JACKPOT
TMNT are the property of Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird and Mirage Studios. No money was made with this fiction. The only thing made was a good time. Situation set up by Kyabetsu.
"GUESS WHAT, GUYS!" Michaelangelo bounded into the living room of the subway lair. "APRIL BOUGHT ME A LOTTO TICKET!"
Leonardo did not spare Mike even half a glance. "No one wins those things, Mike." He flipped the page in his book of feudal Japanese armor.
"That's not strictly true, Leo. There are lottery winners, but the odds are so overwhelmingly against it, I can see where you'd in effect 'round down' and give a zero answer." Don had not looked up from the PIC chip he was programming.
Mike frowned. They never got excited about stuff anymore—not unless it involved life-or-death ninja attacks. "You guys are no fun anymore, you know that?" Mike flopped into the sofa and clicked the television on just as the lotto picks of the day were coming on.
Raph quit doing sit-ups while hanging upside down on the chin up bar in his doorway. "Face it, Mike. You just wasted five bucks. Shoulda had April buy ya some toothpaste."
"Toothpaste? I don't need any more toothpaste. I just got a new tube…"
Raph grinned as he hung there in his doorway. "You sure about that?"
Mike pulled his attention from the lotto balls for a split second. "Yeah, I'm sur—what could you have done with all that toothpaste?"
Leonardo made a mental note to be on the look out for large accumulations of toothpaste in unexpected places for the next week or so. Don sighed with exasperation, "Whatever you did with it better not have clogged anymore drains." Raph made no comment, still watching Michaelangelo's expression.
Resigned to a face-full or shoe-full or pocket-full of toothpaste whenever he least expected it, Mike shrugged. "Fine next time I'll ask fer toothpaste. But STILL! These numbers are as lucky as it gets! I've got faith!"
Don rolled his eyes and began to solder the newly programmed PIC chip into place on a massive board of components.
"Today's Lucky Lotto Numbers, for an 28.7 MILLION dollar cash prize are: 7… 13… 89… 53… 42… 11… and the bonus number that seals it ALL… 29!"
Mike was completely silent.
That alone was strange enough for both Leo and Don to look up and Raph to begin to wonder…
In a choked voice, Mikey whispered, "I won." As reality settled in and re-checked all the numbers, he got louder. "7! 13! 89! 53! 42! 11! AND 29! … HOLY COW! OH MY GOD! I WON!"
Raph flipped off his chin up bar with a healthy amount of skepticism. Mike was an excellent actor, and king of practical jokes. "Lemme see that ticket." To his surprise, Mike forked it right over without any hesitation. Raph could only stare at the numbers that read across the printed receipt. "…"
Leonardo and Donatello exchanged glances. Raphael was no straight man. His idea of a 'joke' involved lots of nuggies or a pocket ull of toothpaste. Subtle wasn't really his style. Leonardo stood slowly, marked his place and joined Mike and Raph at the sofa. Don followed on his heels. The four of them clustered around the lottery ticket, passing it back and forth, and confirming that the numbers on the screen were in fact the ones on the paper.
Mike was the first to break the silence, "WAAAHOOOOOOOOOO! OH MY GOD! I'M GONNA BUY A SKATEBOARD AND AN XBOX AND A PLAYSTATION 2 AND HALO 2 AND A PONY AND SOME ICE CREAM AND A YACHT AND A SUPERMODEL AND…" He broke away from the group and did a cartwheel, still yammering away about all the things he could afford. "AND MASTER SPLINTER KIN HAVE A NEW BED AND WE KIN GET A CAR AND I WANT A JET SKI AND A NEW CD PLAYER AND A DVD PLAYER AND A FLAT SCREEN TV AND ANOTHER SUPERMODEL AND…" His somersaulting brought him back to the clot of brothers and he just got quiet as he took another turn holding the ticket.
Leonardo, Raphael, and Donatello gaped at each other wide-eyed. Eventually, Raph summed up their feelings, "Well. Damn."
Leonardo could only think of all the basics they could finally afford: new towels and blankets, new mattresses, new furniture, new tatami mats for the dojo, new sparring gear, new punching bags and better balanced shuriken and throwing blades. Master Splinter wouldn't have to suffer through the cold in the winter. They could afford for Donatello to put in a real heating system.
Mike took off vaulting over furniture again, his list of purchases becoming increasing non-plausible. "...an elephant and a stock car with my name on it and a well-stocked wine cellar and a maid and an indoor pool with a jacuzzi and my own miniature golf course and a panda and a life time supply of Kit Kats and a record deal and a castle and a ranch and a trip to the Mediterranean and my own island and…"
Donatello slid into a techie's dream. He could afford all the top-of-the-line equipment that he'd been forced to do without. No more dumpster diving for components or disassembling five computers to get enough functional parts to build a single one. He could afford the more expensive chemicals and the more precise tools that would be required for him to actually do studies on mutation at a molecular level.
Raphael knew Leo was already fantasizing about swords and Donatello was spacing out in geek-land, but Raph knew what he'd spend the money on. He wanted a motorcycle, a new bad-ass leather coat, and a new sound system. Maybe they could even get April to help them purchase LAND in NYC. They'd be able to live above ground. Get sun. Get away from the damp and the cold. Splinter could have a garden. If they were dreaming, why not dream big?
After a moment of rapid-fire fantasizing, Donatello put aside his building excitement. "Hang on, can I see that?" Leonardo passed him back the ticket. Donatello looked it over for any sign that this ticket wasn't legitimate. Even the date was right. It was today's ticket.
"What? You didn't think it was real, did you? Didn't trust me, huh?" Mike paused for Don's verdict.
Don blinked, "Well, you have to admit, the odds of this not being a prank are… so infinitesimal, I had to check." He shook his head and address Leo and Raph, who were still waiting to hear if this was another Mikey prank. "It's the real deal, guys. Mikey won the lottery!"
Congratulations on the tip of his tongue, Leonardo pulled up short. The VCR had just clicked. Raph noticed Leo's distraction and turned to look. The machine churred out some more clicks, clacks and thumps, and suddenly the picture on the TV jumped to a different version of the same show that had been on the screen. Don frowned in confusion. That VCR had just been repaired last month! It was only when the tape in the VCR began to rewind, that Don put two and two together.
"…Mike?"
Michaelangelo attempted an innocent expression, but shifted his stance to run, just in case. "Yeah?"
"…You taped yesterday's broadcast of the lottery numbers didn't you?…"
The light came on over Leonardo's head. "Then picked the winning numbers from yesterday while you were at the store today…" Mike took a step back.
Raphael's brow furrowed as he worked the last of it out, "Then you played the tape and pretended to… GET BACK HERE!"
With a squawk of mixed fear and delight, Mike turned on his heel and took off up the ladder and out into the sewers with his brothers on his heels.
"MIKEY!"
His laughter echoed into the darkness.
And they all lived nuerotically ever after...
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Hope you enjoyed the one-shot. It's been too long since i've written a genuinely clever prank for Mikey. Happy Holidays to you all!
--Kya