"OMFG I FUCKING LOVE CAKE!" L screamed, shoveling a handful of cake into his mouth with his bare hands, Watari stepping away awkwardly. L glared up at him. "WHAT, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?" he snapped with his mouth full. A chunk of icing and spit flew out and hit Watari on the cheek. Watari wiped it away with no response.
"Um, L? You've been eating a lot of cake lately. Maybe you should stop an-"
"SHUT THE HELL UP, KIRA!" L grabbed a handful of cake, throwing at it at Light's head- and hitting him spot on in his bangs. Light gasped and frantically flailed his arms.
"OHMIGOD, L! L! MY HAIR, YOU RUINED MY KIRA DAMN HAIRRRR!"
"YOU DIDN'T DENY BEING KIRA!"
Of course, he got no response, seeing as Light had ran off crying to fix his hair. Matsuda stared at L, eyes wide, his jaw dropped to the floor and his head cocked to the side. L turned his head slowly. "I'm going to kill you."
Matsuda let out a girlish screech and and ran out, calling behind him, "TELL MOGI THAT I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT WE COULD HAVE AMAZING SEXY TIME TOGETHERRRR!"
Mogi blinked, slowly drawing his gun to his head. Soichiro smacked it away. "I WISH YOU WERE MY SON, MOGI!"
Light had dashed into the room, giggling, and stopped dead hearing that. He choked back a sob. "Daddy?"
"WHEN YOUR MOTHER WAS PREGNANT WITH YOU, I FIRST TOLD EVERYBODY SHE WAS JUST REALLY FAT AND SHE HAD A TUMOR!"
"YOUR KIRA PERCENTAGE IS RAISED TO OVER 9000!"
Light burst into uncontrollable tears, his mascara running down his cheeks. "But... but... I'M SO SEXY!"
Aizawa poked him with his foot. "Pft. Watari is sexier than you. LIEK, SRSLY!11!1!"" He licked his lips and winked at the elderly man sitting in the corner. "Yeah, babe. You know it." Watari giggled, rolling his eyes.
"Oh, you..."
Mogi gasped, eyes narrowing. "Uh, excuh-uzeeee meeehhhh? LIGHT, YOU CAN'T HAVE BUTT SECKS WITH MY MAN!"
Light gazed up hazily from where he and L were having incedibly random fan-service yaoi secks. "LULULULULULULUZ, YAH I CAN CUZ WE'RE THE NUMBER ONE DEATH NOTE PAIRING!" he explained in a totally 'duhr' voice.
L nodded, looking up seriously from where he was giving Light a hickey on his neck. "It's true. But wait. What the hell is a Death Note?" Light shrugged, averting his gaze and frowning.
"How does my dad not notice this?" he sniffled, his eyes threatening to spill over with tears. His question was quickly answered as he and the other Task Force members stared over at Soichiro. Soichio shrugged.
"I seiously just knew Light was gay. He spends more time in the bathroom than Sayu." Light scofed.
"BEAUTY TAKES TIME, OLD MAN!"
A/N: ...I'm sorry. Sadly enough, I will continue this.