Disclaimer: Of course, I do not own Castle or any of its characters.
Summary: What might have happened after the season 2 finale? What if Kate had told Lanie about what she was going to confess to Castle? Might things have been different?
Author's Note: Every time I watch that finale, I am never satisfied with the ending. It always makes my blood boil with anger. This is how I would have wanted it to have gone.
Watching Castle walk down the hall with his arm around Gina, Kate was overwhelmed with a sense of dread. She had gotten her hopes up so high that she was going to be the one going to the Hamptons with him, that the thought that she would have to spend this summer alone, wondering what he was doing, devastated her. The possibility that he might never come back…well, that just shattered her completely. She had to know. She had to make sure that she would get to see him again, even if it wasn't soon.
"See you in the fall?" She asked insecurely.
Castle turned around, but didn't stop walking; completely oblivious to what Kate was feeling. "See you in the fall."
Kate watched as the man she was about to pronounce her love to walked away with another woman, no doubt about to start a relationship with her again. Tears stung her eyes as she yearned to be the one he had his arm around; the one that he was about to spend his summer with; the one he would touch, hold, and love. She couldn't help but think that she might have just lost her chance to ever see that happen. Blinking rapidly to try to fight away the tears, she turned to see the absolutely pitiful faces of her team members staring back at her. The telltale signs of what really just happened, she knew, were written all over her face. She didn't want them to see her like this.
She opened the door to the break room where they were all gathered. "He said he would be back in the fall. Nothing to worry about." She said, feigning nonchalance.
They all gave her curt nods with solemn faces, silently understanding that she didn't want to talk about it. Esposito turned back to the table, grabbed a beer, and handed Ryan one as well. They sat back down in their chairs and detached themselves in a casual conversation, Esposito trying very hard not to be the brother bear he was and wrap Kate up in a hug.
Montgomery still stood in the doorway with Lanie and Kate until Lanie conspicuously gave him a stare that clearly meant, 'get the heck out of here'. Montgomery, oblivious to it for a few seconds, finally caught on after a moment of awkward silence and said, "Oh, um…it's late. I should uh…get going," and excused himself from the room, Lanie's eyes following him as he left.
When Montgomery was out of view, Lanie gently grabbed Kate's arm and led her out into the hallway, out of earshot to Esposito and Ryan. "Are you ok?"
Kate chose to imitate innocence saying, "Yea. Why wouldn't I be?" She crossed her arms in a defense position, looking at Lanie.
Lanie, in turn, gave her a 'you have got to be kidding me' look and narrowed her eyes at her.
Slowly, Kate's façade started to resolve and it took everything she had not to break down right there into Lanie's arms. "No…no, Lanie. I'm not ok."
Lanie gave a somber, touching nod and guided her to a bench in the middle of the hallway. Lanie looked around to make sure there was no one around before they both sat down, facing each other. Lanie took Kate's hand asking, "Do you want to talk about it?"
Kate shook her head in disbelief, trying to decide the answer to her question. She knew she wanted and needed to talk to someone about this, if only just to get her thoughts and feelings out in the open so they weren't locked inside her head any longer. She knew she could confide in Lanie and that she would understand. She just wasn't sure about admitting to someone other than herself how she feels about Castle.
His name echoed in her head and almost sent her over the edge once more in grief. Deciding that to ignore her pride for a moment, she decided she should tell Lanie.
"He invited me to spend the weekend with him in the Hamptons," She stated, not exactly sure where to start. Lanie nodded for her to continue. "At first, I thought he was joking, so I played along. But then, he told me he was serious." She looked down, shaking her head. "I almost agreed before I realized I had already made plans with Tom." She looked up with a somber smile on her face. "It's funny. You know, every time I Tom is around, or I even mention his name, Castle gets this…I don't know, dejected look on his face, like he's uncomfortable. I didn't know what to make of that. I mean, I never thought all of the flirting and teasing we do was actually going somewhere. I figured…that was just Castle's personality. I bet he did that with all of the girls…and then…" She paused for a second, getting her bearings.
"Then, I started to have…these feelings when I was around him and we would flirt. The occasional flutter in my stomach, the gooseflesh that would follow any time he touched me, the increasing heart rate when he got just a tad bit closer to me than I expected him to."
"Sounds like you were falling in love." Lanie said for the first time since Kate started.
"Yea, but I didn't want to admit it. So, I buried those emotions any time they would come up. I buried myself in work…in Demming. I thought that maybe if I poured all of those feelings into my relationship with him, that maybe I wouldn't feel them around Castle anymore, but around Demming." She looked down again, picking at her nails. "The thing is…I never felt that way around Tom. I even went as far as trying to force myself to have those feelings around him. But it never worked. I was frustrated with myself for feeling that way. I felt like a terrible person. I was leading Tom on, but I didn't want to break up with him because that gave me an excuse not to follow my feelings for Castle."
"And why would that be a bad thing?" Lanie asked gently, squeezing Kate's hand. "You may not see the way Castle looks at you, but I do. Kate, before he came along, I don't think I ever saw you smile while on the job. He makes you laugh and have fun. So, why are you so afraid to be with him?
