Disclaimer: I do not own anything of Naruto. I only own one third of the plot.
Pairings: KakashixIruka
Warnings: Hints of KakashixIruka, angst, mentions of abuse.
Author's Note: This was inspired by ZheM's Still and Durgas Dragon's Deserve. I couldn't help but write an alternate ending for it. So I guess you could say it's a sequel of Deserve. So if you want, you should read ZheM's Still, Durgas Dragon's Deserve, before reading mines, and in that order to get a complete sense of the story. Also, this story deviates from Durgas Dragon's How It Was Supposed To Be. So if you read Durgas Dragon's sequel and then this, it won't make sense.
By the way this is my first fanfiction I ever written for the Naruto realm so I'm sorry if it appears to be a bit off.
Also, thank you Durgas Dragon and ZheM for allowing me permission to post this alternate and continuation of Still and Deserve as a three-part trilogy.
Broken
The mission room was silent as the unknown ANBU left the building. Iruka could only stare at the little black box still stained with blood. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. All around him were noise. Cries of outrage, yells of hatred, and screams all weaved around and about him. The people glared. Worse of all was the stares. It penetrated his body, silently accusing him as the one murdered the famous copy cat ninja. While, he didn't actually killed the ninja himself, in their opinion, he might as well been the one holding the knife.
Suddenly, he couldn't handle it. Couldn't deal with the wild accusation and hate. Couldn't handle the intense killing intent directed at him. He grabbed the box and hastily made a seal, quickly finishing it up. He was gone in a poof of smoke. Still in the mission room, the crowd was cold and unfeeling toward the chunnin. Already, they were bashing Iruka for his mistake, for destroying the life, heart and soul of Hatake Kakashi.
Izumo was stunned. He looked at the people around him and scoffed. They didn't know anything. He didn't know exactly what happen between Iruka and Kakashi but he had a feeling that the new stranger in town was the cause of it. Iruka hadn't been acting like himself since the guy came. For the most part, no one seemed to notice Iruka's change in behavior. He noticed it simply because he hanged out with the chunnin everyday.
The announcement that Kakashi was dead would have hurt the chunnin badly. He bent back down to his work, ignoring the crowd's insults of Iruka. Suddenly his eyes widen, if Kakashi was dead, then Iruka. Iruka was bounded to do something stupid. He rushed out of the room, intent on looking for Iruka.
The ANBU stood briefly at the doorsteps outside of the mission room. She hated the chunnin for ruining the life of her comrade. She was so frustrated and pent up with anger and fury. She turned toward the memorial stone, the tribute to fallen heroes of Konoha. She would scream out her cry of pain of injustice at the dark gray slab of stone, before succumbing to tears.
She rushed over there, but before she could get there. There was a poof of smoke, and a brown color chunnin with a scar over his nose appeared. She scowled.
Damn that bastard for coming here, she thought. She had a sudden idea. She quickly hid, hiding in a tree near the stone. Her eyes were watching and glaring at Iruka. She knew the dirt-bag wouldn't sense her. She might as well see what the heartbreaker was up to. If the idiot tried to do anything damaging, or smiled in glee, well, she thought darkly. He would get a punishment worthy of hell itself.
Iruka appeared out of breath and was panting heavily. His mind was going stir crazy. Ka-kakashi? Dead? Th-that wasn't suppose to happen.
He fell upon his legs, a hand hugging the memorial stone and another grasping the little black box desperately, as if it was the only thing keeping him together and ground him to reality. Tears leaked out and dropped to the ground, staining the dirt wetly.
"W-why? Why, Kashi?" he cried out brokenly. "Why did you have to die? I-it was su-supposed to k-keep you safe."
He sobbed harder and more forlorn after this statement. His mind drifted to when it all begin. To the phone call and to even before then.
Two Nights Ago
Iruka picked up the phone wearily. He was nervous. The phone ringing made him jump, and goosebumps broke out of his skin. He glanced warily at the dark haired stranger sitting on the well-worn blue couch.
"Hello?"
The stranger watched Iruka carefully. Iruka swallowed hard. His fingers trembling as he cradled the phone in his hands. "Ah, Kakashi, I'm glad you're okay."
His fingers twisted the phone core, his breath taking a silent hitch when the stranger placed a dagger at his throat. The edge of knife pressed firmly against his neck.
