Title: Miss Congeniality
Summary: A/U.based on the movie, well, Miss Congeniality. Buffy Summers is a no-nonsense FBI agent, who is given the assignment to go undercover at the Miss America pageant.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.don't sue.
Pairing: Spuffy.as always.
A/N: I know I said I'd only do one story at a time, but my other story (Twisted) is taking a really, really long time, so I decided to write this one! ~
Buffy Summers was your regular girl, sitting in a coffee shop.
Sure, she seemed a little * too * preoccupied with her upside down copy of "The Portable Nietzsche" but that didn't matter. If anyone had noticed her, it would have looked odd, yes. But no one ever noticed her.
That was what made her so good at her job.
Because, you see...Buffy Summers wasn't your regular girl, sitting in a coffee shop. She was employed by the Federal Bureau of Investigation. An agent. And a damn good one. She couldn't help think to herself, as she watched the perp through the minuscule screen sitting in her book. A voice played inside her ear.
"Buffy! Do you have a clear view?" It was, of course, Riley Finn, her boss and easily the most tear-inducingly dull person on the planet.
"Right down to his ass-crack, sir." Buffy muttered into the tiny microphone atop of her
"That sure was ladylike, Summers." Another, cocky, British voice drawled inside her ear.
"Go back to Scotland Yard, Spike." She hissed.
"Shut up, you two. We're on an op, if you haven't noticed. Now have you seen the package?"
"I saw * a * package, but it was just food they brought in for themselves. Cheap bastards." Buffy remarked, remembering how much she hated that when she had worked at a diner.
"But not the drugs?" Riley said, rubbing his temples from inside a van on the street.
"Not yet, sir." She said, re-positioning her camera.
"Alright, Raleigh!" Finn barked in Spike's ear, "What's your status?"
Spike rolled his eyes at his colleague, Xander Harris.
"Same as last...sir." He added grudgingly. Xander snickered and leaned back against the brick wall, looking over at all of the officers and agents behind him; all ready and armed to attack. Xander wasn't a big fan of big ops...he would very much prefer to be at his desk, with paperwork...far, far away from the present danger.
Spike Raleigh, on the other hand, felt exactly the opposite. This was the part of his job he lived for. The anticipation, the danger, the, well, frankly, the violence...it was unparalleled.
"Bloody hell...anything yet, Summers?" He whispered, growing impatient.
"Hold your horses. I think I'm getting something. His back's in the way, though." The reply came. Inside, Buffy was squirming around, trying to get the camera at an angle that could capture the crucial moment.
"Buffy, you have to cough or something! Make them move!" Riley yelled, growing anxious. If they didn't get the footage...
Buffy shrugged to herself and began hacking. This got their attention and the large, Russian men stared at the blonde agent. She put her hand up in an apology and focused the camera. She watched with glee as Big Russian Man #1 gave Big Russian Man #2 a bag of (obviously) illegal drugs.
"The eagle's landed." She hissed.
"Let's go!" Xander yelled, pounding the wall. Agents emerged from everywhere and rushed into the small coffee shop, pointing guns and surrounding the men. Buffy, who was revealing her badge to the frightened customers, ushered Riley in. He strutted over and clamped cuffs on Big Russian Man #1.
"You're under arrest for..." He trailed off when he noticed Big Russian Man #2, who appeared to be choking.
"I got it." Buffy said, walking over to him, apparently ready to perform the Hiemleich Maneuver.
"Don't be a chit, Summers. He's obviously fakin' it." Spike said, holding his gun up to the choking Russian, whose face started to get red...then purple...
"He doesn't look like he's faking to me. Here." Buffy threw down her badge and gun. She ran to the guy's side.
"Buffy! Don't!" Riley yelled, glancing over from his captive.
"Riley, I have to. He shouldn't die this way. It's letting him off easy." Buffy rolled up her sleeves.
