Title: It Cuts Both Ways
Warning: pg13
Pairing: Gojyo/Hakkai
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Leave me be.
A/N: Apparently, this is my new trend. I read someone else's story and I get creative. This one came about after reading story in which Hakkai is actually sleeping, with a smile on his face, and mutters her name. Gojyo doesn't take it so well (poor Kappa). I wondered how it would be if the roles were reversed, slightly. Here's the link to the original story:
/s/3622743/27/30hugs
I couldn't stop myself. One minute I was surrounded by nothing but him, his taste, his smell, the sounds of him begging me to go faster, harder. The next minute, he was coming so hard and I was so close, but he kept begging for more and finally I was coming too. For a split second, I forgot where I was and who I was with and I looked down and saw her face.
She was smiling up at me. Me! Her name slipped from my lips and then her image vanished and I was left with the startled looked of the man I had come to love. A dozen emotions crossed his face, his eyes, before I could stand it no more and shut my own eyes against the energy that my orgasm drained, against the shame I felt.
He didn't say anything as I continued to lie on top of him, trying to catch my breath, organize my thoughts. I needed time to think, time to come up with an excuse, any excuse that would explain away my thoughtlessness.
His arms were still wrapped loosely around me when he mumbled something about getting a washcloth. I move off of him, out of him, freeing him. I do love him, he has to know that. I say the words, but even now they sound forced. He looks at me and smiles and heads toward the bathroom anyway, closing the door behind him.
I am such a fool. Why can't I put that woman out of my head? She's been dead for years and yet I can't let her go. I loved her for so long, my first true love, but now I have him. I need to explain, to make him understand. I know he won't let me though. He'll smile and nod, maybe make a joke. He'll say everything is ok, but in reality it's not. How could I have fucked up this badly? Why am still letting the memory of that woman control me?
I should get up, sleep on the futon tonight. It would for the best. Just as I pull myself up into a sitting position, the bathroom door opens. He walks out with a towel in his hand. I open my mouth to speak,
to try to make him understand. He shushes me and proceeds to clean me up. He tosses the dirty towel on the floor and climbs back into bed. I have to tell him, he needs to know. He pulls me into a kiss and murmurs something against my lips. I pull back and look at him.
His eyes say it all. He loves me, every fucked up part of me: the flirt, the chain-smoker, the drinker, the gambler, the man who can't seem to forget his mother, even when he has something way better. Gods, I don't deserve him.
"I love you, Hakkai."
A/N2: I am writing under the assumption that Gojyo wanted to have a more personal relationship with his step-mom, like Jien had.