"There's something I have to tell you, Kakashi," his voice growing more confident, as he tried to put on an act.
The stranger heard a muffled sound from the other end. Iruka was being far too silent. The long pause made him angry. He pressed the blade harder, drawing a pearl of blood. He hissed. "Tell him, you don't want him to come home. Tell him you hate him. Tell him."
"Do-on't come home," begged Iruka. He feared for Kakashi's life.
The figure wrapped a hand around Iruka's forearm. He slowly crushed it; it would bruise, Iruka idly thought. "Tell him you have a lover."
"I won't be here," Iruka said fiercely, trying to ignore the pain he heard in Kakashi's voice.
His arm throbbed painfully, the dagger glinted warningly. "Tell him in a believable tone. If you don't…." The threat was left unspoken. Iruka knew what would happen and he wouldn't allow it, not if he could help it.
"I won't be here; I'll be with…someone else. He's great, he's here for me, and he doesn't take long missions without saying a word to me. He's, he's great." Iruka's voice softens as he held the image of Kakashi in his mind, of the first time they kissed. He spoke of Kakashi, his love, as if he was telling a stranger this, as if he wasn't speaking to his love.
Iruka paused as he listened to Kakashi's words.
"Kakashi." He said softly, as if the word was but a sigh upon his lips. Then he was gone. He repeated said his love's name and in an increasing frantic manner. But he was gone, and the phone went dead.
Iruka at realizing this dropped the phone and peered fearfully at the stranger. He had cut the wire connecting the phone to the wall.
"Irru-ka. Little chunnin. You didn't obey me," he sang-song. "And do you know what that means?"
Iruka shook his head. The foreigner shoved the chunnin onto the floor. He walked step by step slowly like a hunter whose hunting his prey. Iruka backed up, scrambling hurriedly when his back met the wall. His eyes slammed shut, and his fingers sought to get a grab at the carpet beneath him. He didn't need to look anymore. He could see in his mind the pristine white carpet, now stained with blood, semen, and various other substances. His carpet wasn't white anymore; it was sickly pink color with patches of burns on it. He didn't need to see. He could see in his mind's eye, the hand stretching out towards him, and he screamed when the hand took a hold of him.
His body shuddered in memory of that night. That night was the worst. He thought of when he first met the man, the man who tormented him day and night.
Four Months and a Week Earlier
"Kashi! Kashi, I'm home," yelled Iruka. He slipped his feet out of his sandals, and kicked the door close. He loosened his headband, and allowed it to pool around his neck as he headed toward the kitchen. His bare feet patted across the cool tiled floors, as he dropped his stacks of papers upon the kitchen table and slung his bag on the ground. He stared around him puzzled. He could have sworn that Kakashi would be here today. It was a Tuesday right?
He glanced at the calendar. He blinked. It was Tuesday. He searched the other rooms, but nope. No sign of the silver-haired ninja. His brows frowned as he thought about the situations. Huh. Usually when Kashi's not here, he's either training his team or on a mission. He can't be late, since I'm late two hours also. The kids were being exceptional rowdy today. His team is dissolved so Kashi must be on a mission.
He mentally slapped himself in the head. Of course, how could he forget? Kakashi was probably on a mission. Whenever Kashi couldn't meet him, it was because he had a mission or Icha Icha novels. Iruka sighed. He was slightly concerned. Kakashi often had missions in which he couldn't know about. He had a suspicion that his one-eyed lover was an ANBU. He had good reason to think so, because he, after all, works in the mission room. He had one of the highest clearance there was, about the only time he didn't know about a mission was if they were assigned directly by the Hokage or if was a top secret mission done by ANBUs.
If that was the case, then Iruka wouldn't see his boyfriend for quite sometime. The last time he saw Kashi was on Saturday when he was off work early and Kashi was feeling bored. He smiled, at least Kashi had a good memory to take with him as his mind recalled the more than pleasurable night.
Four Months and Two Days Earlier
Iruka stared absentmindedly out of the window. Only five days had passed, and he was already missing Kakashi. He sighed again. Class had been dismissed. His shift at the mission wouldn't be until 4:30. He had ended class earlier because he was feeling restless and discontent. He knew it was because Kakashi was gone. It was always like this, the feeling that something's missing. It would last until the smiley-eyed ninja came back, but it would be more bearable in a few days.