"Agent! I order you not to! Stay out of it!" Riley yelled, feeling his veins pulsate. She wouldn't dare go against orders...
But yet, she did. Completely ignoring her boss and co-worker's warnings, Buffy reached her small arms around the man's waist and dug her fists deep into his diaphragm, with a strength that seemed impossible for a woman to possess. Buffy was not, however, strong enough for when he switched it around on her, taking out a switchblade and holding it to her neck.
"Dammit!" Spike yelled, before calling for more backup.
"No, that's not necessary." Riley said, walking to Spike's side as a group of agents slowly weaned Buffy out of the Russian's arms, through the threat of shooting both of them down.
"Thanks a lot. It's illegal to shoot someone without reason, you know." Buffy grumbled to a random officer, as he slowly pulled her out of the scene.
"Hey, you were the one who went against orders." He said before returning to cuff Mr. Choker and rattle off his rights.
Buffy sighed and went to run her fingers through her hair, but, as usual, they got stuck between the knots. Frowning, she opted for running the tips of her fingers * over * her hair. She walked sheepishly over to Riley, who was congratulating Spike on his "incredible discipline." Gag me.
"Buffy." He said curtly looking her up and down.
"Listen, sir..."
"We'll discuss this further tomorrow. Believe me, we will. But until then, just go home. We all need the rest." With that said, Riley stalked off. Buffy crossed her arms and pouted. She slugged her way over to Spike, who arched an eyebrow.
"Told you he was faking." He said, simply.
"Yes, thank you." Buffy sneered.
"You need to learn to follow orders. It's part of your job, mate." Buffy always noticed that he called her "mate." Not "luv" or "pet" like he did the other female agents. Just "mate." Not that it bothered her, or anything. It was just an observation.
"I usually do follow orders." She argued.
"Yeah, but apparently, not when the shit goes down. Like in there." He jutted his thumb towards the coffee shop, which was now surrounded by official yellow police lines.
"It was one time, Spike." She said, feeling exasperated already.
"One time is all it takes. By the way, you look like hell." Spike sauntered off, leaving Buffy behind. She glared at his retreating, bleach-blonde head.
God, she hated him...
~
Buffy stood in front of her mirror that night, taking a nice long look at her face. She wasn't that bad...not like the people at the office made her out to be.
One guy had once said, not thinking she was there, that she didn't wax her eyebrows, she mowed them. But that wasn't true at all. Besides, she had Brooke Shields' eyebrows. And no one ever called Brooke Shields homely.
Her lips were tiny, little cracks on her face, with more facial hair than necessary, but nothing TERRIBLE. Just a little upper lip hair and tiny, womanly side-burns on the side of her face. They weren't shaped or anything. Just fuzzy.
She forgot what texture her hair truly was. She hadn't brushed it in months. She just wore it in pony tails, and on occasion down, like tonight, but it looked okay without brushing, so she figured, why bother?
She came to the conclusion that she didn't care about looks, at all. There were much more important things in life. Besides, it wasn't as if she were trying to seduce any of her co-workers. Yeah, like she wanted to become Spike Raleigh's latest one-night-stand. I don't think so. She thought mockingly, laughing into the mirror at the very idea of getting involved with Spike.
Sighing once again, she loaded her toothbrush and stuck it in her mouth. Now she had to think about what was going to happen tomorrow...
~
Buffy awoke to the sound of her cell-phone blaring.
"What?" She whined into the mouthpiece. She shot up when she recognized the sound of her boss' voice.
"Oh, good morning sir. Uh-huh. Yes. Oh, no. You're kidding. Absolutely, I'm on it. Yes, I know it's hot. Bye." She clicked the tiny "End" button and hopped out of bed. She smiled at her reflection, inwardly thanking herself for being so smart as to sleep in her suit...so she wouldn't have to get changed, naturally. She blinked out of her self praise...she had a mission.
