It's Always the Ones Who Aren't in the Stupid Arguments…
Sonic and Knuckles argue. Stuff happens. Music and dancing and flowers and useless rocks are involved. Oneshot. I'm being vague on purpose by the way so you'll read this. Have fun!
One day, Knuckles was guarding his big rock thing that no one really cared about unless it was being used to cause mass destruction. After rubbing the rock so it became uselessly shiny for the over 9,000th time, Knuckles began his random daily chanting to it. Then, suddenly, the whirring of propeller blades could be heard getting closer. Knuckles looked up to see Tails's plane coming in the distance towards his isolated island (also as useless as the shiny rock).
Knuckles frowned as the plane came to a stop, wishing they had not interrupted him and his rock time. And of course because Sonic was there.
"Hey there Knuckles!" Sonic shouted brashly to Knuckles over the whir of the propellers.
Knuckles gave a small nod.
Tails stopped the plane and hopped out along with Sonic. He then went up to greet Knuckles, but was being careful not to get too close to Knuckles's rock, even though he didn't think it was all that cool. Still, Tails was trying to be respectful of Knuckles.
Sonic on the other hand, went right up into Knuckles and started talking loudly in his face.
"Hey Knuckles, I thought I heard you doing some funny chanting thing. That was hilarious!" Sonic was snickering as he was talking, making Knuckles blood start to boil.
"Yeah? Well, I suppose you could sing something better then?"
"Better than whatever you're screeching to this rock."
*poke*
*KADOOSH!*
The emerald fell off its pedestal and fell 100 feet into the dirt due to its immense weight.
"You idiot! I have to polish the Master Emerald all over again!" Knuckles screamed furiously at Sonic, who simply looked a little surprised.
"Well, when you balance a single rock on a small little point, then—"
"It's not a rock!!!"
"Whatever, either way, I still like how you were singing to it. Do you sing it bedtime lullabies too?"
"WHAT?!?!? Why you little—I oughta knock your head clear off!"
Sonic tensed up a little and looked Knuckles right in his eyes. "I'd like to see you try." He said quietly.
And yet another fight broke out between Sonic and Knuckles with Tails on the sidelines. Tails was exasperated at this sight once again. It was always the same argument. Sonic makes fun of Knuckles's chants, the big rock got toppled, and a fight broke out, etc. Tails decided to read his new book: "War and Peace."
10 minutes later…
Tails sighed contentedly as he finished the epic saga he was reading. It was quite refreshing, especially when it could distract you from utter stupidity. The fight was still raging on however around Tails, and he could feel his energy ebbing away again. So he decided to have some more fun and listen to some music.
Another 10 minutes later…
Tails sighed and put Sonic's iPod down. Sonic had some really dull stuff there. All the stereotypical rock/pop and old style rock and roll. Booooring. Finally the fight had stopped and now the two were arguing over who could make better music.
"At least I can sing, unlike you!" Knuckles screamed.
"Well maybe you can sing, but I can still play music better than you any day." Sonic retorted right back.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"GUYS!!!!!"
Sonic and Knuckles turned around to see an enraged Tails march towards the two.
"Why don't you guys just have a contest to see who can make better music and stuff instead of shouting at each other?!?!?! It's driving me crazy listening to you guys argue about this every single time. Besides, I think you guys would work better together singing and playing rather than by yourselves."
Sonic and Knuckles stared at Tails, then glared at each other, then looked back at Tails.
"Alright then," Knuckles said slowly. "you can be the judge then."
"No way! I'm going to get hurt doing that!" Tails crossed his arms and continued. "How about we get a group of 3rd party people and get them to do be the judges instead.
After a bit of leering, everyone agreed and Tails set out to find some judges for the competition.
"Just remember both of you, I think you guys should work together or else you won't do as well." Tails lectured to the two rivals.
"Whatever." The two said in unison.
A few days later…
Sonic and Knuckles met in Los Angeles. Why? They FELT like it THAT's why!
A second later, Tails came to meet them too…but with 3 other people.
