Al hadn't recognized him. It was like a stab to his heart. His younger brother not did know who he was or where he came from. Ed supposes it was the memories. After all, who was to say Al hadn't lost all his memories. It would after all make sense for the gate to take all his memories. Still a part of Ed had hope that it wasn't true. Hoped that Al would smile and hug him when he came back. When he came back things would be like he never left. If only.
It seemed that Edward Elric never got what he really wanted ever. It was almost like it was his fate, never to have true happiness. Happiness always seems to be slightly out of his reach. Always too far but close enough to witness.
Ed supposed he felt happiness once but it seemed so long ago. So long since the death of his mother, before she died he had been happy with not a care of the world. Then again weren't all children happy? Not knowing the real world. Children only knew the perfect safe haven their parents had set up for them.
Ed bit his bottom lip at the thought. Was it fair that parents did that? Fair to keep their children in the special world? The world that knew nothing of pain, misery and death.
Ed felt he left his safe haven too soon. If only he had realized it earlier. He never had a proper childhood. That too had been taken away too early. Then again hadn't everything been taken too soon really?
Al's body.
His limbs.
Their mother.
Ed felt his flesh arm curled at his side at the thought. Everything always seemed do unfair to them. It was almost as if fate hated them enough to have misery constantly rain down on them.
He hadn't recognized the meek voice at first. Ed had been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he blocked out his surroundings. It seemed almost ironic that the last person who saw him would also be the first to see him return.
Roze hadn't known who he was at first either. She had stared at him perplexed for a couple minutes. When she put the pieces together and figured out who he was, she clapped a hand over her mouth in shock.
"Ed?" She meekly asked, still looking at him unsure.
Ed had just nodded. Not trusting himself to give any other response. He didn't want her to hear his voice cracking and tears rolling down his cheeks. Ed just felt like crying. Crying out of joy that he finally had returned. He completed the thing he set out to do and it made him feel like crying. He always knew he would but still the idea itself was amazing.
He was home finally. Home to where the family he had somehow gained was waiting. Ed used to think the only family had been Al but that wasn't necessary true. Somewhere along the way he had gained more family. They might not be blood related like Al and him were but they were still family. Not all families were connected by blood.
"I'm glad you're all right. We were all worry about you. Mrs. Curtis will be happy to see you, as well as Winry and of course Mrs. Rockbell…"
"Are you really my brother?" A voice interrupted Roze's anxious babble.
Ed smiled and nodded looking at Al. It was such a strange feeling to see his brother in his human state. It made Ed feel like crying all over again. "Yes…yes I am."
Al looked over at Ed not speaking for quite some time. His bottom lip started to quiver slightly. Ed thought he might cry for several moments. Ed wouldn't blame him if he did. Wouldn't tease him or anything like that, he would hugged him. The way he wanted to do for years. To feel his body against his own. Feel the warmth of his skin and not the cold metal he had felt for so long.
"Al?" Ed asked confused at his brother's behavior. Shouldn't his brother be greeting him? Or at the very least be talking with him? Ed quite frankly care if they talked as long as he get to hold Al everything would be all right.
"You're not him. You're not Niisan!" Al shouted.
Al dashed off leaving Ed standing there stunned. Roze had called after Al, telling him to come back but her pleas were ignored. Personally Edward didn't know what to think. The one person he had risked everything for didn't know who he was. When he told him who he was…it was like he didn't believe him. Had he really changed that much?
Roze turned to looked at him once Alphonse was no longer in sight. "It's just been so long for him you know? I'm sure he'll realize it's you."
He could sense the doubt in her voice and could feel it as his stomach seemed to twisted in odd shapes at the thought. Almost telling him it was true. No matter how much Ed wanted to deny it. Al was never going to recognize him. Never know who he really was. His brother would only see him as a stranger not someone he knew and someone who shared the same blood. He never expected the first words his brother says to him to sting so much but they did and Ed felt like his heart was going to break.
Equivalent trade always seemed to take the thing that a person wanted the most. It made Ed feel so helpless. Ed depises feeling so helpless.
Roze had led him up to the house, just in case he forgotten his way. After all, five years was a long time. He couldn't forget though. All his memories laid here, in his hometown. The town he never spends a lot of time in yet his roots laid here. Everything he had ever known was here. How could he forget all that? It was almost as if it was tied in with his very own soul.
Where everything had began, where everything had gone horribly wrong. The reason he went on his quest, why he became a state alchemist. It all lead back to here. Back to Rizenpool.