She rushed out her apartment building, waving to her landlord before slamming her car door open and taking out her siren light and placing it atop of her Buick. She started up the engine and floored it.
~
Buffy pushed her way through the crowd of people. She had never seen so many in her life. It was probably going to get ugly.
"Hey! Watch it!" A tall, red-headed man yelled as she moved past him, "What the hell do you think you're-?" Buffy flashed him her badge.
"FBI, sir. You may wanna stay outta this." He backed away, his hands in the air as if he was the criminal. Idiot.
Buffy stopped at a counter and looked straight into the eyes of the person behind it, coldly, doggedly.
"Alright." She whispered, emphasizing every word. "This is how it goes..." Buffy looked down, thinking for a moment, before her head shot back up again, and she rattled off in a spitfire: "Three tall regulars, black, hint of sugar, Two blue berry muffins, one with the top blue berries picked out, five Grande lattes, one with a shot of vanilla, two with sugar on the bottom..." The crowd surrounding her groaned and yelled. She shot them a look before turning back to the Starbucks employee, "One Grande cappuccino, shot of caramel...No! Wait!" Buffy felt half the people behind her leave, some who stopped to yell about government control.
Party-poopers...
~
"Buffy, you are an ANGEL!" Xander exclaimed, grabbing his blue berry muffin and cappuccino, "And I'll even pretend that the reason you did this for all of us * isn't * just because of the little mishap last night."
"Well, I couldn't go two days without following orders...that would be real loser-ish of me!!" Buffy said, laughing and snorting to herself. Xander gave her a funny look before forcing out a chuckle. Buffy sobered up, pouting.
"I have my own fun."
Spike sauntered over, raising his eyebrow at Buffy, before grabbing his black coffee.
"Thanks, mate." He said, leaning over her to grab a blank notebook from off of her desk, "Can I use this?"
"Use away." She said with a dismissive wave.
"Great, thanks." Xander tensed up suddenly and gave Buffy a pat on the back.
"Nice knowing you." He said, before scurrying off. I am Xander, the Amazing Conflict Avoider!
"Buffy Summers!" Buffy cringed as she saw the figure of Riley Finn nearing her way.
"Shoot me now." She begged Spike, "Just take my gun and shoot me. I give you permission."
"Now, now, Summers. I couldn't do that. It would make me compromise my morals." He replied with a wink.
"What morals?" She seethed. Spike laughed and repeated Xander's motion, walking away, only he went past Riley, instead of darting in the opposite direction.
"Raleigh."
"Finn." Spike said in passing, rolling his eyes. Buffy snickered a little when she head Spike mutter something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "Goddamn Captain Cardboard bastard." She didn't know what his beef with Riley was, but there was definitely some friction between the two of them. Even when Riley showered compliments on him (which happened often), they seemed to contain some sort of hidden malice.
"Summers." Riley said, facing the nervous agent at last.
"Look, before you say another word, sir, I realize that I was completely out-of-line last night-"
"You're damn right you were outta line. You deliberately obeyed my orders. Now, I don't know what company or corporation you've worked for in the past, but here we do not tolerate that."
"I know that, sir, but-"
"No buts! You are officially on probation." Buffy looked up with hurt. She messed up one time and she got put on probation? That was hardly fair. At least, she thought it was...maybe it wasn't...
"What is probation exactly, sir?"
"In lay terms, it means you're burying yourself under a pile of paperwork. And if you mess up two more times, you're gone. You've only got two more chances here, Summers. But hopefully, you won't be able to find a way to fuck up paperwork."
Buffy nodded, taking in all of his words.
"Are we clear, Buffy?"
"Yes, sir." She replied, her voice hoarse. Riley nodded and patted her on the back, a la Spike and Xander. Buffy felt tears fill up her eyes. I will not cry, I will not cry... There is nothing on earth that could make my life any worse right now.
"Emergency meeting everyone! We have just gotten news from D.C., there has been another citizen letter!"
Except maybe * that *.