He couldn't stay in this room. He packed up and headed home. Unaware, that a figure was watching his every move.
Iruka paused by the small park near his apartment. He breathed in the cold crisp air. He went into the park, noting that few were there. He decided to take the scenic route; it reminded him of the lovely walks he took with Kakashi when they were starting to date. He blinked in surprised when he bumped into someone.
"Ah, sorry. I didn't mean to bump into you," apologized Iruka. He blushed lightly. "My mind must have been wandering. Well, bye."
He turned to leave, but he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. "I'm afraid I can not let you leave sensei."
"Huh?" Iruka was bewildered. "Why not?"
"I want to make a deal with you. You see it is something that pertains to the safety of Konoha. I think you would want to finish this conversation," threaten the man.
Iruka stiffen. His mind rushed, thinking quickly. There was nothing he could do at the moment. He would listen. He nods his head in consent.
"You are the copy ninja's lover, Umino Iruka. A teacher and a desk pusher," stated the stranger.
"What do you want?" questioned Iruka; he was not in any mood to play games.
"So, I know of a plan to kill Hatake. His weakness is you. If I use you as bait, then the great copy-cat ninja would fall."
"That is if you can get me," spoke Iruka.
"Yes, but I'm quite sure you'll agree. Even if you were not the bait, I have some people following both you and him around. You being a chunnin make it easy to hold you against your will. But more importantly, I know how to stop his sharingan by forcing it to constantly use up all his charka."
Iruka gritted his teeth. He knew the words were true. "And you are telling me this why?"
"Simple. I'm offering you a way to stop all this."
Iruka glared at him. "And why are you offering to help me? How do you know I won't go running off to tell the Hokage and anyone else who cares to listen?"
"Ah, that's the thing you see. You won't. Your lover killed my brother and father. I decided to take revenge. In fact, he destroyed many of my allies. So here's your choice." His eyes sparked dangerously and in mirth.
"Your life in exchange for his."
"Wh-hat?" sputtered Iruka.
"If you take his place, then I won't kill him. Remember, Konoha won't survive the war without a man like him. Choose wisely."
Iruka clenched his fist. If he chooses himself, then Kashi would die and Konoha was at a potential danger. There wasn't enough manpower as it was. He was weaker than this man. He could feel the chakra level leaking out and it was powerful. So if he tried to run, it wouldn't do any good. There was nothing around him that he could use effectively to allow him to escape. But if he gives his life, then there was a potential risk of the deal not being met. But if he didn't, then Kashi and Konoha….himself or the village and Kashi? There was only one choice.
"Me. I chose me." Iruka closed his eyes. "I won't let you take Konoha or Kakashi if I can do something about it."
"You made a wise choice, chunnin."
"But, if you break the promise. I swear, I swear I would kill you without hesitation."
The man smiled. "That's nice, by the ways Kenji's the name." The man knew Iruka wouldn't be able to kill him. It was not that Iruka abilities were lacking, it was simply a fact.
The ANBU snorted. The stupid bastard was crying. What kind of person was he? If you break someone's heart, then of course that person would leave. Or in this case die, she thought grimly. Stupid fool, why are you crying when you did it on purpose?
The guilt tore at his soul and heart. He had no more tears now. He felt a presence behind him. He stiffens.
"Aw, is the wee little chunnin crying now?" came the taunting voice. It seems that he could not find peace from it even now.
He grew angry and suicidal. "You," he growled. He spun around and a blade flash out as he zoomed into attack. "YOU BASTARD. He's dead. He's dead because of you."
The person quickly dodges the attack and wrestle Iruka into a lock position. The kunai dropped. The person was a dark-hair man, tall, and physically fit. He was a stranger to Konoha. He sneered.
"You're a pathetic weakling. I don't know what the copy cat ninja saw in you. Tell me, was it fun," he mocked. "Was it fun, the rush of power from crushing the great copy cat ninja. Tell me, did he cry? Die he broke when you told him about me? Did you tell him about our sex life? Did you?"
Iruka tried to break out of the hold, but he couldn't. He glared at the person. "You know full well that you blackmail me. Or I would have never gone along with this idea, Kenji" spat Iruka.
