SECRETS

I opened my eyes and felt around me. What was that feeling of everything slipping through your fingers coming from? I felt around again this time sitting up and being welcomed by the hot sun. I felt sand, so I picked some up. It slipped through my fingers and fell back in place. I felt lost and confused. I heard the sound of crashing waves and something else. I heard my name. louder, louder, LOUDER now till it was clear. A female voice. I looked up dazed and I felt a warm sensation on my cheek. A kiss. Then I remembered. I was at the beach with my girlfriend and her little brother. I had fallen asleep in the sand.

I felt a hand on my forehead. "Hey Sam, you okay? I think the sun roasted your brains! You're looking at me like I'm some alien!" her eyes sparkled with laughter but stare long enough and you'll see that they hold a sad secret. I loved her eyes but I also hated them, they were a deep chocolate brown that you could so easily get lost in but try to find your way out and you pass by the doors of despair, the secret to her sadness. When they laugh a shadow lingers and the sadness haunts them but I never ask her about the sadness because I know the day I do she'll never be the same. I can't have that because a part of me doesn't want to know because a part of me is affected by the sadness.

Mahogany sat down next to me and patted my knee as I sat all the way up. Oh yes her name is Mahogany like the wood, a deep brown and smooth; beautiful.

"Hey Sam are you okay? You got this weird look in your eye! Like you're planning something devious. Haha!" she poked my sides. "Well?"

I laughed, more awake now. I pointed toward Charlie, her little brother. He just turned four years old the same day Mags (Mahogany's nickname) turned eighteen.

"I think Charlie's getting bored Mags. We better go get him." Mags looked up and saw her little brother start to cry.

"Oh! Well why don't you entertain him then Sam? You big sleepy head I've been doing all the work!" she squeezed my hand and smiled.

"Aha okay, sure why not. I'm good at entertaining children, no problem." "Hey Charlie!" I got up to walk to him. He sat in a heaping mess of sand, salt water and sand toys crying about how no one pays attention to him.

"hey bud? Whats the matter?" I sat down next to him and dusted off his sandy cheeks. Gosh he looked like his sister. Brown skin, thick tight curls except her hair is longer and more… well beautiful, it goes long and just a tad bit below her waist but she keeps it up when its hot or when it gets to be to much (like some of those days we all have), but most of the time she wears it down. i love it when its down. Also her and her brother both have the same deep chocolate brown eyes.

charlie wiped his eyes. " how come Mana go wit you and not wit me?" (oh yeah charlie calls mags mana) "she was gonna make sandy casthle wit me!" the tears started forming again.

"hey bud, c'mon I'll build one with you! mana is taking a nap on the towel over there, you wanna build one near her?" he nodded his head and got up and took my hand. we walked over to where mags was sleeping and sat down in the sun. Charlie looked at her and looked at me. " i change my mind , i wanna sleep wit mana. you can build sandy casthle by yourself." he got up and tapped her on the shoulder. "mana can i sleep wit you?" mags woke up and smiled.

"sure hon. i don't care. go on and scootch on next to me." she gave him a wet kiss on the cheek as he wiggled in next to her getting a little sand on the towel. i pulled my towel closer to hers and went to sleep with the sun on my face and the smell of the beach in my nose. today seemed like it was gonna be a good day.

i woke up to sand being kicked into my face. "what the - " i stopped. charlie stood over me smiling.

"your a mermaid now! look mana i made sam a mermaid!" i tried to sit up but charlie pushed me back down. "don't move you'll mess it up! i want mana to see!"

i groaned feeling more sand being pushed on me. i looked as my feet were made into fins.

"MAGS!"

mags came running up to me .

"What?"

"You know what! get me out of here!"

"oh c'mon Sam! your no fun! charlie was just messing around. stay in there a little longer for charlie!" her eyes pleaded. i knew she was kidding and she would never make me do something i didn't want to do but still something lingered in her eyes like a dark shadow.

i smiled.

