JPOV

People say there is no place like home. Home. What a foreign concept to me. Maybe monsters have no right to find a home. That doesn't mean I'll stop searching. Even after all the wrong that I have done, there is something that keeps me going. A pull of some kind. A pull that calls to the deep of my being. I don't dare to say the deep of my soul because if I had one, I had to lose it on the road. Every war, every bite that I received must surely have chewed a piece of it each time, leaving a mark on my skin to prove others that there is no soul to save. Still, the pull is there. I know that I will not find a home, but I can't stop myself from searching it. So when she, the only she that will ever matter, took my hand on that rainy night, I could not understand the hope that flared on my heart.

What a pathetic empath I am if I can not even understand my feelings.

Still, hope is more than I deserved, so I took her hand gladly. I felt myself drowning in the deep of her golden eyes. Eyes that asked to be trusted. Eyes that wanted my trust. How could they ask for such a thing? How could they look at me and not see the monster that I am? Those beautiful eyes can ask whatever they want from anyone they want, so why me?

I could not deny her her wish. Every fiber of myself was delighted with the knowledge that she is not afraid of me, that she doesn't recoil at the sight of the scars that have frightened so many vampires before her. So I took her hand and follow blindly. I will follow her to the end of time, to the end of Earth if that's what she wants. I can feel how her touch brings back my soul. How each scar that she caresses stops burning and how suddenly I feel that I can live again. She is the pull that I feel.

But I cannot, I will not forget what I am. So when she told me about the family that she has been looking for, I do not blame her. I understood that they are her home. I promised I would help her, I promised I would take her home. I promised. I promised. I promised myself that I would lead her to them, and I would understand when she chooses them over me. Because I know, that every moment she gives me is more than I deserve. So I promised myself that I would learn to live with those moments and that when the time comes, I would let her leave and I would not follow unless she wants me to. Because even if it is only to remember these moments, I have found that there is something worth staying in this world for. She is my home. Even if I cannot be hers.

Day after day, month after month, year after year, I followed her. And hope did not banish. Hope of becoming her home. Hope of having my angel at my side until the end of times. But as everything good in this world, hope is something destined to die. And in my case, it died with four words.

We have found them.

So now I have to be ready. Ready to leave my heart, my soul behind. Ready to not follow when she tells me not to. I need to be ready to leave when she finds her home. But I am not ready yet. Not when she is so happy that she walks directly into their home, with no regards to her security whatsoever. So I stay at her side, protecting her from whatever danger may come, as the world has no meaning without her in it. But she is already leaving me. Until now she has never parted from my side, from my sight, she has never released my hand. But now she has. Now she is taking their hands, wrapping them in hugs, surrounding them with her scent.

Pain. I thought I knew pain. I thought I had prepared myself, but now I know best. Her company brought back my soul so that I could be punished for every atrocious action I had done. As having her at arm's length but yet so painfully far must be hell. This is hell.

Edward. The name of my personal demon. How could I try to be the home of my angel when I could never even understand her as he did?. I could comfort her through her visions, but he could share them. I could bring peace to her problems, but he is always there before she even needs to speak out loud. He can share her vision and is never one step behind as I am.

Still...If my home has finally found her's I will be happy for her. I will be. At least that's what I need to convince myself.

So now, now that I have attacked her friend, now that I have almost killed her human friend -and I would have, if not for having been stopped on time- now…now I must be ready to hear her telling me to leave.

Time goes by. She is here. She is here at my side. I steady myself. I will not show her how leaving her is leaving my life behind. I will not allow her to feel any guilt for asking me to leave. Truth be told I want to ask her to end my misery before it begins. I have fought wars, I have survived both humans' and vampires' wars. But I don't want to live knowing that she is here in this world while I am not at her side. However, I know I will not ask that. I could never ask anything from my angel. She is the one who can ask whatever she wants from me. Even leaving her.

The blow comes. It's strong. So strong that it takes me to my knees, takes out the air of my lungs and leaves me dizzy with need. But it's not a physical blow. Is an emotional overload. It's strong, it's warm, it's perfect. It's utterly big. It's purely Alice.

"Alice?" I ask with a trembling voice. Those feeling, her feelings, are perfectly matched with my own. I always thought that those readings were the feelings I was projecting, the ones that I wanted to read. But in truth, they have been the ones she had felt, the ones she had been showing me.

Slowly, she extends her hand. She stops halfway and waits. Waits for my hand to move. And so, as many years before, I take her hand. But this time I know there is nothing to fear, nothing to prepare myself for.

This time I know she is my home, and I know that I am her home.

"Let's go home." She says.

I follow blindly.