Title: Good Advice
Author: Wendy Parkinson
Email: wendyparkinson@hotmail.com
Category: R/S
Spoilers: 'blink and you'll miss it' mention of Shuttlepod One
Rating: PG13
Content Warnings: A little bad language
Summary: Malcolm and Hoshi get some advice from their friends.
Date: 25th August 2002
Disclaimer: Enterprise and its characters belong to Paramount. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
All feedback and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. No flames please.
Copyright Wendy Parkinson August 2002
GOOD ADVICE
"No, Ensign, relax your shoulders."
Hoshi took a deep breath, gritted her teeth and tried again. The phase pistol seemed to take on a life of its own whenever she picked it up and the fact that Lieutenant Reed was standing so close to her wasn't helping in the slightest. She aimed at the moving target and fired. Damn. Missed again.
"Let me, Ensign." She jumped a mile when he grabbed hold of her shoulders and began massaging them. "Let's try and relieve some of that tension." Hoshi suddenly found it extremely difficult to breathe. "Goodness me, you are tense," the Lieutenant added as his hands moved smoothly across her back.
Well, yes, thought Hoshi, you being the most attractive man on this ship just might have something to do with that. And there's always the fact that when I smell your after shave my heart starts racing ten to the dozen. Just don't look me straight in the eyes and smile, or I'll probably shoot you accidentally.
Unconsciously she leaned into his firm grip as his fingers kneaded the knots out of her muscles. She sighed. "That feels nice," she murmured sleepily.
The fingers stopped and she felt a pat on her back. "I'm sure that'll have done the trick. Try again, please, Ensign."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoshi stared at the console in front of her. The shoulder massage hadn't done the slightest bit of good, in fact it had made her shooting far worse. Every time the Lieutenant had come anywhere near her after that, she'd tensed up, hoping he was going to repeat his ministrations... or even do something else. Her imagination had been in overdrive and her shooting had done downhill faster than an avalanche. She knew that if she didn't improve her scores soon, the captain would find out and she didn't relish the thought of telling him she'd fallen for one of her colleagues big time.
What was she going to do? She hadn't behaved like this since she'd had a crush on a teacher when she was fifteen. She could try avoiding him... but deep down she didn't want to. She made any excuse she could think of to spend time with him. His accent sent shivers down her spine and his smile... she stopped in the midst of her reverie when she realised she was sitting at her station with a goofy grin on her face. Pulling her shoulders back, she adjusted her ponytail in what she hoped was a businesslike manner and frowned at her console. What was it she was supposed to be doing again? Oh yes, Klingon verbs...
But as soon as she thought of the warrior mentality of the Klingons, she thought of a certain tactical officer and she was distracted again. She hadn't felt like this at first. Oh no, at first Malcolm had been the stiff, formal, unapproachable armoury officer but then he'd started giving her weapons training and something about his patience and politeness had begun to get to her. When he realised how difficult she found using the phase pistol, he'd scheduled extra sessions for her when he was supposed to be off duty. And he'd never so much as raised his voice, no matter how incompetent she'd been.
Hoshi found herself looking for him in the mess hall at mealtimes and missed his calm, unflappable presence when he wasn't on the bridge. She replayed every detail of their conversations over in her head when she lay in bed at night. She knew the shoulder massage would be worth at least a week of sordid fantasies, most of which would end up with her and Malcolm - in her fantasies he was always "Malcolm", never "Lieutenant Reed" - making love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You wanted to see me, sir?" Hoshi stood expectantly in front of Archer's desk.
The Captain looked up from his PADD and frowned at her. "I've got Malcolm's report on your weapons training here, Hoshi. I'm kind of worried about you. Your ratings are consistently getting worse and if you don't pass this stage of your training I'm going to have to do some major grovelling to Starfleet to allow you to stay on active duty, let alone on Enterprise."
Hoshi stared at her boots. She didn't want to get thrown out of Starfleet. She took a deep breath, "Sir, would it be possible for someone else to supervise my training?"
Archer's eyebrows lifted in surprise. "You don't get along with Malcolm?"
The communications officer felt a wave of relief wash over her. She wasn't going to have to admit to the Captain the real reason for her appalling scores. "You could say that, sir."
"It's not like Malcolm to be anything other than totally professional, even when there's a personality clash." Jonathan Archer frowned. "I have to admit, I'm disappointed in him. However, to make sure you get through this training, I'll get his number two, Lieutenant Weaver, to supervise you from now on."
"Thank you, sir."
"Dismissed. Oh, and send Lieutenant Reed in here on your way out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Malcolm sat down heavily on the torpedo casing and let out a long breath. Hoshi 'didn't get along with him'? He couldn't believe it. He'd always thought they had a good working relationship but considering his disastrous record with women he had to admit he could be wrong. And to be ordered by the Captain to have his deputy take over her training was nothing short of humiliating.
"Knock, knock!"
The Lieutenant looked up wearily into the grinning face of Enterprise's chief Engineer. "What can I do for you, Commander?"
"What's up, Malcolm? You look like you've lost a dollar and found a cent."
The Lieutenant grimaced at Trip. "I've just been ordered to stop giving Hoshi weapons training. Lieutenant Weaver's going to be taking over from now on."
Trip shrugged. "What's so bad about that? One less responsibility..."
"Apparently she told the Captain that her scores are getting worse because 'she doesn't get along with me'."
"Ouch!" Trip winced. "That's ridiculous! Of course she likes you! You two have lunch together almost every day."
"Don't try and make me feel better with your cheesy optimism, Mr. Tucker. I know I'm a disaster area as far as women are concerned but I had thought my incompetence didn't extend to my professional life. Obviously I was wrong."
"Oh dear.... prophet of doom Reed has spoken."
"With the greatest respect, *sir*, sod off and leave me alone."
"Sorry Malcolm, sometimes you're just too inviting a target." Trip grinned and elicited a weak smile in return from the armoury officer. He sat down next to his friend on the torpedo casing. "Why don't you tell me what happened the last time you gave her a lesson?"
"Her scores were awful, worse than our last session. I knew she was tense, so wound up she was like a coiled spring. I tried standing right next to her so I could see where she was going wrong. I could see that her breathing was much too erratic, and she seemed rather red in the face. In an effort to calm her down, I even gave her a shoulder massage, which she did seem to enjoy, but afterwards her hit ratio went down even further."
Trip laughed. "I think you might be ignoring the obvious, Malcolm."
"Please enlighten me," muttered the armoury officer sarcastically.
"She's got the hots for you."
Malcolm's mouth dropped open. "Don't be ridiculous. What on earth would Hoshi see in me? She could have any man on the ship. And in any case, I've only been giving her shooting lessons, I've not been trying to seduce her.... I've never given her any reason to...." he stammered. "And why would she tell the Captain she didn't get along with me?"
"Would you tell him your performance was being affected by hormones?" Malcolm gave Trip an incredulous look. "Exactly!" said the engineer in triumph. "Look at it logically..."
"I think someone's spending too much time with Sub-Commander T'Pol...." muttered Malcolm.
Trying to ignore him, Trip carried on, "She get worse when you stand nearer to her? She gets worse when you give her a massage? She's red in the face with erratic breathing? Come on Malcolm, you can't be that dense when it comes to women. Why don't you ask her on a date and see what happens?"
Malcolm shot a sideways glance at Trip. "You really think that...." He'd never considered Hoshi as more than a friend but only on the grounds that she was totally out of his league.
