You Were Nothing Like Him

by DarkQueenDraconite

Kakashi reflects about Naruto, Minato, and his ambivalent feelings for both. NON-YAOI. "Finally, I learned the most important lesson of all, thanks to you, Naruto. You were never Minato-sensei."

Title: You Were Nothing Like Him

Summary: Kakashi reflects on Naruto, Minato, and his ambivalent feelings for both. NON-YAOI.

Character: Kakashi

Rating: K

Disclaimer: Don't even think about me owning this thing.

I hated you, Naruto.

It was only for selfish reasons—like beating down someone to raise yourself—that I hated you. It wasn't even you. It was him.

Minato-sensei was the epitome of trustworthiness. I believed him, saw the belief in his own eyes, that he would never die, and be at our side. Mine, Obito's, and Rin's side. Then, Obito was dead, and Rin comatose after a suicide attempt, and me alone. He left us. I mourned Minato-sensei as well; his courage, skill, talent, and virtue; the way he'd make me look up to him. Me, looking up to someone. He was the first, and only person, that I truly looked up to. So why did he die? He knew that he alone was the only one to inspire me. And when he died, I hated him.

I felt like a failure; weeks, months, years after his and Obito's deaths and Rin's almost-suicide, I was alone, without a single hand to help me. Wasn't it strange that after being praised as a genius, I was starved for attention? Wasn't it ironic that all I wanted was someone who'd break past my barriers and become my Minato-sensei again?

But when I found out he had a baby boy, I put all my hopes on you, Naruto. Perhaps you were like your father. And perhaps, you would make me feel like someone living. Someone who had different hobbies than reading his ninja smutty romance and assassinating daimyos with ruthless efficiency.

But no, fate decided to taunt me cruelly the first day I opened that sliding door and felt the eraser bounce off my head with a thwank. There Minato-sensei was, those eyes that exact shade of serious blue—and yet, you were laughing, an utterly idiotic look on your face—, and the blond hair that made Minato-sensei the Yellow Flash of Konoha, -and yet your hair framed a round, chubby, face-

You weren't Minato-sensei at all. And so, I hated you, Naruto. I chose to repeat Minato-sensei sayings to you, searching your stubbornly oblivious face for the insight—and insight sometimes came in rare moments, but Kushina had those too, so it wasn't your father's trait. But usually, all I found in your face was the determination to try, and none of the skill to succeed. How could you desecrate my sensei like this?

I chose Sasuke to train—he was like myself, and I tried to be his Minato-sensei—but I failed. Failed him, failed myself, and failed you. I could've pulled him out of the darkness enveloping him like a snake, but I chose not to. Chose to watch him grapple, chose to think that he'd make it out himself. But he didn't, because he was like me; weak-minded and arrogant. Maybe Sasuke would've fared differently under a different sensei, but all I knew was that I had made a grave mistake. I was such a fool, such a stupid fool. Stupider than you ever were, Naruto.

And then I watched as you went, watched you as Jiraiya became your sensei and I merely an old friend. It was humiliating to watch me dragged down in your eyes, but I knew I deserved it. I still doubted, though, that you'd ever be as good in my eyes as Minato-sensei, even under Jiraiya.

Three years past and went, and three years I wallowed, not bothering to take care of anything, including Sakura.

Then you came back, Naruto, strong and determined; this time, I saw, you had grown into just as much as a leader Minato-sensei was—a different type of leader, to be true-, but a leader nonetheless. You had exceeded all my expectations; you, not Sasuke, had succeeded truly.

I was amazed—my initial aversion to you seemed like a slap to the face. Why had I been so wrong about you?

Finally, I learned the most important lesson of all, thanks to you, Naruto. You were never Minato-sensei. I clung to the past, bitterly reminiscing Obito, Rin, and Minato-sensei, praying that they'd come back. I self-appointed myself judge of anyone who wanted to take their place, and I was a cruel judge.

But now, looking at you, Naruto, I can see the future in you. You've made me finally let go of the past, and perhaps, I've gained true wisdom because of you.

I want you to know, Naruto, that I forgive you and Minato-sensei. And like Gai says, I wasted my youth lost in the past. You brought me out of it, and so I will do whatever I can, do whatever I must, to repay the favor and to help you achieve your dream: being Hokage.

Owari