A/N: Hello :) Alright, this was an... interesting... attack of the plot bunnies. And one Kayla (loupylou .powell) sort of prodded me in the direction it ended up in. And then it ended up... like this. Which I like, and had a lot of fun writing. So please read and review :D

"...Jaaaamesie pooh..."

"Sirius. What. The. Fuck?"

"You could ask me that. But I think my question is more important than you complaining about what you are being called, isn't it Jamesie pooh?"

"Sirius. Why are you holding up a neon pink thong threateningly?"

"WHAT WAS MARY'S THONG DOING ON YOUR BED?"

"...And you would know what her thong looks like how, exactly?"

"She's my girlfriend. Of course I know."

"...I now really wish I never asked."

"Maybe you should."

"..."

"Hey, you want a muffin?"

"Ooh, what types have you got Moony?"

"Well, when he offered them to me, he had triple chocolate or blueberry. This probably means now he only has blueberry."

"I love blueberry muffins! Give it to me!"

"...Uh, Sirius?"

"Yemph Moomy?"

"Why are you waving around a neon pink thong?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, JAMES, ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

"?"

"WHAT WAS MARY'S THING DOING ON YOUR BED?"

"I dunno. Ask Mary."

"...You fucked my girlfriend, didn't you?"

"Dude, I have Lils. Why would I fuck Mary?"

"Mary's hot."

"I love how that's the best answer you can come up with."

"Shut up Remus."

"I gave you a muffin, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Moony, would you please be so kind as to close your cakehole as Jamesie pooh and I sort out this irritating little dilemma?"

"..."

"Thank you Moony."

"Hey guys- uh, Sirius? Why do you have Mary's thong in your hand?"

"?"

"I'm her dorm mate and she's been showing it off for a while. She likes thongs and neon pink."

"...Dude, I was worried your girlfriend was gay then."

"Sirius, Lily is not gay."

"...I'm not so sure."

"..."

"OW! OWOWOWOWOW! James! Control your woman!"

"..."

"FUCK! I'm sorry!"

"...Thank you."

"Anyway, James, what was Mary's thong doing on your bed?"

"..."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"?"

"?"

"?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"?"

"?"

"...Erm, Lils? Why are you laughing?"

"Go Mary!"

"?"

"?"

"James? Again, control your woman."

"..."

"OW!"

"I wouldn't continue saying that if you don't want that to happen again."

"...Sorry..."

"I bet you are."

"Anyway... Lily?"

"Yes Remus?"

"Why are you finding it so funny that Sirius found his girlfriend's thong on your boyfriend's bed?"

"Because, my friend, Mary is a genius."

"?"

"?"

"And pray tell, why is that?"

"Padfoot, that's my girlfriend you're talking to. Don't sound so accusing."

"I will accuse her if I want to."

"..."

"OW! Fine, no I won't!"

"Better."

"Anyway, as I was saying, Mary is a genius."

"You have yet to tell us why."

"I'm getting there... Geez..."

"Well, get there faster!"

"..."

"FUCKING HELL! OW! James! She needs a fucking leash!"

"..."

"I'msorryI'msorryyoudon'!"

"Thank you."

"..."

"As I was saying, Mary is a genius because she said that she would need to distract you for today to do something secret without you there, and this, to be quite frank, has worked perfectly."

"..."

"?"

"?"

"Merlin you guys are thick..."

"Hey! Remus, if you're not going to tell us what it was she is hiding in secret, then just tell me and not Sirius so I can laugh with you- OH!"

"And the penny drops."

"..."

"Lils, you spoke too soon."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"You know, he's a little slow on the uptake."

"..."

"Nearly there mate..."

"!"

"Finally."

"That's where my cookies have been going!"

"?"

"?"

"Um, Sirius."

"What?"

"No."

"?"

"Mary has not been stealing your cookies."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"!"

"He's got it!"

"My underwear!"

"?"

"Sirius."

"WHAT?"

"Why would Mary be stealing your underwear? I'm your best mate, and I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole."

"...Then how is it becoming clean?"

"Wait, what? You think I wash your clothes?"

"You don't?"

"..."

"Sirius, let's get this straight. Mary has not been stealing your cookies. Mary has not been stealing your underwear. James does not wash your underwear. What else could it possibly be that Mary needs a distraction for?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Merlin dude, work it out already!"

"..."

"Sirius?"

"?"

"Do you want a hint?"

"Lily, don't make it too obvious."

"I won't. Okay Sirius, here's your hint. It's your birthday today."

"Lily, that was too obvious."

"James, you overestimate the intelligence of your best friend."

"..."

"I told you so."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I think you hit him one too many times, Lils."

"Shut up a second, I think he's almost there."

"..."

"..."

"...Or not."

"Shut up Remus."

"Sirius?"

"Mary? Explanation please?"

"Well, come with me."

"Close your eyes for a second. Now, do you want me to lead you?"

"Mary, I know the kitchens like the back of my hand, I think I'll be able to walk in the door upside down with my eyes behind my back, let alone forwards and with my eyes clo- OW."

"..."

"Lead me, please."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Open your eyes."

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. BLACK!"

"Waah?"

"Surprise!"

"This is why you distracted me with the thong on James' bed!"

"...You didn't work out it was a birthday surprise?"

"..."

"..."

"CAKE!"

"Yes Sirius. Birthday normally means cake."

"?"

"Just enjoy it."

"I love you Mary!"

"I love you too Sirius, now eat the cake."