His friend nodded sagely. "Listen to Trip, buddy... listen to Trip...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoshi stared mournfully into her dessert. Malcolm hadn't shown up for lunch, in fact she hadn't seen him since he'd left the bridge straight after seeing the Captain. She gave the melting ice cream a stir and sighed. Perhaps she'd see him at dinner.
She couldn't go on like this, it was affecting her work, but what was she going to do? Perhaps she should ask him on a date. Yes, that was it, she thought, suddenly feeling decisive. She'd ask him out. That would solve her problem. Either he'd say yes and they'd have a great time, or he'd say no and things would be awkward and embarrassing between them. She winced. They might never have lunch together again....
Perhaps she could drop hints. Just happen to bump into him wearing something sexy. She thought for a moment. Did she actually possess any clothes that qualified as 'sexy'? Hoshi sighed deeply. Probably not.
She gave her ice cream a stir and wished the Lieutenant would walk into the mess hall, pull her to her feet and kiss her until she was gasping for breath. That would solve everything. She pursed her lips. And pigs might fly, Hoshi, she told herself, and pigs might fly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Anyone sitting here?" asked Liz Cutler cheerfully.
"Mmm," mumbled Hoshi, absorbed in tracing patterns in the ice cream.
Liz raised her eyebrows. "I'll take that as a 'no'."
"Mmm..."
"Are you listening to me?"
"Mmm..."
"Commander Tucker just walked in in his underwear," tried Liz, rapidly getting exasperated.
"Mmm..."
"This has got to be man trouble," muttered Liz under her breath, then reached across the table and took the spoon out of Hoshi's hand. The communications officer jumped a mile and stared at her friend in shock. "What did he do?" asked Liz.
Hoshi snatched the spoon back in a gesture of defiance and answered without thinking, "He hasn't shown up for lunch."
"Stood you up, huh? Just tell Aunt Liz who the rat is and I'll sort him out for you."
To Crewman Cutler's surprise, the communications officer went bright red, then stammered, "We hadn't arranged to meet or anything... I was just hoping... He doesn't know..."
"Oh boy, you have got it bad." Liz looked at her friend sympathetically. "We'll have to get him to take some notice of you, won't we?" She dropped her voice to a whisper. "Who is it?"
She saw Hoshi take a deep breath, then swallow hard. Her voice, when she spoke, was so quiet it was almost inaudible. "Lieutenant Reed."
Liz's mouth dropped open in shock. "Oh no, Hoshi. Not 'Love 'em and leave 'em Reed', our esteemed armoury officer?"
"What do you mean?" Hoshi looked horrorstruck, then echoed, "Love 'em and leave 'em?"
"You never heard about his reputation when we were... " Liz's eyes widened. "Of course, you weren't there before we left, were you? You were in Brazil until..."
"Get to the point, Liz. What did you hear about him?"
"There were at least three women at Jupiter Station who swore that he was great fun but a total commitment-phobe. None of his relationships ever last longer than a month."
"He's perhaps just not met the right woman," said Hoshi hopefully.
"There were a string of women in San Francisco too," Liz said gently. "I even heard a rumour that he dated one of Commander Tucker's exes."
"There's no law against that," retorted Hoshi.
"You're not his type," tried Liz, remembering the women Malcolm Reed had left behind on Jupiter Station.
Hoshi visibly bristled. "How do you know?"
Crewman Cutler frowned. How could she put this politely? "Let's say they all shared certain physical attributes and rather vacuous personalities." Well, she thought, that was better than saying their chest measurements were larger than their IQs.... just.
The communications officer looked puzzled for a moment, then said firmly, "Then he's ready for a change."
Liz sighed deeply. As far as romance was concerned, Malcolm Reed was bad news; she had to talk her friend out of this. "Hoshi, has he ever shown any signs of being interested in you?"
Hoshi's expression clouded. "He often has his meals with me," she suggested hopefully.
"He often has meals with Commander Tucker. You're not going to tell me the Lieutenant's interested in him romantically?"
The communications officer smiled at the idea and shook her head.
Liz looked at her friend sympathetically. The only way she was going to get Hoshi to take any notice was to be totally frank. Tough love it was called, wasn't it? "Hoshi, he has a taste for pneumatic blondes with no conversation. His relationships, if you can call them that, are based purely on sex. Why do you think he's not seeing anyone on Enterprise?" Hoshi opened her mouth to speak but Liz carried on. "There isn't a woman on this ship who would be stupid enough to get involved with him."
Hoshi stood up abruptly. "I've got to get back to the bridge," she muttered, as she turned and headed towards the door.
Liz watched her leave. She was sure Hoshi would thank her one day but from the look on her face, it would be a while.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Malcolm stood in the turbo lift and tried to get used to the idea that Hoshi might like him... really like him. It was difficult to believe. He *wanted* to believe it but the idea that Hoshi fancied him, Malcolm Reed, was too preposterous for words. Women like her didn't fall for men like him, they ended up with outgoing guys like Trip or the Captain.
He frowned as a thought struck him. Could Trip be playing a trick on him, setting him up to make him look a complete fool? Malcolm considered the idea with the analytical skills that made him such a good tactical officer. It was possible, but in his opinion, unlikely. Trip enjoyed teasing his friend but wasn't by nature a cruel person, which left only one conclusion - the Commander had been serious when he'd said Hoshi had the hots for him. Malcolm allowed himself a little smile. The mere idea was doing wonders for his ego.
So Malcolm, he thought to himself, what are you going to do about it? He pulled his shoulders back, standing just a little straighter as he came to a decision. The next time he saw her off duty he was going to ask her on a date... perhaps a movie followed by dinner in his quarters.
The turbo lift doors swooshed open and Malcolm stepped out. He glanced at his watch and raised an eyebrow in surprise. How time flies when you're having fun, he thought wryly, I'll be lucky if there 's anything left for lunch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoshi wasn't sure how she dragged herself to her feet and stumbled towards the mess hall door but she did. She just had to get away from Liz and all the awful things she was saying about the Lieutenant. It couldn't be true.... it couldn't. She wasn't going to believe her. Stopping just outside the mess hall, she leant against the cool metal wall and took a deep breath in an attempt to steady herself.
Liz had described a man who was everything Hoshi did *not* find attractive. Over the years she'd been burned more than once by guys who just wanted a little 'fun' when she'd been ready for something more serious. The last one was only a couple of months before she'd left on Enterprise.
Hoshi grimaced at the memory of Michael, one of the other lecturers at the University. Her closest friend had warned her, "Don't get involved with him, he'll never commit, he'll have his fun, then he'll dump you. You're bound to get hurt." But Hoshi had been convinced that with her, Michael would be different. And what had happened? After a month of great sex he'd dumped her, telling her that she needed to 'live a little' and he was holding her back. What a pile of bullshit that turned out to be. She'd seen him the next day with Carrie Miller, a girl dimmer than a fifteen watt bulb, but in proud possession of a forty inch chest. She should have listened to her friend.
Hoshi shuddered at the memory of Liz's words. It was all too much like before. She couldn't go through all that again. It hurt too much.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Malcolm turned the last corner before the mess hall and almost gasped in shock. There she was, leaning against the wall and gazing at the floor, as if she was waiting for him. Suddenly his mouth went dry and he could hear the blood pounding in his ears. He'd sooner face a squad of Klingons than do what he was about to do. Faint heart never won fair maiden, he thought to himself as he took a deep breath and strode purposefully up to Hoshi.
"Hello," he said, as he got near her.
At the sound of his voice, Hoshi's head snapped up, then just as quickly snapped back down again but not before Malcolm had seen a look of abject misery on her face. It was a look that made him want to take her in his arms and hold her until she felt better. He'd stroke that silky hair and breathe in the scent of her perfume. Then he'd gently kiss her on the lips and.... Whoa, boy! Malcolm admonished himself. One step at a time!
