Love Potion Disasters
Disclaimer: I do not own Charmed.
A/N: This was a little plot bunny that just wouldn't go away. Plus I needed a break from my other story Raw Emotions because I had wrote 6 new chapters that I needed to post and I just wouldn't stop :D Anyways, enjoy!
Summary: Chris is desperate to get his parents together. No one knows his identity, so what happens when a love potion goes horribly wrong... ONESHOT!
Warning: Contains the 'f' word once. If this offends please don't read. Other minor swears might follow.
It was about five o'clock in the morning and Chris was in the attic of the Halliwell manor, making a love potion. Chris didn't care what it took, he was getting his parents to have sex so that he could be conceived.
A shudder ran through Chris at the more-then-disgusting thought. This was just nasty! How many other people in the world had to travel back in time to save their evil older brother, only to realize 'Hey! Your not conceived yet. Better make something to get your parents to fuck!' Chris shook his head in disgust. This was seriously nasty work.
BOOM! The potion exploded and Chris was hurled several feet backwards, landing on his back rather painfully. Groaning, Chris sat up and walked over to the bubbling cauldron. The Book Of Shadows said that the potion should turn a nice shade of violet when it was done. Unfortunately Chris's potion was a darker, murkier, purple. Desperately Chris decided that this would have to do as he bottled up the potion and cleaned up the mess.
This had been Chris's third attempt at a love potion. The only types of potions that Chris had been making all his life were vanquishing potions so it was no wonder that this wouldn't work out to well. After all this potion needed a loving and caring touch, but all Chris wanted to do was get his parents to screw.
Gross, Chris thought to himself as he orbed downstairs. He knew from experience that Piper would be up at six am, sharp. Probably because that was Wyatt's feeding time, Chris thought to himself snickering slightly. It was really weird to see your older brother as a baby; especially when your brother is the evil overlord of the future. Shuddering with disgust, Chris made a small pot of coffee, took a cup for himself and poured the love potion into the other, positive that Piper and Leo would both get some.
Leo had promised Piper that he would stop by to play with Wyatt early this morning which meant he and Piper would talk, which meant they would both drink some coffee, which meant they would both be infected by lust and start to... you know... do it.
Chris shook his head at himself and orbed out, off to fight his first demon of the day.
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Piper woke up to the sound of an explosion in the attic. Reflexively her eyes snapped open and she jumped out of bed, searching for the source of the noise. Hearing the coffee pot start downstairs Piper figured that it was probably Chris, making another vanquishing potion. She was really going to have to talk to him about that.
Piper walked down stairs and was met in the hallway by a frantic Paige, her hair still in curlers.
"Did you hear that?" Paige demanded as Piper tried not to laugh at how ridiculous Paige looked. Her hair was in curlers and she was in the skimpiest gown Piper had ever seen.
"That boom in the attic?" Phoebe asked, suppressing a yawn as she opened her door to join the conversation.
"Yes, I think it was just Chris making another vanquishing potion." Piper answered rolling her eyes at how paranoid her sisters could be.
"Oh." Paige said, "Well I might as well stay awake!" She said mock cheerfully. Suddenly a real smile overtook Paige's face and she called out "I smell coffee!" Paige bounded excitedly down the stairs, instinctively knowing this was going to be a good day.
Piper watched her youngest sister incredulously while Phoebe shook her head with amusement and called out "Leave some for us!" She then closed her door and followed behind Paige.
An answering shout of "Ya, ya, ya." could be heard. Piper smiled and shook her head, going to get Wyatt before going downstairs to join her crazily sleep deprived sisters.
A few minuets later Piper went downstairs with Wyatt on her hip. She fed him, before grabbing the last cup of coffee. Her sisters were already devouring theirs, joking about their jobs. Piper went over to join them just as Leo orbed in.
"Hi." Piper greeted him somewhat coolly. Leo smiled at her before grabbing Wyatt muttering a bye and orbing the two of them out. Piper shook her head at the minor distraction and the feelings that seeing Leo caused again.
Finishing the cups of coffe the sisters glowed a strange purple color. When the purple wore off they looked at each other in confusion.
"Uh oh." Paige said, feeling the heat between her legs. "What just happened?" She asked, seeing the crazy lustful look from her eyes reflected in both her sisters.
"I don't know!" Piper said with wide eyes. This was so not good.
"To the book?" Phoebe suggested cautiously, not sure she could control herself at the very sight of a guy. Piper nodded and stood up, Paige right behind her. Quickly they went upstairs to the attic, each lost in their own fantasies.
They snapped out of it however when they saw Chris at the book looking up a demon. Light from the window shined through and made him look so gorgeous that Phoebe couldn't stop herself from drooling.
"Hey guys." Chris's head snapped up, immediately knowing that something was off. The way they were looking at him gave him the creeps. "What's going on?" He asked cautiously, slowly backing away from them as they quicken their pace and moved forward.
"Hey Chris, you never did tell us. Are you single?" Paige asked curiously, completely forgetting about the whole Bianca- fiasco.
