Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, don't make money off 'em.

Notes: A little idea I had for January's "Sir, we have a Problem" month. Some silliness ensues when Travis shares a gift during Movie Night and chaos happens. This story will be updated fairly regularly, but I can't promise it'll be at my previous lightning-speed. LOL.

Health's still iffy, but slowly getting back to my creative stuff. Thanks for all the well-wishes...really appreciated.

This story takes place after "Terra Prime" in Season 4, before my fic "Captain Mayweather's Mission". R/S and TnT implied.


Prologue

"The Five Words No Engineer Wants to Hear"

Personal log of Commander Charles Tucker the Third: June 15, 2155

"There are five words that no engineer really wants to hear. Okay, besides, "The warp core's gonna blow." And "Divert power to the Armory, " said in a prim British accent. And, "What the hell did you do now?" (So that's seven words. Sue me...I've heard 'em too many times during this mission.)

The five words are: "Sir, we have a problem." And I know I've heard that too many times. This last time out, it was a really big problem. One that involved a case of weird, blue-green ale that Travis got from one of his Boomer buddies, Phlox's new inoculation program, a Denobulan TV series, odd power sources, and a dose of Tucker ingenuity. Lemme tell ya all about it, while the memory's still fresh..."

The door chime interrupted his entry; he waved a hand and ordered, "Computer, pause. Yeah, come on in." As the visitor stepped into his cabin, Trip grinned widely and said, "Well, how's the Iron Stomach, Travis?"

Ensign Travis Mayweather patted his abdomen and replied, "I'm good. Just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing, and to tell you I'm sor---"

"Whoa, hold it right there." Trip raised his hand again, this time in a 'Shush, you listen to me' gesture. "I'm gonna say it again...I'm not blamin' you for anything. It wasn't your fault, and once you realized somethin' was wrong, you helped make things right. So, no beatin' yourself over the head, okay?"

Travis chuckled and said, "Okay. Thanks, Commander. I feel a lot better now. Phlox says the only people who are in Sickbay now are Castagna and Mueller, but they're there only for observation. Malcolm's poring over those weird specs, and Chef's dumped the rest of the bottles in down the drain."

"Good." Trip hesitated, then said, "Um...the Cap'n and I talked it over, and we've agreed not to tell Commander T'Pol when she gets back from Vulcan. She'd be embarrassed as all get out, if she ever heard 'bout what happened. The Cap'n has already talked to Hoshi and Malcolm about it, and they've agreed. I mean, the ship's okay, no one got hurt, no state secrets got out, and she doesn't need to know."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea," Travis agreed. He made a deliberate effort to put a hand over his mouth while crossing his chest with the index finger of his other hand. "She's not gonna hear it from me. I promise."

"Let's just let sleepin' dogs lie." His cheeks turned a slight shade of pink as he said the words. "That's what my mama always said."

The conversation turned to the schedule for cross-training protocols for the following day. Travis had volunteered to teach some of the science department some piloting skills, while Trip planned to brief Travis's Navigation department on some engineering basics. Later, after Travis bade Trip good night and left, Trip turned back to his computer.

"Okay, where was I? Yeah, I was gonna talk about the latest 'problem' on board the Enterprise...."

"---about which I have already heard the generalities, if not the specifics," remarked a voice from the doorway.

Trip closed his eyes and swore mentally for a few seconds. Then he turned to look at her. The Vulcan's face seemed as impassive as ever, but he detected the slightest upturn of her lips, the sparkle of curiosity in her eyes.

Damn, he thought. Busted. Aloud, he asked, "So...how was your trip to Vulcan?"

"It went well. Ambassador Soval gives his regards." She raised an eyebrow. "I understand that there were some interesting events that occurred during my absence."

"How much do you know?"

"As I said, the generalities, not he specifics." She inclined her head. "I am curious to hear your version of the events."

Trip sighed and motioned her to a chair. "Well, since you already know...make yourself comfortable." As T'Pol settled into the chair opposite him, he added, "I guess it all started with the Five Words No Engineer Wants to Hear..."

"Sir, we have a problem."