"What's the matter?" he asked gently.
"Nothing," muttered Hoshi, still looking at the floor.
"Now why don't I believe you?"
He waited patiently as she made up her mind whether to tell him or not. "It's kind of personal," she muttered, then seemed to pull herself together and added, "I'm stressing over something that isn't going to happen, Lieutenant. Just Hoshi behaving like Hoshi...." Her voice trailed off.
"We wouldn't want you any other way, Ensign," he replied playfully and was pleased to notice a slight blush form on her cheeks at his compliment. God, she's beautiful, he thought. I'm going to ask her now before I lose my nerve.
"Ensign... Hoshi... I was wondering..." Despite his nervousness, he managed to force a smile and at that moment she looked up, straight into his eyes, her expression open and unguarded. "Would you like to go to tomorrow's movie with me, then perhaps have dinner in my quarters?" His smile faded at the look of sheer horror that spread across Hoshi's face. If the thought of going out with him was that repugnant to her, it was obvious what her answer was going to be. He steeled himself for the inevitable.
He didn't have to wait long. She didn't meet his eyes as she said, "No, thank you, Lieutenant. I don't think that would be appropriate," her words clipped and terse. She span on her heel and walked off towards the turbo lift without another word, leaving Malcolm staring after her, cursing under his breath.
"Bloody Tucker's going to get a piece of my bloody mind!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trip Tucker wondered if hitting the plasma injector hard, preferably with something heavy, would do any good. Weighing the wrench in his hand, he reflected it might be worth a shot, after all, he'd tried everything else. One thing was certain; it would sure make him feel better. He narrowed his eyes and glared at the component, willing it to work. Unsurprisingly, it remained resolutely inoperative. Hearing footsteps behind him, he said grumpily without looking round, "Stay away from me unless you've got a sure fire way of fixing this injector. It's making me real cranky and you don't want to be near me when I'm cranky."
"Well, I've got some news that will cheer you up, Commander."
Trip swung round at his friend's familiar accent. "Malcolm! I'm sorry, buddy, I thought you were one of my team." Then he noticed the armoury officer's expression. 'Seriously pissed' just about covered it. "What's up?"
The Lieutenant took a step towards him. Trip noticed a muscle twitching under Malcolm's eye, then took in the clenched fists and the tightened jaw. The engineer came to a worrying realisation - Malcolm wasn't just pissed, he was pissed with *him*.
"Er... you said you'd got something to cheer me up," he said quickly, trying to ignore the murderous look in his friend's eye.
"Oh yes, your little plan worked perfectly. I made a complete and utter fool of myself and probably lost a friend into the bargain. Somehow I doubt we'll be having lunch together anytime soon."
At the mention of lunch, Trip realised Malcolm was talking about Hoshi. "She turned you down?" he said in disbelief.
"You could say that. She virtually ran away from me. Judging by the expression on her face, she finds me about as attractive as one of Phlox's leeches."
"I don't understand it..." muttered Trip, shaking his head.
"I do," said Malcolm, his voice dangerously even. "This whole thing was a figment of your warped imagination, so you could have a laugh at my expense. It's probably your twisted way of getting back at me for sleeping with Ruby."
At the mention of his ex-girlfriend, Trip lost what tenuous grip he had on his already frayed temper. "You leave Ruby out of this," he yelled, stepping towards Malcolm, who automatically raised his hands in self defence.
"Why should I? She told me that I was easily the best lover she'd ever had," taunted Malcolm in reply.
Trip acted without thinking. As if of its own volition, his fist took a swing at the armoury officer's head, catching him a glancing blow on the cheek.
The engineer watched with morbid fascination as a clenched fist headed straight for him. It was at this point it occurred to Trip that hitting the ship's armoury officer had been a monumentally stupid thing to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phlox looked from one patient to the other and wondered if he ought to report the incident to the Captain. Fighting on duty was highly unprofessional at best, worthy of a court martial at worst. Perhaps if he found out why two senior officers had been fighting, it might all make some sense.
"So Commander, if you'd like to tell me why you hit the Lieutenant with a wrench, and Lieutenant, if you could explain why you rendered the Commander unconscious, I might be persuaded *not* to report you both to the Captain." Phlox stared pointedly at Trip, waiting for him to begin.
"I didn't hit him with a wrench," protested the engineer. "I punched him when I happened to be holding a wrench."
Malcolm snorted derisively, then fingered the wound on his cheek. "Semantics, Mr. Tucker, the effect was the same. And before you ask, Doctor, I acted in self defence."
"You didn't have to knock me out!" interrupted Trip petulantly.
"You had a weapon!"
Phlox shook his head. Sometimes he just couldn't understand humans.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ensign Travis Mayweather drummed his fingers absent-mindedly on his console. He had to admit he was kind of bored. Enterprise was flying in a perfectly straight line at warp three, in a particularly empty region of space. It was so dull, everyone who could think of a reasonable excuse had left the bridge. The Captain had hidden himself in his ready room and Commander Tucker and Lieutenant Reed were nowhere to be seen, leaving only Hoshi, Sub-Commander T'Pol and himself still on the bridge. He glanced to his left. T'Pol appeared to be engrossed in something on a PADD and Hoshi was... crying? He looked again, more carefully this time. Yes, tears were trickling slowly down her cheeks as she stared blankly at her console. Checking quickly that Enterprise wasn't about to crash head on into an asteroid and satisfied that this region of space was totally devoid of anything remotely dangerous, he stood up and walked over to the communications officer. "What's up, Hoshi?" he said quietly, hoping Sub-Commander T'Pol wouldn't hear.
"Nothing... Everything." She sighed and wiped her tears away roughly with the back of her hand. "I made a huge mistake. I should've said yes, not run away from him.... My life's a mess."
Travis's heart went out to her. He hadn't got a clue what she was talking about but he hated to see anyone unhappy. Checking that T'Pol still had her back to them he put his arm round Hoshi in what he hoped was a friendly hug. "If you want to talk about it later, I've been told I'm a good listener," he whispered.
She looked up into his face and gave him a watery smile. "Thanks. Perhaps I'll take you up on that."
As she spoke, Travis was aware of the turbo lift doors opening. He turned round and found himself facing Lieutenant Reed and Commander Tucker. They both looked terrible; the Lieutenant had a large sticking plaster on his cheek and the Commander had a spectacular black eye. They looked just like they'd been in a fight, and judging by their expressions, they were both mad as hell. Giving Hoshi a quick squeeze, he removed his arm from her shoulders.
"So this is the way the wind blows, is it, Ensign Sato?" said Malcolm nastily.
Hoshi stood up suddenly and stepped forward so she was standing almost nose to nose with the armoury officer. "And what do you mean by that?"
Malcolm threw a filthy look at Travis. "Letting him maul you on duty is highly unprofessional, Ensign."
Travis had opened his mouth to protest his innocence, but before he had chance to speak a resounding crack echoed round the bridge. Hoshi had slapped Malcolm across the face, and judging by the angry red mark forming on his cheek, she'd slapped him hard. The helmsman made a mental note never to annoy their communications officer.
"Isn't this where you knock her out, Lieutenant?" drawled Trip. Malcolm swung round towards the engineer, his fists clenched.
This was all getting too much for Travis. He had no idea what they were all mad about but he was determined to put a stop to it. He pushed his way between Trip and Malcolm, hoping that neither of them would hit him. "Come on guys. Cool down," he said soothingly.
