In Which Poland Tells Hungary She Should, Like, Become A Man
Disclaimer! I don't own Hetalia, etc.
"Like, Hungary?" Poland sounded odd.
"Yes, Poland?"
He fiddled with his hair. "Well, like, I was thinking, and uh, I think you…" He trailed off. His face was pink.
"Go on."
"Well, I, like, think you should, uhm, become, like, a, like, man?" The number of likes in one of Poland's sentences corresponded with exactly how nervous he was.
Hungary was silent. Of all the things that had ever come out of Poland's mouth, (most of which involving Canada, and body parts thereof) nothing could have prepared her for this. She stared. "Say that one more time, please?"
His blush intensified. "Well, I, like, uh, like, mean that, like you should get…uh…like, a sex change or something…" His voice became quieter and quieter as he spoke.
"Why the hell would I ever do that?"
Poland didn't say anything for a bit. He looked like he was trying to recover some dignity. His face was bright red. "Like, uh, because Austria…"
"What about Austria?" What did this have to do with Austria?
"Well, he like, you know, likes, uh, like, men?"
"What?"
Poland flinched. "Well, like, he, like, told me, like last night. He was, uh, totally smashed."
"What were you doing last night that needed copious amounts of alcohol?" Hungary asked, her gaze narrowing until, if she had possessed the ability of ocular fire, Poland's face would have been vaporized.
"Well, uh, like, we were at a, like, party, that was, uh, totally cool? And then, like – " he looked away, "We both got, like really drunk, along with Russia and America and Canada and Prussia, and like, Liet." He paused. "Like, I never saw Canada and Prussia again, but we found, like, Russia and America— "
Hungary held up a hand. "Stop right there, I do not need to know."
"A-Anyway, like, we went up to a bedroom and, like, got uh, more smashed? And then like he told me."
"Anything ELSE?"
Poland was silent. "Well, like, are we friends, 'cause, like, I don't really want to tell you."
Hungary nodded tightly. "We are friends, Poland. We've known each other for years."
"Well," Poland began, still not looking at her, "He like, uh, like, touched my face and, we were, like, both horribly, like drunk, and then uh he totally kissed me and it was like awesome and then we passed out afterward and I woke up and he was gone and then I—" His speech started to accelerate at the end of his explanation. "And then, I, like, thought I should, like, tell you? Because he doesn't, like, like women anymore."
Hungary stood. She was angry. Her eyes could have boiled an egg from twenty feet away. He continued talking, nervously babbling, his words crashing into each other as he spoke. "So like I was thinking that you should become a man so you could seduce Austria because he doesn't like women anymore it's not your fault, he said, and he's such a good kisser—"
Hungary cut him off with a fist to the cheek. Poland fell out of his chair, he was so surprised. She hauled him up by the collar, their noses pressed together. Poland swore he saw fire burning in her, like, eyes. "Don't touch him, he's MINE. You little valley girl cross-dressing MANSTEALER!" She stormed out. Poland could hear her calling: "AUSTRIA! You better come here now, or there'll be HELL to pay."
"Wait," Poland demanded, "You still…haven't…like, told me…whether you will or not…" He sighed. Mission failed. Liet would be so disappointed. And Canada. And even the U.S.
He got up. "Wait!" He called after her, rushing from the room. "Like, you haven't told me whether or not you want to become a man!"
-
In the end, Poland failed in his mission to convince Hungary to become a man. She remained a woman, proud of her assets, and set in her femininity…and blissfully unaware of the growing movement among the countries that was bent on turning her into a man. The group? Lovingly entitled Us for No-womanhood. Or, for short; the UN.
A/N: Mmkay, this was an idea based off of a dream I had. No joke. Hope you liked it. Review?