Al opened the door to the small house and slammed it before running up the store. Not caring if anyone heard him. If anyone did he would ignore him or her. Or he could pretend he didn't hear them.
Al was very good at pretending. He had been pretending that everything was all right for five years. In fact pretending became almost second nature. To smile and speak happily even through he was feeling the exact opposite.
It didn't hurt anyone. Everyone was happy and thought Al was happy as well. They lay in a bubble of happiness. A bubble that would pop as soon as Al gave the word. He controls the bubble and that was a comfort in itself. Al had never been in control of anything in his whole life.
Always did what he was told always listen intently. Al bit his lower lip; it made him feel weird just thinking of it. He wasn't angry but it was another emotion he was feeling. A strange one that he had no idea what it was.
Knock.
Knock.
Done quickly yet with a hidden amount of strength. Not like the man named Armstrong would had. Al was almost certain that it was a male knocking.
"Alphonse may I come in?"
Al blinked and hesitated before opening the door, revealing the handsome face of Roy Mustang.
The man looked worried and Al couldn't help but feel some guilt for that. After all he had slammed the door awfully loud.
"Mr. Mustang?" Al asked meekly.
"Roy is fine Alphonse," Roy said smoothly.
Al nodded feeling shy all of sudden. It wasn't often that he came from Central to see them. Sure he visits them at most four times a year. Once for every season. Usually Miss Hawkeye would accompany him. On the rare occasion Mr. Havoc as well.
They all treated him with such fondness. Fondness that should only be used around friends. Not strangers. To Al they were strangers even though Winry had try to explain otherwise.
Al couldn't remember them at all.
"Is something wrong?" Roy asked gently. It seemed almost against the man's nature to sit here with him and to make him feel better. Of course Miss Hawkeye explained otherwise.
"Mus-Roy?"
"Yes Alphonse?" Roy asked with a hint of smile. Obviously pleased that Al had used his first name.
"My brother worked under your command right?" Al asked softly.
Roy nodded. "That's right, did Riza tell you?"
Al nodded quickly. "Did you care about him?"
Al turned to look at Roy and froze at the man's look in his eyes.
Abouste terror.
Al wondered if he had said something wrong. Roy looked like…he looked strange. An expression Al had never seen on him or on anyone really. Almost as if he was trying to fight something. Fight something that you didn't want to but had to. Something that you couldn't see but you were going to try and fight it anyway.
"Roy?" Al asked quietly.
The only response Roy seemed to be able to make was his hand curling into a fist and grasping the blue uniform that he was wearing. Almost like he thought that would make the problem go away.
"Don't you care for all the soldier in your command?"
Roy blinked and it was almost as if he had left and just came back. As his eyes cleared and the fist loosened his grip. Almost as if he came to terms to whatever he fought. It was like whatever he had been fighting was gone or he had conquered.
Al thought it was more of the last one personally. Roy Mustang was certainty a man who appeared to have conquered many things in life. Not every single person could proclaim to becoming the youngest Furher in history. That was a feat in itself.
"I care for all the men in my command," Roy explained "It's just…" Roy shooked his head. "Nevermind Al I obviously thought you said something else. My apologies."
Al gave a weak smile in return. He couldn't help wondering what Roy had been thinking. He didn't seem to be a man that was easily frightened or disturbed. He was in the military and he must have seen many horrible things from being apart of it.
"So why are you so upset? Did something happen when you were outside?" Roy gently prodded.
Al looked down at the floor as his hands were clasped together in his lap. "Roze was outside and she was talking with someone. I didn't know who the person was so I went open to see."
"Then what happened?" Roy coaxed.
"The person said they were my brother," Al finished.
Roy stared at Al in disbelief, almost as if he wanted to believe it but wasn't sure if it was true.
"Was it?" Roy asked.
"Of course not!" Al exclaimed. "Everyone tells me my brother wears his hair in an braid and that he's short but this person wasn't any of those things."
"People chang-" Roy began.
"No they don't!" Al shouted standing up and glaring at Roy. "People are supposed to stay the same, that way we won't forget them. If they change then how would we know it's them?"
Roy took a deep breath. "You can't stop change Alphonse. Change comes and sometimes it's for the better and sometimes it isn't but we make do. We just can't run away from it."
Al stared at Roy his bottom lip quivering slightly at Roy's explanation. "…But what if I want things to stay the same?"
"You can't. You just have to learn how to accept," Roy replied.
Al lowers his head trying to hide the tears that were running down his face. All because of the frustration he was feeling due to not being able to change things.
