Hijikata had never felt so apprehensive about entering the Yorozuya household. Usually he would just barge in with the rest of the Shinsengumi hot on his heels and make some comment which would lead to more arguing. But this was different. On his patrol (alone after Sougo had gone off to nap, again) he had run into Otae-san carrying way too many bags of food for just the Shimuras to get through. When he had asked why they had enough food to feed an army, they responded identically: "Kagura."

He had understood, but was still curious. "So why is she staying with you?"

Shinpachi went quiet but Otae-san seemed to become fired up. "That perm-bastard got drunk and kicked off at her. He yelled something about her being allowed to come back in a week then threw her out. Bastard. She might not want to go back..."

Otae-san continued to mutter angrily to herself so Hijikata turned to the younger Shimura. "I didn't know the perm-head would do that to her. Not that I care, but there must be more to it than just that."

Shinpachi shifted uncomfortably as he answered. "He's never got this bad before, but this happens every now and then. He's never said why, but I trust Gin-san to sort his own problems out. You should too." With that they both left Hijikata with his curiosity thoroughly unsated. This curiosity was what had carried him to the Yorozuya household.

Normally, there was light pouring out of the windows (and the occasionally giant dog-shaped hole) and the sound of screaming children. But now, it was silent and dark, like no one lived there at all. Swallowing his nervousness, Hijikata rang the doorbell and waited. And waited. There was no response. He tried again, but there was still nothing. He almost turned round and left, thinking that there was no-one home, but heard a sniff, similar to that heard when someone is crying. Hijikata stiffened. He had never heard of the Yorozya crying. Something had to be seriously wrong. He slid open the door and looked around. "Oi, Yorozuya. I'm coming in." There was no response, but he went in anyway.

Hijikata didn't find him until he tried following the smell of alcohol. It led him to what he assumed was the man's room at the back of the house. Sliding open the door, the smell became overpowering. Grunting slightly, he covered his nose and looked in. The normally restless perm-head was propped up against the wall opposite the door, a bottle of sake hanging loosely from his left hand. The wooden sword, which almost never left his side, was discarded in the far corner. The man's head was bowed, his curly silver hair hiding his expression. Hijikata was momentarily lost for words. "Yorozuya?" He called out hesitantly.

The man in question scoffed quietly. Even from that sound Hijikata noticed the bitterness, but his following words confirmed it. "Those kids. I told them to leave me alone. I suppose they thought that meant sending the Shinsengumi's dog to see me at my worst." His voice was hoarse, as though he had been screaming or crying. Or both. He looked up and Hijikata found it difficult to maintain eye contact. Though his eyes were normally quite dead, there was usually some humour in them. Now, there was nothing. They were like rusted pits of despair and Hijikata actually felt his heart ache at the loss in them.

"So? Dog?" Gintoki drew out the last sound, making it harsher than he would perhaps have done. "If you want to laugh, I won't stop you. I laugh at myself, how could I not?" He began to chuckle, but the sound was completely devoid of mirth. That was what pushed HIjikata to take a step forward.

"If you think I'd laugh, then you must think I'm a sick bastard, Yorozuya." He continued to walk forward until he was stood over the silver-haired man. He slowly crouched down, not breaking eye contact. "You have people to look after. You don't have time to be wallowing in self-pity."

The dead look faltered for a moment, replaced by burning anger, but it only lasted a moment. "I know. But I haven't done anything, have I? I haven't made any progress since the war." His voice became low and hoarse again. "I'm nothing. Worthless. All those people died and I've done absolutely nothing to redeem myself-"

He was cut off when Hijikata slapped him across the face. "Gintoki." This got the man in question's attention. He never called him by his name. The haze of self-pity started to clear, but he remained silent. "You are not worthless. I don't know what happened to you in the war and I'm not asking you to tell me now. But damnit if I'm going to let you think that you haven't changed. You might not notice, but you attract people." He blushed slightly. "Me included. Even if we don't want to, we end up spending time with you and liking it. Not because we want something from you, but because we like you. You have brought all of these people together. If that's not redeeming then I don't know what is. So get up. You're always the one saying to keep going if it gets you killed. So follow your own advice. Get up, perm-head." Gintoki looked up stupidly at the blushing Hijikata, who part-way through his speech had stood up, and looked at the hand being offered to him. Slowly, he reached out and grasped it, relishing the contact of another living person, even if it was a man he was supposed to hate. He staggered to his feet with Hijikata's help, but didn't let go of his hand.

