to die for
i just need somebody to die for / somebody to cry for /
...i was brave enough to die / ...and i don't need this life /
When he looks into the mirror, he always seems to be blurry. It doesn't matter; any reflective surface at all, in fact. The water. The glossy surface of a train window. A computer screen.
He sees himself in all of those - his reflection is always warped, always blurry at the edges. He's not sure what's going on, but he doesn't voice it to anyone, ever. He keeps his reflection to himself. It is a part of him, like his shadow, like the whisper of voices in the wind.
Four. Tobias. He's not quite sure which of those he is anymore. Tris called him Tobias, looked for the part of him that is soft, the part of him that kisses her back, the part of him that holds her and loves her. But others call him Four, the cold, emotionless soldier, the person who holds a gun without shaking, who smiles coldly and shoots.
Everything is coming together. She was holding him up, helping him stand - but now she is gone and he is falling, tumbling through the air with no net at the bottom. He can feel it, too, in the pain that seems to numb his heart.
His fingers are cold - he is cold, always cold, shivering and shaking and trembling at times when he is alone. He is nobody without her. Nobody.
He's just Four, just Tobias, except he's not; all he is is a scared little boy, scared to taste the world. Scared to jump. Terrified of the ground, should there be one. Simply waiting for the leather belt to lash against his back, the fire that races up the scars and consumes him.
When he looks into the mirror, he always seems to be blurry. It doesn't matter; any reflective surface at all, in fact. The water. The glossy surface of a train window. A computer screen.
He has figured it out. When he looks into the mirror, he sees himself, slowly dying of what is dismissed as heartbreak. Himself, just a scared little boy. Himself - yet he is nothing, blurry, fading at the edges until he is gone altogether.
A/N: Second Divergent fic, but 57th in total, I think. I don't know, I was listening to Find You from the Div. soundtrack, but then I thought of him and just- Anyway, I don't really know how this happened. Somebody to Die For - Hurts - best Fourtris/Tribias song ever.
achieving elysium