Kate stood up. "Lanie, I don't know." She sighed, exasperated, and started to pace with one hand on her head and the other on her hip. "Because he is a player, a womanizer. He's a celebrity for God's sake! He has a new girl in his bed every week! How the hell am I supposed to compete with that? I mean, he's dated supermodels, actresses, and singers! Why the hell would he want to date a hardcore, heartless detective?" She sighed again, calming down. "He isn't stable or reliable. For all I know, he could get bored the second week after we start dating and move on."
"Sounds like you're just afraid to take a risk, Kate." Lanie cocked an eyebrow at her.
"Well, yea! Of course I am. I don't want to set myself up for heartbreak." She exhaled and sat down, putting her head in her hands.
Lanie put her hand on her shoulder. "That still doesn't explain the crestfallen look on your face when he left."
With her head still in her hands and eyes closed, she mumbled, "I was going to tell him."
"You were going to do what now?" Lanie asked, leaning closer.
Kate opened her eyes and looked at Lanie out of the corner of her eye. Putting her hands down and leaning back against the wall, she looked straight ahead and said, "I was going to tell him," not wanting to see Lanie's reaction.
Lanie paused for a minute and leaned back as well. "Oh. I see." She peered over to see Kate's eyes still trained on that spot on the wall. "What changed your mind?"
"Well," Kate looked down again. "Castle told me that…that he was going to leave for the summer, you know. And Esposito brought up the fact that it might not be just for the summer. He said that maybe he wasn't following me around just for research anymore. That it might be something else, and that the reason probably didn't include watching me be with another guy."
Lanie nodded and looked down as Kate paused. "Well, he might be right."
Kate nodded. "Yea, that's what I thought. I mean, suddenly, all of my fears that I didn't want to face became real. Castle might leave and I would never see him again. I couldn't bear that thought. And then Montgomery said something to me that really opened my eyes. It involved the case we just cracked. He said, 'Its sad that a man had to die because all of the people involved were too scared to say what they really felt.' Now, I know that the likelihood that Castle would die because I wouldn't tell him how I felt was slim to none. But I thought, why should I have to be in a loveless relationship when there is a possibility that I could be happy? I decided that…" She looked at Lanie for the first time and smiled. "Castle was worth the risk."
Lanie gave her a proud smile but then realized, "Then what went wrong?"
"Well, I was going to tell him right then and there, but he was in a hurry to go see Alexis before she left for her summer program at Princeton. He said he would be back later for the party, so I figured I would tell him then. That's what I wanted to talk to him about when we stepped out."
"Ok. So, then how did he take it?"
Kate sighed and closed her eyes for a few seconds. "I never got to tell him."
"What do you mean?" Lanie asked, confusion etched on her face.
"Just as I was about to spit it out, Gina showed up. Castle said that they were going to the Hamptons together and that they had reconnected. They both had that look on their faces like they were on their honeymoon or something-"
"Wait. Hold on a second." Lanie interrupted. "So, he invited you to go with him right? And then he turns around and asks another woman?" Lanie asked incredulously.
"Well, to be fair. I did tell him I had other plans."
"Well sure, but he still shouldn't have asked someone else after he already asked you. That's like asking someone to the prom because your first choice turned you down."
"Well, at least I was his first choice." Kate smiled.
Lanie smiled back and grabbed her hand. "I'm sorry things didn't work out sweetie. I don't think you should give up, though"
Kate fought back tears. "He's with Gina now. I don't want to be the home wrecker who broke them up. What if he's still in love with her? I don't want to have that target on my back. I don't want to look like the bad guy." Kate let a few tears spill out onto her cheeks.
Lanie wrapped an arm around Kate and let her rest her head on her shoulder. She could tell Kate was annoyed with herself for being so vulnerable and was trying to fight back tears. "Kate. It's ok to cry. You don't have to be strong all the time. Besides, I promise your secret's safe with me."
With that, Kate let the tears flow out of her broken heart. She cried over the possible loss of a colleague, a friend…and a lover. She cried because she might never get to tell him how she felt. She cried because he might be in love with someone else. She cried for her sense of normality, that it might all be shattered now.
Lanie was lost in thought as she soothingly rubbed circles on her friend's back while she cried. Kate hadn't opened up to her this much before. Sure, they were friends; probably the best friends either of them had. But they weren't the kind of friends who got all mushy with each other and talked about their feelings. They were the kind of friends that teased each other and got drinks on occasion. She knew, though, that this was a much-needed talk, not just for Kate. Lanie wanted to help her friend, and just because they didn't talk about their feelings much, didn't mean that Lanie wasn't protective of the only friend she had.
She could feel anger and bitterness rising up inside of her. Richard Castle had no idea what he had just done to the broken woman in her arms. She wanted to make him realize just how much he hurt her. She wanted him to feel the guilt and sorrow that he deserved. She also, though, wanted to smack some sense into him. She wanted to mend this…thing that was going between him and Kate. Most of all, she wanted them to just be together. Everyone knows they are perfect for each other. Maybe giving Castle the smack down he needed would give her the satisfaction of hurting him and give him the realization that he wants to be with Kate as well.
And she knew just how to do that. Smiling, she pondered over her plan in her head. She knew it would work. It had to.
Author's Note: I'm working on the next chapter, so if you like it and want to see what her plan is, please review!