"Uhhhh...." Chris looked at them with disgust and shuddered. Obviously the love potion had worked, just not the way he intended it. "Hold on a second." Chris said, looking absoluetly disgusted.
"Chris..." Paige said, resting her hand on his chest. "Shhhhh..." She whispered seductively, putting her finger on his bottom lip, and tracing it. "It's ok." She said, reaching forward for a kiss. Chris's eyes were so wide he thought they would jump out of his skull. This was so disgusting.
When Paige moved forward to kiss him, Chris jumped several feet in the air, before orbing out and back in behind her.
"Ok," Chris began, disgust obvious in his voice. "Why don't we just calm down, ok?" He pleaded with them. This was so not what he had meant to happen.
"Chris, I've never told you, but your eyes are so beautiful." Piper said to Chris, reaching forward to stroke his hair. Chris hurriedly stepped back, into Phoebe's waiting arms.
"What the...!" Chris yelped, trying to escape. Why, oh, why hadn't he made an antidote!!!!! Phoebe smiled at him seductively and kissed his neck. "Oh god! Gross!" Chris called out in disgust, breaking out of her grasp and running out of the attic.
The sisters followed him eagerly and Chris orbed back into the attic, slamming the door shut and locking it. Chris gagged in disgust, wiping Phoebe's kiss off his neck and vowing to ask Piper if he could use her shower after this. The one at P3 wasn't really that good and Chris really needed to scrub his skin raw after this incident.
Bangs and knocks echoed on the door that Chris now stared at in horror. "Go away!" He called to the lusting sisters, as he started to get out potion ingredients to make an antidote. "Leo!" Chris called in desperation. Leo immediately orbed down, leaving Wyatt up there, surprised at Chris's tone of voice.
"Chris what is it?" Leo asked, watching as Chris frantically dug out the potion ingredients and grabbed a cauldron. Lighting the fire under the cauldron he started throwing ingredients in left, right, and center.
"Help me!" Chris hissed at him in disgust. Hearing the cat calls on the other side of the door, Leo's eyes widened in disgust and anger.
"What did you do?" He asked darkly as Chris continued throwing ingredients in the fast-heating cauldron.
"Nothing!" Chris said with panic in his voice and eyes. "I think a demon gave them some sort of lust potion to distract them from something." Chris said believably, making up the story on the spot. "They wont leave me alone!" He said desperately. Leo finally took pity on him and took over making the potion, Chris putting several things up against the door.
"It's ready." Leo said, finished the potion and bottling three separate vials. "What now?" Leo asked, hoping Chris had a plan. Calming down somewhat Chris answered in only a semi-shaky voice.
"I'll orb them in one by one and get them to drink to potion." He said.
"And how will you get them to do that?" Leo asked suspiciously.
"In a disgusting way." Chris said, shuddering. "Paige." Chris said, holding his hand out. Paige orbed in and ran over to Chris.
"I knew you'd love me more then the others." Paige said, touching his chest. Chris grabbed her arm in disgust and pushed her away.
"Ya, ok." Chris said, changing his voice to sound suggestive, and shuddering with disgust at the same time. "I'll give you something if you drink this potion for me." Chris said, raising his eyebrows suggestively, thank god for being a good actor.
"And what does the potion do?" Paige asked, smiling and raising her eyebrows at him.
"Guess." Chris whispered in her ear, stepping back and shoving the potion into her hand. "Now drink up." He encouraged, feeling extremely dirty and vowing to never make another potion again unless it was intended for violence.
Paige drank the potion, glowed for a minuet, and changed back to normal. "Chris, I'm so sorry." She said with disgust at herself, shuddering.
"Ya, whatever." Chris said looking as though he were about to throw up. "You know what," He said suddenly, turning towards Leo. ", I'm not going through that again. You do it." He said with disgust.
A few minuets later Leo was able to successfully change both of the sisters back to normal. "Gross," Piper announced. "I can't believe I did that. That's disgusting." She said. "No offense." She added to Chris was was still looking a little green. He was handsome and everything, but he was just not her type.
"None taken." Chris quickly assured her. "Believe me."
"Why didn't you take advantage of us Chris?" Phoebe asked. At her sisters looks Phoebe quickly reiterated. "Not that I would've wanted you to, but you had three beautiful women throwing themselves at you." Phoebe said. Piper and Paige nodded turning towards Chris who still looked disgusted.
"I grew up being friends with Wyatt." Chris said quickly. "Piper, you were like a second mom to me and I didn't have and aunts so Phoebe and Paige were kind of my substitute aunts." He said, to their surprise. Paige gagged and Phoebe was just like,
"Oh." In a disgusted voice. "Sorry I asked." She and Paige quickly left the room. Leo orbed 'up there' to go get Wyatt and Piper was about to leave when Chris called her back.
"Piper?" Chris asked cautiously.
"Ya?" She asked, not able to look him in the eye.
"Can I use your shower?"
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A/n I know this was creepy and disgusting and funny and weird all at the same time. This has probably been done before, but I had to put my own spin on it. I hope you laughed as much as I did. Please review, even if it's to tell me what a sick mind I've got. :D