Roy reached into his pocket and pull out a white hankchief. He offered it to Al, who took it gratefully.
Al turned himself away from Roy as he wiped the tear tracks and fresh tears from his face. When he was composed he handed it back to Roy who accepted it with grace.
Al watched as Roy ringed out the water from his tears in the hankchief.
"Maybe we should call you waterfalls," Roy commented with amusement.
Al laughed for the first time today.
Havoc was glancing out the window, slightly bored. His eyes every so often would glance around the house they were staying at. It was a little quaint house but it did radiate that homely feeling that people said the country held. It was the one thing that the country had that the city didn't possess. The city was always fluttering with activity and it seemed that there was no room for that kind of thing. He was used to the city life and the country just seems to lack in excitement. Everything was more subdued and relaxed. Not that he minded some relaxation but he preferred it in small amounts. After all when one joined the military, relaxation became a foreign thing. Everyone knew you didn't join the military for relaxing, relaxing was for retirement.
Not that his opinion mattered anyway. He was dragged anyway. It seemed that he didn't have a choice anymore. First couple times he did. Of course the first time he said yes, meant yes all the time. Which was a pretty stupid idea in Havoc's opinion.
Havoc glanced over and looked at Hawkeye who was reading a book. Now why hadn't he thought of that? It would sure make the time pass a lot quicker if he was actually doing something.
Of course when Mustang was here it wasn't actually boring. He hadn't brought a book either. He was almost positive that Hawkeye always thought ahead. She was almost taunting them with the knowledge she had and they didn't.
Alas the Fuhrer had gone off to comfort Al. Al had run into the house in such a state and hadn't said a single word to them. Unless slamming doors were some sort of communication but Havoc doubted it. Al had been most definitely upset, that much was obvious but of what? What could have wound him up so much?
Sure Al didn't remember much of them but Al always came off as the stable one. He was never one to rant and rave like his older brother. Roy was always joking that they could hardly be related, since they were so different.
However Havoc supposed it didn't really matter how different they were. If you were around the Elric brothers enough, you could see the connection between them. The connection that made them brothers. It was so obviously once you knew them; you almost wondered how you ever missed it?
Al didn't know the connection or at least he didn't know anymore. Havoc was almost positive that Al must have known at one point but not any more. It didn't really make sense to Havoc but then again he wasn't an alchemist.
So the idea of equivalent trade was foreign to him. He never had anything to do with it before. He remembers that Edward lived his life around equivalent trade and maybe it was because of what they did as children. He kept it in mind as to always to remind himself of the sins they committed.
It was equivalent trade that made Al lose his memories and according to Mustang it could had been worse. Of course Havoc couldn't think of anything that could had been worse.
Roy had explained it well. Memories were one of the few things in the world that could be replace. Organs and body parts couldn't be. With such a grim view, Havoc began to see how lucky Al really was. He could have been a whole lot worse in the end.
Speaking of Al, Havoc wondered how he was. He didn't usually have many fits of anger or sadness. So maybe he come out of his room soon. Havoc was almost positive that was where the younger Elric brother had storm off. He couldn't help but wonder what had set him off in the first place. Al had been perfectly content when they arrived in the morning.
Hadn't Al been outside earlier? Maybe that was where the answer to his problem lay. It made the most sense after all.
When he glance out the window again something caught his eye. There was someone talking to Roze. He couldn't tell who it was but if the person was a little shorter, wore a braid and had a change of clothing he could definitely passed as Fullmetal boss.
"Hey Riza?"
"Yes Havoc," Hawkeye replied emphasizes the last part of the sentence.
Havoc couldn't hide his wince; he definitely got the message there. First names were not apporaite yet and Havoc wondered if they would ever be. She was always a stickler for rules.
"There's someone outside talking to Roze," Havoc explained.
Riza set her book down and look at Havoc. "It's probably one of the neighbors."
Havoc shooked his head. "I think you should come and look at the visitor, I think my eyes are deceiving me."
"Deceiving you?" Riza asked not looking up from her book.
"Call me crazy but I think I'm seeing Fullmetal boss talking to Roze out there," Havoc replied.
"Edward-kun?" Riza asked surprised.
Havoc gave a quick nod. "Yup that's who I am seeing."
Riza sighed and put her bookmark in her book before putting it down. It wouldn't be any good if she lost her place, actually it be rather annoying. She walked over so she was standing beside Havoc. "Well what's the big dea-"
Havoc turned to look at her as Riza fell silent in mid sentence. "You see him too? Then I know I'm not going crazy. I mean sure he looks a little different but you can still tell it's him. I mean I was always afraid that when he came back we wouldn't recognize him."