"Why'd you come for me? You hate me." Hijikata shrugged and pulled his hand back to place a cigarette between his lips. He lit it and breathed in deeply. He turned to leave but paused, as if remembering he hadn't answered the question.

"The world isn't the same without you, y'know." He took another breath. "Don't tell that sadist bastard anything of what happened today or I'll make you commit seppuku. Go and collect China before she eats Otae-san out of house and home." With that last comment, he disappeared out of the door, back to his patrol.

Gintoki stood there for a minute longer, collecting himself. Then he moved to the corner and picked up his sword, sliding it into his yukata. Then he scratched his head, chucked the sake bottles out of the window and flicked the lights on. Sighing quietly, he left the house and set off in the direction of the Shimura dojo, steeling himself for the beating he'd get when he got there. Though thoughts of crazy Yato and Gorilla ladies rolled around his head, he couldn't quite get the image of a blushing Demon Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi out of his head.

- The next day things went back to normal, with death threats being thrown back and forth between the two. Well it seemed like that. At first, they tried to pretend that nothing had happened, but whenever one saw the other's face darken with painful memories they put in more effort to help than they perhaps would have done before. That was how things stayed for a while. Then the next big event happened, again to Gintoki.

He'd been doing so well for the last couple of months. He'd got up at a reasonable time, looked after the kids and even got less irritated at those Shinsengumi tax-thieves. But then he heard that there'd been a Shinsengumi raid and then didn't see Hijikata for a few days. No big deal. But for some reason this triggered a new and utterly terrifying nightmare. It started in much the same way as the others had, with him in the War fighting off endless waves of Amanto. But then he caught sight of a familiar raven-haired man some way away from him and panic seized him. He had to save him! He fought his way over, but that raven head seemed to be getting more and more blood-stained and it didn't feel like he was getting closer. Suddenly the Amanto parted, allowing Gintoki a clear view of Hijikata fighting for his life. Before Gintoki could warn him, a beefy Amanto stabbed him in the back with a spear, forcing it all the way through until it stuck in the ground on the other side, blood trickling down its shaft. The Amanto grabbed another spear and did it again and again and again until Gintoki was shaken out of his stupor. He roared and charged forward, killing all the nearby Amanto but saving an especially vicious decapitation for the spear-wielding Amanto. Panting heavily, he glanced at Hijikata and was honestly terrified by what he saw.

Hijikata was still alive despite the injuries that should have killed him. His eyes were dull and glassy but as they saw Gintoki they focused slightly. "Gi-" He tried to speak again, but his lungs were filling with blood.

Gintoki became desperate. "Don't speak. I'll get help for you!" He looked around but there was no one too be found and deep down he knew that Hijikata was going to die. Despite Gintoki's warning Hijikata spoke again. "-ill -e. Ki- me."

Gintoki couldn't stop the strangled groan that left his throat as he understood what he meant. "I can't kill you. I can't-" Hijikata's head lolled forward and the dying man gave a strangled cough.

Then the nightmare got too much for Gintoki. The Amanto around him morphed into blood-stained versions of Hijikata all begging for death. "I need to be at peace! It can only be you who kills me!" They shouted until he couldn't take it anymore. Gintoki roared and forced his katana into Hijikata's chest.

This was when he woke up. He was breathing heavily and covered in sweat. The panic from his dream was bleeding into the real world and the hammering in his chest wasn't slowing down. Staggering up, he grabbed his wooden sword and rushed out of the door. The sleepy complaints of Kagura bypassed him as he had only one purpose in mind. Find Hijikata. Gintoki raced through the streets and tried to ignore the feeling of panic which was begging him to give in. He clambered over the walls of the Shinsengumi barracks and ran up to the nearest door. A quick sniff told him that this was where Hijikata was supposed to be and he slammed open the sliding door.

Hijikata was awake instantly and reaching for his sword, but when he saw it was the Yorozuya, he paused. "What're ya doin' here, Yorozuya?" He planned to insult him but took in the wild look in the other man's eyes and slowed down. Before he could ask anything else, the Yorozuya had strode over to him and pulled the blanket off of him. "Oi-" Hijikata got to his feet and pushed the silver-haired bastard off him. What was he doing? The man in question was looking him up and down and once he had found whatever he was looking for, he visibly sagged, falling into the nearest wall and sliding to the floor. "You're okay. I don't have to kill you. It wasn't real." He was muttering to himself and it was only now that Hijikata understood. He'd had a nightmare, a serious one by the looks of it. He reached over and pulled a cigarette out and stuck it between his lips but didn't light it yet. He was too lost in thought. The reasons for the nightmare eluded him and he wasn't sure he wanted to know. But he knew he needed to console the silver-haired man, as much as it felt strange to think. Lighting the cigarette he took a deep breath of the bitter smoke and walked towards the Yorozuya. Crouching in front of him, Hijikata lifted his chin with a finger and made sure their eyes were locked, but the other man's eyes were unfocused. "Look at me." He obliged, his eyes slowly focusing. "I'm fine. I'm alive." He cleared his throat. "You can check for yourself, if you need to."