"It's his fault," said Trip petulantly.
"If I hadn't listened to you in the first place, none of this would have happened," Malcolm shot back.
"Stop it, both of you!" shouted Hoshi.
At that moment, out of the corner of his eye, Travis saw the door to the Captain's ready room open, and Jonathan Archer stepped onto the bridge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Captain put his hands on his hips in exasperation. "Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" he yelled. He was gratified that he'd stunned the bridge crew into silence. "Well?" he added.
Trip looked at Hoshi. Hoshi looked at Travis. Travis looked at Malcolm, who seemed determined to look anywhere except at Hoshi. "I'm waiting," added Jon, who was beginning to feel like a schoolteacher admonishing an unruly class.
T'Pol cleared her throat. "I believe I can offer an explanation, Captain," she said calmly.
"Ah, the voice of reason," muttered the Captain sarcastically.
"There have been a series of misunderstandings which began when Ensign Sato realised she found Lieutenant Reed attractive. However, she felt her interest was not reciprocated. She was then told of his reputation as a sex mad womaniser with a fear of commitment. She was advised that the Lieutenant was not a good choice for a potential mate."
Jon heard a strangled, "Who said *that*?" from Malcolm but decided to try and ignore it. He couldn't quite equate T'Pol's description with his reserved armoury officer and knew if he turned round to face Malcolm he'd be fighting the urge to laugh. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the Brit wasn't the slightest bit amused so Jon tried to keep his attention on T'Pol, who was still speaking.
"Therefore she decided that he was not worthy of her affection. Meanwhile, Commander Tucker had persuaded Lieutenant Reed to approach Ensign Sato with the intention of pursuing a romantic relationship as he believed she had the hots for him." She paused, and glanced round at her colleagues, who were all staring openmouthed at her choice of words. Jon shook his head; even after the best part of a year T'Pol still had the ability to surprise him.
Satisfied she was not going to be interrupted, T'Pol continued, "When Lieutenant Reed asked Ensign Sato on a date, she became highly emotional and rebuffed his advances. Lieutenant Reed was hurt and blamed what he considered to be his humiliation on Commander Tucker." She raised an eyebrow disapprovingly. "They had a disagreement which became violent. Doctor Phlox had to treat their injuries in sick bay. The Doctor has issued a strong recommendation that Commander Tucker leaves counselling to those with the appropriate qualifications."
Jon watched her, fascinated, as she raised her other eyebrow. That must mean she *really* disapproves, he thought to himself.
"Shortly after this Ensign Mayweather realised Ensign Sato was crying at her station," continued T'Pol. "She was upset that she had rejected the Lieutenant and was having second thoughts about what she had done. I believe she felt that the Lieutenant could be cured of his serial monogamy and she was the woman to do it. She was emotionally overwrought and Ensign Mayweather was attempting to comfort her when Lieutenant Reed and Commander Tucker arrived on the bridge. The Lieutenant accused the Ensign of having been involved with Ensign Mayweather all along. Ensign Sato took offence to his attitude and slapped the Lieutenant across the face. At this point, Commander Tucker made a very misguided comment which upset the Lieutenant even further. You arrived shortly after this, Captain." T'Pol stopped speaking and looked round at the rest of the bridge crew.
Trip was the first to recover. "Why on earth didn't you tell us what was going on? It could have saved a lot of..." He paused and gingerly fingered his black eye. "...heartache."
"Nobody asked me," T'Pol stated baldly.
The Captain just managed to stifle a smile. He had the feeling he was probably the only one on the bridge who found this whole mess even remotely funny. He noticed everyone seemed to be glancing nervously at everyone else. "Okay folks, take five and make your apologies. I'll be in my ready room. T'Pol, would you join me?" Archer waited until the door had closed behind them before he spoke again. "I've got to ask, Sub-Commander.... how on earth did you know what was going on?"
T'Pol's mouth twitched slightly and her eyes darted round the room, looking everywhere except at him. Jon knew her well enough to recognise what passed for nervousness in the Vulcan. So what had she been up to? She cleared her throat. "I usually dine alone on those occasions when I do not dine with you and I find it interesting to note what is discussed in the mess hall. These conversations have taught me a great deal about human relationships. Of course, in the normal course of events, I consider these conversations to be confidential. But on this occasion I thought it would be wise to repeat what I had heard."
"You were eavesdropping?" Archer was incredulous. Would this woman ever stop surprising him? "And you overheard the whole story?"
"Except the last part involving Ensign Mayweather. That happened on the bridge in my presence a few moments before you arrived. I heard the rest being discussed by various members of the crew, in the mess hall, engineering and the armoury."
Jon shook his head and smiled. "Is there anything else going on I ought to know about?"
"Were you concerned about anything in particular?" asked T'Pol, her tone almost curious.
"Nothing specific." Jon squashed the urge to come right out and ask her if she'd heard any good gossip; it was hardly professional... but then neither was eavesdropping. "But I'd appreciate it if in future you report anything you feel I ought to know."
T'Pol thought for a moment. "I understand that a female crewmember finds you physically attractive."
Archer just gaped at his second in command and resisted the temptation to ask who the lady in question was. He'd never look at his crew in the same way again. Completely unable to meet T'Pol's eye, he muttered, "That wasn't the kind of thing I meant."
T'Pol looked at him, her face a picture of innocence. "Perhaps you should formulate some guidelines, then I won't mention anything that makes you uncomfortable, Captain." Archer looked at her suspiciously. Was she deliberately trying to embarrass him? If that was true, she was sure as hell succeeding. It was enough to make him think she was developing a sense of humour. T'Pol cleared her throat, bringing him back to reality. "If that will be all, sir, I would like to return to my duties."
"Dismissed." Jon shook his head and smiled as he watched her leave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoshi slowly looked up to find Malcolm staring right at her. He smiled ruefully and made his way across the bridge. "I owe you an apology. What I said was totally out of line. When I'm mad I have a tendency to engage my mouth before I put my brain in gear." He looked into her face and she was suddenly struck by how blue his eyes were. "I'm sorry," he murmured.
"Apology accepted," Hoshi said quietly. "Will you forgive me for slapping you... and running away from you earlier?"
"Of course." Then he added, "You shouldn't believe everything you hear, you know. There may have been a grain of truth in it once but a man can turn over a new leaf." She smiled at him and her stomach did a little back flip when he smiled back. She allowed herself the small hope that perhaps things were going to work out after all. "Hoshi," he said hesitantly, "if I asked you again what I asked you earlier, would your answer be any different?"
The breath caught in her throat. He still wanted to go out with her! She was so stunned, she didn't answer straight away. Malcolm's face fell at her hesitation and he continued, "Of course, if you just want to be friends, I'll understand...."
Hoshi felt a huge grin spread across her face. "Oh no, I'd love to go to the movie with you."
A wonderfully sexy half smile tugged at Malcolm's lips as he leant in and kissed her softly. It was only the merest feather light touch but Hoshi felt her knees go weak with longing. When he pulled back, their eyes locked and Hoshi just didn't want to look away. She'd heard eyes described as 'windows of the soul' and at that moment she felt she could see right into Malcolm's. There was respect, trust and something she dared to hope might be the beginnings of love. No sign of the stranger Liz had described. Perhaps he'd been like that once but she was convinced that man was gone if he'd ever existed at all.
A familiar drawl interrupted her thoughts. "If you guys have finished with the 'kiss and make up' routine, I'd like to apologise to you, Malcolm. I really should've put the wrench down first...."