"It's been five years, why does he come back now?" Riza questioned.
Havoc shrugged. "Maybe he got away from wherever he was before."
"Mmm," Riza replied obviously deep in thought.
"What should we do now?" Havoc asked.
Riza rolled her eyes at Havoc's question. "We go and greet him of course. After all it might have been five years but we all still missed him."
Havoc nodded and followed Riza's lead as they head out the door.
Ed had never imagined that Hawkeye was very motherly. The fact that she wield a gun and had very good aim, were two very good reason why. However, she couldn't always be so tough. Perhaps it was just a mask she wore for appearances.
When he was on the other side of the gate he learned quite quickly that there were people quite similar to the ones at home. It was always quite a shock to bump into them. Sure, he knew intelligently they would exist but meeting them was always a shock. A shock that brought memories. Memories that made his heart break.
He had met Hawkeye's double many times; she was such a kind lady. She went by the name Elizabeth and wore beautiful dresses. She was soft spoken, a far cry from the person he remembered. He always met her at the park, where she would draw things. She was a very talented and Ed couldn't help but wondered if Hawkeye drew as well.
He remembered asking Elizabeth once, why she always sat alone. She had replied that she was waiting for someone. Ed only saw him once. A tall handsome man in his own right. He found it interesting that both of them had blonde hair.
Ed let Hawkeye hugged him tightly. Since he knew it was her way of saying she missed him. She would never say it in so many words but her actions were loud and clear to him. It was rather nice to be hugged by her after so long.
Havoc had ruffled his hair once Hawkeye separated herself from him.
"Nice to see you again boss."
Ed smiles at Havoc. "It's nice to see you too."
Roy led the way down the stairs as he and Al headed to the lower areas of the house. Once they reached the living room, Roy glanced around the room slightly confused. The room that was usually buzzing with activity was oddly empty. It was quite a strange sight and felt rather odd standing here.
Or perhaps it was just him, since Al didn't seem to disturb. Then again Roy wasn't around all year round like Al was. Maybe it was like this when they weren't around. Roy imagined they didn't have much company. He supposed that the odd neighbor would pop by or a customer. Otherwise it was probably empty.
It must be peaceful for them. To anyone else, especially if they were from the city would found it incredibly boring.
Adjustment was the key.
Well at least that was what Roy found. You adjusted yourself to the countryside and it didn't bother you so much. In fact it became almost a vacation. A vacation with your subcoridates with you.
Ok so the logic didn't always work but that wasn't the point. The point was that Havoc and Hawkeye for lack of better word ditched him.
Roy couldn't help but feel indignant about the whole thing really. Honestly, first he didn't want them here and now he was upset that they left? It didn't make any sense but Roy supposed it didn't matter. You worked with a person long enough and you grew attached to them, it was the fact of the life.
If that was so, was that he reasons he froze up when Al asked if he cared about his brother?
Roy had told Al he had misheard him but that wasn't the truth.
It was a lie and a blunt one at that.
Al would never know the difference, since he had no choice to accept what Roy said as the truth. He didn't know any better. Roy supposed that Al trusted him quite a bit.
Roy wishes he didn't. It would be so much easier that way. Roy wouldn't have to worry about hurt feelings and such.
Roy didn't feel bad about lying to Al. It seemed almost necessary to these days. Keeping Al happy was almost as important as running the country was these days.
Why was Al happiness so important to him anyway? Did it really matter in the end?
The answer was a resounding yes. For both brothers.
Whether Roy wanted to admit it or not, he had a soft spot for the Elric brothers. He wanted them to have some sort of happiness after all the things they went through.
In Roy's opinion they deserved a little happiness. Almost as payment for all the unhappiness they went through. It was only fair after all.
One could argue that Roy only took care of Al because he was related to Edward. Almost as if he kept Al happy, he was making Ed happy.
It was the most ridiculous thing Roy heard of. The thing people came up and try to convince you it was logic. Completely absurd.
It was true he always saw more of Ed than Al. Ed was working under him in the military after all, it made sense that he would see less of Roy. Since Ed like to handle things with Roy alone. Didn't like getting his brother involved with any military or even state alchemist matters.
It made sense and was perfectly plausible. It was strange how people could twist things around and make it logically. Roy found it to be such a horrid skill to have; it was one trait he didn't yearn to have.
Roy supposes it was around than that people started talking. Of course people were always talking about him or Edward. They were both very capable state alchemists. It was rare that they were ever mention in the same sentence through.
