Here's a shot for Hikaru! I hope you like it! :)
"There is no remedy for love but to love more."
Kaoru told me that once, but it is just so hard to do. I love Kaoru, but not like I do Haruhi. For Kaoru I only have a sibling love, but with Haruhi it is a much more different kind of emotion. My heart flutters whenever she speaks and my cheeks grow hot when she gets close to me, and I think of us being together. The thoughts of living with her makes me so happy, while the thoughts of living without her scares me. Even though Haruhi has told me that she doesn't love me and that she loves Tamaki-sempai, I still yearn for her touch. I wish that she could have both accepted my feelings and felt the same for me.
Is it really true that there is no other remedy for love than to love more? Also, how can you love more for something if it does not love you back? Maybe I am misunderstanding something here, but whenever I think about all of this it manages to jumble up together in my head, confuse me, and make me even more irritated at myself.
Sometimes when I am alone, I force myself to sit down and think to myself.
'Would there ever be another who could understand me? What about Kaoru? Could Haruhi be the only one to ever understand?' At those thoughts my heart starts to pound wildly.
I don't want to be alone with only Kaoru anymore. Until now I was fine with my secluded world, inhabited by only me and Kaoru and Haruhi. Since the beginning of last year and until now, it had only been us three. One day I discover my feelings for Haruhi, while the next I find out that she doesn't feel the same. She loves Tamaki-sempai. It feels like she is abandoning me, and I don't want my world to shrink again. I don't want my world to cave back in.
Now my feelings have grown for her so much, that I would hate to live without her. I feel scared for myself. I am scared for my heart, my sanity, and also my brother.
I know that me and Kaoru both love Haruhi deeply, with him having the brotherly type of love as stated before, but I wonder how Kaoru feels about all of this. Is he as scared of losing Haruhi as I am? Does it frighten him?
The main question of all is: How can love be the remedy for a broken heart?
My answer: Love was the thing that broke it. Why would what breaks be able to heal?
Isn't it bad that an answer only leads to more questions?
Out of so many things, there are a few things that I know. I know that I can't help but smile whenever I see my brother's face. I understand that I can't help but see the cuteness and honesty of Haruhi, and that I grab onto her whenever I see her. I am aware that of all foods, my favorite things to eat at the Host Club are the many cakes provided by the smiling Lolita, Hunny and the tall stoic, Mori. Also, I am very familiar with the evil stares that I am given by a certain shadow king.
But most of all, out of everything in the whole entire world, I see that I can never hate Tamaki-sempai. Even though he is loud, eccentric, and a bit of a dumb butt (and also a girl stealing weasel), I just cannot find the heart to hate him. It hurts to think that I could ever hate him, when he did such a wonderful favor for me and Kaoru. He somewhat opened our hearts. Both of them did: Tamaki and Haruhi.
It feels as if this question makes my thoughts keep going round and round in a circle.
I fear that both my heart and mind are just too messed up to even find a suitable answer. I would go and ask Kaoru about this, but it would only worry him. Besides, asking him would only make him look down on me. He always was the smarter twin.
'Hell! If he was the one who said it, obviously he would know the answer.'
He would never tell me though, because he would want his older brother to figure it out on his own, just like any good younger brother would want for his sibling.
*Nudge* Soooooo... what'd you guys think?
Review and let me know :)