Tails cleared his throat and began to talk.
"Alright, so today, Sonic, Knuckles, and I will be—"
"Wait, you're competing too?" Sonic said curiously.
"Yeah, they all the judges convinced me to try to play in the competition."
*Flashback!*
"Hmph. I don't like either of those two annoying people. Perhaps if you were in it, I'd be ok with this whole "judging" thing."
"Kid, I live in boring town. Trust me, you're going to want to have fun if you can. I think a smart kid like you could do it."
"Just GO MAN GO!!!"
*End Flashback*
"So yeah…I'm going to introduce the three judges to you. The first one is…Shadow the Hedgehog!"
Sonic and Knuckles jolted up in their chairs as Shadow walked over to them, looking a bit cold and indifferent as usual.
"Let's get this over with please. Why am I even helping YOU two decide anything?"
Before Sonic and Knuckles could say anything else, Tails announced the second guy.
"And now, the second judge, is…a random guy from El Paso, Texas!"
"Howdy everyone!" the guy came out and gave a big toothy grin.
"And the third judge, is punk rock celebrity Iggy Pop!"
Iggy walked out. Topless. Woot.
"Let's get this started man! Can't wait to see what you guys have got for me. Good luck to all the contestants."
Author's note: You might want to listen to some excerpts of the music in order to understand some of what is going on. For those who know the songs, that is fine.
As the judges sat down and the three contestants got ready, a crowd was forming, wondering what the whole fuss was about. They soon found out and there was soon a large audience in front of the stage. Tails had to get some security to back up the overly excited crowd, which was already starting to get out of control.
Sonic went first with his song as he walked up to the microphone. "Re-Education Through Labor." By "Rise Against".
"…to the sound of a time bomb ticking awayyyyyyyy…" Sonic was having a lot of fun belting out the lyrics and he looked over every now and then to Knuckles to see his reaction.
Knuckles was unfazed. Smiling even.
Sonic frowned a bit as the bridge came up. He obviously wasn't putting enough energy in his song. Sonic then started running and spin dashing like crazy for 10 seconds and finished off his song with a bang.
The crowd went wild and Knuckles frowned a bit. Sonic caught his unhappiness and thought to himself…victory.
"Hmm, I'm going to have to do something else besides run around to get the judges attention…maybe I can make something out of the stage by ripping out the floorboards…yeah…" Knuckles thought to himself cleverely.
"Meh. The song was too repetitive and boring for me. Of course you would sing a song about getting out of an oppressive force too, trying to keep your super hero charisma intact. And I don't really like you anyway. I give you a 5." Shadow yawned as he gave Sonic his score.
Sonic held in his comments, for the sake of keeping a good impression with the other judges.
"I thought it was an interesting song, but I have to agree with Sonic, there wasn't much variety in the melody and such. Still, good energy, and it was a decent performance. 8."
"That's was pretty cool, not quite punk rock, but it was cool. 8."
Sonic beamed as he walked off and passed Knuckles. "Beat that." Sonic whispered to Knuckles.
Knuckles then went up to the microphone and immediately when his song began, he went crazy and started tearing out floorboards to make 3-D pictures of what he was doing. Sonic tried hard not to drop his jaw as "Aerials" by "System of a Down" was getting into its bridge, which would probably be Knuckles's strong point.
"…we drink from the river and we want to get up in the falls…" Knuckles gave Sonic a quick sneer and looked back. Then the chanting parts. The crowd immediately was slightly confused at the song, but they were mesmerized by the song's odd parts.
At the end, the judges gave out their scores.
"That was just…weird, but at least it wasn't as boring as Sonic's. 7."
Knuckles figured he was off to a good start, knowing he got a good score from Shadow.
"Mmm…that was a bit boring really. I don't even know what all that chanting was about. 5."
"Wow! I loved all the stuff you built! Although, yes the chants and ululating was odd. Still, great energy and performance! 9."
Knuckles walked past Tails, trying not to reveal any emotion.