~
Summary: A/U.based on the movie, well, Miss Congeniality. Buffy Summers is a no-nonsense FBI agent, who is given the assignment to go undercover at the Miss America pageant.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.don't sue.
Pairing: Spuffy.as always.
A/N: I know I said I'd only do one story at a time, but my other story (Twisted) is taking a really, really long time, so I decided to write this one! ~
Buffy Summers was your regular girl, sitting in a coffee shop.
Sure, she seemed a little * too * preoccupied with her upside down copy of "The Portable Nietzsche" but that didn't matter. If anyone had noticed her, it would have looked odd, yes. But no one ever noticed her.
That was what made her so good at her job.
Because, you see...Buffy Summers wasn't your regular girl, sitting in a coffee shop. She was employed by the Federal Bureau of Investigation. An agent. And a damn good one. She couldn't help think to herself, as she watched the perp through the minuscule screen sitting in her book. A voice played inside her ear.
"Buffy! Do you have a clear view?" It was, of course, Riley Finn, her boss and easily the most tear-inducingly dull person on the planet.
"Right down to his ass-crack, sir." Buffy muttered into the tiny microphone atop of her
"That sure was ladylike, Summers." Another, cocky, British voice drawled inside her ear.
"Go back to Scotland Yard, Spike." She hissed.
"Shut up, you two. We're on an op, if you haven't noticed. Now have you seen the package?"
"I saw * a * package, but it was just food they brought in for themselves. Cheap bastards." Buffy remarked, remembering how much she hated that when she had worked at a diner.
"But not the drugs?" Riley said, rubbing his temples from inside a van on the street.
"Not yet, sir." She said, re-positioning her camera.
"Alright, Raleigh!" Finn barked in Spike's ear, "What's your status?"
Spike rolled his eyes at his colleague, Xander Harris.
"Same as last...sir." He added grudgingly. Xander snickered and leaned back against the brick wall, looking over at all of the officers and agents behind him; all ready and armed to attack. Xander wasn't a big fan of big ops...he would very much prefer to be at his desk, with paperwork...far, far away from the present danger.
Spike Raleigh, on the other hand, felt exactly the opposite. This was the part of his job he lived for. The anticipation, the danger, the, well, frankly, the violence...it was unparalleled.
"Bloody hell...anything yet, Summers?" He whispered, growing impatient.
"Hold your horses. I think I'm getting something. His back's in the way, though." The reply came. Inside, Buffy was squirming around, trying to get the camera at an angle that could capture the crucial moment.
"Buffy, you have to cough or something! Make them move!" Riley yelled, growing anxious. If they didn't get the footage...
Buffy shrugged to herself and began hacking. This got their attention and the large, Russian men stared at the blonde agent. She put her hand up in an apology and focused the camera. She watched with glee as Big Russian Man #1 gave Big Russian Man #2 a bag of (obviously) illegal drugs.
"The eagle's landed." She hissed.
"Let's go!" Xander yelled, pounding the wall. Agents emerged from everywhere and rushed into the small coffee shop, pointing guns and surrounding the men. Buffy, who was revealing her badge to the frightened customers, ushered Riley in. He strutted over and clamped cuffs on Big Russian Man #1.
"You're under arrest for..." He trailed off when he noticed Big Russian Man #2, who appeared to be choking.
"I got it." Buffy said, walking over to him, apparently ready to perform the Hiemleich Maneuver.
"Don't be a chit, Summers. He's obviously fakin' it." Spike said, holding his gun up to the choking Russian, whose face started to get red...then purple...
"He doesn't look like he's faking to me. Here." Buffy threw down her badge and gun. She ran to the guy's side.
"Buffy! Don't!" Riley yelled, glancing over from his captive.
"Riley, I have to. He shouldn't die this way. It's letting him off easy." Buffy rolled up her sleeves.