He hadn't known about it until Hughes brought it to his attention. Roy had been shocked more than anything really. He had never thought that someone would even think like that. Then again he supposed there were always people like that. Watch your every move and try to figure a way to annoy you.
Still him and Edward together in some form of relationship? It had boggled Roy's mind for weeks.
Hell. Edward didn't even like him that much; he couldn't see how they could have a relationship. It made no sense and maybe that was the point.
Roy had hoped that maybe no one would believe it. They would see the impossibaties of the situation and leave it at that.
People believed it.
It just causes Roy more and more trouble in the end. Then again Ed always had been nothing but a source of trouble. Well at least half of the time.
Roy sighed slightly pushing the thoughts of the blond alchemist away, before looking over at Al. He put a smile on his face to ease the younger boy.
"It seems everyone has left us again. Honestly I leave for a couple minutes and everyone slacks off."
"And you don't?" Al asked mischievously
Roy shot him an annoyed look as Al grinned. "That's not the point Al. The point is they should had waited."
Al's expression darkened. "They probably saw Niisan and went to greet him. I mean it's been so long since they saw him right? I'm sure once they saw him they would rush out to greet him."
Roy nodded not really looking at Al. "Of course, it's been so long since we seen your brother why wouldn't they? After all I'm sure we all missed him very much. Everyone wants a chance to see your brother one more tim-"
Roy cut himself off and glanced over at Al, stared at him thoughtfully. "Your not jealous are you?"
Al stared at Roy in shock. "Jealous?"
Roy nodded. "That we'll all pay attention to your brother and forget all about you."
Al gave a weak laugh. "No, I never liked being the center of attention anyway."
"I know," Roy replied softly.
Ed wasn't sure he didn't want anyone else to hug him today. Or ever for that mattered. Ed wasn't a very affection person to begin with. He didn't even like hugs to begin with and yet that was all that he had been doing.
It wasn't like he was a cold person by nature; it was quite the opposite really. Ed likes to think himself as a friendly person. True he wasn't very approachable but still that didn't make him unfriendly did it? The colonel wasn't the easiest person to approach and he could be friendly if he wanted to. Not that he was friendly very often.
Ed had come to the conclusion that he just wasn't a people person. He was probably more of a book person. Not that there was anything wrong with that, he happened to like his books.
Books didn't talk to you when you wanted to be left alone or annoy you when you were in a bad mood. Books in Edward Elric's opinion were the perfect companions.
It was a shame that nobody agreed with him. Then again Ed was used to it. He would have been perfectly content with his books but Al always pushed him to meet people. Plus he had Winry's help when Ed decided to be stubborn.
Ed learned early on to listen to Winry and to listen well. After all there was only so many times, one could take having wrenches throw at him.
She always managed to surprise him. Besides those wrenches sometimes hurt!
Ed shooked his head slightly, now he had sidetrack so much he couldn't remember what he originally was thinking about.
Oh yeah.
Hugs.
People.
Why he didn't like them.
That was easy enough. He was smart so he should have known people would hug him.
In foresight he should had figured that he might to hug people. Sure he had expected to hug his brother and maybe Winry but that was it.
Except Al didn't want to hug him. In fact his brother didn't want anything to do with him. That stung more than anything else did and Ed wished he could get it off his mind.
He couldn't.
It ate away at Ed's mind and it was a painful thought. A thought that he didn't want to think about. After all why would he? It would only cause him more pain in the end.
Ed had lived with a lot of pain in his life. Here he was hoping a somewhat painless life. Like fate would be that kind to him. Fate had appeared to want him to live some horrible life, since his late childhood.
How unfair, life was to Edward Elric.
"Ed?" A soft voice asked with a tinge of worry.
Ed blinked and looked over at Winry. She looked worried not that he could blame her. He had been tuning her out when she was talking to him. Probably something important too. Maybe it was about getting some new automail for him or perhaps something else all together. He would never be able to figure it out. He hadn't been listening.
Besides he was horrible at guessing what people was thinking. Even saying when he wasn't listening to him. He couldn't read minds after all. If he had than he supposed he wouldn't be in this all mess. Reading minds would have been an awesome gift for anyone to have.
Except Roy Mustang. Ed didn't like that idea. Not one little bit. Ed like to think he spoke for the whole world when he said it was a bad idea for the Colonel to have mind reading ability.
He smiled at her and told her everything was fine. She didn't look convinced. Why should she? The smile Ed gave her was a total fake and she knew it.