Author: Wendy Parkinson
Email: wendyparkinson@hotmail.com
Category: R/S
Spoilers: 'blink and you'll miss it' mention of Shuttlepod One
Rating: PG13
Content Warnings: A little bad language
Summary: Malcolm and Hoshi get some advice from their friends.
Date: 25th August 2002
Disclaimer: Enterprise and its characters belong to Paramount. This fan fiction was created solely for entertainment and no money was made from it. Also, no copyright or trademark infringement was intended. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
All feedback and constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated. No flames please.
Copyright Wendy Parkinson August 2002
GOOD ADVICE
"No, Ensign, relax your shoulders."
Hoshi took a deep breath, gritted her teeth and tried again. The phase pistol seemed to take on a life of its own whenever she picked it up and the fact that Lieutenant Reed was standing so close to her wasn't helping in the slightest. She aimed at the moving target and fired. Damn. Missed again.
"Let me, Ensign." She jumped a mile when he grabbed hold of her shoulders and began massaging them. "Let's try and relieve some of that tension." Hoshi suddenly found it extremely difficult to breathe. "Goodness me, you are tense," the Lieutenant added as his hands moved smoothly across her back.
Well, yes, thought Hoshi, you being the most attractive man on this ship just might have something to do with that. And there's always the fact that when I smell your after shave my heart starts racing ten to the dozen. Just don't look me straight in the eyes and smile, or I'll probably shoot you accidentally.
Unconsciously she leaned into his firm grip as his fingers kneaded the knots out of her muscles. She sighed. "That feels nice," she murmured sleepily.
The fingers stopped and she felt a pat on her back. "I'm sure that'll have done the trick. Try again, please, Ensign."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoshi stared at the console in front of her. The shoulder massage hadn't done the slightest bit of good, in fact it had made her shooting far worse. Every time the Lieutenant had come anywhere near her after that, she'd tensed up, hoping he was going to repeat his ministrations... or even do something else. Her imagination had been in overdrive and her shooting had done downhill faster than an avalanche. She knew that if she didn't improve her scores soon, the captain would find out and she didn't relish the thought of telling him she'd fallen for one of her colleagues big time.
What was she going to do? She hadn't behaved like this since she'd had a crush on a teacher when she was fifteen. She could try avoiding him... but deep down she didn't want to. She made any excuse she could think of to spend time with him. His accent sent shivers down her spine and his smile... she stopped in the midst of her reverie when she realised she was sitting at her station with a goofy grin on her face. Pulling her shoulders back, she adjusted her ponytail in what she hoped was a businesslike manner and frowned at her console. What was it she was supposed to be doing again? Oh yes, Klingon verbs...
But as soon as she thought of the warrior mentality of the Klingons, she thought of a certain tactical officer and she was distracted again. She hadn't felt like this at first. Oh no, at first Malcolm had been the stiff, formal, unapproachable armoury officer but then he'd started giving her weapons training and something about his patience and politeness had begun to get to her. When he realised how difficult she found using the phase pistol, he'd scheduled extra sessions for her when he was supposed to be off duty. And he'd never so much as raised his voice, no matter how incompetent she'd been.
Hoshi found herself looking for him in the mess hall at mealtimes and missed his calm, unflappable presence when he wasn't on the bridge. She replayed every detail of their conversations over in her head when she lay in bed at night. She knew the shoulder massage would be worth at least a week of sordid fantasies, most of which would end up with her and Malcolm - in her fantasies he was always "Malcolm", never "Lieutenant Reed" - making love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You wanted to see me, sir?" Hoshi stood expectantly in front of Archer's desk.
The Captain looked up from his PADD and frowned at her. "I've got Malcolm's report on your weapons training here, Hoshi. I'm kind of worried about you. Your ratings are consistently getting worse and if you don't pass this stage of your training I'm going to have to do some major grovelling to Starfleet to allow you to stay on active duty, let alone on Enterprise."
Hoshi stared at her boots. She didn't want to get thrown out of Starfleet. She took a deep breath, "Sir, would it be possible for someone else to supervise my training?"
Archer's eyebrows lifted in surprise. "You don't get along with Malcolm?"
The communications officer felt a wave of relief wash over her. She wasn't going to have to admit to the Captain the real reason for her appalling scores. "You could say that, sir."
"It's not like Malcolm to be anything other than totally professional, even when there's a personality clash." Jonathan Archer frowned. "I have to admit, I'm disappointed in him. However, to make sure you get through this training, I'll get his number two, Lieutenant Weaver, to supervise you from now on."
"Thank you, sir."
"Dismissed. Oh, and send Lieutenant Reed in here on your way out."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Malcolm sat down heavily on the torpedo casing and let out a long breath. Hoshi 'didn't get along with him'? He couldn't believe it. He'd always thought they had a good working relationship but considering his disastrous record with women he had to admit he could be wrong. And to be ordered by the Captain to have his deputy take over her training was nothing short of humiliating.
"Knock, knock!"
The Lieutenant looked up wearily into the grinning face of Enterprise's chief Engineer. "What can I do for you, Commander?"
"What's up, Malcolm? You look like you've lost a dollar and found a cent."
The Lieutenant grimaced at Trip. "I've just been ordered to stop giving Hoshi weapons training. Lieutenant Weaver's going to be taking over from now on."
Trip shrugged. "What's so bad about that? One less responsibility..."
"Apparently she told the Captain that her scores are getting worse because 'she doesn't get along with me'."
"Ouch!" Trip winced. "That's ridiculous! Of course she likes you! You two have lunch together almost every day."
"Don't try and make me feel better with your cheesy optimism, Mr. Tucker. I know I'm a disaster area as far as women are concerned but I had thought my incompetence didn't extend to my professional life. Obviously I was wrong."
"Oh dear.... prophet of doom Reed has spoken."
"With the greatest respect, *sir*, sod off and leave me alone."
"Sorry Malcolm, sometimes you're just too inviting a target." Trip grinned and elicited a weak smile in return from the armoury officer. He sat down next to his friend on the torpedo casing. "Why don't you tell me what happened the last time you gave her a lesson?"
"Her scores were awful, worse than our last session. I knew she was tense, so wound up she was like a coiled spring. I tried standing right next to her so I could see where she was going wrong. I could see that her breathing was much too erratic, and she seemed rather red in the face. In an effort to calm her down, I even gave her a shoulder massage, which she did seem to enjoy, but afterwards her hit ratio went down even further."
Trip laughed. "I think you might be ignoring the obvious, Malcolm."
"Please enlighten me," muttered the armoury officer sarcastically.
"She's got the hots for you."
Malcolm's mouth dropped open. "Don't be ridiculous. What on earth would Hoshi see in me? She could have any man on the ship. And in any case, I've only been giving her shooting lessons, I've not been trying to seduce her.... I've never given her any reason to...." he stammered. "And why would she tell the Captain she didn't get along with me?"
"Would you tell him your performance was being affected by hormones?" Malcolm gave Trip an incredulous look. "Exactly!" said the engineer in triumph. "Look at it logically..."
"I think someone's spending too much time with Sub-Commander T'Pol...." muttered Malcolm.
Trying to ignore him, Trip carried on, "She get worse when you stand nearer to her? She gets worse when you give her a massage? She's red in the face with erratic breathing? Come on Malcolm, you can't be that dense when it comes to women. Why don't you ask her on a date and see what happens?"
Malcolm shot a sideways glance at Trip. "You really think that...." He'd never considered Hoshi as more than a friend but only on the grounds that she was totally out of his league.
