Hi everyone! We are LegolasFanGirl27 and The Freak!
Bob the Disclaimer: They don't own Smallville
Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Bob.
Praise for Smallville Uncensored, the story that was so odd and strange, it had to be removed from the show!
A disgusting piece of crap---New York Times
It makes you want to gouge your eyes out---Chicago Tribune
A disgrace to the world---LegolasFanGirl27 and The Freak's mother
Smallville Uncensored is to writing as a Yugo is to a Ferrari---LegolasFanGirl27 and the Freak
And we now present for your disgust, Smallville Uncensored!
Begin cheesy song parody written by The Freak
Somebody shave me
Let your razor graze my face
Somebody shave me
I don't care how you do it
Just shave, shave
Come on
I've been waiting for you
I feel the hairs growing fast
Growing out from under
Shave, shave
Come on
End cheesy song parody written by The Freak
Clark unhappily leaned against the railing on the bridge. He wondered why he couldn't just be like a normal person. Suddenly, he heard an old beat up Yugo coming.
Inside the Yugo is Lex Luthor, on his way to his mansion. He spotted Clark on the bridge, and thought, "Wow! A hot guy!" stopped the car, and got out. He walked over to Clark, and gazed over the bridge where Clark was looking.
"What's a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?" Lex asked flirtatiously.
"I'm Clark and I've lived in Smallville all my life," answered Clark, not noticing that Lex was starting to drool at the sight of Clark. "What's your name?"
"My name is," Lex began but was interrupted by a loud squealing noise from the Yugo. The brakes were failing. The car started moving towards the spot where Lex and Clark were. They jumped out of the way, and the car crashed through the side of the bridge and plummeted into the water below.
"Oh no!" Lex cried. "My brand new Yugo!" and jumped into the water after it.
Clark contemplated just walking away, but decided that if he was going to keep up his reputation of a do-gooder who interferes with other people's business, he couldn't let him drown. Clark jumped in after Lex.
Clark pulled Lex out of the water, and onto the shore. Lex coughed up some water, and took some calming deep breaths.
"Thanks, you saved my life," Lex sputtered, still coughing up water. "My name is Lex Luthor."
A few minutes later, Lex's car was being dragged out of the lake. The paint was peeling, the windows were smashed, and the doors were falling off. Basically, it looked the same as it did before. Clark left the scene with his father, who was very angry. He saw Lex staring at the Yugo, amazed at the damage.
A few days later, Clark woke up ready to do his farm chores. He went downstairs and was met by his father, Jonathan.
"There is something waiting for you outside, Clark," said Jonathan looking upset.
Clark wandered outside and there, in the driveway, was a brand new Yugo. The card on the Yugo read, "Dearest Clarkie, I have given you this Yugo as a token of my gratitude for rescuing me. Drive safely. Love, Lex."
Jonathan came out of the house looking worried. "I don't think you should keep that car, Clark."
"Why not dad?" Clark wondered, confused.
"Well son," Jonathan said clearing his throat. "I don't think Lex gave you the Yugo just for saving his life."
"What do you mean?"
"Well it's like this. Read the note and look at the twentieth word."
"Drive?"
"Um no," Jonathan said uncertainly. "A couple of words over."
"Rescuing?" Clark asked, hoping he had gotten it right.
Jonathan took a few deep breaths. "No son, let's try this again. It's one of the last words of the note, and it starts with the letter "L."
Clark thought and thought. Parts of his brain that had never been used started working. Beads of sweat started rolling down his face. Veins in his forehead began to twitch. He was turning red with the effort, and looked like he was going to pass out. Suddenly, a light seemed to go on in Clark's head.
"Lex!" Clark shouted triumphantly.
Clark was puzzled as to why his father had run screaming into the house.
Lex was having the time of his life. There was almost nothing better than sailing the seven seas, pillaging other ships, and being the most feared captain in the world.
"Hoist the sails!" he shouted. "We have to catch that ship! Launch the canons! They've got treasure aboard that ship!"
The canons fired, blowing huge holes in the side of the ship. The crew of the ship jumped out and swam for their lives. Lex's eyes widened as he saw some of the gold, jewels, and other valuable items floating in the water. He entered one of the smaller boats to get the rest of the treasure. He reached into the water, about to grab a bag of gold when…
"Lex?" Clark said standing uncertainly in the doorway.
"Clarkie sweetie!" Lex shouted tossing aside the paper hat he had been wearing, and shoving the wooden boat he had been sitting in out of the way. "Is there anything I can do for you?" he added hopefully.
"It's about the Yugo, Lex." Clark answered. "I can't keep it."
"It's because your father doesn't like me right?" Lex nodded in understanding.
"Well there is that," Clark replied. "Plus it's just a piece of crap."
"I'm sorry Clark," Lex said. All of a sudden, Lex grabbed Clark and said, "Clark, I don't want anyone to get in the way of our future."
"I don't either," Clark agreed smiling. "I have to get back to the farm. Here are the car keys."
"What a friendly guy," Clark thought happily as he left.
Lex sat in his office thinking of Clark and pirate ships.
Thanks for reading and not mocking us too much! More chapters will be up soon!
LegolasFanGirl27 and The Freak.