The Yorozuya moved faster than he expected. The next thing Hijikata knew he was being pressed all along his torso, particularly his shoulders and upper back. "Oi, watch it!" He had offered, but that didn't mean that he could just touch wherever he wanted! The silver-haired man paused in his searching for wounds that weren't there and looked up intently at Hijikata. "I have to protect you tonight." The raven-haired man opened his mouth to protest but was cut off. "I have to."

There was so much conviction in his voice that Hijikata found it difficult to refuse. But that didn't mean he couldn't work with the situation. "The only thing you need to protect me from is the cold, but feel free to protect me from that." Stubbing out his cigarette, he lay back down on his futon and closed his eyes, hoping that sleep would come quickly.

He was surprised when a second weight joined him under the blanket and warm arms wrapped around him. Hoping his face wasn't as red as it felt, Hijikata turned to voice his discontent but found he couldn't when he saw the deadness in the Yorozuya's eyes. "I'm protecting you from the cold." Hijikata sighed through his nose but didn't make any attempt to shake him off. Settling back down he listened to the steady breathing of the perm-head behind him and found that sleep came a bit quicker than normal. His last thought before sleep claimed him was something along the lines of how nice this felt.

Hijikata was awoken early the next morning by the cold seeping through the blanket behind him. Sitting up, he saw that there was no evidence that the perm-head had even been there. Lighting the first cigarette of the day, he slid open the door to look outside. He wasn't sure what he was looking for but it definitely wasn't what he found. There was a small bottle of mayonnaise on top of a note that simply said, "I owe you another one." He fought down a smile. "You could have stayed the whole night, bastard."

Yamazaki ruined the moment by coming around the corner doing his ridiculous badminton exercises. Hijikata glowered at him. "Go commit seppuku where I can't see you!" He screamed and Yamazaki squealed, fleeing around the corner. Hijikata took one last look at the note then shoved it in his pocket, ready to start his day (probably by avoiding death from Sougo). But, as he changed into his uniform, he found it difficult to ignore the feeling of the paper in his pocket and the memory of that panicked look on the Yorozuya's face.

-Again, things went back to normal for a while. They'd fight in the street, save each other when they really needed to and generally try to keep their lives going. Once, Hijikata brought up the bottle of mayonnaise he was owed but the perm-head simply said, "I'm saving it for a special occasion." He never elaborated on that and Hijikata didn't ask. It was coming up to the one day of the year he couldn't stand and he didn't have time to deal with a certain silver-haired idiot.

Gintoki would be lying if he said that he didn't notice the change in the Vice-Commander's behaviour. He had a feeling what had changed (he remembered the whole business with the sadist's older sister) and was waiting for the right time to bring it up. He had finally worked up the courage to do it and was waiting (well, loitering was closer to the truth) by the vending machine the Vice-Commander usually bought his cigarettes from.

He'd been there for an hour before anyone from the Shinsengumi turned up and told him to leave. It was some member Gintoki had never seen before and when he asked where their chain-smoking representative was, he was told to look for him tomorrow because he didn't want to see anyone today. A simple refusal wasn't enough to stop Gintoki and by now he had an idea of exactly what day it was and where Hijikata would be. He felt a strange urge to find the man. He chalked it up to the mayonnaise he owed him and set off to the nearest shop.

After a short detour to a flower shop (the one owned by that terrifying monster who's actually a nice guy) Gintoki wandered to the graveyard. Placing one flower (a sweet pea*) on a grave he rarely visited, he moved between the other gravestones until he spotted a bowed raven-haired head. Quietly, Gintoki moved up behind him, wary of frightening or severely pissing off Hijikata. It was only when he was stood directly over him that he realised he had no reason to worry. The shadow which should have been an immediate indicator for the Vice-Commander to defend himself but he hadn't reacted at all. "Oi." Gintoki kept his voice quiet but still had to hold back a wince at how harsh his voice sounded in the silence of the graveyard. Still getting no response, he sighed. Crouching down, he reached past Hijikata and placed the rest of the flowers by the picture of a calmly smiling woman with caramel-coloured hair. This got a response.