"okay whatevers. just next time this is going to be you!"

the shadow vanished and her smile came back her eyes dancing and laughing as her little brother continued to sculpt me into a mermaid. ten minuets later they were done. (mags had joined in with sculpting me into a mermaid out of sand)

charlie clapped his hands. "DONE! DONE! ALL DONE!"

i couldn't help but laugh. "I'm coming up now! ONE...TWO...THREE!" i jumped up spilling sand everywhere and grabbed mags.

"AHHHH the big bad monster is gonna get you! HOW DARE YOU BURY ME!"

mags pushed me away.

"DON'T SAY THAT SAM!"

i was confused. "what did i say mags?"

"DON'T SAY THAT!" she raised her voice louder.

"okay hon I'm sorry. i didn't know what i said, I'm sorry."

she smiled, "I'm sorry i just don't want you to say those kind of things in front of charlie. i don't want him to get ideas." the panic and anger was gone from her voice. she smiled wider but the sadness and hurt still lingered in her eyes once more. i turned to charlie, who was staring at us with bewilderment.

"Mana i not scared."

"charlie i didn't say you were i just-"

"I NOT SCARED!" mags bent down and spanked him.

"YOU DON'T YELL AT ME CHARLIE!"

charlie started crying.

"C'mon lets go to my truck and watch the waves from there. i'm tired of sand anyways." mags nodded her head and took charlies hand. "okay." we went back to my truck that was parked on one of the large bluffs overlooking the ocean and the beach. charlie fell asleep in the backseat while mags and i sat in the bed of the truck.

" i love this beach." i said.

"Oh yeah how come?"

"I don't know. sometimes i have these weird flashbacks when i was a kid like maybe fourteen, fifteen years old coming here doing stuff, getting high, you know stupid things."

mags looked at me strangely. "That's fun?"

"aha no not that part, that uh that was just stupid. i used to surf a lot but for some reason i stopped. that part scares me because i don't know why i stopped you know? like i have cold sweats at night dreaming about a night when i went surfing and something happened that night, something disgusting, maybe my friends forced me into something i don't know but i always wake up before i do know. its weird."

mags looked at me again. "really i...i didn't know that."

"yeah like i said its weird. sometimes i wake up scared or confused like everything's slipping through my fingers and i forget whats around me like I'm trying to escape something from my past or like i did something real bad and i just can't remember. i hate those times."

mags looked at me again tears in her eyes.

"Mags whats wrong?"

"I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING SAM, ITS A SECRET AND YOUR NOT ALLOWED TO TELL ANYONE ALRIGHT?"

"okay but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." i didn't like where this was going. mags was really upset and i hated seeing her like this.

mags shook her head. "No i have to tell you because if i don't then in a way I'm cheating you from the truth. I HAVE TO TELL YOU! but you have to promise me you're not gonna leave me okay?" i nodded in surprise as her eyes filled with tears and her lower lip quivered.

"W...When i was thirteen me and my friend came here at night to night swim. we umm we snuck out and got a ride with her older brother to this beach. it was dark and there were a lot of kids here." she stopped talking and started crying. "me and my friend just wanted to swim!" she was sobbing now.

"WHAT happened that night mags? What happened?" my heart was racing and i was trying to stay calm for mags.

she calmed down a bit.

"i...i...i was raped by a boy not that much older than me."

my heart skipped a beat by hearing this.

"w..what?" but i knew the answer. everything hit me, my flashbacks everything. whatever i was running from. i couldn't hear mag's words anymore because they just blended in, i didn't hear any of the details except for what she said next.

"the police never found him. they said he was probably high and won't remember a thing in the morning." mags lowered her eyes. she had stopped crying. i couldn't speak. i jut turned my head to look thru the window at charlie smiling in his sleep.

"he has your smile Sam."

i turned to look at mag's tear streaked face.

"What?"

"He smiles like you. you know he really adores you." mags looked up and looked towards the beach then towards charlie and smiled slightly then back towards the beach again.

"does he know that his sister was raped?"

"NO! and I'm not his sister. I'm his mom. i had him when i turned fourteen." she looked at him again.

"He's beautiful, isn't he Sam?"

i nodded. "Yeah he is."

mags turned towards me this time. pain and hurt were written on her face.

"Oh Sam how could you?"