"Yes, you thought he'll be safe. Thought you'll do your lover a favor by protecting him from me. And now you're nothing but a bird trapped in a cage," ridiculed Kenji. "Think of all the time that you'll be living with the guilt. It was a simple exchange, your life or his. You chose his, and now he's dead. And now you're left with me."
The irony was not lost on either man. Iruka had given his life to save Kakashi's, but he lost Kakashi despite his choice.
Iruka grimaced harshly. "Physically, I may be yours, but anything else. Anything else, they all belong to him, my heart and soul. What you'll get is nothing compared to his. He's a hell lot better then an enemy like you."
"Still, you broke Hatake," smiled Kenji in triumph. "How would you live, knowing that you sold your body for nothing? Do you remember the scars, the beatings, the torture you undergo to protect him? Was it worth it?"
Kenji loosened his hold, knowing full well that Iruka wouldn't make a move. He was too shattered to do so. He eyed the body lustfully; it wasn't as beautiful as before. The loose hair, the tears upon his face, and bruises marring the body was heavenly, he recalled. But now, now, the figure was shaking, shuddering so much, that the genjutsu hiding the real state of his body was gone. The body was thin, and emaciated beneath the heavy clothing. The stretch of skin that showed was littered with cuts and bruises. Any other damage to his body was hidden by the folds of his attire.
Actually, considering the stress from the situation, the starvation, the beatings, and the rapes, Kenji was surprised that the genjutsu didn't break before. He surmised that after learning Hatake was dead, brought the stress that was boiling to overflowing. He looked at the motionless and abused man, remembering each and every thing he did to create each wound. It was a masterpiece. He had turned the lover of Hatake Kakashi into a broken, broken, shell of a person. He had managed to kill the famed copy-cat ninja through his weakness. He reveled in the power he held over the man.
"How would you live knowing that you told the man you love that you hate him, that you didn't want him to come home?"
The words that Kenji spoke drifted deep into his mind, and his heart cried out that he was unfaithful, was cruel to Kakashi. That he did it, despite knowing that Kakashi had lost everyone he ever cared for, and now he lost Iruka too. Even if that wasn't true. His heart was heavy with shame. Kakashi had died believing that Iruka wasn't in love with him, yet he still died loving him. He died with the thought of Iruka in his heart and mind. He died believing he was unworthy of Iruka that Iruka was just the same as the others before, even if that was not true.
He watched out of unseeing eyes, as Kenji picked up the little black box. He tore the rings out and flung the box away from him. He dropped the rings and crushed it beneath his feet, before beginning to slowly melt the rings. The last token of love from Kakashi.
Seeing the token being destroyed make Iruka snapped. In a blind moment of forlornness, the acknowledgement of his guilt and the remembrance of hate from the crowd around him, he seized the fallen dagger. If this is what guilt feels like, if this is what a broken heart is, if this would free me from Kenji, if this would allow me to be with Kakashi, then I'd do it.
Without hesitation, he slashed himself across the throat, ignoring the cry from Kenji. He lost conscious, his world blacking out as he died with the memories of Kakashi and only Kakashi upon his mind and heart.
Damn, she was too late. The chunnin had killed him self in a fit of desperation when Kenji begin to destroy the rings. She had stopped and incapacitated Kenji but failed to save the chunnin's life. Another life lost. She had heard everything. Although she now knows why the chunnin had broken her comrade's heart, she didn't feel better. Not when he did so in a misguided attempt to save his love. She felt guilt from accusing the chunnin, when she had no idea the chunnin had been forced into it.
She stared at the unconscious body of Kenji. She needed to inform the Hokage of the recent developments, a body to be removed, and a prisoner to torture. She would take out her feelings of guilt and sorrow of the two star-crossed lovers on him in a terrifying and brutal way. She'll come back for the chunnin's body later. The ANBU picked up the body, not caring when it whacked into branches as she rushed to the Hokage.
The cadaver of Umino Iruka laid sprawled in a sad way next to the memorial stone. His throat was sporting a harshly jagged cut, but the expression upon his face was that of peace. And not to far away, a pair of rings rested partially formed, partially melted. And the words that were half faded and deformed spelled Kakashi and Iruka, forever.
In life they could not be and in death they reunited.