Sonic then ran up to Knuckles when he was off stage.
"Told you that song was just weird."
"Shut up! I want to see what Tails is doing. And besides, we're tied, don't you realize that means we'll probably have to play another song. I'll get my chance again."
Sonic frowned as he turned to watch Tails. Tails had some bongos…what? The judges and the crowd stopped to watch Tails prepare what he was doing. Tails then brought out a telephone, a screwdriver, a voice modifier, and some other instruments. Tails then spoke before he performed.
"Hey, now I've been watching the crowd out there, and I think it's a very sad day when the only way you can express yourself is through slam dancing."
The crowd looked around surprised at Tails's reprimand.
"Look at that!" Tails pointed to someone who wasn't paying attention. "You didn't learn that from your best friend, you learned that from the TV. You're a robot! You're a sheep! Baaaaaaa!!! Baaaaaa!!! I have a microphone and you don't."
While Tails was ranting, the author asked "Do you know where that rant came from? You might have to look up the band who plays this next song on YouTube or something.
Tails then dialed something on the telephone and put it on speakerphone. He took the voice modifier and a voice the picked up. "Hello?"
Tails said in a now very ominous voice. "Hello mother leopard. I have your cub. You must protect her…but that will be expensive. 10,000 kola nuts, wrapped in brown paper, midnight, behind the box. I'll be the hyena, you'll see."
An eery guitar tune started up, starting up the beginning of "Enfilade" by "At the Drive In."
A creepy chorus sung by Tails then continued into a short bongo section.
"Sacrifice on railroad tracks! Freight-freight train coming! Freight-freight train coming! Un-Un-Unconsious, tied and gagged! Freight-freight train coming! Freight-freight train coming!"
Sonic and Knuckles both gaped at Tails and his very dark song. There were more bongos as Tails started doing a Latin salsa dance in a break in the song. All the time, Tails was dancing around crazily and was swinging the microphone around, jumping around everywhere and flying, interspersed with clapping and jumping and a whole lot of energy.
The final chorus then came up and Tails built train tracks with the leftover floorboards from Knuckles's performance. A distant whistle could be heard and as the song ended, Tails stood on the train tracks.
"Tails, what are you doing?!" Sonic shouted to his friend.
"Get out of there!" Knuckles joined in with the pleas.
The crowd also started to shout out to Tails. Then a metallic screech of brakes could be heard, and then the train…
And the crowd stopped as the train splintered into a million pieces. Tails brushed off some debris and calmly stepped out and waited to be scored.
"…Well, that song was dark, ominous, and very energetic, even without any really special abilities besides the whole building a train and railroad in 10 seconds. Didn't know you had it in you Tails." Shadow flickered a tad bit of a smile that disappeared as soon as it appeared. "10."
Sonic's and Knuckles's jaw dropped.
"DID I HEAR LATIN SALSA MUSIC IN THERE TOO?!?! I LOVE AT THE DRIVE IN'S MUSIC! Spectacular! Just spectacular! All that energy in Cedric has come out here through you. 10."
Larger jaw drop from Sonic and Knuckles.
"Wow! I remember when I helped do the telephone call for that song for At The Drive In! Couldn't have done my own part better! Perfect 10."
Tails got a perfect score…WHAT?!?!?!
The crowd burst into cheering for applause for no apparent reason except apparently Tails had played a good song. Then Iggy Pop came up and asked to do a song with Tails. Topless of course.
"As long as it's by At The Drive In" Tails replied with a big toothy smile. He then turned to look over at Sonic and Knuckles who were now arguing over another absolutely random topic. As Tails rolled his eyes at his friends and prepared to play Rolodex Propoaganda, he thought to himself…"Ice cream…yum. Oh, and I hope those two deal with whatever is going on there."
Fin!
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Did you likes teh one-shot and the songs I picked out? Honestly, I think I did a failure job, and I may have done some sort of copyright infringement on a real person (yes, Iggy Pop is real and does play topless). But hope you at least were barely amused.