His friend nodded sagely. "Listen to Trip, buddy... listen to Trip...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoshi stared mournfully into her dessert. Malcolm hadn't shown up for lunch, in fact she hadn't seen him since he'd left the bridge straight after seeing the Captain. She gave the melting ice cream a stir and sighed. Perhaps she'd see him at dinner.
She couldn't go on like this, it was affecting her work, but what was she going to do? Perhaps she should ask him on a date. Yes, that was it, she thought, suddenly feeling decisive. She'd ask him out. That would solve her problem. Either he'd say yes and they'd have a great time, or he'd say no and things would be awkward and embarrassing between them. She winced. They might never have lunch together again....
Perhaps she could drop hints. Just happen to bump into him wearing something sexy. She thought for a moment. Did she actually possess any clothes that qualified as 'sexy'? Hoshi sighed deeply. Probably not.
She gave her ice cream a stir and wished the Lieutenant would walk into the mess hall, pull her to her feet and kiss her until she was gasping for breath. That would solve everything. She pursed her lips. And pigs might fly, Hoshi, she told herself, and pigs might fly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Anyone sitting here?" asked Liz Cutler cheerfully.
"Mmm," mumbled Hoshi, absorbed in tracing patterns in the ice cream.
Liz raised her eyebrows. "I'll take that as a 'no'."
"Mmm..."
"Are you listening to me?"
"Mmm..."
"Commander Tucker just walked in in his underwear," tried Liz, rapidly getting exasperated.
"Mmm..."
"This has got to be man trouble," muttered Liz under her breath, then reached across the table and took the spoon out of Hoshi's hand. The communications officer jumped a mile and stared at her friend in shock. "What did he do?" asked Liz.
Hoshi snatched the spoon back in a gesture of defiance and answered without thinking, "He hasn't shown up for lunch."
"Stood you up, huh? Just tell Aunt Liz who the rat is and I'll sort him out for you."
To Crewman Cutler's surprise, the communications officer went bright red, then stammered, "We hadn't arranged to meet or anything... I was just hoping... He doesn't know..."
"Oh boy, you have got it bad." Liz looked at her friend sympathetically. "We'll have to get him to take some notice of you, won't we?" She dropped her voice to a whisper. "Who is it?"
She saw Hoshi take a deep breath, then swallow hard. Her voice, when she spoke, was so quiet it was almost inaudible. "Lieutenant Reed."
Liz's mouth dropped open in shock. "Oh no, Hoshi. Not 'Love 'em and leave 'em Reed', our esteemed armoury officer?"
"What do you mean?" Hoshi looked horrorstruck, then echoed, "Love 'em and leave 'em?"
"You never heard about his reputation when we were... " Liz's eyes widened. "Of course, you weren't there before we left, were you? You were in Brazil until..."
"Get to the point, Liz. What did you hear about him?"
"There were at least three women at Jupiter Station who swore that he was great fun but a total commitment-phobe. None of his relationships ever last longer than a month."
"He's perhaps just not met the right woman," said Hoshi hopefully.
"There were a string of women in San Francisco too," Liz said gently. "I even heard a rumour that he dated one of Commander Tucker's exes."
"There's no law against that," retorted Hoshi.
"You're not his type," tried Liz, remembering the women Malcolm Reed had left behind on Jupiter Station.
Hoshi visibly bristled. "How do you know?"
Crewman Cutler frowned. How could she put this politely? "Let's say they all shared certain physical attributes and rather vacuous personalities." Well, she thought, that was better than saying their chest measurements were larger than their IQs.... just.
The communications officer looked puzzled for a moment, then said firmly, "Then he's ready for a change."
Liz sighed deeply. As far as romance was concerned, Malcolm Reed was bad news; she had to talk her friend out of this. "Hoshi, has he ever shown any signs of being interested in you?"
Hoshi's expression clouded. "He often has his meals with me," she suggested hopefully.
"He often has meals with Commander Tucker. You're not going to tell me the Lieutenant's interested in him romantically?"
The communications officer smiled at the idea and shook her head.
Liz looked at her friend sympathetically. The only way she was going to get Hoshi to take any notice was to be totally frank. Tough love it was called, wasn't it? "Hoshi, he has a taste for pneumatic blondes with no conversation. His relationships, if you can call them that, are based purely on sex. Why do you think he's not seeing anyone on Enterprise?" Hoshi opened her mouth to speak but Liz carried on. "There isn't a woman on this ship who would be stupid enough to get involved with him."
Hoshi stood up abruptly. "I've got to get back to the bridge," she muttered, as she turned and headed towards the door.
Liz watched her leave. She was sure Hoshi would thank her one day but from the look on her face, it would be a while.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Malcolm stood in the turbo lift and tried to get used to the idea that Hoshi might like him... really like him. It was difficult to believe. He *wanted* to believe it but the idea that Hoshi fancied him, Malcolm Reed, was too preposterous for words. Women like her didn't fall for men like him, they ended up with outgoing guys like Trip or the Captain.
He frowned as a thought struck him. Could Trip be playing a trick on him, setting him up to make him look a complete fool? Malcolm considered the idea with the analytical skills that made him such a good tactical officer. It was possible, but in his opinion, unlikely. Trip enjoyed teasing his friend but wasn't by nature a cruel person, which left only one conclusion - the Commander had been serious when he'd said Hoshi had the hots for him. Malcolm allowed himself a little smile. The mere idea was doing wonders for his ego.
So Malcolm, he thought to himself, what are you going to do about it? He pulled his shoulders back, standing just a little straighter as he came to a decision. The next time he saw her off duty he was going to ask her on a date... perhaps a movie followed by dinner in his quarters.
The turbo lift doors swooshed open and Malcolm stepped out. He glanced at his watch and raised an eyebrow in surprise. How time flies when you're having fun, he thought wryly, I'll be lucky if there 's anything left for lunch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoshi wasn't sure how she dragged herself to her feet and stumbled towards the mess hall door but she did. She just had to get away from Liz and all the awful things she was saying about the Lieutenant. It couldn't be true.... it couldn't. She wasn't going to believe her. Stopping just outside the mess hall, she leant against the cool metal wall and took a deep breath in an attempt to steady herself.
Liz had described a man who was everything Hoshi did *not* find attractive. Over the years she'd been burned more than once by guys who just wanted a little 'fun' when she'd been ready for something more serious. The last one was only a couple of months before she'd left on Enterprise.
Hoshi grimaced at the memory of Michael, one of the other lecturers at the University. Her closest friend had warned her, "Don't get involved with him, he'll never commit, he'll have his fun, then he'll dump you. You're bound to get hurt." But Hoshi had been convinced that with her, Michael would be different. And what had happened? After a month of great sex he'd dumped her, telling her that she needed to 'live a little' and he was holding her back. What a pile of bullshit that turned out to be. She'd seen him the next day with Carrie Miller, a girl dimmer than a fifteen watt bulb, but in proud possession of a forty inch chest. She should have listened to her friend.
Hoshi shuddered at the memory of Liz's words. It was all too much like before. She couldn't go through all that again. It hurt too much.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Malcolm turned the last corner before the mess hall and almost gasped in shock. There she was, leaning against the wall and gazing at the floor, as if she was waiting for him. Suddenly his mouth went dry and he could hear the blood pounding in his ears. He'd sooner face a squad of Klingons than do what he was about to do. Faint heart never won fair maiden, he thought to himself as he took a deep breath and strode purposefully up to Hoshi.
"Hello," he said, as he got near her.