"What do you want, Yorozuya." Though it was phrased as a question, it didn't sound like one, staying monotone throughout and lacking the usual sound of a question.

Gintoki knelt down fully, but stayed a comfortable distance away, wanting to take this slowly. "I wanted to respect her with you. I brought some of those spicy crisps she liked. We can eat them and you can tell me about her. I want to know what she was like." Hijikata barked an incredulous laugh at this point. Gintoki felt his face flush but didn't back down. "If you don't want to do any of that, then I can leave them with you. I owed you a bottle of mayo and I think now is the time to give it to you." He placed the crisps and mayonnaise next to Hijikata and shuffled forward. "I've got one more thing for you, if you want."

Shuffling forward again, he pressed his chest against Hijikata's back and wrapped his arms around him, holding him in place for a moment. He made a sound close to a squawk but didn't make any effort to move away. "You don't do this often do you?" There was no immediate verbal response, but then he shook his head. "I can do this for you whenever you need it. You need it now, don't you?" There was a pause. Then Hijikata spoke, voice rough and deep with pain.

"I'd never admit that." His voice changed tone slightly. "You know, I can't respect the dead with my arms pinned."

Gintoki smiled and removed his arms, shifting round so that they were back to back. "This better?"

Hijikata hummed in approval, the sound travelling down Gintoki's spine.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, Hijikata grateful for the support but not wanting to be overly sappy. He realised just how long it had been since he last sat with someone like this. He voiced as much. "And it was with you." He scoffed. "Weird." The Yorozuya turned his head and Hijikata could almost feel the glare he was probably getting. "I sit with you when you need it most and the most I get is a weird comment?" He turned the other way again. "I'm hurt Oogoshi-kun."

"Don't call me that."

"Why?" He whined, but the question was still there.

"You don't call me by my name often enough."

Gintoki tried to scoff but it turned into something of a strangled chuckle. "Coming from you. You have never called me by name. Well, you did once. At least I do it for you sometimes."

"You never mean it."

"That's besides the point." They fell silent again, the sudden quiet surprising both. It had felt so natural to speak that when they stopped, it felt strange.

Hijikata was the first to break the silence. "We need to have a serious conversation, don't we?"

An indecisive hum travelled up his spine. "We aren't the kind of people to settle things like that. Besides, we're being watched."

Hijikata jumped up and looked around, but saw no one. Looking down, he glared at the Yorozuya who was still sat as he had been before."Who's watching us, bastard? I don't see anyone."

"I would have thought she'd be watching."

"Who?"

"The sadist's sister."

Hijikata paused. "She's dead. She can't watch much of anything."

"Then why do you come here every year and tell her how sorry you are?" Gintoki's voice had deepened and was more cautious, as if trying to soften the impact his words would have. It didn't work.

"You don't even know her name, so don't assume that you know what I say to her or why. Get lost, bastard, I've had enough of you. Take your mayonnaise and your stupid monologues and leave me alone." Hijikata turned to face the grave again but stilled when he felt a presence behind him. Warm air curled around his right ear as Gintoki breathed out and a light tap from the wooden sword at his throat reminded him to stay still.

"If you don't like my monologues then that's a shame. You're about to get dealt with me when you didn't have to. You came into my home and pulled me back from the depths of hell. You reminded me what was real and what wasn't. And you're telling me that if I want to help you, I have to fuck off? I'm not having that. I will help you when I can because I want to. You can kick and scream and tell me to fuck off, but I will not abandon you when you didn't abandon me." He removed his sword from Hijikata's neck and stepped back. "I still carry the guilt of failing to save someone I held close to me. I still apologise. So I know how you feel."

Hijikata sighed heavily and slumped to the ground, subconsciously rubbing his throat. This was the most openly vulnerable he'd ever seen the Yorozuya and it had resonated with him somewhere. Hijikata spoke up. "You wanted to hear what she was like? I'll tell you."

And he did. They sat by the gravestone, Hijikata talking about the things they'd done together when they were younger and how he'd felt for her. When he'd finished, he pulled the bag of crisps towards him and opened them. Wincing at the smell, he grabbed one anyway. "For Mitsuba." Gintoki echoed him and for a few minutes they just sat and ate in memory of her. However, the sun was starting to set and they couldn't stay out here all night.

