you to realize that?" Jim laughed in spite of himself. "Bones has been trying to tell you that for years."
"Yes, and I should have listened. I implore that you do not tell Leonard I said that."
"Your secret's safe with me." Jim's smile disappeared. "Why are you coming to me about this? I mean, I think it's wonderful that you're back, and that you've finally accepted your emotions. But what does this have to do with me?"
Spock took a step toward him. "Everything," he breathed.
Jim swallowed.
"Jim, the true reason I could not achieved kolinahr was because there were unresolved feelings that I could not let go of. My guide sensed this, and she told me to seek my answers elsewhere. I heard a voice in my head, calling to me from across the cosmos."
"Voyager's?" Jim said, his heart thumping.
"No. Yours." Spock was standing just before him now, so close that they were almost touching. "You needed me...as I need you. As I have always needed you."
Jim took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
"Jim, I have hurt you, deeply. I can sense it. Knowing what I know now, if I could, I would reverse time and go back to the day I left you, and I would stay instead. And I would tell you what you truly mean to me. But I cannot do that, so I now must-"
"No," Jim whispered.
"No?" Spock asked, perplexed.
"You can't do this to me," Jim said, his voice shaking. "You can't just leave, without a word, and ignore me for ten years, a-and then come sweeping back into my life, looking so beautiful, and expect me to just forget about how heartbroken I was!" Jim pushed past him. "I mean, Jesus, Spock, I got married just to try to get over you! But I couldn't. Damn you, Spock, for doing this to me!"
"Jim, I-"
"Did you know?" Jim asked him, glaring at him with eyes welled up with tears. "Did you know I was in love with you?"
Spock's shoulders deflated slightly. "I suspected," he murmured.
"So you just ran away, because you couldn't handle all my detestable, illogical human feelings for you," Jim accused.
"Jim, I will admit, I was terrified. Of how you felt for me...and how I felt for you," said Spock.
"Then why didn't you say something?!" Jim shouted, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. "You could've just talked to me! Why did you leave me, why did you run away?"
"Because I believed that I was not enough for you."
"That's bullshit," Jim wept bitterly. "You're...you're everything to me. You mean more to me than my life, more than my career...more than my damn ship, Spock. You're like...the other half of my soul." He sucked in breath. "I should hate you for leaving me. And believe me, I tried. But I can't...my heart can't do anything but love you, Spock."
Spock crossed the room immediately, taking Jim in his arms, and pressing his lips against the other man's. Jim kissed him back, feeling both lost and found in Spock's embrace.
Spock pressed more kisses to his cheeks and his forehead. "James...my t'hy'la...I love you as well, more than the universe itself. I am a fool and a coward. I beg of you to give me another chance, and I will prove that I am worthy to be yours."
Jim took in another stuttering breath and nodded. "Yes, Spock...of course I will."
Spock kissed him again, and Jim let himself get swept away in the urgency of it all. Pretty soon he could feel a considerable lump pressing against his thigh. "I wasted so much time..." Spock breathed.
"Let's not waste any more," Jim whispered back. "Do you want to have me, Spock?"
"Yes," Spock moaned. "Desperately."
"Then make love to me, Spock. I've been waiting for so long for this."
Spock undressed him, then laid him out on the bed. Then he rid himself of his own clothes, and soon their bodies joined as one. And to both of them, it felt like coming home at last.