Castle of the Abominable Bimbo
The Colonel gazed around.
"Well, this is... cozy."
His hostess - well, one of them, the snaky one by the look of it - turned a cool, enquiring gaze on him. "Is it not to your taste, Colonel O'Neill?"
"Oh it's fine, just fine. Really quite... fine."
"What Jack means," Daniel spoke up at last, having been stunned silent for longer than any of his coworkers would have thought possible, "is that it seems to be... well..."
"Cozy." Jack supplied. "Homely, even. And yet at the same time..."
"Lavish."
"Nice decor."
Anise bowed her head. "We intend to expand the tunnel system quickly, but these rooms are sufficient for the present. We believe it was the palace of a subterranean alien race, of rather small stature."
"But of course," Daniel muttered. "What else?"
"Long deceased, fortunately."
"For... you, I take it. For them," O'Neill shrugged, "not so much."
"We have only recently found this world; it will be perfect for a scientific base but we regret the lack of guest quarters and such amenities as humans such as yourself find necessary."
"Bathrooms -?" Jack asked hopefully.
"Freya believes you would find the facilities unnerving."
"Ah." Both men thought about asking... then decided unnerving was detail enough.
Daniel didn't like to touch on the small but equally unnerving fact before their eyes... but when it became clear that his fearless commander wasn't touching it, swallowed hard and pointed out the blindingly obvious. "There's only one bed."
"One small -" His commander weighed in... gingerly. Very gingerly.
"Very small -"
"Too -"
"Way too -"
"... Small."
"Bed," they finished together.
"Daniel and I get to sleep on the floor, I guess -? Won't be the first time."
"Do you object to sharing?" Anise frowned. "Major Carter did not seem to think it would pose a problem."
"Now there, you see -"
"Sam is, is - "
"Carter might not mind cozy, at least -"
"Not with Jacob."
"And Selmak."
"Her father." Jack paused, thinking. "And his friend."
"You do not consider Doctor Jackson a friend?"
"Now see, that's the point, Anise. Sharing with Daniel -? Not a problem."
"Except falling off," Daniel murmured absently, measuring with his eyes. "A lot."
"True. But still, not a problem."
"And for me, sharing with Jack is not a problem. Well, no more than usual." That got him a narrow-eyed look. "Nothing I haven't learned to sleep through."
"Yeah. Look, Anise, here is the problem. You said this is your..." Jack's voice dried.
"Bedchamber," Daniel offered. "Boudoir."
"Thank you, Daniel," Jack didn't sound at all thankful. "It's yours. Not for - sharing."
"Perhaps. But Freya and I do not object to sharing."
"That... we understand, and we're not trying to be difficult, we just -"
"We're not -"
"We can't."
"Well we can, but we just - can't." Jack ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I know you said you - as in Freya-you - wanted to, to - what did you call it?"
"Lo'machen."
Daniel frowned. "That is - I don't recognise the dialect, but it sounds like a translation of -"
"Daniel, do you mind?"
His linguist blinked at him.
"The point is, Anise - Freya - both of you ladies - I'm sure I mentioned before how wrong - and weird - it would be."
"But... pleasurable."
"More wrong." Jack held up a hand. "Don't take it personally, Freya - Anise - both of you - but you gotta admit there's not really enough room for the four of us."
"Or even three," Daniel added. "Two, maybe..."
"Hey, you wanna try it -"
"Uh no, I... don't mind the floor."
"In the other room."
"That, yeah. Anise, we wouldn't dream of -"
"You need your -"
"I do not at this point need sleep."
"Now see, we might. And sharing would make it - very - very - hard."
Anise gazed at him for a long minute, then at Daniel. "I sense you are anxious, is this another inhibition of Earth men?"
"Oh yeah," Jack said.
"Definitely," Daniel said.
"We'll take the floor," they said together.
-the end-