"Agent! I order you not to! Stay out of it!" Riley yelled, feeling his veins pulsate. She wouldn't dare go against orders...
But yet, she did. Completely ignoring her boss and co-worker's warnings, Buffy reached her small arms around the man's waist and dug her fists deep into his diaphragm, with a strength that seemed impossible for a woman to possess. Buffy was not, however, strong enough for when he switched it around on her, taking out a switchblade and holding it to her neck.
"Dammit!" Spike yelled, before calling for more backup.
"No, that's not necessary." Riley said, walking to Spike's side as a group of agents slowly weaned Buffy out of the Russian's arms, through the threat of shooting both of them down.
"Thanks a lot. It's illegal to shoot someone without reason, you know." Buffy grumbled to a random officer, as he slowly pulled her out of the scene.
"Hey, you were the one who went against orders." He said before returning to cuff Mr. Choker and rattle off his rights.
Buffy sighed and went to run her fingers through her hair, but, as usual, they got stuck between the knots. Frowning, she opted for running the tips of her fingers * over * her hair. She walked sheepishly over to Riley, who was congratulating Spike on his "incredible discipline." Gag me.
"Buffy." He said curtly looking her up and down.
"Listen, sir..."
"We'll discuss this further tomorrow. Believe me, we will. But until then, just go home. We all need the rest." With that said, Riley stalked off. Buffy crossed her arms and pouted. She slugged her way over to Spike, who arched an eyebrow.
"Told you he was faking." He said, simply.
"Yes, thank you." Buffy sneered.
"You need to learn to follow orders. It's part of your job, mate." Buffy always noticed that he called her "mate." Not "luv" or "pet" like he did the other female agents. Just "mate." Not that it bothered her, or anything. It was just an observation.
"I usually do follow orders." She argued.
"Yeah, but apparently, not when the shit goes down. Like in there." He jutted his thumb towards the coffee shop, which was now surrounded by official yellow police lines.
"It was one time, Spike." She said, feeling exasperated already.
"One time is all it takes. By the way, you look like hell." Spike sauntered off, leaving Buffy behind. She glared at his retreating, bleach-blonde head.
God, she hated him...
~
Buffy stood in front of her mirror that night, taking a nice long look at her face. She wasn't that bad...not like the people at the office made her out to be.
One guy had once said, not thinking she was there, that she didn't wax her eyebrows, she mowed them. But that wasn't true at all. Besides, she had Brooke Shields' eyebrows. And no one ever called Brooke Shields homely.
Her lips were tiny, little cracks on her face, with more facial hair than necessary, but nothing TERRIBLE. Just a little upper lip hair and tiny, womanly side-burns on the side of her face. They weren't shaped or anything. Just fuzzy.
She forgot what texture her hair truly was. She hadn't brushed it in months. She just wore it in pony tails, and on occasion down, like tonight, but it looked okay without brushing, so she figured, why bother?
She came to the conclusion that she didn't care about looks, at all. There were much more important things in life. Besides, it wasn't as if she were trying to seduce any of her co-workers. Yeah, like she wanted to become Spike Raleigh's latest one-night-stand. I don't think so. She thought mockingly, laughing into the mirror at the very idea of getting involved with Spike.
Sighing once again, she loaded her toothbrush and stuck it in her mouth. Now she had to think about what was going to happen tomorrow...
~
Buffy awoke to the sound of her cell-phone blaring.
"What?" She whined into the mouthpiece. She shot up when she recognized the sound of her boss' voice.
"Oh, good morning sir. Uh-huh. Yes. Oh, no. You're kidding. Absolutely, I'm on it. Yes, I know it's hot. Bye." She clicked the tiny "End" button and hopped out of bed. She smiled at her reflection, inwardly thanking herself for being so smart as to sleep in her suit...so she wouldn't have to get changed, naturally. She blinked out of her self praise...she had a mission.
She rushed out her apartment building, waving to her landlord before slamming her car door open and taking out her siren light and placing it atop of her Buick. She started up the engine and floored it.