At the sound of his voice, Hoshi's head snapped up, then just as quickly snapped back down again but not before Malcolm had seen a look of abject misery on her face. It was a look that made him want to take her in his arms and hold her until she felt better. He'd stroke that silky hair and breathe in the scent of her perfume. Then he'd gently kiss her on the lips and.... Whoa, boy! Malcolm admonished himself. One step at a time!
"What's the matter?" he asked gently.
"Nothing," muttered Hoshi, still looking at the floor.
"Now why don't I believe you?"
He waited patiently as she made up her mind whether to tell him or not. "It's kind of personal," she muttered, then seemed to pull herself together and added, "I'm stressing over something that isn't going to happen, Lieutenant. Just Hoshi behaving like Hoshi...." Her voice trailed off.
"We wouldn't want you any other way, Ensign," he replied playfully and was pleased to notice a slight blush form on her cheeks at his compliment. God, she's beautiful, he thought. I'm going to ask her now before I lose my nerve.
"Ensign... Hoshi... I was wondering..." Despite his nervousness, he managed to force a smile and at that moment she looked up, straight into his eyes, her expression open and unguarded. "Would you like to go to tomorrow's movie with me, then perhaps have dinner in my quarters?" His smile faded at the look of sheer horror that spread across Hoshi's face. If the thought of going out with him was that repugnant to her, it was obvious what her answer was going to be. He steeled himself for the inevitable.
He didn't have to wait long. She didn't meet his eyes as she said, "No, thank you, Lieutenant. I don't think that would be appropriate," her words clipped and terse. She span on her heel and walked off towards the turbo lift without another word, leaving Malcolm staring after her, cursing under his breath.
"Bloody Tucker's going to get a piece of my bloody mind!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trip Tucker wondered if hitting the plasma injector hard, preferably with something heavy, would do any good. Weighing the wrench in his hand, he reflected it might be worth a shot, after all, he'd tried everything else. One thing was certain; it would sure make him feel better. He narrowed his eyes and glared at the component, willing it to work. Unsurprisingly, it remained resolutely inoperative. Hearing footsteps behind him, he said grumpily without looking round, "Stay away from me unless you've got a sure fire way of fixing this injector. It's making me real cranky and you don't want to be near me when I'm cranky."
"Well, I've got some news that will cheer you up, Commander."
Trip swung round at his friend's familiar accent. "Malcolm! I'm sorry, buddy, I thought you were one of my team." Then he noticed the armoury officer's expression. 'Seriously pissed' just about covered it. "What's up?"
The Lieutenant took a step towards him. Trip noticed a muscle twitching under Malcolm's eye, then took in the clenched fists and the tightened jaw. The engineer came to a worrying realisation - Malcolm wasn't just pissed, he was pissed with *him*.
"Er... you said you'd got something to cheer me up," he said quickly, trying to ignore the murderous look in his friend's eye.
"Oh yes, your little plan worked perfectly. I made a complete and utter fool of myself and probably lost a friend into the bargain. Somehow I doubt we'll be having lunch together anytime soon."
At the mention of lunch, Trip realised Malcolm was talking about Hoshi. "She turned you down?" he said in disbelief.
"You could say that. She virtually ran away from me. Judging by the expression on her face, she finds me about as attractive as one of Phlox's leeches."
"I don't understand it..." muttered Trip, shaking his head.
"I do," said Malcolm, his voice dangerously even. "This whole thing was a figment of your warped imagination, so you could have a laugh at my expense. It's probably your twisted way of getting back at me for sleeping with Ruby."
At the mention of his ex-girlfriend, Trip lost what tenuous grip he had on his already frayed temper. "You leave Ruby out of this," he yelled, stepping towards Malcolm, who automatically raised his hands in self defence.
"Why should I? She told me that I was easily the best lover she'd ever had," taunted Malcolm in reply.
Trip acted without thinking. As if of its own volition, his fist took a swing at the armoury officer's head, catching him a glancing blow on the cheek.
The engineer watched with morbid fascination as a clenched fist headed straight for him. It was at this point it occurred to Trip that hitting the ship's armoury officer had been a monumentally stupid thing to do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phlox looked from one patient to the other and wondered if he ought to report the incident to the Captain. Fighting on duty was highly unprofessional at best, worthy of a court martial at worst. Perhaps if he found out why two senior officers had been fighting, it might all make some sense.
"So Commander, if you'd like to tell me why you hit the Lieutenant with a wrench, and Lieutenant, if you could explain why you rendered the Commander unconscious, I might be persuaded *not* to report you both to the Captain." Phlox stared pointedly at Trip, waiting for him to begin.
"I didn't hit him with a wrench," protested the engineer. "I punched him when I happened to be holding a wrench."
Malcolm snorted derisively, then fingered the wound on his cheek. "Semantics, Mr. Tucker, the effect was the same. And before you ask, Doctor, I acted in self defence."
"You didn't have to knock me out!" interrupted Trip petulantly.
"You had a weapon!"
Phlox shook his head. Sometimes he just couldn't understand humans.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ensign Travis Mayweather drummed his fingers absent-mindedly on his console. He had to admit he was kind of bored. Enterprise was flying in a perfectly straight line at warp three, in a particularly empty region of space. It was so dull, everyone who could think of a reasonable excuse had left the bridge. The Captain had hidden himself in his ready room and Commander Tucker and Lieutenant Reed were nowhere to be seen, leaving only Hoshi, Sub-Commander T'Pol and himself still on the bridge. He glanced to his left. T'Pol appeared to be engrossed in something on a PADD and Hoshi was... crying? He looked again, more carefully this time. Yes, tears were trickling slowly down her cheeks as she stared blankly at her console. Checking quickly that Enterprise wasn't about to crash head on into an asteroid and satisfied that this region of space was totally devoid of anything remotely dangerous, he stood up and walked over to the communications officer. "What's up, Hoshi?" he said quietly, hoping Sub-Commander T'Pol wouldn't hear.
"Nothing... Everything." She sighed and wiped her tears away roughly with the back of her hand. "I made a huge mistake. I should've said yes, not run away from him.... My life's a mess."
Travis's heart went out to her. He hadn't got a clue what she was talking about but he hated to see anyone unhappy. Checking that T'Pol still had her back to them he put his arm round Hoshi in what he hoped was a friendly hug. "If you want to talk about it later, I've been told I'm a good listener," he whispered.
She looked up into his face and gave him a watery smile. "Thanks. Perhaps I'll take you up on that."
As she spoke, Travis was aware of the turbo lift doors opening. He turned round and found himself facing Lieutenant Reed and Commander Tucker. They both looked terrible; the Lieutenant had a large sticking plaster on his cheek and the Commander had a spectacular black eye. They looked just like they'd been in a fight, and judging by their expressions, they were both mad as hell. Giving Hoshi a quick squeeze, he removed his arm from her shoulders.
"So this is the way the wind blows, is it, Ensign Sato?" said Malcolm nastily.
Hoshi stood up suddenly and stepped forward so she was standing almost nose to nose with the armoury officer. "And what do you mean by that?"
Malcolm threw a filthy look at Travis. "Letting him maul you on duty is highly unprofessional, Ensign."
Travis had opened his mouth to protest his innocence, but before he had chance to speak a resounding crack echoed round the bridge. Hoshi had slapped Malcolm across the face, and judging by the angry red mark forming on his cheek, she'd slapped him hard. The helmsman made a mental note never to annoy their communications officer.
"Isn't this where you knock her out, Lieutenant?" drawled Trip. Malcolm swung round towards the engineer, his fists clenched.
This was all getting too much for Travis. He had no idea what they were all mad about but he was determined to put a stop to it. He pushed his way between Trip and Malcolm, hoping that neither of them would hit him. "Come on guys. Cool down," he said soothingly.