"Vice-Commander, I formally offer for you to come to my house and drink away the night." The Yorozuya stood up and grinned down at Hijikata who weirdly found it difficult to not smile back.

"Alright then. But you better have good alcohol or I'll arrest you tomorrow."

Gintoki tried to hide his surprise at being accepted but struggled. "Oh I do. And you're going to like it. And if you're a good boy I might even make a Hijikata mayonnaise special with that bottle of mayonnaise."

"Don't push it, but I'll take the food. I didn't know you could cook."

Gintoki pulled Hijikata onto his feet and slung an arm over his shoulders, pulling them close together and started to walk in the direction of the Yorozuya household. "I'm a great cook! I just never get to show it cos Food Wars monopolised the market!"

"Someone sounds bitter." Hijikata was smirking now as they reached the Yorozuya household. Gintoki frowned, but it was good-natured. "Nooooooo." He whined unconvincingly. They climbed the stairs together, bumping shoulders good-naturedly. Sliding the door open, they kicked off their shoes. Only once the door closed did they realise just what they had done. To ease the awkwardness, Gintoki moved into the kitchen and called over his shoulder, "Make yourself comfortable somewhere, preferably not in the cupboard or Kagura will get annoyed!"

"Yeah, sure..." Hijikata glanced through all of the rooms but couldn't find anywhere he felt comfortable in until he reached the room at the back of the house, the Yorozuya's room. It was surprisingly clean, apart from the pile of identical yukatas in the corner. He didn't realise that he'd just been stood in the middle of the room taking in the atmosphere and the smell that he just couldn't put his finger on until the owner of the room appeared behind him. As in, right behind him.

"What are you looking at?" Gintoki was holding a drink but he'd almost forgotten it when he realised that the Demon Vice Commander of the Shinsengumi was just staring around his room, seemingly lost in thought. Sneaking up on him had been way too easy. Said Demon froze and tried not to lean either forward or backwards.

"I was just thinking."

"About?"

Hijikata lightly flushed. "About the way it smells in here. It smells like you."

Gintoki chuckled. "Well of course it does, I sleep in here." He paused, seemingly mulling over whether to ask what he wanted to ask. "What do I smell like?"

Hijikata hesitated, then turned round. This was going to be weird, but they'd hugged before, right? So this wasn't too much of a step forward. "It would be easier to work that out from the source."

Gintoki smiled broadly and placed the drink down behind him. Holding his arms out, he spoke again. "I never thought you'd be so forward, Hijikata-kuuuun." He drew out the last syllable. "Come on then, tell me."

Hijikata inhaled and exhaled, then stepped forward and bent his head into the crook of Gintoki's neck. He paused and then breathed in slowly, filling his lungs with his strange scent. Then it clicked and he found himself speaking without thinking, still without moving away. "You smell sweet, but with a hint of masculinity. Safe, but with a hint of danger, violence and blood. But mostly-" He breathed in again and tried to ignore the fact that he could see the pulse in the other man's neck. "-you smell warm. Of comfort. Of home."

Gintoki hummed, the sound reverberating between the two. "You seem to like that smell."

"Not as much as you like me sniffing you, pervert. I can hear your heartbeat."

"What would you say if I asked you for more?" Gintoki's voice had gone low and quiet, as if barely wanting to break the moment.

"Bastard." Hijikata smirked up at the hesitation in the perm-head's expression before tilting his chin with a finger so that they faced each other. "I'd call you a bastard for being so forward." Then he kissed him. It was hesitant and unsure, but it was a kiss. For a moment there was nothing on the other end. Then the response that he got was so desperate and relieved that he had to grab hold of the body in front of him for support. They pulled apart, panting slightly, searching for evidence of a prank in the other man's eyes. They didn't find any.

The moment was only ruined when a voice piped up from behind them. "Shinpachi, why are the two idiots kissing?"

"I don't know Kagura-chan. But if they want to go further then they can do it somewhere else. I don't want to hear those two having sex."

There was an awkward silence where no one moved for a moment. Then a few things happened simultaneously. Gintoki pulled Hijikata, who had been trying to escape from the embarrassment, into his chest, employing his usual blank expression while Kagura and Shinpachi watched with judgemental expressions on their faces.

"Lemme go Yorozuya, this is embarrassing!"

"No, we've kissed so we have to cuddle now. It's the law."

"YOROZUYAAAAA!"

The end? ;)

*A sweet pea can symbolise goodbye, so I thought it was fitting.