~
Buffy pushed her way through the crowd of people. She had never seen so many in her life. It was probably going to get ugly.
"Hey! Watch it!" A tall, red-headed man yelled as she moved past him, "What the hell do you think you're-?" Buffy flashed him her badge.
"FBI, sir. You may wanna stay outta this." He backed away, his hands in the air as if he was the criminal. Idiot.
Buffy stopped at a counter and looked straight into the eyes of the person behind it, coldly, doggedly.
"Alright." She whispered, emphasizing every word. "This is how it goes..." Buffy looked down, thinking for a moment, before her head shot back up again, and she rattled off in a spitfire: "Three tall regulars, black, hint of sugar, Two blue berry muffins, one with the top blue berries picked out, five Grande lattes, one with a shot of vanilla, two with sugar on the bottom..." The crowd surrounding her groaned and yelled. She shot them a look before turning back to the Starbucks employee, "One Grande cappuccino, shot of caramel...No! Wait!" Buffy felt half the people behind her leave, some who stopped to yell about government control.
Party-poopers...
~
"Buffy, you are an ANGEL!" Xander exclaimed, grabbing his blue berry muffin and cappuccino, "And I'll even pretend that the reason you did this for all of us * isn't * just because of the little mishap last night."
"Well, I couldn't go two days without following orders...that would be real loser-ish of me!!" Buffy said, laughing and snorting to herself. Xander gave her a funny look before forcing out a chuckle. Buffy sobered up, pouting.
"I have my own fun."
Spike sauntered over, raising his eyebrow at Buffy, before grabbing his black coffee.
"Thanks, mate." He said, leaning over her to grab a blank notebook from off of her desk, "Can I use this?"
"Use away." She said with a dismissive wave.
"Great, thanks." Xander tensed up suddenly and gave Buffy a pat on the back.
"Nice knowing you." He said, before scurrying off. I am Xander, the Amazing Conflict Avoider!
"Buffy Summers!" Buffy cringed as she saw the figure of Riley Finn nearing her way.
"Shoot me now." She begged Spike, "Just take my gun and shoot me. I give you permission."
"Now, now, Summers. I couldn't do that. It would make me compromise my morals." He replied with a wink.
"What morals?" She seethed. Spike laughed and repeated Xander's motion, walking away, only he went past Riley, instead of darting in the opposite direction.
"Raleigh."
"Finn." Spike said in passing, rolling his eyes. Buffy snickered a little when she head Spike mutter something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "Goddamn Captain Cardboard bastard." She didn't know what his beef with Riley was, but there was definitely some friction between the two of them. Even when Riley showered compliments on him (which happened often), they seemed to contain some sort of hidden malice.
"Summers." Riley said, facing the nervous agent at last.
"Look, before you say another word, sir, I realize that I was completely out-of-line last night-"
"You're damn right you were outta line. You deliberately obeyed my orders. Now, I don't know what company or corporation you've worked for in the past, but here we do not tolerate that."
"I know that, sir, but-"
"No buts! You are officially on probation." Buffy looked up with hurt. She messed up one time and she got put on probation? That was hardly fair. At least, she thought it was...maybe it wasn't...
"What is probation exactly, sir?"
"In lay terms, it means you're burying yourself under a pile of paperwork. And if you mess up two more times, you're gone. You've only got two more chances here, Summers. But hopefully, you won't be able to find a way to fuck up paperwork."
Buffy nodded, taking in all of his words.
"Are we clear, Buffy?"
"Yes, sir." She replied, her voice hoarse. Riley nodded and patted her on the back, a la Spike and Xander. Buffy felt tears fill up her eyes. I will not cry, I will not cry... There is nothing on earth that could make my life any worse right now.
"Emergency meeting everyone! We have just gotten news from D.C., there has been another citizen letter!"
Except maybe * that *.
~