"It's his fault," said Trip petulantly.
"If I hadn't listened to you in the first place, none of this would have happened," Malcolm shot back.
"Stop it, both of you!" shouted Hoshi.
At that moment, out of the corner of his eye, Travis saw the door to the Captain's ready room open, and Jonathan Archer stepped onto the bridge.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Captain put his hands on his hips in exasperation. "Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" he yelled. He was gratified that he'd stunned the bridge crew into silence. "Well?" he added.
Trip looked at Hoshi. Hoshi looked at Travis. Travis looked at Malcolm, who seemed determined to look anywhere except at Hoshi. "I'm waiting," added Jon, who was beginning to feel like a schoolteacher admonishing an unruly class.
T'Pol cleared her throat. "I believe I can offer an explanation, Captain," she said calmly.
"Ah, the voice of reason," muttered the Captain sarcastically.
"There have been a series of misunderstandings which began when Ensign Sato realised she found Lieutenant Reed attractive. However, she felt her interest was not reciprocated. She was then told of his reputation as a sex mad womaniser with a fear of commitment. She was advised that the Lieutenant was not a good choice for a potential mate."
Jon heard a strangled, "Who said *that*?" from Malcolm but decided to try and ignore it. He couldn't quite equate T'Pol's description with his reserved armoury officer and knew if he turned round to face Malcolm he'd be fighting the urge to laugh. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the Brit wasn't the slightest bit amused so Jon tried to keep his attention on T'Pol, who was still speaking.
"Therefore she decided that he was not worthy of her affection. Meanwhile, Commander Tucker had persuaded Lieutenant Reed to approach Ensign Sato with the intention of pursuing a romantic relationship as he believed she had the hots for him." She paused, and glanced round at her colleagues, who were all staring openmouthed at her choice of words. Jon shook his head; even after the best part of a year T'Pol still had the ability to surprise him.
Satisfied she was not going to be interrupted, T'Pol continued, "When Lieutenant Reed asked Ensign Sato on a date, she became highly emotional and rebuffed his advances. Lieutenant Reed was hurt and blamed what he considered to be his humiliation on Commander Tucker." She raised an eyebrow disapprovingly. "They had a disagreement which became violent. Doctor Phlox had to treat their injuries in sick bay. The Doctor has issued a strong recommendation that Commander Tucker leaves counselling to those with the appropriate qualifications."
Jon watched her, fascinated, as she raised her other eyebrow. That must mean she *really* disapproves, he thought to himself.
"Shortly after this Ensign Mayweather realised Ensign Sato was crying at her station," continued T'Pol. "She was upset that she had rejected the Lieutenant and was having second thoughts about what she had done. I believe she felt that the Lieutenant could be cured of his serial monogamy and she was the woman to do it. She was emotionally overwrought and Ensign Mayweather was attempting to comfort her when Lieutenant Reed and Commander Tucker arrived on the bridge. The Lieutenant accused the Ensign of having been involved with Ensign Mayweather all along. Ensign Sato took offence to his attitude and slapped the Lieutenant across the face. At this point, Commander Tucker made a very misguided comment which upset the Lieutenant even further. You arrived shortly after this, Captain." T'Pol stopped speaking and looked round at the rest of the bridge crew.
Trip was the first to recover. "Why on earth didn't you tell us what was going on? It could have saved a lot of..." He paused and gingerly fingered his black eye. "...heartache."
"Nobody asked me," T'Pol stated baldly.
The Captain just managed to stifle a smile. He had the feeling he was probably the only one on the bridge who found this whole mess even remotely funny. He noticed everyone seemed to be glancing nervously at everyone else. "Okay folks, take five and make your apologies. I'll be in my ready room. T'Pol, would you join me?" Archer waited until the door had closed behind them before he spoke again. "I've got to ask, Sub-Commander.... how on earth did you know what was going on?"
T'Pol's mouth twitched slightly and her eyes darted round the room, looking everywhere except at him. Jon knew her well enough to recognise what passed for nervousness in the Vulcan. So what had she been up to? She cleared her throat. "I usually dine alone on those occasions when I do not dine with you and I find it interesting to note what is discussed in the mess hall. These conversations have taught me a great deal about human relationships. Of course, in the normal course of events, I consider these conversations to be confidential. But on this occasion I thought it would be wise to repeat what I had heard."
"You were eavesdropping?" Archer was incredulous. Would this woman ever stop surprising him? "And you overheard the whole story?"
"Except the last part involving Ensign Mayweather. That happened on the bridge in my presence a few moments before you arrived. I heard the rest being discussed by various members of the crew, in the mess hall, engineering and the armoury."
Jon shook his head and smiled. "Is there anything else going on I ought to know about?"
"Were you concerned about anything in particular?" asked T'Pol, her tone almost curious.
"Nothing specific." Jon squashed the urge to come right out and ask her if she'd heard any good gossip; it was hardly professional... but then neither was eavesdropping. "But I'd appreciate it if in future you report anything you feel I ought to know."
T'Pol thought for a moment. "I understand that a female crewmember finds you physically attractive."
Archer just gaped at his second in command and resisted the temptation to ask who the lady in question was. He'd never look at his crew in the same way again. Completely unable to meet T'Pol's eye, he muttered, "That wasn't the kind of thing I meant."
T'Pol looked at him, her face a picture of innocence. "Perhaps you should formulate some guidelines, then I won't mention anything that makes you uncomfortable, Captain." Archer looked at her suspiciously. Was she deliberately trying to embarrass him? If that was true, she was sure as hell succeeding. It was enough to make him think she was developing a sense of humour. T'Pol cleared her throat, bringing him back to reality. "If that will be all, sir, I would like to return to my duties."
"Dismissed." Jon shook his head and smiled as he watched her leave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoshi slowly looked up to find Malcolm staring right at her. He smiled ruefully and made his way across the bridge. "I owe you an apology. What I said was totally out of line. When I'm mad I have a tendency to engage my mouth before I put my brain in gear." He looked into her face and she was suddenly struck by how blue his eyes were. "I'm sorry," he murmured.
"Apology accepted," Hoshi said quietly. "Will you forgive me for slapping you... and running away from you earlier?"
"Of course." Then he added, "You shouldn't believe everything you hear, you know. There may have been a grain of truth in it once but a man can turn over a new leaf." She smiled at him and her stomach did a little back flip when he smiled back. She allowed herself the small hope that perhaps things were going to work out after all. "Hoshi," he said hesitantly, "if I asked you again what I asked you earlier, would your answer be any different?"
The breath caught in her throat. He still wanted to go out with her! She was so stunned, she didn't answer straight away. Malcolm's face fell at her hesitation and he continued, "Of course, if you just want to be friends, I'll understand...."
Hoshi felt a huge grin spread across her face. "Oh no, I'd love to go to the movie with you."
A wonderfully sexy half smile tugged at Malcolm's lips as he leant in and kissed her softly. It was only the merest feather light touch but Hoshi felt her knees go weak with longing. When he pulled back, their eyes locked and Hoshi just didn't want to look away. She'd heard eyes described as 'windows of the soul' and at that moment she felt she could see right into Malcolm's. There was respect, trust and something she dared to hope might be the beginnings of love. No sign of the stranger Liz had described. Perhaps he'd been like that once but she was convinced that man was gone if he'd ever existed at all.
A familiar drawl interrupted her thoughts. "If you guys have finished with the 'kiss and make up' routine, I'd like to apologise to you, Malcolm. I really should've put the wrench down first...."